#anxiety

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I hope something lands on me and it crushes all of my bones and takes away my cancerous thoughts and brings me back to my roots where i can grow free of the chains that hold me here

The night I realised I needed therapy

It was 2 in the night, and I was watching

a reaction video on my phone. It was 2

in the night, so I let my mind go and let

it roam freely wherever it wanted to. It

had been on the leash the entire morning.

It was 2 in the night and I didn’t anticipate

what might happen.


I remember distinctly that I was breathing

fine. I was breathing fine, a moment and

the other I was racing along with my

thoughts. It wasn’t too late, and my body

started racing around my room too. It was

2 in the night, so I decided to not wake

people up. People, what people? I’m alone.


Sometimes I wish to sleep this feeling away,

but if I sleep now, I’ll be caged in my mind

where my sleep demon awaits my arrival,

and I am not ready for that rendezvous.

Hence, I’m awake. Trying to breathe, trying

to sleep, failing at both.


I clearly remember, meeting him, them,

when I briefly closed my eyes. It happens,

not a lot but in the night, when it’s 2, that’s

the only thing that my brain does. When I see

them, I don’t see colors, I don’t hear their

voice, I see them and I see myself through

them.


When I look at myself, through them, I see a

sack of blood and flesh, lying on the bed,

Immobile and frozen. I see a pathetic body

not even trying to fight it, using the 21

seconds rule as an escape to not move. It’s

almost as if she wants to stay in this state

forever.


When I see myself looking at me, I feel

frantic. I hate myself at that moment, but I

can’t, I just can’t move. I know if I stood up

right now, I’ll fight it. I’ll fight with everything,

I’ll run away, and I’ll be gone and if I lay there

all night, without moving, my judgement

would stare me down and leave me in my

misery.


They are getting closer with each thought

that chokes me. I want to break the barrier

and just hide in the bathroom. Why am I

resisting this? They are here, reaching out

to me and there’s nothing more for me to do

than join them and live in this vulnerability.

So it took me a few heartbreaks…But I’m so so SO happy to say I’ve finally found my soulmate!So it took me a few heartbreaks…But I’m so so SO happy to say I’ve finally found my soulmate!

So it took me a few heartbreaks…
But I’m so so SO happy to say I’ve finally found my soulmate! 
This man has given my life so much more meaning than I ever knew possible and I honestly love him with all of my heart, I’d be lost without his kind smile and loving arms to hold me and keep me strong. 
I’m not really a girl of faith, but I do believe that something out there put me and him on this earth for each other, he is just my everything. 
A lot of people who I’ve been close to in my life have turned their backs on me due to meeting this man, and falling in love has caused me to lose people I really didn’t want to… But sadly when you meet the person you fall in love with you enter this bubble, and it’s as if everything else fades away and all you can think about is that person you’re in love with. 
I hope that the people who have turned away from me in frustration at my lack of communication with them feel the way that I feel one day to understand how amazing it feels. 
I know in my heart I’m going to marry this man one day, and I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life building our adventures and taking on the world together despite our anxieties, we’re a team :) 
Thank you all so so much for being there for me in the years that I have relied on you and vented, and to the friends who have turned away from me just know that my arms are always open to you, and I’m happy to embrace you again should you want that of me. 
- Becky! <3 


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New research at Rutgers University may help shed light on how and why nervous system changes occur and what causes some people to suffer from life-threatening anxiety disorders while others are better able to cope.

image

Maureen Barr, a professor in the Department of Genetics, and a team of researchers, found that the architectural structure of the six sensory brain cells in the roundworm, responsible for receiving information, undergo major changes and become much more elaborate when the worm is put into a high stress environment.

Scientists have known for some time that changes in the tree-like dendrite structures that connect neurons in the human brain and enable our thought processes to work properly can occur under extreme stress, alter brain cell development and result in anxiety disorders like depression and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder affecting millions of Americans each year.

What scientists don’t understand for sure, Barr says, is the cause behind these molecular changes in the brain.

“This type of research provides us necessary clues that ultimately could lead to the development of drugs to help those suffering with severe anxiety disorders,” Barr says.

In the study published today in Current Biology,scientists at Rutgers have identified six sensory nerve cells in the tiny, transparent roundworm, known as the C. elegans and an enzyme called KPC-1/furin which triggers a chemical reaction in humans that is needed for essential life functions like blood-clotting. 

While the enzyme also appears to play a role in the growth of tumors and the activation of several types of virus and diseases in humans, in the roundworm the enzyme enables its simple neurons to morph into new elaborately branched shapes when placed under adverse conditions.

Normally, this one-millimeter long worm develops from an embryo through four larval stages before molting into a reproductive adult. Put it under stressful conditions of overcrowding, starvation and high temperature and the worm transforms into an alternative larval stage known as the dauer that becomes so stress-resistant it can survive almost anything – including the Space Shuttle Columbia disaster in 2003 of which they were the only living things to survive.  

“These worms that normally have a short life cycle turn into super worms when they go into the dauer stage and can live for months, although they are no longer able to reproduce,” Barr says.

What is so interesting to Barr is that when a perceived threat is over, these tiny creatures and their IL2 neurons transform back to a normal lifespan and reproductive state like nothing had ever happened. Under a microscope, the complicated looking tree-like connectors that receive information are pruned back and the worm appears as it did before the trauma occurred.

This type of neural reaction differs in humans who can suffer from extreme anxiety months or even years after the traumatic event even though they are no longer in a threatening situation.   

The ultimate goal, Barr says, is to determine how and why the nervous system responds to stress. By identifying molecular pathways that regulate neuronal remodeling, scientists may apply this knowledge to develop future therapeutics.

An image from photographer John William Keedy’s “Hardly Noticeable” series. http://www.ignant.de/201

An image from photographer John William Keedy’s “Hardly Noticeable” series.

http://www.ignant.de/2013/07/09/its-hardly-noticeable/


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Source:blessthemessy

I saw this post from one of my favorite artists. It reminded me that, even as a therapist, my role is not to “fix” someone or alter their emotions. I can simply sit and offer support.

Source:abigail.linn.art

When you’re anxiety is doing the thing and you just want off the f*$king swing…

The absolute worst part of depression? Even tho you know you’re depressed, you’re unable to stop yourself from getting worse.

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