“Ο κόσμος αλλοίωσις, ο βίος υπόληψις.”

“World is decay, life is perception.”

“Do you miss me like I miss you?”

-Day 587

“I warned you

To the boy who fell in love with me

You can’t say I didn’t warn you

Can’t call me a bitch

Like I didn’t already you that I was one

I wear my story on my sleeves

It’s not my fault you didn’t read in between the lines

I told you not to love me

I told you I was known to flirt with others

You should’ve read the terms and conditions before you checked you accepted

Because I will lie straight to your face and kiss you all in the same breath

My favorite color is red

Because it matches the flags that I bare

I get pleasure from playing games

You shouldn’t have stray to close

Now you are entangled in this web

I will haunt you at every place that you go

Every song that you hear

I’m not one for love

I told you that to begin with

I told you I would break your heart

So don’t you dare say I didn’t warn you

Sincerely

The girl you’ll never forget”

-Day 586

“I both love you and hate you, and it’s driving me insane”

-day 585

“I’m sorry that I still love you”

-Day 584

“Break my heart”

-Day 583

“I created the monsters that haunt me and they will follow me until the end of time.”

-Day 582

“I keep dreaming of you and waking up sad because those dreams will never become reality.”

-Day 581

“I just want to feel like I matter to someone”

-Day 579

“You kissed me like you were desperate for that moment to never end.”

-Day 578

“How many lives do you think we have lived where we have loved each other”

-Day 577

I miss being a kid

When I was a young child, I told myself I wanted to live up to 100 years old— that was my goal. I wanted to live a long life. I was absolutely terrified of dying.

Ten years later and I’m begging the universe to kill me. I’m praying to God— if there even is one— that this will all end.

Honestly, I didn’t even expect to make it this far. I never thought I’d be able to see myself turn eighteen. I graduate high school in a month. I should be happy but I’m not. I feel so lost. I wasn’t planning on being alive for this long. I don’t know what to do, what steps to take, which direction to go— I’m lost.

Is anything even worth it? Should I keep on pushing? Should I go to college? Should I continue working?

Or will it all be a waste of time? “I won’t be alive in the next ten years so I guess nothing really matters.” I find myself often repeating that line.

That’s the thing about life though. You never know what the future will hold. Maybe I will be dead in the near by future. Or maybe I’ll be alive and finally happy.

The only thing I can do now is focus on the present. Let’s just hope I have enough strength to even do that…

This is a poem I wrote a few months ago for my creative writing class. I’m working on my mental health and I’m trying to better it. It’s hard though.

Anyways tell me what you guys think :/

——————————————————————

LONE

Inspired by the song, Snow by XXXTentacion

The world is in black and white

My own brain is against me in a fight

I think too much and it ruins me

I’m looking for any chance to flee

What’s the point in living if you’re already dead

I couldn’t wait to grow up but now I feel so misled

I’m scared to face the problem so I run away

Weight on my shoulders while my heart decays

The only friend I have is the reaper himself

My life is deteriorating along with my mental health

The thought of happiness scares me, beyond and above

I use people with the intention of feeling loved

It never works, I end it, I tell them they did nothing wrong

I feel so sorry that I stringed them along

They become hurt and angry, I know it’s my fault

I always make sure that I’m locked in a vault

I surround myself with strong walls

Walking through life while I stumble and fall

I will always be alone and that will never change

For I am a lone wolf, venturing the cold mountain range.

——————————————————————

I have spilled pieces of me that no longer breathed. I feel dead, inside and out. Yet I try to smile because I don’t want anyone to ask me what’s wrong. If only I had known what’s wrong, I might have done something about it. But I don’t know. So I live –like a burden upon myself.

I have to dream it all over again. I have to murder the old characters —the smiling faces. I have to envision a different story and paint a new picture. Same place. But a different soul to bond with. I have to let go of the part of me that existed in micro moments and flashes.

I chose a wrong path to infidelity. I tied my limbs to unbreakable bonds. I lost my breaths over moments that did not exist. I let myself burn in ashes and smoke away in ghosted air. I have been my own enemy.

a dream so beautiful it aches.

I have this vision that encroaches my mind like a pandemic. I am looking out the glass window -upon the tall buildings and bright, flickering lights from a dark bedroom dimmed with pure darkness. You walk to stand behind me, wrapping your careful hands around my timid waist. Your chin on my shoulder as we hear the entire world going silent. Everything in slow motion, everything vanishing in the background. It’s us against the world -just as we craved for. A dangerous feeling that makes us feel safe for the one and only time. We are here every night resting our realities to a graveyard where dreams live.

I am the sinner and the saint. I am the broken and the healer. I am the whimper and the laughter. I am the ocean and the sky. The day and the night. I am nothing. But I am everything.

I thought I had a shoulder to cry on.

Until I woke up and realised it was a frozen plank.