#breaking up
I have an endless supply of tears
It’s strange to think I once thought this way, and now I barely believe in anything good. But something about knowing I once felt this way, makes me feel that there is hope I can again. And when you have hope, you have everything. en @weheartit.com - http://whrt.it/Xsfmxi
Post link
I read my old blog today. It made me realise I will never forget my first love. Even when I am happy with someone new. Even when they are married with a kid. There will always be a part of me that longs for them and that is okay.
I’ve decided that if an ex openly talks badly about me in a way that is false, distorted, or revisionary, if it doesn’t threaten my life too much and I am strong enough, I should probably just let them.
Because I can appreciate that they might need that to feel better about it. It’s so much easier to feel good about leaving a relationship if you can believe that the other person was bad for you, or even bad as a person. I do not personally want to do that, I think I mostly don’t, and I try to critically catch and correct my mind doing it if I slip up. But I can see how it would make things easier.
Within the last few years I’ve slowly managed to get a little better at silently accepting wrong shit said about me, in private and in public. The way my mind works makes it an uphill battle against my insecurities and emotions to not say something to push back against it, so it’s a struggle that’s not even close to finished.
But I’ve realized that if
- it helps my ex to think that I am a bad person, or manipulative, or whatever,
- I still want to treat them as well as I can, and
- I am secure enough that it won’t hurt me to let them believe or spread that about me,
well then why not? Please feel free if that is what you need to do.
i think that a common reason why people fail to leave shitty relationships/jobs/_____ is that they are afraid that that would make them the asshole
—the irony being that their shitty partner/boss/_____ would never cave to the same fear.
Yes. But also a relationship/job/_____ can be bad without anyone involved being bad - that’s harder.
If you can see the other party as shitty, you can tap so many emotions to make it easier. Bonus points if you’re actually right and they areshitty.
But sometimes there’s no ironically-unfettered worse party. There’s just another good person, maybe even doing their best trying to make it work, who doesn’t deserve being left by you. And it’s the combination of you and them that is shitty, somehow, for some reason, maybe even only temporarily, maybe even in ways that have already improved and will improve further over time.
And sometimes you don’t even know if it is a shitty relationship/job/_____, or if that’s shitty because of something else that needs improvement.
So you feel like you’re an asshole because you’re deciding to pull the trigger and leave on the judgment or even just odds that it’s not good enough, or won’t be good enough soon enough.
Sometimes I still wonder what you’re up to, how you’re doing, and if you’ve learned your lesson. But then I remember that it’s better for both of us if I don’t know.
Burning Embers from my poetry book She’ll Find the Sky
Don’t let the person that didn’t love you keep you from the one that will.
I have had 10,000 beginnings.
Each time after something hard I whisper to myself with “Don’t worry, this is just the beginning…”
Friends say “the universe is making room for something new.”
I don’t want to lose that optimistic, child-like corner of my heart. The shy part of me that still sticks her neck out even though she’s been swiped at and bruised by love.
But, damn guys, lately I have zero fight left in me.
KO, my heart.
Post link
Little space is pure magic. Sometimes when I close my eyes I can get back there and remember how people in my past have helped me get there.
It’s a drug. Even better than sex in my eyes.
Last night CMM reminded me what it feels like for the briefest of moments. She made some dirty, dirty declarations and put me squarely in the place she knows I like to be.
I felt a distinctly painful pang before I finally gave in. It’s funny how the heart can stretch if you let it.
Post link
Two years ago my divorce decree was signed and filed.
BeingBeau’s wife was slow suffocation. Starving for affection, attention, support….oxygen. I just wanted a partner. Someone who could pick up the burden when I couldn’t (or better yet, share it with me).
Today I hold no anger in my heart for him. I mostly feel sad. I hope he’s finding the strength to carry himself. I hope he’s moving forward and up.
I am such a different person than I was two years ago.
I’ve always known that I wanted a Daddy, but for a long, long time I lived in a dream state believing that was all I needed. That the right man would be magic and make all the monsters disappear.
I feel blessed to have found so, so, so much more than a Daddy (although that is definitely icing on the cake). In the past two years:
- I’ve worked hard to build support into my life - not just one person, but a whole network. DK & CMM,Tempter, My BFF Zooey & her Partner, and other friends I don’t really mention here…not to mention my therapist and all the people I’ve been meeting at the kinky events that I am tip-toeing into.
- I’ve found body acceptance and even love. I still have shame days, but I mostly feel blessed to be different. Being “straight sized” means not having to deal with awkward stuff (not fitting anywhere), but it doesn’t represent a care-free life, either. I’m glad that my “big” problem is no longer insurmountable (I have a liberator for that).
- I own an entire home that I paid for my fucking self like a goddamned boss. In fact, I’m literally living the life I dreamed about when I was a 16 year old punk wandering the streets of Seattle, smoking clove cigarettes, and attending horrible poetry readings.
…andlife just keeps on giving.
In short, happy divorciversary to me.
Post link
my eyes are puffy and red. i feel a little numb and shaky. i just want a hug and someone to tell me “everything is going to be alright”. my boyfriend is thinking about breaking up with me. we’ll find out tomorrow. it almost feels like russian roulette in a sense. things are gonna be fine. tomorrow is a new day & i’m no longer fucking with that birth control. hell no. happy thoughts. praying for posi.
Write a limerick about a break-up you’ve been through — POST HERE.
I would die a thousand times in the fire of our dying flame to feel just a moment of warmth. The only time I can think clearly is a thousand miles away from you. So please forgive my cowardice but if we both waited for me to be able to break our hearts in person, then darling we would of left as ashes.
Excerpt of a book I’ll never write #213
When he decides he doesn’t love you anymore, here is what you do: move on quietly, love yourself loudly // Karese Burrows.
Post link
In the past 4 ½ years I have been in 2 relationships (just..very emotionally left one yesterday.. having a tough time right now) and in 8 years I have had a total of 4 relationships. I have realized that even at 28 I may not know what the fuck I want. I do know that I want an extra large blunt and a few shots though.
Blogs to look into:
TYPGRPY#1
You had your chance but you let go! - Demi Lovato (I Really Dont Care)
[gabriel gutierrez design 2015]
More Artworks Here:
https://www.behance.net/gabrielcreates
https://instagram.com/pgabogutierrez/
http://gabrielcreates.tumblr.com/
https://www.facebook.com/itstheggutierrez
Post link
