“Have you ever been in a completely empty room?” I ask my mother.
I came home today, later than normal for a Wednesday. I had a staff meeting that was held two and a half hours after my last class let out. So I brought my keyboard and my story copy and decided, what the hell I’ll type a little.
When I get into a story writing mood, when I get into a vibe, I feel something change. I suddenly feel very small and not so aware of things around me. Aware enough as a woman of course, but not entirely aware. Aware enough that I can move my things if someone is trying to get by. Aware enough if someone asks me a question. Aware enough that I sometimes catch bits of conversation. But not really aware.
“I usually feel this way on the third or fourth floor of [my college’s administration building]”, I say to her, “Waiting for the elevator. The way it’s structured is, there’s the main hallway, then just past the stairs there’s this little jetty, and then at the end of the jetty there’s another tiny hallway, and that’s where the elevator is. There usually isn’t anybody waiting for the elevator on the third or fourth floor. There’s not a lot of classes there anymore.”
When I get into a writing vibe - usually happens when I’m typing my copy, but it can easily happen when I’m free-writing, or writing the copy - I feel something change. I feel like I’m in a completely empty room.
“There’s an empty room in my heart,” I said to Mom, “When I’m in this room, I feel very aware of my characters and scenes. I feel very close to them, like I know what they’re feeling, like I almost feel what they’re feeling.”
And I feel that way, too, when I’m waiting for the elevator on the third or fourth floor.
When I get into a writing vibe, I enter a perpetual liminal space. I become increasingly aware of everything emotional that happens there. And I feel very small. But that’s okay. Because my characters are usually there with me. When I’m done writing for the day, they leave the room, but I don’t necessarily leave the room. Which leaves me feeling unsettlingly introspective. Nothing emotional is going on in the room, so there’s nothing to be aware of, so I feel like I’m feeling nothing. Which is kind of scary and disturbing. I feel like I need to cry but there’s nothing to cry about.
I was able to pause the liminal space for the staff meeting, and possibly while driving home, but while eating dinner, I was still in the empty room. And I felt very detached from everything. Like I am when I’m in a writing vibe. But since there was nobody in the Room with me, I was left looking inward.
I enjoy my time in the Empty Room. Having the room makes my stories more emotional. Everyone in the room becomes aware, very much aware, of what they’re feeling. But I do not like to be alone in the Empty Room. Because then things become frighteningly real. And yet not real at all.
Now I’m in my 24th year on earth I want to start being more open about my Autism. My art has always been an outlet for navigating my feelings of disconnect from others, as well as my struggle to grasp my inner thoughts and emotions. I feel very honoured that people find my way of expressing this experience interesting, so thank you all so much for being here
❤ Happy Valentines!… Here is a PSA to allistics (non-autistics) and a helpful affirming reminder to other autistics who still struggle with internalizing allistic biases…
Autistics can - and do! - form relationships with as much diversity and complexity as allistics!
AND we can - and do! - develope sehxual urges and interests. And this is normal!
Aromantic and asexual people exist as allistics and autistics. Being allistic or autistic is not a prerequisite for what sexualities or relationships are possible for you.
Yall really liked my autistic bat posts ❤❤ and I gush over every single one of yall who shared my enthusiasm. I want to make some autistic bat stickers So let me know which one(s) looks best!
alt text added
Honestly, though I am not above making multiple versions if people vibe with the idea enough…
(also I have a redbubble but I’m game for more suggestions of places to make stickers!)
They all look great!!! How can I pick only one?
Also, kinda wanna draw Batman wearing this symbol on his suit now
You absolutely MUST know that my headcanon for Bruce is he’s autistic.
Yall really liked my autistic bat posts ❤❤ and I gush over every single one of yall who shared my enthusiasm. I want to make some autistic bat stickers So let me know which one(s) looks best!
alt text added
Honestly, though I am not above making multiple versions if people vibe with the idea enough…
(also I have a redbubble but I’m game for more suggestions of places to make stickers!)
I have decided that I’m not going to be on social media too much, so now I’m watching plenty of documentaries about flora and fauna around the world (and a lot of Snake City)
Sorry, I’m a little bit late but i’m FINALLY playing Overwatch because I upgraded my pc <3 I know it’s a bit of an unpopular opinion but I love zenyatta so much.
The community it’s a little flamer I have to say, I don’t like that :(. (At least in sudamerica)
I’m really struggling to make an illustration, at least to put on my social media (I’m still working on a beautiful children’s book).
It’s a little bit sad, that in order to make your work seen you have to constantly work hyper hard without getting paid, because a l g o r i t h m s,and most of the people will scroll past it in 5 seconds. (it’s not people’s fault, social media is done that way on purpose)
Neurodivergent artist have the right to be seen even if they CAN’T post everyday (and even if they are not neurodiverse, it shouldn’t be this way), I had overworked myself a lot of times and had been left sick in bed, without energy, without even talk to anyone. And I’m super fortunate because I can work with my client, and I know they like the things I make -my heart is soo gratefull-.
I think there’s a really big problem here, how it’s that people have to APOLOGIZE because they didn’t posted in TWO days???. That’s not healthy for anyone. We cannot be dependent on things that evolve faster than ourselves and we don’t even fully understand, it’s just wild. I really want everyone, and every artist to be themselves and own their own pase and time. Imagine what artworks we could be creating if we just focus on this, and not work ourselves out just to post every day or every other day. More meaningfull and interesting pieces… Obviusly there’s a lot of artist that make BEAUTIFULL and outstanding art, but I think the majority of us struggle with this rhythm of being, and put a lot of pressure on things we can’t fully control, much more when there’s a dissability involved.
I just wanted to express this, we are not machines that need an algorithm to exist, we are here now, we can make a little bit of a difference even if we can’t follow what everyone says we should do.
I’m not a factory.
(✨Srry if i misspelled something, English is not my first lenguage✨ lot’s of love MudeCartoon)
![Square comic panel of a tired and anxious looking cartoon white woman with brownish blonde hair styled in a bun, wearing a dark beige sweater and grey leggings. She is sitting in a wodden chair holding a cup in one hand. The woman is sitting in the middle of a burning room. Everything is covered in bright blue and yellow fire, the window behind her to her right is shattered and the A.B.A sign above is also on fire as it hangs lopsided with the final letter "A" almost dangling off the sign altogether. The woman clutches her cup in both hands with anxious eyes but a forced toothy smile. She says: "This is fine!" Around her, pasted over the fire in a meme-like fashion, are 12 floating blue texts with thick white borders. From top to bottom, left to right, they read: "Utilizes a now debunked theory called "radical behaviorism" which was created for non-human animals" "Views autistics as sum of their behaviors" "Increased risk of suicide and PTSD" "With-holding communication devices" "Would rather rebrand and 'revise' itself than listen to Autistic calls for different supports" "Founder of ABA, Ivar Lovaas, also founder of gay conversion therapy" "Recievers of ABA are ignored as adults when they speak out on its harm" "centers allistic (non-autistic)views" "prioritizes speech as communication" "Disrupts self regulatory behavior" "Increased anxiety and decreased self esteem as adult" "2 U.S. Department of Defense reports showing its ineffective" [end of description]](https://64.media.tumblr.com/3f6db1f1ee09ee8dd3f0563e01c40408/9cceec6e37ae14bf-67/s640x960/65ad2c3444287c63534c69288ba16c9524b5969f.png)
![A single square image of a drawing where a tired looking shadowed figure huddles under a mountain of various colored desaturated blankets, pillows, and stuffed animals, on top of a bed in a blank room. The slanted window behind them shows a less saturated, slightly brighter, nice spring day with a pink and blooming tree against a pale blue sky. The silhouettes of shades (or blinds) are drawn at intervals over the window, making the light that has been cast onto the bed and onto the floor of the dark, blank room striped. Crowded above the bed, and above the tired shadowy face, are floating pointy white boxes of various ableist speech, with the lightning bolt shaped tails of the boxes pointing off in various directions. The various speech boxes say: "...Autism Drive for Autism Speaks [heart symbol]", "A.B.A. does wonders!", ", Look at these puzzle peice shirts! [puzzle peice shirt]", "My child has autism so...", "[hashtag] Light it Up Blue!", "Awareness month... [awareness ribbon symbol]" At the bottom of the image, beneath the bed, is white text standing out against the darkness that says: "Wake Me Up When April Ends"](https://64.media.tumblr.com/1e568d583ca375b054fa891720fe374f/d5c8ce214ffcdb16-9e/s640x960/c36a0bbbaa155402334adfd5e62077ca4b08792e.png)
