#deppresive

I’m going numb again.. I don’t want to but it feels like home..

Why haven’t you killed yourself yet?

No…. I’m not

You hurt me …

Soo I’ve been sick all day because of not eating and my man is stressed that its morning sickness but I dont want to tell him that its because I haven’t really eaten.

*what.do.i.do*

I just got engaged and my fiance is the one that helped me recover from my ED and I love him for that.

But two days ago I relapsed and he hasnt noticed yet and I’m soo scared of when he does… he’s going to flip…

I am currently in recovery and it has been really hard to stay off this site.

But…

someone had said something about my ED and I honestly dont know how I feel. One day I’ll starve and the next I’ll eat the proper recovery amount.

I dont know if I’m going to relapse or not and its scaring me.

I’m healthy right now, but…

I could be skinny and it’s all I have ever wanted.

• *help.me.i.dont.want.to.feel.*

I feel that in my SOUL.

Hello im looking for a friend who I can fast/restrict with. You have to weigh about 129-140 pounds, you have to be 12-14 years old and you have to live in the USA so are time won’t be so different. lastly you must be a girl!(because I’m a girl) If you want to be my friend just reblog this and tell me your weight,age sorry if that’s too much info. :/ Hope I can find someone!

I remember when I was 16. I stopped going to school and started just laying in bed. The only time I would get up was when I needed the bathroom or wanted to eat.

This one time, in a one sided argument, my mom said that she would love to be me, laying in bed all day, being lazy and doing nothing.

I don’t think she understood how fucking depressing it was to live life in a state of isolation and feel like you can’t escape it.

Laying in bed for days isn’t relaxing.

Doing nothing with your life isn’t peaceful

Being in a state of low-functioning depression doesn’t mean you are lazy.

Sometimes I woke up and forced myself back to sleep because I had no reason to be awake.

When I rolled to the empty side of the bed, my bones would crack, and my muscles would stiffen.

I couldn’t get comfortable at all.

I was dirty from going days without showering

I had to cut my long hair because it was so matted that I couldn’t even run a toothpick through it.

I was exhausted even tho I did absolutely nothing for the past couple months.

See, the fact that I was doing nothing made me feel even more hopeless about my future. The fact that I was doing nothing made me feel guilty and shameful.

I woke up everyday with a desire to die, because I knew I wasn’t going to make it anywhere in life.

The only distraction I had was my iPod.

Even switching through the same 3 fucking apps wasn’t fun anymore,

There was no joy, no happiness. No reason to live… and I think the thing that hurt the most was simply existing.

I don’t think my mom would have loved to be me…

Little did she know that the life she lived, was the one I craved, but also, the one I felt like I would never be able to achieve.

I often think back to those bleak times and wonder how I even made it through the day…but somehow I did…because now I’m in the student council for the high school that I will be graduating from this year…

I never believed in the light at the end of the tunnel until finally saw it for myself.

It just took some work :)

Did it hurt?

Did it hurt when you realized that the things you love the most are the things that others see as ordinary, not because you’ve learnt to see the beauty in the little things, but because they’re the things that no one will take away from you? Stars, the Moon, flowers, bees, puddles in the street… That you’re so broken that it’s the only thing you can truly, unadulteratedly love because everything else you’ve ever cherished has been cruelly ripped from your grasp?

Because it didhurtme.