It’s another one of those movies about a mentally unstable and obsessive teen going apeshit for the older man. Fans of Lolita also tend to be into this movie as well. It’s just…I don’t know… unnecessary, right? They do kiss and I find that creepy af as he’s a grown ass man and she’s 14. Uhmmm

No thanks.

Ok, I really like this 1999 movie. It’s corny, campy, silly, cute and just plain strange sometimes. The aesthetic is The main character discovering her sexuality and leaning into it more than she imagined she could is so adorable to me as well. Also, RuPaul playing a ‘straight man’ is hilarious to me as he purposely does it poorly.

When talking about b movies, this one comes up a lot when I’m recommending stuff to my fellow gaybies.

(2006)It’s so bad. It’s so so bad. It’s so bad. It’s bad. It’s so bad. It’s soooooooooo bad. It’s so bad. It’s so so so so so bad. It’s bad. It’s very bad. Oh and also stars Michael Carbonaro? You know, the magician. Talk about a rebrand.

This 1970 movie missed the mark and it’s another I wish I could have enjoyed. The story was off and they could have done so much better but, I found they were really just reliant on the bitchiness of a pretty girl(after she’s taken over by a witch soul) Meh.

(2001)This is a Japanese horror/comedy musicial that is a little lackluster. There are entertaining/funny parts to it but it took me two days to finish because I just really couldn’t get into all (almost) 2 hours of it. It’s quirky and I can see some people really getting into the bizarre animation and death scenes that come up but, it just wasn’t for me and I really wanted to like it.

They didn’t even try.

Problematic title aside, this 2013 movie was so ridiculously bad, I would call it a Z movie. Honestly that makes me wish there were letters after Z because, this shit was so boring, poorly made and the acting was a million times worse than parody porn acting. Christ..

If you want to watch a movie just to talk shit then,hey, give it a single watch.

Tsk. Tsk. Tsk.

The 2000 story for this clown horror movie was so incomplete, in my opinion. They could have done so much better with a few changes here and there. I actually wish I never watched this one. It was just plain bad. There are multiple sequels as well so, I don’t know. I wouldn’t even call it a passion project because there was no passion. It was a mess.

I know this is a parody film(1968) and it explores PORNO tropes but, it was just not well executed and hard to watch. Everyone just wants to fuck Candy and she’s made to be so weak and ditzy she allows it even though she continuously says she’s not ready or not wanting to. This is just some weird straight guy power fantasy film.

A big yikes.

(1975)I only recently saw this, even though I saw the remake that came out in 2004. I assumed it was the same kind of thing so passed on watching the original.

I regret that. The original is so much better. And creepier. And darker.

(2015)The female prisoners in full make up, beaters, and jean shorts? Just poking their shovels into the ground when they’re supposed to be “removing stumps”? A cop that doesn’t know how to hold a gun? The acting? Standing in the pouring rain with OPEN cups of coffee as if the rain isn’t just flooding it? Shark point of view is legit filmed in the ocean but, it’s suppose to be a swampy ass creek? The casual racism towards the only minority character?

Yeah. No.

Ok, I HATE mannequins. I don’t know what made me want to watch this but, I’m actually glad I did and think about it from time to time. It’s the classic trope of a group of attractive friends getting stranded and being picked off by the monster/s of the movie(1979) one by one.

This is a 1995 comedy/horror movie that is kind of entertaining.

This dude just loves blending kids into his ice cream. I mean ‍♀️ He is mentally ill and they dive into that for a minute. However, it IS one of those movies that portrays mentally ill people poorly.

I’d watch it again though. If I were high.

This 1980 movie/musical is very problematic in more than one way. I knew there would likely be random tits out and such(for no reason) but, the racism is so in your face sometimes, and the weird assaulty groping, you have to raise your eyebrows at it. And Danny Elfman as the devil? Odd to see with your own eyes.

Would I rewatch it? No

This was a terrible 1989 movie.

These moms turn into zombies because they’re all fucking around with this std ridden man lowkey.

Not worth watching twice. Not even once tbh.

The Baby(1973)

This one is..something. There is a lot of cringe in it, as well as a lot of abusive situations and murder. The baby sounds that are supposed coming from this man pictured are so unsettling. His family is so horrible and the main character isn’t all that wonderful either, though it’s portrayed that she just wants to help “the baby”.

This 1989 movie by a young Peter Jackson is very bizarre. It’s like a parody of The Muppets. It has music, heartbreak, betrayal, bdsm, threesomes, fur ball murder, a fly that eats shit out of the toilet like one would eat chili, stds, binge eating, and racist flashbacks.

It’s truly bizarre. Would I watch it again just to scrunch my nose at it?

The Blair Witch Project (1999)

“The Blair Witch Project is a 1999 American supernatural horror film written, directed and edited by Daniel Myrick and Eduardo Sánchez. It is a fictional story of three student filmmakers—Heather Donahue, Michael C. Williams, and Joshua Leonard—who hike into the Black Hills near Burkittsville, Maryland in 1994 to film a documentary about a local legend known as the Blair Witch. The three disappear, but their equipment and footage are discovered a year later. The purportedly “recovered footage” is the film the viewer sees.”

I think I just like the concept of “Found Footage” movies. I always watch them but, seldom do I like them. I didn’t see this movie for the first time until around 2002(I was 14). I remember when it came out and how everyone was flipping out over how scary it was. Friends telling me that their parents and older sisters were terrified. So, I legit got scared to watch it lol when I finally did, I was so disappointed. The climax was fists banging on a tent. The only thing I thought was horrifying was the reaction to it in 1999. I know some people thought it was real and I ??????guess?????????????maybe that would make it scary but, phew. Now I question how easy it is to make people believe bullshit.

Bigfoot vs The Illuminati(2020)

“Advanced AI robots have drained the Earth of its natural resources. A rebel human alliance in space with no planet to call home, calls on Bigfoot to do battle with humanity’s greatest enemies, the Illuminati.”

It. Is. Terrible. Produced by Ruthless Studios, I now have to believe that means they put out ruthlessly bad movies. Someone green lit this!

The set up is terrible. I wanted to say stfu the whole time. The beginning narration was so poorly done it was disgusting. Most of the dialog throughout sounded like it was being read live for the first time too? The name of this movie is even total trickery and it takes place in space(ships) 99% of the time. Even the description is fucking poor.

While I went into this knowing it was a low budget film, I wasn’t expecting it to be at the same level of custom content for The Sims 3. Yikes. It was so cringey. The female armor was awful. I promise tiddies don’t need special boob cups in armor like that. Or asscheek cups like that. I mean, unless your gonna produce wild dick cups too? Which they didn’t, of course I also swear you could mute this and listen to Blue by Eiffel 65 over and over again and it would match.

Now, BIGFOOT! He doesn’t show up until about 25 minutes in and they gave him the MOST stereotypical blaccent ever(black+accent). I couldn’t help but scrunch my nose every time he spoke. That and at the 4 praying scenes in it. Wtf? Sure it was to Ra, the sun god but, still???? Why the fuck?? Ra really serves no purpose. And don’t even get me started on the “sex scene” that was just the worst noises ever and no actual scene? I do mean the WORST NOISES.

There wasn’t a real story here. At all. It was a VS movie and there was no real story. This was clearly done by creative appreciators and not actual creatives. Sorry not sorry.

I would NOT RECOMMEND THIS TO ANYONE EVER and I doubt I’ll ever bring it up in conversations about B and Below movies. I want my time back.

Skins/Pieles(2017)

“In a strange world where people share numerous deformities, the same problem we all face challenges each of them: to find someone who accepts you as you are. Sometimes, that means finding yourself first”

This Spanish film is bizarre. It follows the lives of some physically unlucky people just trying to live really. All of their stories kind of weave into one another’s somehow and that’s definitely not a positive thing for some. I couldn’t recommend this film to anyone who wasn’t into strange and bizarre and totally fucked up shit. The movie aesthetic is wonderful to me though. Lots of pale purples and baby pinks, which I happen to like.

HOWEVER! There is sexual abuse and self harm in it as well. The opening of the film starts with sexual abuse of a minor(age 11). So, that made my stomach turn a lot.

Home Sweet Hell(2015)

“A suburban housewife (Katherine Heigl) with a cheating husband is not above killing the competition to preserve her domestic bliss.”

This movie was so bad. The story had good bones but, wasn’t filled or dressed well, which left it sloppy and just poorly executed. This is the type of movie an actor would star in after ruining their own career someway.

I will say there were some great cinematic shots in this though. I will give them that. This definitely got green lit because the lead actress signed on to do it prior and one of the producers thinks she’s a huge deal. Is that mean?

Watch it though. You’ll see.