#broken hearted

I read my old blog today. It made me realise I will never forget my first love. Even when I am happy with someone new. Even when they are married with a kid. There will always be a part of me that longs for them and that is okay. 

I am not pretty enough.
I am not skinny enough.
I am not funny enough.
I am not interesting enough.
I am not quiet enough.
I am not cute enough.
I am not smart enough.
I am not enough.
I will never be enough. Not for the guys I fall for. Not for the tall, gorgeous human beings, that are kind, nice, inteligent, funny, sarcastic, athletic, handsome, loved and adored by everyone around them. I will never be enough for guys like that. And maybe instead of trying to become enough I should just say that someday somewhere there will be someone who I will be enough for. Right now, however, I am just not enough, not enough, not enough.

It wouldn’t be called a crush if it didn’t hurt.

i hate when you want to talk about something that’s bothering you but you feel like you’ve already talked about it too much so you just hold it in…

He told her to jump promising that he’d catch her but as soon as she started to fall he was already turning around.

People constantly say, “if i could, i would feel nothing,

it’s the truth and i don’t care” but the truth is, I would choose to feel the pain of heartbreak for the rest of my being just to spend one last night with you.

Happier days

you can be a good person with a kind heart and still say no

I love you to the point where every time you smile it hurts because I’m not the reason behind it. I no longer have strength because every time I see you I go weak. And honestly, it kills me that I take up 1% of your world and you are 99% of mine.

Loving you was like going to war; I never came back the same.

i’m saying “fuck you” when i wanna fuck you even more

feelings hit you sooo much harder at night

I never thought I’d be the kind of woman who would get emotional as their baby slowly grew… BUT HERE WE ARE. Realizing Emmett has outgrown his coming home from the hospital dino jams nearly broke me being a stay at home mom and raising this little squirt for the past 6 weeks has been the HARDEST thing I’ve ever done. Some days I don’t understand the “reward”… and then when I look at this nugget, happy & healthy, I understand. This love truly is unconditional

Have you ever loved in scales?

Perfect balance?

Perfect symmetry?

Each step mirrored -

where one goes, the other

follows?

The smallest shift in weight can

jar the balance -

a breath,

a kiss,

a tear,

a moment.

A clang as joints disband.

A crash to the floor as you

spin out of orbit.

It will never be the same.

You will never be the same.

But -

But,

once,

you were lucky enough to

love

in scales.

Once,

you were whole and

perfect.

And what of falling stars,

and crashing waves?

What of split tectonic plates?

What of

you,

me,

us,

and the yawning chasm

between?

(Do you still say my name like

the only

prayer

you’ve ever

known?)

And I wonder when I’ll stop

seeing your face

in every

tragedy and

betrayal.

I opened my arms to comfort you

and

you went for my throat with a snarl.

Monsters need love, too

(but only on their terms).

I’m so tired of this

heartache

wrapped in

barb wired love.

And I am begging:

Don’t do this to him

(Don’t do this to yourself).

His end is not just his own.

Land of two setting suns.

before & after