#but it still applies
A/N: The Athena & Hephaestus chapter. Tell me what you think, because I can’t be sure. It’s heavy, so be warned.
Mind and Matter
‘Hephaestus…’ Athena felt her heart skip a beat. The confidence she had had before walking into the workshop faltered.
Hephaestus froze. She was the last one he had expected to show up to his forge unannounced. ‘Athena?’
The goddess took a deep breath. ‘I need you to tell me about making humanoid automatons.’
‘That’s not difficult.’
‘I mean automatons that act and think like a human does, not automatons that look like one.’
Hephaestus slowly turned around. Athena sat further away then she used to, back when. ‘You want my opinion?’
‘Why else would I be here, in this dirty, oily workshop?’
‘You used to say it was dusty.’
‘I think it’s oily now.’
He sighed. ‘Why exactly do you want my opinion on this matter?’
‘Because you are the one who will inevitably make a machine like that. The rest of us can theorise what it will be like, but that’s not worth much if we can’t make it. We should work together on this one.’
Hephaestus felt cold inside. ‘Perhaps we should.’
Athena nodded as she glanced around the workshop. She’s must be looking for escape routes. The thought didn’t make Hephaestus feel better. ‘I am sure this place used to be a lot cleaner.’
‘A lot cleaner when?’
‘Back when we…’ She stopped. ‘Not important. We are here to talk about automatons.’
‘You are. I think we should start with… defining human behaviour. What sets them apart from automatons in the first place.’
‘Yes, that would be apt.’ Athena was quiet until she realised Hephaestus wouldn’t talk first either. ‘They… ahem. Automatons can be easily taught to move and act and talk like humans. What sets humans apart from them is… their emotions. It’s… it’s a core part of who they are.’
The silence became almost unbearable. Athena had learned the sentences she would say by heart. She hadn’t taken into consideration what it would mean to say those sentences to Hephaestus.
Hephaestus took a deep breath. ‘Well…’
Um, yeah…’
‘So…’
Athena threw a bolt across the room in a sudden fit of anger. ‘This is impossible.’
‘You look defeated.’
‘Yes, because I have to give in to Artemis that I’ve got two choices: Never see you ever again, or work it out.’
Hephaestus pulled up his shoulders. ‘Dionysus said something similair. But I don’t know where to start, Athena. I don’t understand what happened.’
Athena looked at her hands. ‘What happened is that we were friends, and suddenly you wanted to be more than that and I didn’t, and then…’ she shrugged and shook her hair. ‘Then nothing.’
‘I get it.’ Athena cringed. They used to always get each other, back when. Up until the incident. ‘Someone… someone told me you did want more.’
‘Who?’
‘Someone. They told me you did like me that way…’
‘They told you I was in love with you.’
‘…they told me that you were in love with me. After a few times, I was tempted to believe them. I think I knew, deep down, that you didn’t, but I never trusted my own feelings. When it turned out you weren’t in love with me, I was… so ashamed, Athena, and with good reason.’
‘Why are you not saying the name of the person who told you all that?’
‘I…’
‘Is it to protect them? Why would you do that?’
Hephaestus slowly shook his head. ‘Too much shame.’
Athena bit the inside of her cheek. ‘When it happened, I felt…’ She hesitated.
‘Throw it out.’
‘I felt gross and betrayed. I thought we could make things together, beautiful things, without having love involved. And then…’ She sighed. ‘Yet, that you were lied to…’ She stared at her lap. He should have been less insecure, she thought to herself. Look at the mess we’re in now. ‘Sorry.’
‘Don’t. It… I already knew it. And it’s true.’
‘Doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.’
‘No, but…’ Hephaestus felt the tears burning behind his eyes. ‘It is just that it makes sense that you feel that way after what I did.’
Athena half-snickered, half-sobbed. ‘You really understand.’ She wiped her eyes.
‘How do we recover now?’
‘I thought I already did.’ Athena swallowed. ‘That’s why I said I would go here. I wanted to prove I could do it.’
When she looked up at Hephaestus, she gasped. ‘I am hurting you.’
Hephaestus stared at the silver on his anvil. ‘Maybe that’s not bad. Dionysus says that feelings need to be a mess in order to make sense of them. Like with cleaning a workshop. You need to make more of a mess to see everything you’ve got. Then you can detangle and sort it all.’
Athena shrugged. ‘I didn’t want to have those feelings. It’s not wise to carry grudges.’
‘Emotions don’t care about wisdom. Or logic.’
‘We can deal with them wisely.’
Hephaestus nodded. ‘Perhaps it’s time to do that. I… I am sorry, Athena. Sorry for what I did and sorry for making such a mess of your mind.’
‘I accept your apologies. Perhaps…’ she swallowed. ‘You know, I always hoped we could work together again, but I know it would never be the same. It won’t be like back when.’
‘No.’
‘No.’ They were quiet for a little while.
‘We didn’t even get to talk about automatons.’
‘We did get to talk about emotions though. I think I understand those better now.’
Hephaestus nodded. ‘Perhaps feelings are too advanced for any Automaton to have.’
‘I am almost sure of it.’ Athena felt like it had been enough. She stood up. ‘I’ll come back. We need to talk again.’
Hephaestus quietly nodded.
‘Is there something?’
‘It was Poseidon, Athena.’
Athena felt a cold knot in her stomach. ‘That… that…’
‘I am so…’
‘Don’t. He made us both victims. He used you to get at me and as such destroyed our friendship.’ She slowly shook her head. ‘I… I need to think.’
‘Bye… goodbye.’
While she stepped outside, it felt like a weight was lifted off of Athena’s shoulders. She chuckled. But what did it mean? She didn’t know. She needed rest.
A/N: I haven’t written about Athena like this often. She always feels like a bit of an automaton. It was interesting, because of course she would have feelings under the tough attitude. It probably takes a lot to make her lose her cool, because with wisdom you can always find the right solution, but that doesn’t mean it can’t happen. Some feelings and events just don’t care for all your wisdom, or it’s wiser to let the feelings flow out.
No hard feelings to the old Pos but in this story he is kind of a total jerk. This is going to lead to me explaining my interpretation of old Pos isn’t it-
This was incredibly difficult to write. I didn’t name the incident that created the first king of Athens, because that would create implications I didn’t know how to deal with. I still don’t know if this was written good enough. I might return to the Athena & Hephaestus friendship, mostly because it turned out way heavier than I intended. It also felt like I couldn’t make it better, the words wouldn’t change anymore.
