You live with your choices…

I Wanna Hold Your Hand

Pete hovers next to Lucius’ hammock playing nervously with the hem of his vest.

“What’s up, darling?” Lucius asks, not looking up from the book he pretends to be reading. The twitch of the corners of his lips betrays his amusement, though. Or is it excitement? Pete isn’t so sure.

He stares at the wooden finger on Lucius’ hand, his thank-you kiss still prickling on his lips. Lucius has never kissed him before. Not like that. Yes, his lips  have been in other places, but none of them had felt like this. Pete isn’t sure what to make of it or of the strange feeling dancing in his stomach.

This isn’t arousal. It’s weird. Softer, and still somehow stronger than the sometimes slow, sometimes fast ascent to erupting under Lucius’ ministrations. It’s been only Lucius for quite some time now. Not that they’re exclusive. At least Pete doesn’t think they are, it’s just…

Pete breathes a sigh.

“Want me to suck you off?” Lucius asks without preamble, his eyebrow arched in a way that looks more like an amused challenge than anything else. But it feels good, nothing like the men who thought him a good fuck but otherwise threw jokes at him. Pete didn’t even think about sex, looking at the man sprawled out before him. All he can think of are Lucius’ fingers on his cheek, tender lips kissing his, and the weird churning feeling whenever he so much as thinks about Lucius smiling at him.

“Nah. I…” He gets lost once more. What is this man doing to him?

“Wanna cuddle then?” Lucius asks and shifts in the hammock.

God, that sounds enticing. But Pete is a pirate. Pirates don’t cuddle, or do they? Not in full consciousness, at least. No one can blame them for snuggling closer through the cool night, but this? This feels dangerous. Just like whittling the finger. It’s the same strange mix of excitement, worry, giddiness, and fear of rejection.

“Come here, love,” Lucius says and pats the stripe of empty fabric next to him.

Love.

Is that what this is? Nah, it can’t be. Pete’s not a guy for stuff like that. He’s never been in love before. Sex was fun, but the rest looked rather tedious. Pete never understood the appeal of anything romantic. It creeped him out, really. Did the people around him make all that shit up?

His mother once told him that she and his father had been in love. Not that it had brought them any luck. Pete – much different than many men he had worked alongside – had never felt the urge to find ‘the one’. Did he stumble over him anyway, without even looking?

“I… I don’t know. I’m too heavy,” he says, feeling unusually insecure all of a sudden.

“You’re just right, darling. C'mere,” Lucius says and waves his hand invitingly. That strange feeling in Pete’s stomach grows like flames, licks at his insides, consumes him. Trembling slightly, he slips out of his shoes and next to the man who woke something inside him Pete hadn’t known existed for real.

They shift around, the hammock swaying precariously, but they manage. Pete ends up in Lucius’ arms, his ear pressed right above Lucius’ heartbeat. It’s quicker than it should be.

'Because of me,’ Pete thinks. He starts giggling. He must be going insane.

“What’s so funny?” Lucius enquires.

“Nothing,” Pete smirks. 'Just that I’m in love,’ he adds in his mind.

One day, he’ll tell Lucius. But for now, he’ll carry this newly discovered truth for himself, will nourish and cherish it like the sad plant they plundered. It’s his, and no one can take this away from him.

He snuggles closer and breathes a sigh when Lucius’ fingers brush over his head. He wants to hold Lucius’ hand, an urge so new it seems silly, but he can’t help it. He dares it, slots his fingers with Lucius’, and it’s glorious in its simplicity. He could do this for a lifetime.

Yes, Lucius is hot and cute, but he’s also tender and sweet. And if Pete’s not reading this wrong, he’s all his.

‍☠️ You can find more OFMD fanfics of mine here on ao3.‍☠️

I read my old blog today. It made me realise I will never forget my first love. Even when I am happy with someone new. Even when they are married with a kid. There will always be a part of me that longs for them and that is okay. 

Yuma - First Love Name

https://youtu.be/m7ekYANfIX8

I wrote a song about first love.

I always think of youth, but everyone thinks first love is special. ☺︎

“you were my first love and you always will be. i can’t say i don’t miss you but i cannot keep you here with me forever. the memory of the person you used to be is slowly fading and i’m starting to forget what it felt like to love you. what it felt like being loved by you. i see you with her and i resent you. i’m scared that my memories of you as my first love will be overshadowed by the destruction you caused in the end.”

— s.c. (accepting change)

Comic Book Review: The Chill

Comic Book Review: The Chill

Comic Book Review: The Chill story by Jason Starr, art by Mick Bertilorenzi

It’s 2009 in New York City and a series of bizarre ritual killings has hit the city. The obvious suspect is a woman named Ariana who’s been seen with more than one of the victims, but no one can agree on a description of her beyond that she’s extremely attractive. Police Detective Pavano is approached by an Irish cop…

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Maybe I’m defective

Or maybe I’m dumb

I’m sorry, so sorry for what I’ve done

Maybe I’m bad natured

Or maybe I’m young

I’m sorry, so sorry for what I’ve done

And I say honey what is love?

You just say I drink too much

I’ve always put my cards upon the table

Never be said that I’d be unstable

Just my immagination- The Cramberries

Le mie labbra

sono molto più belle

da quando hanno

baciato le tue