The best love stories are the ones which lasts enough for you to love and find yourself and ironically they are also the worst.

The absolute worst part of depression? Even tho you know you’re depressed, you’re unable to stop yourself from getting worse.

I overthink because I know how replaceable I am. I’m no one’s first choice or anything special to someone, I am nothing.

If I’m having a panic attack or if I’m telling you how sad I am or how I actually feel. Try a hug. It’s mental illness. Mental illness. Mental illness. It’s not like “my daughter feels horrible about herself, let me hug her.” It’s “Take your medicine!” It’s “Do you need to go to a hospital?” It’s mental illness before it’s me.

I wish I could look at myself in the mirror without being disgusted at what I see. I can tell my friends to be strong and to love themselves but I can’t do it myself. I feel worthless. Like I don’t deserve to be loved.


When your whole world revolves around one boy, but destiny sets you with a unexpectedly expected man.

Pairing:Yoongi × reader ft. Jimin

Genre:brother’s friend, only old crush, heartbreak, college oc au.

Summary:you’re over him, a new world sets in front of you. But the heartbreak you both got at the same time is not what you have had thought of. It must be the destiny to set you with your only old crush Yoongi. But still you ain’t prepared for the third heartbreak in a row, what if he breaks your heart again?

Warnings:fluff, mild smut, angst, heartbreak, like flooded with tears, oc is so sweet, confusion, misunderstanding,  crush , breakup, traitor, betrayal, brother’s bestfriend, roommate, college oc, angst shower smut, smokey, dirty talk, seokjin is oc’s brother, he’s a dick, yoongi is a Heartbreaker, jimin is also a dick, expectations ruined, one-shot.

Word limit:6.5k

Author’s note :besties, here’s the new fic of Yoongi. Spare sometime of your to read this piece of beauty and let me know if you guys need a part 2 and how much you loved it. Kindly apologizing for not editing it cause it’s already so late. Remember I always love you <3



“I’m done with you, dude.” You screamed at your brother and ran into your room. You have been mad at your brother since so long. You both never get along. Fights, quarrelling and being mad at each other is both of your favourite things. You never want to live with your brother during your college years but only for the sake of your parents you were there sharing apartments with your brother. If you get any chance you would change your apartment.

“Stop overreacting, I’ll be home till night. Enjoy yourself.” Your brother said slamming your door. He was never in the house, always out there having fun with girls, alcohol and money. This is what he called life and you totally were different from him. You’re more conserved, introverted and only allow certain people in your life. But here you’re happy that atleast the whole house is yours now. You can watch Disney weird fantasy movies or eat pineapple pizza without being judged. At night after he left for partying you ordered a big size pizza and started watching the saddest movies to cry.

At the mean time of your crying session, you heard a ding bell sound at the doorstep. It’s almost two at the morning and you were confused who’s now. But at your surprise it’s you brother walking inside the house with one more person just like him. You saw him, but he was head down walking inside but you guessed it right. In the black jacket it was Min Yoongi. Your brother’s friend or kind of used to be classmate. You have been seeing him from the starting years of college. And now you’re almost at the end of the year. The person right before seems sad and num. But it was not a surprising thing cause everytime you meet Yoongi he looks so sad and calm. No emotions can be read from his expression.

“I guess you’re too early to come home!” You glared at your brother who settled himself at the couch, beside him Yoongi takes his sit.

“None of your business, girl. And why are you up this late, huh? Again watching your weird fantasy movies.” Your brother hummed.

“Yo, bitch. Don’t interfere in my life. Just go, I’m in the middle of something.” You ranted.

“Y/n language! Haven’t you seen Yoongi sitting right here? A guest is in the house and you’re talking to me like this?” Your brother glared. Yoongi just scoffs still head down.

“Let me clear this to you. Yoongi’s girlfriend kicked him out of there shared apartment. So, for few days or weeks he’ll be here with us until or unless there fight get resolved.” He said.

“None of my business though.” You rolled your eyes still focussing on the television screen.

Yoongi in his deep voice “we soon gonna be together again. Thanks Seokjin for giving me shelter.” Both of the boys then straight up walked into the rooms and you were there ending the last scenes.

From the starting years living with your brother Seokjin, you always met with all his friends. Yoongi was also one of them. But he was the one whom you talked the most in his group circle. Yoongi seems so calm and intelligent to your eyes. He was also a good listener while a great adviser. You both added each other in every social media platforms you were present. You almost talked with him daily the past years. But the sudden change that developed in him was still unknown to you. You didn’t get what ghosted him but this past few months he randomly stopped talking to you. No in person talks, no messages or neither calls. He even blocked you from all his social medias. You thought he was mad at you for something but you never get it for what. You tried asking him what’s the matter of not talking or having no contact with you randomly. But he never answered it in a right way. Neither did you exaggerated the matter. As told you were very picky about the people in your life. If somebody don’t want to have contact with you then it’s his loss. You’re always there to help anyone and everyone you know.

The very next day, you were excited to meet with your new crush Jimin. He’s new to your campus for few months and you both became good friends with eachother. He seems so cool to your eyes. Never did you think of dating anyone from your college but if it’s about Jimin then you can’t say no to it. He’s kind and fun guy to goof around. But the thing that make your heart flutter was his flirty side. The way he acts like he’s in love with you with all his picky lines on you. You can’t denied that you liked it, really every much. Your heart always pound whenever he goes all flirty with you. But you also can’t deny the fact that he seems flirty with all the other girls in the campus. Kind of like the new fuck boy in the college. Sad for you that at last you did fall for the flirty kid.

“ Jimin! How’s your day going bub?” You yelled at Jimin who was standing there flirting with some other girls.

“Y/n beautiful! You’re becoming more beautiful day by day.” Jimin walk up to and said.

“Ahh you boy! Shut up. Any plan for this weekends?” You asked.

“As you know our college last year gonna end in this month. So, I’m quite busy.” Jimin sighed.

“Yeah, but I’m excited for our graduation day. But Jimin I’m gonna confess something before our graduation day to you.” You whispered in his ears.

“Oh-okay. What’s it about can I ask?” Jimin hesitantly said.

“Meet me at the basket ball court at evening in this weekend. Okay?” You excitedly said.

“I-i will be there. But if anything necessary then you can tell me now.” Jimin asked.

“Patience Jimin. Don’t forget to come.” You winked at him and walk straight up to your house.

You were really happy that finally after taking a whole one year you now gonna confess to Jimin. Your heart saying that he gonna accept you but your brain already shown you some red flags. But you just ignored it. After denying for so long, now your feelings for him was strong and directive. You can sense it. Before the end of the graduation day you decide to confess the feelings. As you believe in ‘if you like someone, let them know how you feel for them’ philosophy.

You open the door of your living room, at your surprise a whole shirtless Yoongi was sitting at the couch watching his favourite football. His dark strands of hair was wet and a towel was hanging at his shoulders. The track pants which he was wearing was quite unrecognisable as the only thing you concentrated was on his pale smooth white skin. You can’t deny his beauty. He was unknowingly beautiful. His cheek bones, cat eyes and gummy smile. At the sound of the door he quickly trail his eyes on you.

You screamed “dress up, you naked man.”

Yoongi just rolled his eyes on you and put on his shirt and said “I’m not even naked. Haven’t you seen a shirtless man before?”

“S-sorry sir! But I’m not habituated to see a whole naked man in my house everyday.” You hesitantly exaggerated your words and sit at the corner couch.

“Then get habituated.” He said with a straight face almost focused on the sports.

You don’t seem to reply at his last words. Your eyes trail down to find your brother, who was nowhere in the house. You already figured it out again that he had gone to somewhere as most of the time he was not home when you came back from college.

“Have you seen my brother?” You asked Yoongi.

“I don’t know might me out of the home.” Yoongi said. Your inner brain was screaming that you also know that when Seokjin was not at home he was probably out of the house. You sighed at his words.

Hearing your frustrated sound, Yoongi looked at you and goes like “you can watch now, I’m good at the room.” And he get up from the couch and walked towards the room.

“hey! Yaa! Stop, you can watch. I’m not frustrated because of you. Come here.” You yelled at him.

Yoongi calmly come and sit at the exact spot. You were constantly looking at him but he say no to eye contact. With his baby eyes he was looking at the screen. The surrounding filled with the whistle of football match. You don’t know what to say to him. You were still thinking of starting a conversation but you don’t know how. But you want to ask that person beside you that why he was ignoring the hell out of you. You missed him, you accepted. Before even catching those feelings we cuts you off. You already added him in your good relationship bucket list. But he tend to follow the opposite both. Your eyes are kind of stuck at him without even realising.

Yoongi scoffs “you can stop staring. I’m feeling uncomfortable.”

His deep voice fetch you to the reality and you stumbled “umm.. i-i was just. S-sorry, can we talk?”

For the first time Yoongi’s eyes lands on you. You both made an eye contact for mili second until or unless Yoongi broke it. He goes “for what? I think I should go.”

“This is what I’m talking. Why did you just cut me off from your life, Yoongi. I mean what’s happened suddenly you stop talking to me?” You sighed.

“Is I’m not talking to you now?” Yoongi glared at you.

“You also know what I’m talking. You blocked me from every social media handles. Even you didn’t replied my texts. Why are you mad at me, Yoongi?” You said with a worried face.

“I was quite distrub from the past months. Might be because of that. We’re good.” Yoongi cleared it.

“No, we ain’t. The past months you only ignored me. I saw you attending each and every party. And you’re looking quite happy at that time” Your voice raised.

“Tell me, why you want to talk to me? Why you need me? Why you can’t resist me? Is you’re feeling for me? Do you wanna have something with me?” Yoongi screamed some unusual questions which you never thought of.

The question stuck to your head. When he asked you all this, you also questioned yourself. Why actually you want to talk to him. You realise you’re expecting something from. But it was also right your heart carries some part of love for him at that time might be now too. But the way Yoongi yelled at you, you’re expecting that.

“Min, are you okay? Is everything good? I know you and your girlfriend have a fight going on and I know how you feel. But that doesn’t mean you would shout at me like that.” You sighed.

“No, I’m not okay, y/n. I don’t know what’s happening. I can’t understand my feelings right now. My girlfriend is cheating on me at one hand and at another my feelings are growing for someone else. It feels like I’m cheating. But I ain’t a cheater, y/n.” Yoongi broke down. His deep voice mixes with some tearing emotions but he tried hard to not express.

Yoongi feels like he was the cheater because of you. The truth is he really likes you. That he can’t resist to talk to you. That whenever he saw you, he wants to wrap you around his body. Even when he have a girlfriend, you filled him with joy. Even having someone to love, he need you to be in love. You make him go crazy. But he knows it’s all wrong. That catching feelings for someone else instead of having a girlfriend is wrong. So, the best solution he found was to cut you off. Only for this reason he stopped talking to you. You feels like a complete stranger to him.

Still it didn’t work. At the times he talked to you he always stay happy and focussed but after cutting you off he seems sad most of the time. Also he feels so frustrating at times and fight with anyone and everyone he saw. That’s also a reason that after stop talking to you he and his girlfriend have fight most of the time. And after a long series of fighting and quarrelling with each other, his relationship becomes toxic as hell. He wants to scape out of the place. So, he did. But destiny have different plans, after pushing you so far. Atlast he came back at your arms only. Now, he was sitting beside you. You’re trying your best to confront him.

“Min, calm down. I’m here. I’ll not abandoned you. Tell me everything.” You quitely whispered in his ears while talking his hands on yours. His cold hands fit yours and it felt good.

“Thanks y/n. Sorry for everything I did to you. I’m the worst. I broke your heart and I also cheated on my girlfriend. Even though I know she was cheating on me since so long.” Yoongi calmly put his each word.

“No, you’re best. She’s cheating on you first. And feeling for someone else doesn’t make you cheater, Min.” You confronted him.

“You don’t understand. Right now in my life, I want somebody to hold be tight, to love me like I do and to protect me. No one in this earth loves me.” Yoongi frustrated and smack the pillow beside him.

You can’t hold how sad and frustrated he was that time. You never have seen him in like. He was broke, totally broke. You glanced at him and hugged his huge posture which was unstable. But with presence of your hugging body it get calm and the huge body turns down to small. He completely fitted between your arms. You patted his back, he didn’t argued to back off from the hug neither did he hold you back. You were just there holding him and confronting him. Seeing him like this you also got broke.

“I’m here, Yoongi. See, I’m holding you, loving you and even confronting you. Don’t even say those words. I care for you.” You said calmly still holding him in your arms like a baby.

His cologne smells like you’re in a mountain and forest. With each time going you like wrapped him around. He quietly sitting like a baby.

“Remember if the relationship is getting toxic, calls it a off. And if you like someone else and your feelings are genuine then let the person know it. Tell her that how much you feel for her. I know you will.” You geniunely said. He back off from your hug and nodded it a yes.

“And what if the person seems so close to me that knowing I like her, she’ll be surprised. And she also broke my heart.” Yoongi asked.

“I promise she’ll not. Just be brave and tell her your feelings. Not all people are heartbreaker like you.” You giggled to calm the situation down.

“You aren’t a heart break, huh?” Yoongi asked and you laughed at him.

As the atmosphere becomes a little lighter Seokjin your brother walks inside the room. Unknowingly you were around Yoongi’s arms and he was half heartedly hugging you. As your brother entered you both sit apart acting like nothing happens.

You glared at him and shouted “where were you brat?”

Seokjiin narrowed his eyes “language! You don’t need to know that. But let me tell you, for the rest of this week days you have to be alone as I’m leaving for a business trip.”

You excitedly said “really? Thank god! I’ll have my alone time now.” You love to be alone and as said you hated your nosy brother.

Seokjiin frowned “hold on girl! Don’t ever dare to think of bringing your boyfriend Jimin at this house.”

He then looked at Yoongi and goes “Min, can you please have an eye on my little sister. Don’t let her bring any boy.” Yoongi nodded but with a confusing face.

The last time your brother was not home, you bring Jimin and some of his other friends in your house. And to be honest it was a disaster. Next day your house smells like a pond of alcohol and smoking junction. Unfortunately your brother comes home at the wrong time and see all of those. He even saw how Jimin flirted with you and from then onwards he hated him.

You yelled “he isn’t my boyfriend.” But you slowly whispered to yourself “but he’ll be soon.”

“It’s better if he’s not. That boy is a dick. If you ran around him like that he surely gonna break your heart. Cut him off from your life.” Seokjiin said as packing his stuff.

“None of your buisness, brat. Have fun weekends. Me and Yoongi will also have fun.” You laughed devilishly.

Seokjiin moved all his clothes and necessary things in his suitcase and you say a bye to him. Well, sometimes you love your brother in real. But most of the time you hate him because of him being correct always. As for now, he already predicted that Jimin gonna broke your heart but you know Jimin really very well. He’s a sweetheart in your eyes who is so soft to broke anyone’s heart. This time you gonna prove your brother wrong by confessing Jimin. Your guts were telling you that your doing something right and should go on.

You two were alone in a house full of rooms. But it didn’t feel different as Yoongi entered in his room as soon as Seokjin left and you all visited your room to complete graduation studys. You were quite pressurized for the day but happy that you gonna confess to Jimin tomorrow. A perfect proposal you dreamt of . Long basketball court where you and he will be standing all alone and some butterflies kicking in your stomach.

Here Yoongi in his room ingrossed into his long fluffy blanket. His mind was full of you. He can’t stop thinking about you. All he need is you and you. His heart was playing some sort of games to go in your room and kiss your lips. When you were hugging me in the couch his eyes were constantly trailing down to your lips. He can’t resist his desire to kiss on that peach soft lips that taste like berries. He already know how you’ll taste. Your fragrance, soft skin, long finger, smooth hairs drives him crazy. It’s not like he was attracted to you for the first time . Whenever you come nearer to him, he can sense his hormones bobbing out of his nerves. He liked you, he knows. The only thing that stopping him was his bothered self. He wasn’t sure if you also feel the same, but he knows you feel the exact same. Without resisting his desires he got straight up from the bed and walk up to yours.

You were strolling down your eyes within the gigantic piles of pages right before you. He peep through the door to see your face. Your hair strands lacking his view and your frustrated face increases his rage. He liked you, he can’t see you like this. He does a sigh sound closing his eyes, which shifted your attention. You were no longer interested in your books but the person peeping you through the door interests you more.

You calmly open the door and whispered in his hear “do you need something, Yoongi?”

He got shuttered to your cat voice and stumbled “umm.. y-no. Actually you look so frustrated!”

You does a small laugh and said “graduation studies! It’s frustrating.”

He nodded his head looking at the floor and then said “if you’re okay, then we can watch some movies?”

You frowned your eyes in a playful manner “i can’t say no to you but -”

Yoongi intreuppted you “no buts. Living room in 10.” He turned to his room.

You chuckled on his cuteness. Well, if Jimin didn’t entered your life then Yoongi have been the one you would die on. You liked him from the every first of your college days. You haven’t met anyone as calm and as loyal as him. But presence of his girlfriend broke you down. You don’t want to interfere in his relationship. But as for now, he was in a verge of breaking up with his girlfriend. If you still have that active Yoongi loving bone in your body then you would have said everything to him. But fate have different plans.

The couch was cozy, the room was dark with various beam of light from television echoes. Freash buttery popcorn lined by your side. You were half lying on the couch beside Yoongi who was calmly looking at the movie you choosed. For sure you have your own romantic taste in movies. And he can’t say no to you. You were stealing some glance of him in the name of watching movie. He’s ethereal. You again felt the same butterflies when you used to talk to him. Again the feelings were kicking your stomach. You are liking it. Your sudden urge to touch him filled your heart but your mind keep debating about Jimin.

“Yoongi!” Your soft voice echoes the background.

He looked at you but his eyes were on your peack lips “umm…?”

“Are you liking this movie? If not then we can change it.” You hesitantly said.

“Loving it so far. Romance is never my thing but you made it mine now.” Yoongi softly chuckled again stick his eyes to the screen. But the one thing you don’t know that his focus never shifted from you. He also sees how badly you want him but no one makes a move.

“Can you pass me the blanket, Min?” You again grapped his attention. He gently took the blanket and cover your legs and torso. You both were just centimetres away. You shifted a little close to him to feel the heat. He smiled at you.

“Thanks, Min. You want the blanket?” You asked nervously. Without any hesitation he unfold the whole blanket and cover both you. You gently smiled at him. There was a big silence echoing your heart. You want to make the move to kiss him, to touch him and to play with his hairs. And that was when stopped when you actually did while there was a kissing scene going on .

You gently grapped his thighs and rubbed it slowly. “It’s cold here.” You slowly yet seductively said.

“Umm! Yes!” He nodded and pressed his cold hands on your bare legs. He also does the same thing you did.

But soon his hands trail upward inside from your loose shorts. He’s circling inside your inner things. His finger nails form a line in your inner thigh. You were loving that feeling. As soon as you put your hands out of his thighs, he makes a unsatisfied sound.

“Umm?” You looked at him innocently with a devilish thought. Both of your eyes met at once.

“Can I kiss you?” You hesitantly asked.

As soon as you ended the sentence his lips are already on your neck. This smooth lips does a great job in your bare neck area. He was gently kissing , devilishly sucking and you were pleasantly moaning his name. He kissed your collar bone and your pale skin turns to violet in seconds. He pressed you in the couch and lean over you. But you want his lips on yours.

The moment was made for Yoongi, he slowly takes his time to respond each and every moans of your. His lips were playing with your skin. Happily sucking each corner of your neck. Soon the realisation stuck him and he was now concentrating on your lips. Took a few times to glance at your lips while massaging your hair with one hand. He pressed his lips on your sharp jaw line. You were enjoying ever bit of it.

'Jimin’ this name echoed in your brain. That few minutes you can’t proceed, before you it was Yoongi but your heart his on Jimin’s hand. You can’t betray him like this. You have a deep feeling for him. You thought you were doing wrong, it was wrong. You can’t sleep with anyone like this. The realisation make you push Yoongi so hard.

He was at a verge of kissing your lips but the sudden push was unexpected for him. He got shuttered and hold the other side of the couch. He looks at you in a awe. You were looking at him in a deep guilt. Your face was telling you that it was wrong.

“What’s happened?” Yoongi innocently asked and came forward to you.

“Don’t touch me! It’s wrong.” You yelled at him as you run towards your room.

You heard him shout at you for what’s the matter or why you suddenly reacted like that as you’re the one you wanted all of this. But blaming and treating him like that, he felt so miserable. He realised that you ain’t the random hook up for only one night but he carries deep feeling for you. He should be sorry, he was wrong he accepted. But reacting like that was so astonishing for him.

Yoongi pushed your door and shouted for you. But there you were lying senselessly at your bed. Your face was pale and heart with a heavy weigh of guilt. You shouldn’t act like a kid. You wanted all of that, you started it and not him. You were wrong, but you haven’t the courage to tell him why you did that to him. Maybe tomorrow, you can tell him that Jimin was all over your head that time.

“Yoongi, can I explain this to you tomorrow. Please, leave me alone.” You yelled at him across the door.

Yoongi sighed “sure, I also have something to explain you. I can wait.” And he sadly walked at his room.

The whole night Yoongi’s mind keep on thinking about you. He can’t any more relay his feelings to himself. He needs to tell you what he feels for you. That he don’t think you as a one time hook up but a forever home. He decides to tell you his genuine feelings tomorrow as soon as you’re good to talk to him.

Tomorrow arrives, your guilt was eaten you up badly. Without wasting your time you walked to Yoongi’s room. You already prepared your words what you will tell him. That you like Jimin and that you can’t break his trust. Also you should be sorry for the last night because you make a move first but you were also the same person who weirdly ran off without saying anything.

“Yoongi! Can we talk?” You said glancing at the floor that shows you felt guilty.

He was still on his bed half asleep, in his rapsy voice “are you okay?”

“Y-ye.. n-no. I’m not. I really felt so bad for last night.” You stumbled.

“It’s completely okay. Consent is more important than anything. But -” Yoongi got intreuppted by you.

“No, I want to do. I mean I’m sorry. There is a reason why I didn’t want to have anything now with you.” You slowly mumbled.

“I understand. I’m good, don’t worry.” Yoongi yawned. You felt everything goes back that it use to and you left for your college. But the midway of his room Yoongi called you again.

“Excuse me, if you’re not in a hurry can I tell you something?” Yoongi was no more a half dead human but his tone shifted to seriousness.

“Sure, anything important?”

“Well, let’s have a sit. It’s important for me.” You sat at the edge of his bed.

“Oh! You okay?”

“Something is really eating me up, I don’t know how to tell you but I think I really feel attached to you. You does feel home. Always I think about you. You keep buzzing inside my head. I feel for you… Deeply.” Yoongi patiencely confronted everything. His eyes were glancing at your bracelet as he is bad at making eye contact.

Your eyes were no longer want to hide but you without blinking looked at his pale fluffy face. He like you, he mean he really feel for you, in real. The topsy turvey land appears infront of you. Just right now, you were going to confront to Jimin about his feelings and before that someone else did to you. The heart inside knows that Yoongi never jokes around, he say what he feels. But he still didn’t broke up with his girlfriend and what about those days when he completely cuts you off. You remembered all of this.

“Oh! I-i … Are you serious? You never even want to talk to me. You ignored me, remember?” You ranted angrily.

“Yes, I do ignore you but you know what’s the reason? I feel attracted to you, I can’t resist to talk to you, I always think about you and your little things hurts me easily. But I don’t want to cheat on my ex girlfriend so I simply say a goodbye. Though after all these months you can see where I’m!” Yoongi put over his point nonchalantly.

“Ah! Yoongi? You did all these because of some unfelt feelings! At last you need to tell me. But this is too late. I already feel for someone else.” You nervously ended your words.

“I understand but don’t you also feel the same way at some point? Don’t you also feel attracted towards me?” He passionately glance at you, his high voice pitch echoes all through his room.

“What if I used to do? Now, things are changed.” You screamed.

“Nothing changed. You still have feelings for me. Or else you would not want to fuck me!” The total atmosphere shifted into a peeaceful procession. Yoongi ranted the words which are harsh and real. You do feel the same way he does, but what about Jimin. God have a sinful duty to only designated single soulmate to oneself. You feel for true and you ain’t a traitor.

“Don’t you also? What are you doing at your so called friends house cause your girlfriend kick you out. And middle of your break up you’re hitting on your friend’s sister. Also trying your level best to make her fall for you.” You calmly stated. But your neurons are burning inside.

“And she’s falling for me? Isn’t she?” Yoongi in the heat of the debate flirtatiously walked up to you.

“Yes, she did. But I know I’m not a traitor like you. Now fuck off. Also today I’m gonna confess to Jimin. Pray that he also likes me. Now, good bye.” You pushed Yoongi out of your sight and walk up to the main door.

“May Jimin and you never meet again.” Yoongi chuckled at his words. You only rolled your eyes and left for college.

Fall of the darkness after a heavy heart break take lots of sadness. That numb cold weather with a wreaking heart gives shivering pain in your wholesome heart. You didn’t expected that, you never thought that but initially it happened. He said the most cruel words you never even thought he would know. You cried for the last time he did said 'goodbye’ not with a smiling innocent face but with a smug showing he played with your feelings. The words ’ I’d never even thought of you around my arms’ was spitted  by Jimin. He betrayed you. But the last line stuck to your soul 'do you think I would let you suck my dick, y/n? Haven’t you seen yourself! You’re a pity. Go find someone else to do this shit. Good bye’ and he smirkingly ended your beautiful and hopefull day.

You cried under the dark and cold rainy evening. You just want to ran into your bed and cried for hours that you’re wrong. The heavy rain drenched all your clothes and you. Without waiting for the bus you walked down all the street still numb and overthinking in your head. No one loves you right now, whom do you want to live for? Under the nature’s water your own tears vanished.

It take no time to measure your home distance. You shut the door so loudly that you also got out of those painful thought. You are broke, your heart is. The pain has no bounds. The drenched clothes can’t match your drenched soul. Already the winter rain is eating you up but you need more coldness to be out of this burning world. You cried loudly sitting at the couch. Hearing you Suga came and look a glance at you. He didn’t said anything, just standing there quietly like observing your intentions. You felt his glance, you looked at his pale face with your small eyes. You wanted him to ask you about the pain you’re feeling, about the situation you’re in and about everything which breaks your heart. But you don’t why your heart beating and wanting him to console you. You aren’t about this side of yours. Your feelings are confused more than numb.

’ Aren’t you gonna ask me anything?’ you screamed in your teary voice.

Suga smiled ’ umm! I can see the rejection on your face.’

'shut the hell up. Everything happens because of you. I - I’ you screamed but the ending of your sentences vanished on your heavy crying voice.

Suga walk up to you and sit beside you ’ I understand everything. No need to cry this happens with everyone.’

’ Suga, if you don’t know how to console someone then it best to shut your pity mouth.’ you aggressively pushed him away.

’ Wow girl, is it so? In the morning you also broke my heart in the same way. You don’t know how much I care for you, how much I need you now. But you! You just spit some cruel words and not even regretting. This is how you feel when someone broke your heart.’ Suga bashed on you.

You look dumbfound. You’re processing everything he said but you realized he ain’t right. You need to correct him. 'Why’d you came in my life? Huh! I was so happy without talking to you after you stop talking. I do have feelings for you and you clearly know each and everything. You broke my heart first. And again when I’m finally good with a boy, you came back. You don’t know how much you broke my feelings internally from a long time. And you’re giving me this fucking reason?’ you finished and ran to your room and lock yourself under the cold shower.

Suga just for a whole minute hear your words again. He can’t processed that you liked him before even he does. And the fact that you still have feelings for him. His heart got flutter and a pound of sadness hugs his heart. He felt guilty of treating you like that. But he no more wants to be a heartbreaker. He wants to prove you that he loves you, a lot. And want to promise you that he ain’t like those flirty brat to goof around. He’s the sky of your earth that’s permanent and no one else is allowed here.

He ran towards your room and screamed at the top of his lungs when he can’t see you there 'y/n, I’m sorry!’ You heard his voice but weeped under the shower. Your voice is enough to know where are you. He opened the door of the wash room and saw you under the shower with all your drenched clothes.

'Y/n, what’s wrong? You will get cold.’ he softly said and came towards the shower the knob.

'just get out, Suga. Leave me alone.’ you screamed.

'calm down, let me turn the shower off.’ he said softly as he lean towards you to turn it off.

You pushed him ’ can’t you hear me, leave me alone .You brat!’

Suga tilt a little but he pushed you against the shower wall and pinned you down “shut up. I told you I’m here for you.’ he said in his low cold voice which spend shiver down your spine. You both got drenched in that cold water. The shower is still on and you’re numb by Suga’s dominance.

You look at his fierce eyes and broke down 'I-I am hurt. I don’t want anything.’ He still pinned you down the wall.

He said  'You want me. Don’t you?’ and looked in your eyes.

You’re feelings are peeping out and you can’t withstand the man before you. The gorgeous, tall and broke man said enough to console your feelings. Your eyes can’t resist those plum lips to kiss on. He’s unknowingly hot and you accepted it. You tiptoed and kissed him while your tears are still all over your face.

Suga is deep down kissing you and your whole sad soul. You loved it, you geniunely did. The kiss was intense and passionate. His hands trail down to your head and lean you more to have a perfect kiss which he was imagining for years. Out of breath you broke the kiss and sighed. He himself lean down and put both of your forward together. You both heavily breathed and smiled at each other.

"Thanks.” Suga calmly said.

You look at him with love in your eyes and “I’m not stopping with just a kiss. I’d been thinking about this for over years. Now, that you’re here, I can’t leave you. Just tell me you also carry that deep feelings for me.”

He paused for a moment and complete silence surronds that freezing cold shower leaving you both a hot mess. You again think about doing something nonsense.

Suga take a deep breath “ Y/n, I feel you’re the one I have been loosing for years because you were always there for me to find you. But I never took initiative to find you. Please I really do li- like you. Do-dont ever leave me.”

He stutters and hugged you so hard. The moment filled you with joy but often reality strikes everyone so hard. Under the shower, two humans both in love with eachother having a special moment yet the bang in door wakes both of you up.

Suga hesitantly look outside the shower door to look if anyone was there but again doorbell rang and to both of your surprises, it’s Seokjin.

You are still figuring out if telling your brother about you and Suga is a good option.

“We did things only lovers do in the dark

but we did them in the bright of day

Under the warmth of the sun

With smiles and laughter”


I know I’ll survive it but I don’t want to

Maybe this is where I need to be now.

Love this picture. Sexy as fuck and gorgeous. I’m still in love with you.

I will never be able to feel this way again. No one else will ever hold my heart the way you do.

I love this woman so much that words alone cannot express what I feel. I lost her because I forgot to remind myself every day how lucky I was and to make sure she knew it too. I love you baby.

I still dream of moments like this. I’m still in love with you. 1/1/2019

Absolutely without a doubt. Even after everything that has happened. I love you Tracy.

It’s been 7 weeks and it still hurts everyday. I guess 29 years of love doesn’t just fade away. At least not for me.