#forestcore
I love my yard ☺️
Today is one of those days where I just can’t seem to get moving. I’m just…tired.
Tired of being so stressed out. Tired because I get so anxious every year leading up to my birthday. Tired of not being able to sleep, or sleeping way to much. Tired of binging followed by days of not eating anything. Tired of feeling so inexplicably irritated by every inconvenience because of how many have stacked up over the course of years. Tired of the nightmares and the negative thoughts and the endless struggle to find the energy to do what needs done.
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On days like this, it’s important for me to step back from my own life. Sometimes I stop being able to see everything while standing in the middle of the storm. When I move away from it— maybe I take some time to listen to lofi and chill out, or do some journaling or house chores while mom isn’t home and I can think, or go take a long walk by myself— I have a chance to look at the world for what it is.
Yes, things are tough right now. Yeah, I wasn’t dealt the best hand in life leading up to this point. I’m covered in scars both inside and out and don’t get how to act or respond to most situations.
But I’m still so young!I’ve got so much more living to do. Things to see. Stuff to experience! I’m nowhere near the end of my journey. Hell, I’ve barely just begun.
I am insignificant in the grand scheme of things. A tiny bolt holding other gears in place. Sometimes that frustrates me and makes me flustered, thinking I can’t ever reach my goals due to my setbacks. And yet, if I, that little bolt holding things together were to disappear, so many other things far beyond me would fall apart.
Yeah, I’m humble in my existence because I am not a driving force of this world. But I am still a part of everything here. Connected to it, moving with its time, and woven into so many crossroads that affect everything else.
Every person I meet, I step into their lives, if only by briefly passing by them on the street. Every choice I make, I affect something else, even if only to influence my next move. Every experience I have, whether good or bad, spills ink onto the painting that is my life and draws another line in the image until my world is full of color and an infinite amount of intersecting stories.
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This world is not just built by those with power. It’s not just influenced by people how’ve made a major, mainstream difference. Everyone, including you and me, are a part of this world. The massive web of fate, weaving through the tales of our lives isn’t made to lock us in place, but to remind us that we are a part of it. We have a place in it, and no matter which role we choose to play, this place is still our home.
It’s okay for me to have bad days, to get angry and lose my cool for a while. It’s okay for me to take the bad with the good and learn from that. It’s okay for me to struggle and break and heal and grow. It’s okay for me to exist and dream of something more for myself and others.
Because even if I don’t accomplish those dreams, I dreamt them. Even if I don’t complete what I start building, I introduced it to the world. Even if I don’t convince everyone, I inspired someone who will inspire someone else.
And when I remember that, I don’t feel so tired anymore.
The sky very suddenly turned yellow. Now everything outside is tinted yellow. It’s quite pretty with all the mellow rain.
I haven’t posted my poems in a bit, so here’s one I just wrote for Ghostwriter. If you weren’t around when I began this project a little over a month ago, Ghostwriter is going to be a published collection of my poetry walking through my various emotions over the course of a few months. Because I personally deal with severe depression, anxiety, and a few other types of mental health struggles like OCD and paranoia, I wanted to convey both my hopes and fears through my poetry in hopes of spreading awareness of mental health as well as to give hope to those who, like me, struggle on a daily basis to crawl out from under the dark cloud hovering overhead.
This poem is about how hard it is sometimes to respond to friends when you are having a low period, and especially how difficult it can be to actually go out and do something. Obviously, as it is covid, I’m not out running around in the first place. However, even just answering messages is still sometimes avoided without me realizing I’m doing it. Usually, by the time I do notice, I’m already a couple days late and become afraid that my friends might not be happy because I didn’t respond right away. Logically, I know that’s ridiculous, but the thoughts are still there.
Because I know a lot of other people feel the same way about this kind of thing, I wrote this poem to convey that you aren’t alone, and for those of you who feel like you’re being ghosted, don’t give up. Because these ghosts can still be summoned, sometimes you just have to cut through the static first.
I love you all, and I hope everyone has a wonderful day today and everyday after. Let’s finish out this horrible year strong and work together to make 2021 a happier, safer time.
Blessed be!
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Waking up to the crows cawing is the best way to start the day!
It snowed again today; big, fluffy snowflakes. They fell for hours and are still falling now. But earlier, when the grass was still peeking through the white blanket accumulating on the ground, my mom and I went for a walk to get some fresh air.
As we were walking, we began chatting pleasantly about how easy it is to take each season for granted. Personally, I used to be very uneasy and displeased whenever summer approached, and for my mother that season was always winter. And honestly? I this past year has made me realize just how much I missed in life while thinking like that.
Because of the way I was thinking and the mindset I had chosen for myself, I was only seeing things how I wanted them to be and instead of for what they were. And when you look at anything through a lens of, “I wish things were this way,” you get stuck in an infinite loop of disappointment because obviously said thing isn’t going to fit in the perfect little box you’ve created in your mind.
This realization was why I’ve spent the last year being patient and observing things for what they are instead of what I want them to be. And what I found is that I became a lot more positive in response.
I wasn’t disappointed because I held no expectations to begin with. I wasn’t shocked and in distress when things suddenly changed because I wasn’t expecting anything to go as plan in the first place. I found myself more open, loving, and flexible than ever, and the only thing I actually changed about my life was that I changed one tiny aspect of my mindset.
It was a really cool experience to go through and was super beneficial in helping with a lot of the anxiety, depression, and other mental issues I’ve been dealing with for years.
If anyone would like me to make another post on exactly what steps I used to go about changing my mindset (because it’s not usually an easy-to-figure-out or immediate process), let me know!
For now, I love you all and wish you the best in each of your individual journeys and want to remind you that it is possible to heal from any wound. It just takes time, patience, and a little understanding. So be kind to yourselves, okay?
Blessed be, everyone!
Reading back through some of my favorite older myths, there are a lot of the “King in the Mountain” tropes where a great hero of yore doesn’t actually die, they just go chill somewhere until their given countries “time of need”. So like..the apocalypse is going to be pretty epic if any of these are true.
my blog has really been picking up lately and i just wanted to raise awareness around an issue in our community! cottagecore/naturecore/farmcore etc may seem fun and harmless, but there are a few things to remember.
for non-indigenous people in north america, we must remember that the land we are living on does not belong to us - it’s stolen. before settlers came to the americas the lands were thriving, and now farm industries are helping to destroy the environment that indigenous people are fighting to protect. instead of idolizing mass-production and farming practices that are harmful for the environment, you should research how the indigenous peoples in your area cared for their home and how colonizers have impacted the way we cultivate/care for farmland.
I ask that people also consider that these things didn’t just happen in America. A fuck ton of countries have their own indigenous peoples who have had to put up with their homes and livelihoods yanked out from under their feet. Most people remember what happened to Native Americans to some degree, but we need to be remembering everyone, not just the mainstream options.
And don’t forget that not a single scrap of grass on this planet belongs to anyone. It’s not that the land was “stolen”. It was that their HOMES were stolen. Their LIVELIHOODS were stolen. Their LIVES and HUMAN RIGHTS were stolen.
Personally, I think the best way to remember and respect these various indigenous peoples is to actually stand up and do something about it. Donate. Lobby. Speak up. Volunteer. Research what your local peoples need and deliver if you can. There are many options.
A lot of these groups are still being prosecuted and tormented to this day. This isn’t a past thing, it’s ONGOING and needs to be addressed and dealt with pronto.
The other thing I feel like I need to point out, is that it is MORE THAN POSSIBLE to lobby against and fight against big agriculture. It can be traced back to very specific companies. It isn’t a nameless, faceless entity, it CAN be killed. Cottagecore mainly focuses on living naturally and sustainably. Even if you can’t garden or raise livestock where you are, you can shop locally and ask questions. I personally believe both of these things are worth fighting for– both people, the earth, and general health and welfare. And the only way anything is going to change is if we actually DO something about it instead of just chatting.
Every time winter rolls around I start getting super sleepy…but the second the snow comes then I almost immediately drop into full-feral-solarpunk-activist mode and begin mass scheming for the coming spring and following growing season. There’s just something about everything outside looking like a big empty canvas that throws my brain into “must fill this expanse with life and positivity even if it kills me” ya know?
the moon is your night light. you feel safe
maybe you should lie in some grass and you’ll feel better
dark academia x forestcore
Fresh spring mornings in a countryside cottage.
Nature does not hurry and yet everything is accomplished.
- Lao Tzu
“I disappeared into books when I was very young, disappeared into them like someone running into the woods.”
- Rebecca Solnit
