genuinely so fucking tired of people leveraging the “groomer” argument against people who support sex ed because scientific literature over decades shows that comprehensive sex education starting around kindergarten actually prevents children from being sexually abused and groomed because it teaches children the correct words for their body parts and also teaches them concepts of privacy, personal space, bodily autonomy, the difference between appropriate and inappropriate touching, and the fact that sex is something that only adults do. children with this knowledge are not only better equipped to identify abuse and predatory behavior and communicate that its happening to a trusted adult, but also prevent it from happening in the first place by recognizing when something is happening that shouldn’t.
sex education does not sexualize children, it prevents children from being sexualized. anyone who is against early foundational sex education and claims they are doing it to protect children is a fucking liar.
this rly tells you all you need to know about the people who are mad about this post. when faced with the fact that i am a victim of grooming they panic block. fucking pathetic
genuinely so fucking tired of people leveraging the “groomer” argument against people who support sex ed because scientific literature over decades shows that comprehensive sex education starting around kindergarten actually prevents children from being sexually abused and groomed because it teaches children the correct words for their body parts and also teaches them concepts of privacy, personal space, bodily autonomy, the difference between appropriate and inappropriate touching, and the fact that sex is something that only adults do. children with this knowledge are not only better equipped to identify abuse and predatory behavior and communicate that its happening to a trusted adult, but also prevent it from happening in the first place by recognizing when something is happening that shouldn’t.
sex education does not sexualize children, it prevents children from being sexualized. anyone who is against early foundational sex education and claims they are doing it to protect children is a fucking liar.
What does this have to do with teaching kids gender theory. I’m all for teaching kids about keeping your hands to yourself but how does not wanting your kid to learn about genderbread man going to keep them from being sexually abused.
comprehensive sex education has a lot of parts and not all of them are for the purpose of preventing sexual abuse. for example, in many curricula, one of the very first lessons is about families and family structures. the inclusion of lgbt people in the lessons just teaches kids about the world around them. it also lowers incidences of homophobic/transphobic bullying between peers. in the study i linked, abuse prevention and identification is one of the positive outcomes examined, it’s not the only one. its just the one this post was about bc accusations of grooming and predatory behavior are so commonly thrown at people who are pro-sex ed.
genuinely so fucking tired of people leveraging the “groomer” argument against people who support sex ed because scientific literature over decades shows that comprehensive sex education starting around kindergarten actually prevents children from being sexually abused and groomed because it teaches children the correct words for their body parts and also teaches them concepts of privacy, personal space, bodily autonomy, the difference between appropriate and inappropriate touching, and the fact that sex is something that only adults do. children with this knowledge are not only better equipped to identify abuse and predatory behavior and communicate that its happening to a trusted adult, but also prevent it from happening in the first place by recognizing when something is happening that shouldn’t.
sex education does not sexualize children, it prevents children from being sexualized. anyone who is against early foundational sex education and claims they are doing it to protect children is a fucking liar.
are you people capable of doing literally anything except regurgitate articles from right-wing news sources with very poor fact-checking? good fucking god.
“child masturbation” is referring to a woman thinking masturbation is good for all ages and you shouldn’t shame children for exploring their own bodies and instead answer their questions and give them the correct names for body parts.
no one was telling anyone to give themselves an abortion, there was a section explaining what a legally and medically safe self-managed abortion is. same thing with sex on drugs.
the report is about an online seminar referred to as 'sexy summer camp’ for attendants 16 and above, not 13 and above, as the article states. 16 and above is a perfectly fine age to discuss things like abortion and drugs, because at that age those are subjects they are very likely to interact with in their real lives. the article straight up lies to make the content seem less age appropriate.
sexy sex ed is an organization dedicated to giving comprehensive sex ed to people in rural appalachia, a region with some of the highest teen pregnancy rates in the country, and now the organizers are getting death threats en masse because of moral panic and shitty reporting by a guy who is also one of the main orchestrators of critical race theory fearmongering. great fucking job.
with that being said; sexy sex ed has a donation link, everyone should chip in if they can. kids and especially teens in rural appalachia are critically underserved in the sexual wellness department and they’re doing their very best to fill that void. they provide out free contraceptives and HIV testing at in-person events and have talks specifically about navigating sex and sexuality as a trans person and a disabled person. it’s good stuff.
genuinely so fucking tired of people leveraging the “groomer” argument against people who support sex ed because scientific literature over decades shows that comprehensive sex education starting around kindergarten actually prevents children from being sexually abused and groomed because it teaches children the correct words for their body parts and also teaches them concepts of privacy, personal space, bodily autonomy, the difference between appropriate and inappropriate touching, and the fact that sex is something that only adults do. children with this knowledge are not only better equipped to identify abuse and predatory behavior and communicate that its happening to a trusted adult, but also prevent it from happening in the first place by recognizing when something is happening that shouldn’t.
sex education does not sexualize children, it prevents children from being sexualized. anyone who is against early foundational sex education and claims they are doing it to protect children is a fucking liar.
I got the talk extremely early – so early, in fact, that I literally do not have any memories from before I learned what sex was.
When I was three years old, and my mother was pregnant with my little brother, I asked my parents where babies came from, and in response, they bought me a “Visible Woman” anatomy model, and read me books about human biology, including human reproductive biology. As a result, I become a huge anatomy nerd. I learned organs and bones the way that other little kids learned dinosaurs. I took my Visible Woman doll to show and tell. And whenever I had a question, even an awkward one (eg. “but how does the sperm get all the way to her uterus?”) my parents answered it – enthusiastically, and completely clinically.
Again, I was three. A vagina and a penis were about as sexual to me as a spleen and a gallbladder were, and my parents talked about them in roughly the same manner. “Some organs are used for digesting food – some organs are used for breathing air and pumping blood – and these organs can be used for making a baby. You baby brother is growing inside your mommy’s uterus because your parents had sex, and that allowed two cells to meet, and those two cells have grown and grown, and become more cells, and it’s going to become a whole person! Isn’t science cool?” I learned what sex was, and what an erection was, and all of the other mechanics of human reproduction, at a level of granularity farbeyond what almost anyone is actually proposing for teaching in schools, and sexual desire never entered into it. Not even close; not even once.
When I hear people claim that teaching about sex is grooming, it raises my hackles way up because… how are you imagining teaching a child about sex, if it reads as grooming to you? My parents taught me about the human body because science is wonderful and knowledge is power. I’d teach my own children in exactly the same way. How would you do it?
If you think that the only way to talk about sex is to be overtly sexual with the person that you’re talking to? If the only way you can imagine an adult explaining sex to a child is by abusing them? That’s a you problem, and you need help.
I am dead serious. If you cannot imagine having this sort of conversation without actively sexualizing the child you are speaking to, that is a real issue, and I am genuinely concerned that you may be a danger to those around you.
There are two types of people that benefit from the lack of sex-ed: predators and authoritarians (the overlap between the two is not a coincidence)
That is so undeniably false I don’t even know where to begin.
One the only predators I see are the ones who are trying to show porn to 5 year Olds. Ie all you leftists who coincidentally want to also preach your trans bullshit and groom kids into thinking they are hay making them confused for more grooming. And on top of that you guys are trying to prevent parents from knowing about it.
Two. The only authoritarians I have ever met are leftists. Since you know anyone who is left wing is always authoritarian. To a T.
“that is so undeniably false i dont know where to begin” you say in response to a post linking scientific literature while providing absolutely no evidence of your own aside from evangelical fear-mongering talking points. great work
genuinely so fucking tired of people leveraging the “groomer” argument against people who support sex ed because scientific literature over decades shows that comprehensive sex education starting around kindergarten actually prevents children from being sexually abused and groomed because it teaches children the correct words for their body parts and also teaches them concepts of privacy, personal space, bodily autonomy, the difference between appropriate and inappropriate touching, and the fact that sex is something that only adults do. children with this knowledge are not only better equipped to identify abuse and predatory behavior and communicate that its happening to a trusted adult, but also prevent it from happening in the first place by recognizing when something is happening that shouldn’t.
sex education does not sexualize children, it prevents children from being sexualized. anyone who is against early foundational sex education and claims they are doing it to protect children is a fucking liar.
Sex education is something that should be taught in high school as it was for people in my generation so with this I agree however teaching children this is not okay as that is up to the parents. Sex education does not teach kids about touching one way or another, it teaches them about reproductive organs and differences between a man and a woman or a male or female. If they are teaching anything beyond that then yes it would be grooming.
you literally just described what is taught. that, along with concepts concerning family structures, bodily autonomy, personal space, asking permission before touching other people, and appropriate vs inappropriate touch. which prevents grooming.
also: please consider that not every child has parents, and not every child who does has good parents. however, the overwhelming majority of children in america have access to public school.
The OTW is currently dealing with malicious email attacks against our volunteers. Some of our processes may be slower as a result and we ask for your patience as we manage this issue: https://otw.news/statement-malicious-388b5c
This is fucking gross. Someone is spamming the OTW and some of its volunteers with actual child pornography, i.e. pictures of real actual children being sexually assaulted. Obviously, they’ve reported this to the cops and there’s an investigation into who’s sending this stuff to them and where did they get the child sexual abuse material.
The good news is, there hasn’t been a data breach, so whoever is doing it can’t just start sending this filth to ordinary AO3 account holders.
It’s too soon to speculate on who’s doing this, but this is not the first time that CSAM has been sent to people in fan circles. It’s been distributed as threats like this before. It’s also been distributed by “well-meaning” idiots trying to “warn” people or “show proof.” In fan spaces, the rest of us should be wary of unknown links or posts about showing proof of X person doing Z thing, or reblogging links without fact checking or knowing what’s in them, and of discord/messaging groups that have a heavy focus on call outs or spreading proof. Obviously predators should always be reported. But there has been at least one case within my memory of someone holding onto CSAM as proof, showing it to minors in chat circles as a “warning,” and distributing it to others. This is, quite obviously, a crime. And it does more harm than good, as spreading it draws more attention to the material thereby worsening harm done to the abuse survivor and propagating more harm when people see it - especially when it’s shown to minors, even when it’s ostensibly to “warn” them. At best: it’s really traumatizing. At worst: it’s a grooming tactic. So just be careful about opening files, passing files around, or getting involved in call out circles. Especially if you’re a minor. This is always something that should be reported to authorities, and should not ever be distributed. No one trying to show you these things has your best interests at heart.
Also getting sent CSAM and other violent or triggering images is extremely upsetting; search “[your email provider] + image download settings” and change it so that your email client does not automatically show/download images. Generally speaking, you should only be viewing images from known contacts. If you do need to view an image someone else sends you it’s very easy to select what to download.
There are a lot of people who don’t know that they can change how their email handles images, so make sure you know how to do it on your own email.
Also search “[your email provider] + how to inspect headers”. It is very easy to make it look like an email came from someone else on a surface level, but very difficult to fake seriously because SMTP requires a real sender - that doesn’t always mean you’re going to get the actual name of the sender, but if you see an email from yourfriend@ mymail.web and it seems fishy or has some really awful content, you can inspect the headers and look at the from: address and you may see trollfarm@ bullshit.net is spoofing your friend.
Anyway, this is awful. Take care of yourselves and maybe take some time to learn about the settings for your email client. (And again, no shame, no blame for people getting these emails. People generally don’t have to think about this shit and it’s terrible that they have to right now)
i feel like i said this before but cant remember, but PLEASE dont be bringing up shipcourse up to me at any time. im a csa victim and it suddenly being brought up to me unprompted is triggering. this isnt even the place for that anyways, this is literally a queer blog
i feel like i said this before but cant remember, but PLEASE dont be bringing up shipcourse up to me at any time. im a csa victim and it suddenly being brought up to me unprompted is triggering. this isnt even the place for that anyways, this is literally a queer blog
There’s an r/incest subreddit, unfortunately (I clicked on a link because I thought it was a joke, but god is dead) and under a disgusting story about some chick and her dad (she’s… really an adult who “has sex with” her dad, which is horrifying in and of itself) I found this comment. This actual father’s comment. Is there a way to report people for shit like this? To the actual government? He’s a father who thinks child rape is fine, not just in theory or whatever those sick fucks like to claim, but in actual practice. I know there’s lots of these men out there, but surely there’s a way for some government office to find his IP address or some shit?
Courteousmingler has made a number of claims recently regarding her recent campaign against catandkitty and missvoltairine, and I want to talk about them, because the way she’s attempting to change tracks here is pretty alarming.
Let’s start with this post, where courteousmingler makes a number of bold claims that are notably inconsistent with how she’s previously presented this whole conflict:
i told missvoltairine that denying the existence of ace oppression so that corrective rape against aces never stops is rape apologism.
she’s since started spreading rumors that i called her friend a rapist.
this objectively never occurred.
this is a slander campaign created by a rape apologist because i called her a rape apologist, when “all she did” was deny ace oppression so that corrective rape could not be combated by society.
First of all, the statement that courteousmingler calling someone a rapist “objectively never occurred (note the shift into a more specific denial - “I never called anyone a rapist” versus “no circulating posts call these people rapists”, which was her previous claim) is questionable. Here is my post about the screencap where courteousmingler can be seen calling catandkitty an “abuser posing as a victim” in direct response to catandkitty clarifying that she is not a rapist and is in fact a rape survivor. This in combination with statements like this one:
reminder that if you say things to your partner that makes them guilty for not wanting to have sex with you, like speaking verbatim about how much you “need” sex and saying shit like “withholding sex can be a form of abuse”, you are abusing them.
Here, she directly references things that catandkitty and missvoltairine said, recontextualizes those statements so that it seems like they weren’t about their abuse specifically but that those are things they have told partners of theirs, and says, “you are abusing [your partner]”. It’s pretty clear that the “you” here refers to catandkitty and missvoltairine. Then in response to an ask by bisexualrevolution she says this:
you know what makes someone a rapist? if they call their powerful desires a “need”, as if they can’t survive without it, and then use that to guilt their partner into having sex with them. emotionally manipulating a person into sex is rape. “sex is a human need!” is a phrase i’ve only ever used to justify rape.
This statement is a direct reference to catandkitty saying that “sex/physical intimacy is a human need”. You’ll note that courteousmingler extrapolates from the statement “sex … is a human need” that emotional manipulation MUST be occurring in a relationship, on the part of the person who said those words.
These are only things courteousmingler has said herself directly - I touched in a previous post on how multiple people who courteousmingler vocally supported, reblogged from, and lent validity to - people who agreed with courteousmingler in her subsequent assessments of the situation - not only undermined catandkitty and missvoltairine’s personal accounts of their abuse, but sometimes outright said that they were lying in order to cover up the fact that they were the real abusers. I don’t mean to bring this up to imply that courteousmingler is responsible for the statements of people who are only connected to her through a series of likes and reblogs, but to illustrate that the above statements that she made took place in a context where other people were also calling catandkitty and missvoltairine abusers and rapists.
The assertion that missvoltairine said that rape never happens to asexuals or that it shouldn’t be addressed when someone who is asexual is raped seems to come up more in courteousmingler’s recent posts than it has in previous posts, which mostly focused on the assertion that catandkitty and missvoltairine said that withholding sex on it’s own was abusive and that was what made them rape apologists. Since I and others have pointed out that neither of those women ever said that, courteousmingler has quietly backed off this claim (at least for now) and fallen back on the narrative that missvoltairine specifically has “dedicated” herself to “making sure the cause of systemic rape is never stopped”. These statements pretty overtly position missvoltairine, a rape and abuse survivor, as directly responsible for the rapes of other people, if not a rapist herself. I’m not saying the distinction is meaningless, but it seems pretty academic at this point, just as the distinction between “calling someone a rapist” and “saying that the things someone has said about their abuse would only be said by a rapist, and that they would make someone a rapist in a specific context, and saying that they are only posing as a rape victim but are actually an abuser, in the larger context of other people calling them a rapist more directly” seems academic.
It’s also a pretty big digression from what the actual initial argument was about. I couldn’t find any evidence in the initial posts that sparked this whole debacle of missvoltairine or catandkitty saying anything about rape being used as a tool of punishment or “corrective therapy” against asexual people. Catandkitty did say that asexual people would need to have mature conversations about sex at some point, but “you will need to talk about sex” and “you deserve to be raped” are pretty radically different statements and sentiments. It’s true that other people have responded to this subject, but those discussions seem relatively unconnected to what was addressed in the argument between missvoltairine and catandkitty and courteousmingler et al. I find it troubling that courteousmingler seems to be insisting on holding some people accountable for things other people said - it’s disorienting for the people trying to hold a consistent conversation, and it feels pretty disingenuous. Creating confusion about who said what seems to serve a pretty clear purpose, especially when courteousmingler’s initial complaint against catandkitty and missvoltairine was proven to be a fabrication.
If there’s one thing that I feel is really dangerous in this discussion, it’s the way the representations of specific survivors involved have shifted and been twisted almost beyond recognition. Shifting the narrative from “these people are rape apologists because they said it’s abusive to not want to have sex” to “these people are rape apologists because they want asexual people to be raped” when the first statement is disproven is pretty blatant, especially because the second statement is harder to address concretely given that neither of the people being accused have said much on the subject of asexual people being raped - they both pretty much stuck to personal accounts of their own abuse throughout this whole thing. Courteousmingler has talked a lot about how it’s not necessarily an act of violence to accuse a rape survivor of being a rape apologist, and I agree with the basic premise of that - rape survivors CAN and sometimes do engage in rape apologism - but I disagree that this means calling any rape survivor who disagrees with you about whether it’s possible for some asexuals to be considered straight and whether straight, cisgender asexuals belong in spaces reserved for LGBT people exclusively a rape apologist is okay. I think this is deliberately inflammatory and pretty much guaranteed to spark an emotional response, especially when directed at survivors, which makes it easier for the discussion to go off the rails completely. If I was a more cynical person I might think that this is deliberate and serves an agenda of vilifying rape and CSA survivors very well.
genuinely so fucking tired of people leveraging the “groomer” argument against people who support sex ed because scientific literature over decades shows that comprehensive sex education starting around kindergarten actually prevents children from being sexually abused and groomed because it teaches children the correct words for their body parts and also teaches them concepts of privacy, personal space, bodily autonomy, the difference between appropriate and inappropriate touching, and the fact that sex is something that only adults do. children with this knowledge are not only better equipped to identify abuse and predatory behavior and communicate that its happening to a trusted adult, but also prevent it from happening in the first place by recognizing when something is happening that shouldn’t.
sex education does not sexualize children, it prevents children from being sexualized. anyone who is against early foundational sex education and claims they are doing it to protect children is a fucking liar.
This This This This This This This This one hundred times THIS. This needs to be said over and over and over again. I believe in Jesus. I love God. AND I LOVE KIDS. And I would literally fucking die before allowing my precious children to go out into the hell on earth we live in now and face predators without every single weapon in my arsenal. Specifically:
Knowing about their bodies EMPOWERS children.
Knowing about consent EMPOWERS children.
Knowing what’s typical and what’s special when it comes to their development is EMPOWERING and equips children to become teens and adults who SUPPORT their peers who aren’t straight and cis.
Knowing exactly what is appropriate and what is not between an adult and child EMPOWERS children.
Knowing that they are not bad because something inappropriate felt good EMPOWERS children and SAVES THEM from trying to weather continued abuse because they are afraid or ashamed about their confusion.
Knowing that no matter what, consent is theirs and theirs alone to give or withdraw and that they have a safe adult to talk to EMPOWERS children to sound the alarm before abuse progresses.
Knowledge is power. Information is power. Without it, children are literally powerless.
And I don’t see these people volunteering to accompany their children everywhere they go to personally protect them.
Anyone who would withhold lifesaving and empowering information from innocent children … who would take their power and words and force them to go defenceless into the world literally would prefer children be abused. They are literally saying children deserve to be made victims.
Yong Soo Lee is one of 53 surviving “comfort women,” the euphemistic term used to describe tens of thousands of girls and women from Korea, China and other Asian countries who were forced into farm labor and sexual servitude for Japanese combat or occupation troops before and during World War II.
When Lee was finally rescued and sent home after the war, she was 17. But in many ways, her life did not begin again until the plight of the comfort women became known. In her late 60s, she threw herself into the campaign to expose the abuses and demand Japanese atonement. She testified before commissions and legislatures. She was taken to the Vatican to meet the pope. In the process, she said she found purpose in the life she thought had been thrown away.“I lost myself for a long time,” Lee said. “I thought I was worthless. I didn’t talk about it, and nobody asked me. Until the women came out, I did not exist.”
Nearly two hours into her story, Lee’s diffident demeanor changed. She stopped rubbing her rosary beads. When she spoke again, it was with deep rage against her abusers, against her lost youth, even against the term that is commonly used to describe her.
“I never wanted to give comfort to those men,” she said with a glare of disgust. “That name was made up by Japan. I was taken from my home as a child. My right to be happy, to marry, to have a family, it was all taken from me.” She wiped her eyes once more, then straightened up on the sofa.
“I am a proper lady and a daughter of Korea,” Lee declared. “I don’t want to hate or hold a grudge, but I can never forgive what happened to me. I must stand up for myself and the others. Mr. Abe should act like a man and face the truth of the crimes that were done to us. I was robbed of my youth, and I want him to apologize before I die.”
I do not want to hear one fucking WORD from catholics about “contraceptive mentality” or “culture of death” blah blah bloobity bloobity
some people do not want kids at all under any circumstances ever and none of your moral authoritarian handwringing is going to change that, and trying to force it on unwilling people is only going to create more pain and suffering and violence and death
also the idea that we don’t own our own fucking bodies is literally the foundation of rape culture and it comes as a surprise to exactly nobody that your church routinely enables the rape and abuse of literal fucking children and then has the audacity to blame it on consenting adults having sex with each other and women using birth control and trans people being themselves and other ways people exercise their bodily autonomy and refusing to hide in shame
you actually think the answer to society’s problems is forced pregnancy and childbirth even for little ten year old girls who were raped by their own fathers because you think the only purpose of human existence is to make babies because your god who jerks off to human suffering says so
because “life”
you pervert the “sanctity of life” by reducing human beings to livestock and denying us the choice of whether or not to participate in the act of creating life
the choice is what makes it sacred. we have the agency of sharing the creative act with the divine, and in fact we should not be mindlessly and wastefully creating lives we don’t have the desire or resources to sustain.
we are not just flesh puppets for god to play the sims with
It’s hard to be an aromantic asexual human trafficking survivor
Trigger Warning: What you are about to read will contain graphic descriptions of violence. If you will be traumatized by this, please stop reading now. I’m proud to be who I am and glad to still be alive. I love you, reader. :) <3 Because God loves you. I strive to love.
I’m proud to have survived human trafficking and I credit Jesus for helping me through it. All my life except for certain times, I have believed in God. Somehow I sensed God with me through all of my struggles. I even felt somehow my asexuality was a blessing from God that was hard for me to express to others. I was born into slavery and was trafficked to pedophiles since birth, and had to deal with incest along with that and Satanic blood rituals that involved my family cannibalizing me by drinking my blood.
I struggled with getting teachers and police and parents to believe that I was being cannibalized. No one ever believed me; they said that stuff was only in movies. Though some understood I was being raped and trafficked, they offered no support or help. They thought “a man should save me” and they hated the idea of me being rescued by an adult woman or a young girl, of having relationships that would support me like sister and mother type relationships. When I was younger, they wanted a man to marry my mother and he was supposed to save me as a protective father. That never happened, of course because my mother dated and had sex only with pedophiles as well as raping all her kids including me and all the other kids she could get her hands on. Gender did not matter to her, she just loved power and lust and blood. I believe she had demons within her that she invited there. She told me later that she sold her soul to the Devil years ago. I tried to get her soul back in 2012, but she said it’s too late to repent and she enjoys being evil.
As I got a bit older, people in the community and the high school suggested that I should marry a pedophile who had been part of the human trafficking to get me away from my mother or that I ought to find a boyfriend my own age (14-15) who I was supposed to have sex with and live with and then the boyfriend was supposed to protect me along with his dad. They ignored the fact that age 14 is too young to have a live in sexual relationship and also they had no idea or belief that I was asexual. None of them were reasonable in agreeing with me that I really ought to go to a girl’s orphanage and live with a woman and other girls taking care of me and not having any sex while I was still a kid in high school. So this caused boys my age to drag me into bathrooms to rape me or to stalk me and then ask me to live with them so they get ongoing sex which they apparently craved.
Meanwhile, while all this was going on, I also had to deal with purity culture, where religious girls who asked me if I needed to be saved were screaming and cursing me to Hell after I told them yes I do need to be saved because I am being tortured with rape. Please get me away from the rapists and my family, but do not do it all by yourself because if you are alone, you will get raped and may die. They claimed that I am too impure to be saved and that God does not want me. They victim blamed me. I had gotten my hopes up that they were going to save me from all the torture, but all they really wanted to do was to prosthelatize at me like Pharisees and do absolutely nothing to help me. If they truly had been worshipping Jesus they wouldn’t have shouted and said they are so much purer and better than me, they would have helped me. They also did not understand my asexuality.
When I tried to explain I am not attracted to guys to the kids in my high school, they thought that had to mean that I was a lesbian. I said I’m not lesbian, I am an incest survivor of female rape who is celibate. When I tried to explain I am an incest survivor from my mom raping me and getting my younger sister to copy her because my mom incites violence and is trying to brainwash my sister and I to become exactly like her, they were certain that this proved I am a lesbian and then they beat me up for it. Sometimes they tried to ban me from things, saying that I’m a lesbian, like the prom. But then some other students said that lesbians are allowed to prom and they ought to let me in. Neither of them were allowing me to say I’m not a lesbian. To them there were 2 orientations. Straight or lesbian. I have to pick one. So none of us had heard of asexuality.
I tried to explain my feelings by using the word celibate a lot and seeing each human as a creation of God and I can acknowledge that some of them look nice like in the light or the colors of their skin and hair and the clothes that they choose to wear, but I just don’t want to have sex with anyone, and I need to be rescued from the rapists and the cannibals.
The problem I faced with the sexual people was that they insisted the only way I could get away from rapists and cannibals was to pick one person I am supposed to want to have sex with. It can be a girl or a boy, although they mostly preferred I pick a boy. This partner was supposed to save me and protect me from literally everyone who came to torture me from my entire life and the life I was living when they said that. That included frenemies (girls diagnosed with mental health disabilities used by my mom to spy on me and see which boys in school were raping me so she could get them to pay her), police officers who beat me or raped me, teachers in the school who groped me or raped me, ex-felon sex offenders that my mom looked up on the sex offender list and invited over to to torture me, beat me, rape me and try to kill me, grown ups chasing me and raping me with weapons like knives and guns, people raping me with objects, all the kids my own age who raped me of their own accord and the ones who got coerced by their dads to rape me or kids coerced by the pedophiles who also made child porn of themselves or kids raping me, all the drug dealers/addicts, alcoholics, gang members, cannibals, KKK members, all of my incestuous family members and all the cult members who they knew who raped me (Baha'i cult, Seth cult, Satanic cult).
It just seemed like too much for one person to handle. I told the sexual people that and they kept insisting it is the only thing that can save me. I said no kid or man could resolve all this, especially if they were a 14-15 year old kid themselves. They all put so much emphasis on “the romantic sexual relationship will save you” while totally ignoring that I do not want sex and I hate it and am repulsed by it and I’ve almost died a lot of times when being tortured by rape. It is a very bloody and painful thing. I had PTSD and seizures and they ignored that too.
So things went on, I grew up and went to college and I was still dealing with some pedophiles from the state where I was forced to go back to having been gone for 6 years, so these guys were stalking me as I was trying to go to college telling me that they had been fantasizing about me being an adult so they could have legal sex with me instead of raping me as a child and a couple of them actually raped me and I fought them all off as best I could. This was part of the human trafficking because they were paying my mother as they were raping me and stalking me. I cried a lot in class but the teachers just screamed in my face that I was a drunk and told me to get a boyfriend and were appalled to hear I was celibate. I told them it made me happy. I still was involved in the Baha'i cult which does have a religious law saying to preserve your virginity and celibacy until marriage and I thought it was a good idea and I liked it, but when I discussed how much I liked it, all the sexual people harassed me and told me how horrible it was and now that I’m an adult I need to stop being celibate and go run around and have sex and then tell them all about it. They kept saying how hard celibacy was and projecting it onto me. I told them it’s normal and easy. This way of seeing the world made it hard for me to form relationships with anyone.
So after I graduated I tried to get jobs in my field of wildlife biology (degree from University of Idaho in Moscow) and I was able to get some seasonal ones. My mom made it a point to incite as many people at my workplace to rape me in the wilderness as possible by calling and emailing them to give them ideas on how to do that and then she got really mad when they did not send her a lot of money or any money. Growing up, she had made a lot of money when rapists raped me an paid her. She called me a slave and was convinced I was still her slave. She had married another pedophile human trafficker cannibal in 2000 who did horrible things to torture me and collect money from people to rape me too prior to me graduating high school. Summer of senior year. So I had to survive his torture and human trafficking of me and hers from summer 2000- January 2013. Though in 2012 he said he had been raping me since I was 12, which would be 1994. I have some traumatic amnesia so I can’t remember all of the rapists who raped me. So between 2001 - 2013 I had jobs where I studied wildlife or taught camping and nature science and English to kids around the world and had to survive stalkers and rapists at my workplaces, some of whom did attack me so I lost blood from their rapes and some also tried to murder me, all incited to violence by my mom. In between that I kept on going home to be with my family because I was suicidal and wanted them to kill me or because I was trying to rescue my sister from human trafficking, which I failed to do or because they threatened to kill animals, themselves or people and I got manipulated to go back.
All of the people around me who were not abusing me as well as the ones who were continuously told me that I need to get a man and have sex with the man in a relationship in order to not be tortured and be able to have human rights and not be a slave. Even the people in positions of power that could have helped me like the Child Protective Services, Police and FBI told me that. After I finally got the FBI to come over to try to rescue me because human trafficking is a federal slavery crime and it’s their job and they threatened to shoot me (despite me being naked and terrified and completely unarmed) I had a couple of pillows I was trying to cover myself with to hide my nakedness when I asked for help in 2012…I gave up on getting rescued by another human being and fortunately I survived all my suicide attempts and was able to rescue myself. I think Jesus helped me survive all my suicide attempts because looking back I think there had to be miracles taking place for me to survive everything I and others did to me. I also was given Jesus visions and dreams, and surprisingly so were my mom and stepdad who were hard core blood drinking Satanists. So Jesus was there, with me. Then entire time. Supporting my soul and keeping it safe. So I eventually left the Baha'i cult I had been raised in and became a non-denominational Protestant Christian. :) I go to Life Church Online.
So I escaped the human trafficking by going to live on a campus of a masters degree program I had started online while hiding under the desk from the rapists. I had done some classes under there in-between tortures in Environmental Education and I was able to get a summer job with the US Forest Service and go live with a cult member who my mom approved until she threatened me with violence and my mom saw the police and got scared and started screaming her head off and wanted to leave and I got to go stay in a hotel until the Forest Service could get me into one of their dorms. It happened on Independence Day :) Yay Perfect timing, right? LOL God is Good. So then I went from living in a Forest Service dorm to living at the college campus where I hoped to get counseling and help as I finished my masters degree at the University of Wisconsin Stevens Point.
I got disappointed by the way I was treated though. In my body I was starting to heal. My therapist told me that I should forget about my stepdad raping me and one of my landlords raping me in Colorado in 2010 and go be a lesbian since I do not want sex with men. He said he wanted me to go have lots of sex with women even though my mom had raped me so that he could put on his resume that he helped a lesbian. When I told him I am not a lesbian, he said he was just going to put it on his resume anyway. He continually tried to force me to go have sex with women even though I did not want to. The student health center did not offer me any help or any healing and they claimed my way to healing was sex. I told them no. My academic advisor was pregnant and saw that I was hanging out with a guy. She was shouting at me that I ought to start a relationship with the guy if I hadn’t already because that is how you get pregnant and I need to get myself pregnant. I told her I do not want to be in a relationship like that and I do not want to get pregnant. I already know how people get pregnant. I am obviously well versed in biology. So she was mad that I didn’t want to be pregnant and also said that a man will save me from my family if they are abusive and that I should devote myself to one man and then suggested I must be sleeping with lots of men if I can’t pick just one. I told her no, I am celibate and I do not have sex with anyone. So she was confused and angry and told me, like many other people that I will just always be abused until I get myself a man. I said I don’t want a man. So then she was scared I’d want a woman and I told her I don’t want a woman. So then she insisted I wanted to be all alone. Completely alone forever and I told her I want good close friends and she like many others told me I am not allowed to have them or I can’t find them.
Some people when I say that tell me that I need to join a convent and live with nuns and they laugh at me when I bring up the idea that I might get raped by priests because it’s not safe anymore to be a nun and nuns these days do get raped by priests along with kids being raped by priests. Some nuns who get raped by priests then go on to rape kids too. So there is too much corruption in the Catholic Church and predators hiding there waiting to attack me for me to be able to be safe there, it makes more sense to just be a regular Christian layperson who is Protestant. When you dress differently like in a nun habit, you become a big rape target for people like soldiers who enjoy raping and murdering nuns, like in “Les Innocents,” a story of some Polish nuns who got raped by soldiers in WW2 and had to have an atheist girl and a Jewish guy from the Red Cross help them with the pregnancies and the orphanage they built so the Catholic Church would not murder them. The Catholic Church has murdered pregnant or raped nuns before so its dangerous to be a nun.
So long story short, I finished my degree okay and I found my classes interesting, but the guy I was hanging out with broke into me dorm room late one night and violently raped me despite me saying no and having no clue this was going to happen. I had already told him prior to the rape that I was asexual and celibate and had been abused and had nerve damage from the abuse. He was Catholic and told me during the rape that his priest told him to do this to me and I learned he also heard it from his roommates and people in our dorm had been stalking us and asking us from time to time if we were going to have sex. We both said No because we were celibate. I found out from him that he did all kinds of sexual things minus the vaginal sex and called that celibacy wheras I did nothing and felt no desire to things and I called that celibacy. He was doing it because of Catholic purity culture and I was doing it because it was part of who I am. I felt very betrayed by his torture of me and I got suicidal and he got aggressive and tried to convince everyone in the dorm it was consensual which caused the dorm and Title 9 office to completely ignore me and discount me. The rapist then denied my access to a doctor (The doctor I saw that Medicaid approved already was screaming and cursing at me and saying it was consensual and then the guy who raped me called the doctor to shout and curse and say it was consensual too.) So I got a lot of abuse and no one really understood my celibacy or my asexuality. I did not get help with my pain. So in addition the bleeding from the rape, I developed severe pain with peeing and difficulty walking without pain. I had a lot of seizures every day then which I now think to be Psychogenic Non Epileptic Seizure Disorder (a disorder caused by the mind of traumatized people to make the body have seizures usually associated with PTSD, Anxiety and panic attacks.) So I was just about to graduate when the rape happened and I had made plans to go get Wilderness First Responder Training in the Grand Canyon hoping to get hired in Wilderness Rescue and some places which do environmental education that require WFR training. I hoped I could get away from human trafficking and Wisconsin that way. Because I got raped and was in so so much pain, that it was hard to walk much less hike the Grand Canyon, I had to cancel and I ended up being homeless for 5 years instead of getting a job with my great new master’s degree. 3 of those 5 years I was experiencing severe chronic pelvic pain from the rape. I still am within the statutes of limitations and I hope to get the guy who raped me arrested and sued.
So I had made another friend in the dorm, a girl, and she was nice but I mistook her kindness for her church being nice and helpful to me as a homeless person looking to find work I could do or a way to take care of myself while I had severe chronic pain and cried a lot every day because I hurt and was terrified to get raped by homeless men. Her church sent me to a series of abusive churches, shelters, and houses of abusive men who tried to rape me or did rape me and claimed that its okay or correct because I do not have a husband to protect me, and that I ought to marry one of the old men who was waiting for God to give him the reward of my body because he had practiced celibacy and I’m supposed to be the prize. I was like Princess Jasmine and I was like “I am not a prize to be won!”
Anyway she married one of the guys in the church after being celibate and taking part in the purity culture and she was like me, in that she didn’t think much about sex. But she felt strong fear and guilt whenever she did think about sex and wouldn’t hear from me that its normal and okay if you are not asexual to occasionally have thoughts on sex. Or just to have thoughts every day is also normal for non asexual people. The difference is that celibate people have the thoughts but they choose not to act on them and non celibate people choose to act on their sexual thoughts. But she insisted that the thoughts themselves were terrible and unnatural and she needs to feel guilty about every time she has a sexual thought. I thought we were discussing heterosexual urges and thoughts because she is heterosexual.
Then she suddenly told me she was scared that I was a lesbian and I had to reassure her that I was not one and that incest does not turn a person a lesbian. Its just a form of torture. Apparently the people in the church had been calling me an abomination and she was trying to stick up for me. Then they started to harass me and ask me and her if we want to kiss on the lips. I said No I don’t like kissing because Ive been raped and kissed by both genders. She was trying to kiss my cheek without my consent which made me uncomfortable so she decided she ought to kiss my shoulder instead and I just thought it was silly and I just let her. I knew she was trying to help me, to be a sister to me. Sometimes she comforted me by holding my hand which is a normal human thing to do. The men at the church saw how we were affectionate like sisters and shouted at us that they needed to marry us off so that we wouldn’t become lesbians even though we both told them we consider ourselves to be sisters. They ranted and raved that we’d one day come to wanting sex with each other and she cried and had a panic attack and I comforted her and told them to go away and then after they went away, I cried and had a panic attack with seizures and she comforted me. Then we went home.
The guy she married, he was abusing her emotionally and making her cry all the time and she used to call me for emotional support, even though I was also crying all the time and was being raped or emotionally abused by the church or the people they knew because I was homeless. I tried to encourage her to leave him and the church but she insisted that if she did that, her family would disown her and she would end up homeless like me. She thought the church and her abusive husband gave her stability. She didn’t think she could just use her college degree to support her. So the church got fed up with me not marrying anyone and running away from rapists and calling them rapists and trying to warn her so she would not get raped by the rapists who raped me, so they tried to throw away all my stuff I had stored in the church attic and tell her I died, which made her cry. She managed to salvage some of my stuff before they tossed it and has sent it to me but has said we can’t be friends and seems to want to believe that I am a bad person now. The church and her family and husband finally brainwashed her. :( Maybe in a few more years we can be friends.
So all of the homeless shelters and social workers I came into contact with while homeless and even the ones when I was not homeless insisted that I need to get into a sexual relationship with a man and that is how I’m supposed to stop being homeless and some suggested also getting myself pregnant. They expected me to just find a man and move in immediately and start having sex. They claimed I wanted sex, a family, a husband and children. They refused to listen to me when I explained I am asexual and aromantic and that I just want to find a way to take care of myself. Once I figure that out, I may get myself a pet and some good friends as I am advancing my environmental career, because I want to take care of the environment. Once I have a good enough network of friends, I may choose one to three friends to live with me in the same house, but separate bedrooms, to help me adopt one or more orphans and raise the children. I was called stupid and crazy for saying this and told I can easily end my homelessness if I submit to sex. I was also told to sell my body for sex by stupid misogynistic social worker men that made me scream and want to tear their throats out because besides physical and emotional pain from being human trafficked, there is a lot of rage. I had to give the rage to God to not completely lose my mind and try not to commit suicide again.
Some churches were a bit helpful but not that much because they thought the government was going to help me. The government had misogynists in it that wanted me to live with someone for sex or sell my body for sex. The government thought the churches would help me. There were plenty of men in the church who wanted to take me home with them for sex when I came just to worship God but very few women willing to let me come over and stay with them to trade my labor for room and board. When it did happen, I was glad to clean for them or take care of their kids or pets.
I did get accepted into Palmer College of Chiropractic in 2015 in San Jose for doctoral degree and I thought things were looking up and I did get some chiropractic treatments to feel better but people constantly sexually harassed me and tried to get me to enter into sexual relationships with men. I survived one attempted rape by another person before a classmate broke into my apartment to rape me and then he tried to rape me again and I had to brandish a knife to get away and then another guy at the party tried to rape me. One of the teachers sexually harassed me really badly, so it wasn’t just students. They don’t have a Title 9 office. The therapist was not all that helpful and they only allowed me to see them 5 times. Everyone harassed me for looking at the genitals of the cadavers to give myself exposure therapy so that if I see a naked person who wants to rape me I can fight them off better without having a panic attack that makes me faint. They said I want sex with dead bodies. This hurt me because my stepdad raped my grandma before and after she died. I couldn’t get the police to do anything about both crimes. They just laughed at me. The other chiropractor who had dealt with chronic pelvic pain caused by rape was trying to force me to do it her way by having sex every day until her body healed even though it hurt her for three years. I had to tell her, no I am asexual and I have no interest in that and I believe I can heal without sex, over and over and over again. It was so exhausting. Anyway because of the stress and abuse, I ended up flunking half my classes I had taken over the past 6 months I was there, and being homeless again until I got into my current graduate program in the summer of 2018 where I work to protect the environment and there is a working Title 9 office here and good campus security to protect me.
Throughout my time being homeless, I was continuously harassed and told to shave my legs and remove my body hair so I look like a woman and some people might have filmed me naked because they were concerned I am not a woman due to having all my body hair. Plus a police man molested me after a teen boy screamed at me for having armpit hair when I was swimming to try to get clean. So getting myself clean was dangerous and so was having body hair…but I like my body hair and I dont want to get rid of it. I almost got thrown out of a homeless shelter because they were worried I was a hermaphrodite and they said they only have beds for men and beds for women and hermaphrodites have to sleep outside or die.
I was constantly being told by shelter staff that I deserve to die, they want me to die, they want to throw me out so I can die…followed by them telling me they hate me and then some weird explanation of how they think I ought to behave or live so they do not murder me with hypothermia (stop being a vegan, eat expired food and give myself food poisoning/botulism because other homeless people do, let the witch doctor posing as a dentist who tears out people’s teeth at the Salvation Army in Madison WI next to the hair salon named “Lust” and gives them no medicine tear out my perfectly good teeth for his tooth collection, have sex, shave my body hair, mop the same kitchen floor 5 times so they can break my spirit, etc) Hearing all the death threats was really scary and it made me cry a lot and have panic attacks and seizures because I knew that the likelihood of me dying of hypothermia was very real and if they really did throw me out to die in the freezing cold, I could be dead in a couple of hours. Some of them did throw me out in the freezing cold, hoping I would die, but thanks to God and my own drive to survive, I made it to warm place in time to not die. Yay!
I did a variety of work trades in people’s farms or houses, some of which I nearly got raped in or did get raped in and then I was singing musical theater or Christmas carols as a minstrel on people’s porches until I entered this graduate program.
It’s a pretty good graduate program but the police of the town are mean and misogynistic and they don’t help women, children or animals. They are still using the old Nazi inspired gas chambers in the animal shelter to kill the animals and that takes like an hour of suffering. I know about it because my mom gave her approval that the pound in Idaho ought to make me kill some shelter animals by gas chamber when I was a 10 year old child and I got really upset and tried to kill myself in the gas chamber along with the cat. I survived but the cats and dogs I was forced to kill did not. Since 1992 when I was forced to do that a lot of states have banned animal gas chambers but not this one and not this town. When I called the police to come stop people hitting each other, their kids and their dogs, they literally told me that they go home to hit their own kids and dogs so I need to stop reporting domestic violence and animal abuse to them. They also called me a schizophrenic and they said they do not help disabled people. I went to the police station to report and the officer kicked a police dog right in front of me. They are cruel and hate women and children. My friend got raped and defended herself and they arrested her and put her in jail and refused to give her the bipolar medicine she needed so she was running into the walls and then they strapped her to a restraining table and this hurt her and made her have a miscarriage. Now she hallucinates that she sees police all the time because of the trauma. She got raped by some other people too and then one o the rapists was threatening me and I knew I couldn’t rely on the police to help us so I tried to just tell the security staff at her apartment to take care of her as I knawed on my hands in fear and tried not to draw blood. The KKK is active here but so far I haven’t been raped my anyone. Anyway I don’t know what became of her, because the last I knew she was living with a rapist who took away her phone and I can’t get in touch with her anymore. :( She came from an abusive family of lesbians who beat her and tried to kill her so it’s not like she is able to reach out to family for support. I hope she found a shelter. I kept on sending her shelter links. I only got raped one time at a couple of shelters and not at all at some others (just had to deal with panic attacks and lots of death threats and horrible food and emotional abuse) so I was safer there in shelters than being put through rape every day by human traffickers who were making me lose lots of blood every day and trying to murder me every day.
So when the pandemic hit, I was really pleased to be able to move on campus where we have kind and responsible officers to take care of us and not a lot of violence. There is still lots of drug abuse on campus and that was giving me asthma attacks. But I have an air purifier now that takes the secondhand vape and smoke out of the air which is actually not allowed on campus. I wasn’t allowed to live on campus before, because they try to say that all non-freshman must live off campus, despite how violent and awful the town and the police and all the drug addicts living in all the off campus apartments are. So they took my money to live on campus because the freshman went home and they wanted people to pay them to live in residence halls.
Then I finally started to get a little help from medical professionals and got a letter stating my PTSD and need to be accommodated in class and in housing and I finally have a safe place to be. I have now been told I may have mild agoraphobia because of hard it is for me to leave the safe place I have found. Hopefully once I am done here, I can find another safe place to be and can still support my progress through academia to become a professor who works to save the environment and teach children and I can just be an asexual without any more bloodshed and torture heaped on top of me. I’m trying to make friends. I have two good friends that are treating me well and do not seem to be associated with any bad churches that want to hurt me or kill me. We find ways to worship God over the phone or just hang out and pray and talk together. We sometimes just hang out and hike. I spend a lot of time alone, trying to heal. I still need a lot of medical care that I am not getting and I keep not getting hired, so I can’t pay for it. I just did my appeal for SSI disability because I got rejected the first time. If I get SSI, then I can get Medicaid again. Right now, I’m not eligible and I got rejected. I feel pretty good and relaxed most of the time and I am working on my thesis to help homeless people experience nature mindfulness meditation so they can heal any broken bonds they may have with nature. It’s a qualitative study with pre and post interviews that will explore the relationships homeless people have with nature. I should be able to publish it in a sociology journal. :) We’ll see. I’m looking forward to helping them, so hopefully I have come somewhat full circle.
I hope the rest of my life is much more productive and I can teach a lot more people and avoid all the violence. So far I have taught about 7,400 children about nature and also English in my temporary seasonal jobs and really connect with them and have a positive impact on them despite bleeding and being tortured, and I was able to do a bit of substitute and assistant teaching during the 5 years of homelessness as a working homeless person living out of my SUV. So I know I have already impacted a lot of lives and helped the environment too. I will just be able to do so much more once the torture stops and I am accepted as I am. Christian vegan asexual kind creative powerful academic woman. I am going to try to get everyone into jail that I can who hurt me. This will help protect others. :)
Thank you for reading my story. :) Please share it. We should educate people about human trafficking and asexuality and aromanticism.
last thing on this Depp situation, I promise: the LGBTQ+ people defending him so hard are embarrassing because he has repeatedly shown his dislike of us with his biphobia towards amber and his misgendering of her trans friend including on the stand.
whether you think he’s innocent in this or not, he’s still a vile bigoted man. and while no one deserves false abuse accusations, making him out to be some pure innocent baby who has never done anything wrong is extremely questionable.
In addition to being biphobic/transphobic he’s also racist.
Johnny Depp started dating Winona Ryder when she was 17 and he was fucking 25 and he is literally known for dating women 20+ years younger than him, which is predatory as fuck.
