#friendship

* 仲間 Nakama

i-write-whump:

When the whumpee and the caretaker aren’t talking because of an argument, and the whumpee gets captured by the whumper. The whumpee getting rescued by the caretaker and the rest of their team a few days later, and thinking that the caretaker still won’t want to talk to them. The caretaker surprising them by hugging them the first opportunity they get, and the whumpee breaking down crying, realizing that the caretaker was far more worried about their wellbeing than the stupid fight they’d had. The caretaker proceeding to fuss over them for a few days as they start to recover, and then the two of them talking about their fight once the whumpee is feeling up to it.

After a hefty streak of striking out, I figure it’s time to give my dreams of feeding my bing bang a break. I’ll get back to it, I’m sure, but right now, I just wanna have fun. There’s so few days of summer left, and I really need to maximize my tan so that yellow looks good on me right through the fall. (After that, I turn pasty, and have to return to my best colour, royal blue.) So I decide to use the powers that be. That’s right. Facebook.

I post a status:

“If anyone wants to take me to a cottage this weekend, I won’t stop you…”

And guess what? It worked. I got multiple responses! Ask, and you shall receive. I get this message from my friend Michelle. Well, to be honest, five days ago, she was probably more of an acquaintance- but a cool acquaintance I wished I knew better. I’m sure everybody has somebody like that in his/her life. She throws the perfect chance for bonding time at me. She invites me to ADULT CAMP!

Yes. Adult Camp. I never knew there was such a thing either. Let me clarify- this is not a camp where you go to learn how to be an adult (though I’m sure I need that camp too.) This is a camp where you can escape the city, and do all the things you did as a kid, but in your 20’s. (Or 30’s, as per me.)

I was too busy all summer to hit a cottage (nor can I afford one, obvi) so I check out the link she sends me – Two Islands Weekend Camp for Grown-Ups. Holy Fack! It looks awesome! A lake, canoes, kayaking, a water slide, paddleboats, yoga, ziplining, AND beer! I’m IN! Plus, I never went to camp as a kid. The closest my family got to camping was the Motel 6 in Grants Pass, Oregon. So for this weekend, I’m basically picturing the scenery of Camp Crystal Lake, minus Jason Voorhees. (Hopefully.)

As per any cottage-like adventure, the drive out of the city is the hardest part. The DVP alone is the reason somebody put the shotgun on the emoji pad. I’m sure of it. Both Michelle, and our driver are from Vancouver, so I know I’m going to take in some Surrey jokes. They insist they’re actually calling me “Siri,” though, cuz I’m navigating. They also point out that somebody in North Delta (that’s where I grew up) has the postal code that spells “vagina.” (V4G-1N4.) How have I never heard this before? I thought me and my friends from high school were the biggest pervs I knew? These are the exciting things you learn when you hang out with girls from West Van and Richmond. The car is full of laughter, and we’re only on Rosedale Valley road. A solid start to the weekend.

We arrive in Haliburton, at Camp Timberlane hours later. I actually get this nervous feeling, like most kids probably get when they go to camp. I don’t know anybody here. I hope people don’t think I’m a tool. I also hope nobody counts how many showers I take all weekend. (None.)

After checking into our adorable two-person cabin, we head up the main hall. There’s St-Ambroise beer, Rosewood VEGAN wine, Black Fly coolers, and Caesars made with Walters Caesar mix- an all-natural Clamato alternative. (I know we all need Caesars for our hangovers, but Clamato juice is loaded with MSG. I’m all about finding healthier alternatives to my lush lifestyle.) This is definitely NOT kids camp anymore. I grab an IPA, and head over to the table with the chips on it. Even if nobody talks to me, I can eat chips to look busy. As I hang, a girl comes up to me.

“Do you have a blog?”

What? YES! Oh my God! This is the most exciting moment of my life. (I believe this is what is called “Fangirling,” a new concept I facking love.) Somebody recognizes me from my blog! And a great ice breaker. Message to kids- have a blog before you go to camp. I now have a new friend, and I couldn’t be more stoked. (Plus this will back me off the chips for a while.) 

The food is definitely NOT like kid camp either. Obviously because we’re dealing with an adult crowd, we have a dozen different diets options. (When I signed up for the camp, under dietary restrictions I wrote: None. I eat whatever I want, then worry about it later.) There’s vegetarian, vegan, kosher, gluten-free, organic- there’s even coconut water! Facking coconut water at camp! Kale Caesar salad too. Check out my supper plate. Delish.

The night turns into a powerful dance party. Girls everywhere, dancing in the most comfortable clothes and shoes you’ve ever seen. Not your normal club scene. The only time a guy comes on to the dance floor, it’s only to clean up one of the drinks we spilled. I’m not gonna lie- I’m still a little stiff. If your moves on the dance floor reflect your moves in the bedroom, I can see why a lot of people would think I starfish. My new friend (Ronit) and Michelle are killing it on the dance floor. Who would have thought I would be taking dance lessons from a West Van girl?

Day 2 of camp is more of the same. Games, scavenger hunts (check out me and Michelle’s rendition of “Cups” on her Instagram @queenwestgirl – I personally think we nailed it, no matter how drunk we were.) As an adult, I notice I’m a much more patient S’more maker. I’m no longer in a hurry to roast my marshmallow. I keep it high above the flame, until it’s a soft brown, unlike when I was a kid and usually lit it on fire and had to blow it out.

Perhaps the most powerful moment of the weekend, was when one girl got her tooth knocked out during a game of Capture the Flag. She went to the hospital, and came right back to camp, laughing it off. She had the best attitude I’ve EVER seen. I think of how much I let little things bother me on a daily basis, and this girl loses a facking TOOTH and is like “Oh well.” It was a real eye opener. At the end of the day, we should all just be happy we have our teeth.

I made a ton of new friends this weekend. It’s weird- making new besties in your 30’s is actually probably harder than finding a date. But with lifestyle changes, moving cities, having kids, or having no kids, there is definitely an opening for new, non-kinky relationships in our lives. Most websites focus on finding love online (okay, maybe sex too, as per Tinder.) But there’s not a big selection of websites to just find somebody to shoot the shit with. As I said earlier, at the beginning of the weekend, Michelle and I were more like friendly acquaintances. Now, we talk openly about our bowel movements. (How I LIKE my friendships, yo.) I feel like I made a new BFF, as cornball as it sounds.

I think we all need a little more adult camp in our lives. We need to forget daily stress, internet haters, shoes that give us blisters, and go act like kids again. Oh, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t pack condoms for the weekend. Did I use them? Nope. But I did get drunk enough to wonder if I could turn one into a Diva Cup.

Using my fingers for things other than rings,

Walkinsauce.

krakensdottir:

whispsofwind:

finleycannotdraw:

kitcat-italica:

Valid take: Crowley fell in love with Aziraphale since he said he gave away the flaming sword, and has been holding out for that love ever since.

Also valid take, but less talked about: Crowley slowly fell in love with Aziraphale over the millennia, the same way Aziraphale did. Maybe with sliiiiightly more awareness of what was happening, because he doesn’t have as much repression and denial to wade through. But it still caught up with him unawares.

Hottest of hot takes that my brain won’t stop screaming about: the full force of Crowley’s feelings didn’t barrel into him like a flaming Bentley until Aziraphale gives him the holy water. That’s when it’s pedal-to-the-metal, no-stopping-this-beating-heart, holy shit I love him and he loves me, that’s what this has been this whole time.

Which means….AZIRAPHALE HAD HIS OH SHIT MOMENT….BEFORE CROWLEY

!!!!!!!!!!!

ANOTHER TAKE I SAW RECENTLY AND COULDNT GET OUT OF MY HEAD was that Crowley fell in love with Aziraphale at the wall of Eden, but he didn’t realize it until the BOOKSHOP FIRE

Which… makes sense because of the music changing from You’re My Best Friend toSOMEBODY TO LOVE.

So yeah, he was totally pining the entire time, and it was probably agony, but he didn’t know what he wanted that he didn’t already have.… until he thought it had been taken away for good.

That would imply Crowley had yet to realise it when they were with Warlock. In this scenario he thinks Aziraphale is his Best Friend, right?

Cue Nanny being quite worried when Warlock begins school, because surely 6 years old Warlock is way too young to have that kind of intense relationship

See, I don’t think Crowley has a hard distinction between friendship and romance. Like. How much basis for comparison could he possibly have? To him it’s just one long increasingly intense stream of emotional attachment, which begins when the angel proves just how different he is.

But it’s hard to pinpoint exactly when anything shifts, partly because there are so many gaps in their onscreen history. Like, for my money, he’s showing full-on affection and is at least somewhat smitten by the time they’re at the Globe, but there’s such a gap before then, it could have happened any time in the last several centuries. But there are definitely romantic overtones by then. He’s just so damn weak to those puppy-dog eyes.

As to when he realizes it, that’s a whole other question. But personally… again, I don’t think there was actually a big ‘aha!’ moment for Crowley. I’m inclined to think that epiphanies are more Aziraphale’s thing, and that Crowley’s been low-key aware of how he feels for a long time. Like after he saves the books, he ducks his head and avoids eye contact before walking away. I think he’s well aware of the gesture he’s making there.

There is a huge impact to the holy water scene, though. Because I think - just my theory - that’s when Crowley realizes Aziraphale loves him back just as intensely. Az has always been so reserved about their relationship, keeping a distance, using euphemistic language, and rarely making the big leaps forward; it’s almost always Crowley making a move. And yet here he is choosing to give Crowley this immense gift, out of sheer concern for his well-being, in the most personal way possible (a fucking tartan thermos), before dropping that absolutely LOADED line. Yeah. I think that’s when it hits Crowley that his feelings might actually be reciprocated.

A clear distinction between friendship and romance might not be sensible to a being of an inherently sexless species. Even if they can feel a human-like sexual attraction because of their human-ish bodies (which I’m not sold on at all), it’s probably not an instinct that comes to them naturally. They are clearly naturally affectionate, aka do form friendship bonds (at Eden they’re both still fairly uninfluenced by humanity, haven’t been incorporated long and both clearly show signs of liking each other one way or another), but does the distinction humans make make sense? What is a romantic relationship if you take away sexual desires and expressions of affection? People make it sound like friendship isn’t love. But it is. You love your friends, and you especially love your best friend. People who say a best friendship isn’t as close and intense as a romantic relationship might not actually have had a real best friend before.

But I want to make a point aside of frustration with our society’s looking down on friendships, and that point is that both “friendship” and “romance” are human labels, and what is considered appropriate under either of those labels has been changing alot in just the last couple of centuries of human history. Crowley and Aziraphale have been around for all this time.

Romantic relationships were not always the most intellectually and emotionally intimate relationship for people to have. For a long time, marriages were formed not by affection, but primarily by political and financial concerns. To make sure there were heirs, to combine two farms or kingdoms, that sort of thing. You could hope to get along well with your spouse, and some spouses certainly grew to love one another, but marriage was often a bond made for practical considerations, rather than emotional ones. If you were a king or duke or whatnot, you might have an affair with someone you loved. The normal peasant couldn’t afford that sort of thing in the long run. Lots of trouble. Friendships and familial relationships like those between siblings were what you got your closeness and support from, either instead of or in addition to your marriage.

For a long while, people romantised friendships the way today’s culture romantises romance. Have you ever read epic Irish folk tales, stories of blood brothers and what we today would probably describe as platonic soulmates? Or for example the late 19th century novels of German author Karl May, full of characters in life-long best friendships that today’s readers will interpret more as queerplatonic partnerships or as homoerotic subtext, depending on how they squint at the text? Or the full blown love letters adressed to friends they found from the 17th to 19th century? At this time, in Western culture the concept of a “romantic friendship” came up, a relationship type that some researchers think has existed before, but then became more visible, because romantic relationships (the modern interpretation of them) came more into focus and especially physical affection between friends started to be considered weird (a trend that ended in what we have today).

Today, if you want to cuddle a best friend or hold their hand or share a house and a life with them, you’ll have to negotiate the relationship terms, because right now these things are monopolised by romantic relationships. That was not always the case, and it’s probably worth noting that it isn’t actually very healthy for humans to live that way. We’re capable of lots of different loving bonds and to limit emotional intimacy to one type of them might be one reason we have things like today’s loneliness epidemic going on.

But the point was historical relationship types.

Some of these historic close friendships were certainly homosexual partnerships hidden in more or less plain sight, but that doesn’t change that for centuries, it was quite normal to be a lot more affectionate and emotionally open about your close friendships. Crowley and Aziraphale casually reference events from hundreds of years ago. Time means little to angels and demons. The by comparison rapid changing of human relationship labels must be all sorts of confusing.

Is it surprising that Crowley doesn’t have a clear distinction? Or, that he chooses to call his attachment to Aziraphale “best friend”? It’s the much more long standing term for what they have. Angels/demons seem to naturally form friendships, so it’s probably a concept he was familiar with already (there were probably friendships between angels in Heaven before the Fall). And as a being to whom human-ish attraction of a more sexual nature might well not come naturally, he’s stuck observing humans and their relationships to make sense of the terms they use. Now, especially considering the history, observe a close knit friendship and a romantic relationship. What’s the difference? It’s not the emotional closeness. It’s more like the physical expression (kissing, sex).

Crowley and Aziraphale don’t kiss and have sex. At least not on screen. Whether or not they will do so after Armageddon isn’t relevant to the time during the series. Crowley looks at his relationship with Aziraphale, and goes “yes, he’s the most important being in my life, I’d do anything for him, he knows me best out of everyone in existence, even if the whole world ends in a puddle of burning goo, he’s what I’ll try to save, without him my life is meaningless, but we don’t kiss and don’t fuck” and concludes “best friends!” It makes sense, doesn’t it?

Excuse me for rambling. The above points aside, I do agree that Crowley grows to love Aziraphale slowly and over time, but is definitely at a near present day level of affection for him at the globe. He’s looking at him so fondly, and yes, so weak for the puppy eyes. (Which isn’t necessarily a romantic thing either; I’m super weak for puppy eyes from my sister and my best friend, and reasonably weak for it from other friends, so weakness to manipulation by puppy eyes is probably individually different and Crowley might just have a bad case of it.)

But I’ll buy Crowley being in love one way or another at the globe, and the thermos being his moment of “wow, he likes me back”.

You know this..you’ve been there once, yet you just can’t walk away from it.. It’s like a magnet that keeps pulling you back, you try to fight it back but in vain. You let yourself drown in again, knowing that it’ll hurt in the end. You’ve always been there for that person, ready to do anything for him/her, yet this always seems to be not enough.. You try your best to be the one that the person needs yet when they find someone else they leave you and when they’re left they come back to you..and you let them back.. It’s like you are an object that they use as and when they need but you just seem unable to walk away from them though being fully conscious of the situation..