#disorder
Anorexia is just me wanting so desperately to be skinny that I let a bunch of fifteen year olds on tumblr tell me I can’t eat bread
I was diagnosed at 13, wow! Right?
Young. My mom thought something was wrong with me. Took me to the doctors, ran test, asked questions.
Then DIAGNOSED.
I was sad, hurt, afraid.
DEPRESSED.
The pills came more an more.
I was confused, scared, manipulated.
BIPOLAR.
That was me.
At 13.Source- Ashley Tanner-Gordon
aka(Skinnyfitspofreak710)
I am a lot better now than before.
I have been off all the meds for a little over 2 years :) simplemindedsam
BODY IMAGE
People always ask me why I wear sports clothes all the time, I just say because they’re ‘comfortable’. But the truth about the word ‘comfortable’ runs a lot deeper.
For example today I needed to go out to the shops, I felt like wearing a pair of jeans, you know something different for a change. I put a pair on and a cute top, I looked in the mirror and felt disgusted, I hated how my legs looked in the jeans, my huge thighs, my stomach bulging through, my flabby arms… everything just looked HUGE.
I tried on a different pair of jeans…. nope still the same, I felt nauseous and couldn’t even see my face properly in the mirror, everything looked weird and not real. I could only see the imperfections of my body. I grabbed at my thighs, my belly, my arms, hoping they could just shrink.
I tried on a different top but I could see my belly and arms and they were huge and disgusting.
I thought about what the people in the shops might say:
‘Eww why is she wearing that, she looks huge’
‘Those jeans are too small for her fat ass’
‘You can see her fat belly through that top’
‘That outfit doesn’t go’
‘Those jeans aren’t in fashion anymore’
‘Has she looked in a mirror recently’
The thoughts go on….
So I take the clothes off, give up on the idea of jeans and put my sports clothes back on. Feeling disappointed in my weight and frustrated with my size.
It’s not that I think sports clothes make me thinner it’s just a comfort I have become used to. I know exactly how I feel in sports clothes, I love comfy trainers and I can always count on my black leggings to make me feel a little more secure.
This isn’t to make people comment and make me feel better about myself (you won’t anyway) but just a little glimpse into me feeling ‘comfortable’ in sports clothes.
I have struggled with body image from a very young age, I know many others who have and still do. It’s horrible and debilitating. From the moment I wake up to the time I go to sleep I think about my weight and my body.
Today I am in my sports clothes but one day I might be able to wear jeans and not hate what I see in the mirror.
I know for a fact that I haven’t ate anything today but I still feel so guilty and have a fear that I ate something with out realizing it.
Daily reminder that thick thighs only look godd on anime characters
I put everything I could into recovery and it didn’t work. Back to my normal (fucked up) self now. Where do I go from here?
That’s my problem: I think too much and I feel too deeply. What a dangerous combination