#hellpark

KENNY:Oh god…

KENNY:Ohhh shit– pick up the damn phone for chrissake– 

TOKEN:Kenny…?

TOKEN: You alright?

KENNY:No I ain’t alright!

KENNY:Karen hung up on me!

TOKEN:Oh…

TOKEN: Does that mean you’re done with my phone, then?

KENNY:N-no, no I gotta try n’ call her again.

KENNY:Just.

KENNY:Just gimmie a sec, she’s gotta pick up…

TOKEN:Right… take your time, dude..

KENNY:There’s no time to take!

KENNY:She hung up right after she said some damnstrangerwas in the house!

TOKEN:Oh, jeez…

KENNY:God dammit, I think she turned her phone off…!

KENNY:Oh god oh god, what thehell am I gonna do thirty fucking miles out of town?!

TOKEN: It’ll be okay Kenny, I’m sure–

KENNY:No, it’s not gonna be okay! 

KENNY: Who knows who or what is in that house with her, look at where we are right now!

CRAIG:Hey.

CRAIG:Do you guys wanna shut up,maybe?

CRAIG:You’re distracting me from my shit.

TOKEN:Oh, sorry Craig…

TOKEN:Kenny’s having some issues with Karen, I think.

CRAIG:Uhuh…

CRAIG:I don’t care.

CRAIG:[grumble grumble]

CRAIG:(Can’t even browse tumblr without someone getting hay shoved up their ass right in front of me…)

CRAIG:(Why are either of them even still awake.)

CRAIG:(Why do I have to be cooped up in a stupid barn with all these people right now…)

CRAIG:(Why is–)

CRAIG: 

CRAIG:Whhhh…

CRAIG:W–

CRAIG:That’s m–

CRAIG:That’s my blog.

CRAIG:This is on my blog.

CRAIG:Th–

CRAIG:…

CRAIG:WHAT IS THIS SHIT DOING ON MY BLOG???

CRAIG:I–

KENNY:Craig???

KENNY:What’s the matter, I don’t think I’ve ever heard you yell so loud in your life!

STAN:Yeah, shut the hell up over there, some of us are trying to sleep.

CRAIG:…Y…you shut up…!

CRAIG:Fuck your sleep, I have a problem!

STAN:Yeah, I know, we kind of got teleported here by a freaking demon, dude.

STAN:We’veall got problems right now, you’re not special.

CRAIG:I’ll kick your ass!

STAN:Go ahead, it’s already facing right towards you.

STAN: I’ll even wiggle it a little to make it a moving target, if you wanna make a game out of it.

CRAIG:WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

TOKEN: Jesus, dude, what’s wrong?

CRAIG:Besides Stan Marsh being as stupid as ever?!

KENNY:We mean what the hell made you yell so loud, dude???

CRAIG:Oh, I’ll tell you!

CRAIG: This guy is posting shitty selfies of himself on my blog!

CRAIG:MY blog, and he has the audacity to post them with–

CRAIG:W-with…

CRAIG:Withhim sitting right next to him like it’s nothing!

CRAIG:There’s a circus in my house and I’ll bet you money it was that stupid Tweek demon guy who led us all away so they could party it up in my room!

CRAIG:We should have never let that stupid goat take us all the way out here.

CRAIG:Now they’re all fiddling with my shit and probably having a laugh about it, look at him in this picture!

CRAIG:Look at who’s in the fucking picture with him!!!

KENNY: OH GOD…

CRAIG:Oh god is right!

CRAIG:They’re messing with all my shit!!!

CRAIG: I’m freaking the hell out!

CRAIG:I’m so fucking close to kiCKING STAN’S STUPID ASS STOP SHAKING YOUR BUTT AROUND YOU FUCKING DELIRIATE.

STAN:maybe shut up first lol

KENNY:OH MY GOD, KAREN!

KENNY:SHE SAID SHE WAS HANGING OUT WITH YOUR SISTER IN YOUR HOUSE, CRAIG.

KENNY:SHE HUNG UP AND WON’T ANSWER MY CALLS!

TOKEN: They tried to chuck us all off the side of a bridge, who knows what they could be doing right now?!

CRAIG:TOUCHING MY SHIT IS WHAT THEY’RE DOING!!!

CRAIG:Touching my shit, putting pictures of themselves and Thomas’s corpse sitting in my bedroom!

TOKEN: Craig, I think this is a little more important than them touching your computer!

TOKEN:They could have hurt your guys’ sisters!

CRAIG:BUT LOOK AT WHAT HE POSTED ON MY BLOG!!!!!

KENNY:Craig, I know it’s probably goddamn traumatizing to see that shit right now!!!

KENNY:I know it’s hard for you to grasp this sorta thing during a meltdown.

KENNY:I’msorry you’re having a difficult time with all of this crap, but there’s people actually in danger in your house right now, man!

CRAIG: Don’t tell me I’m having a meltdown!

TOKEN: Oh my god,okay–

TOKEN:Kenny, let’s just pull ourselves away for a minute here.

CRAIG:Don’t turn your backs on me like that!!!

TOKEN:JustignoreCraig for a second.

TOKEN: There’s demons in Craig’s house, Karen and Craig’s sister are in Craig’s house– what do you think should be done?

TOKEN: What can we possibly do from here?

KENNY: I ain’t got a damn clue!

KENNY:Wegotta get someone over there to help them out!

TOKEN: Okay, well maybe that isn’t such a good idea?

TOKEN:We’ve seen what they can do, right?

TOKEN:Is it smart to drag someone else into this?

KENNY: Token, you don’t have a freakin’ sister, you don’t know what this is like.

TOKEN:Okay.You’re right.

TOKEN:But I don’t know if–

KENNY:Wait.

TOKEN: What is it, man?

KENNY: I know exactly who to call.

KENNY:Ain’t no way he’s tangled all up in this mess yet, neither.

KENNY:Won’t gonna get his ass whooped neither.

TOKEN:Okay, well who’s that?

KENNY:My boyfriend.

DOGPOO: snrrk nsnzznnzzzzzzzzzzz…,.

[ ♫ I’M A BARBIE GIRL, IN A BARBIE WORLD ♫ ]

[ ♫ LIFE IN PLASTIC, IT’S FANTASTIC ♫ ]

DOGPOO:fhnfnhmmghfghg

DOGPOO:[yawn]

DOGPOO:An unknown caller disrupting my sleep, now…?

DOGPOO:Justwho on earth could be calling me at this devilish hour of the night…?

DOGPOO:Mmhhello–

KENNY:Hushpuppy stain in the rug, we got some demon huntin’ to do!

KENNY:Grab yer damn shooter n’ get ready to pump lead!!!

DOGPOO:KENNY???

KENNY:Damn right!

DOGPOO:DEMON HUNTING?

DOGPOO: Y’AIN’T PULLIN ME, ARE YOU NOW?

KENNY: Hell no, I ain’t whistlin’ no dixie over here, I’m a gallon o’ gas aways from town and the fuckin’ devil’s stampin’ his hooves in town!

KENNY: Get your red ryder and get ready to shoot some damn eyes out!

DOGPOO: You soundoh so serious, I hardly recognize the tone, honeypot!

DOGPOO: Your words shot me wide awake quicker than the smell of pie in the morning, I just can’t resist a shootin’ with you!

KENNY:I’m serious!

KENNY: I’m cooped up in a barn outta town, and there’s demons runnin’ amok with my damn sister out there!

KENNY: She’s up in a heap of danger and I ain’t got nobody in the world I’d trust more than youto keep her safe right now.

KENNY:Never been more serious in my life, ragamuffin.

DOGPOO:Oh.

DOGPOO:Karen’s caught in the throes of the devil, is she now?

DOGPOO:Seems we really ain’t playing rockahorse.

KENNY: I don’t joke around when it comes to who I love, don’t go reckonin’ I’d do it to you.

DOGPOO: I see.

DOGPOO:Well then, I’d be duller than the heel of my boot if I didn’t think I could do something about that, wouldn’t I?

DOGPOO: A demon or two doesn’t quite sound like nothin’ a shell can’t handle.

KENNY:Dogpoo, these are serious folks you’re gonna be ditzin’ around with.

KENNY:Damn near chucked me n’ my friends off a bridge a couple hours back.

DOGPOO:I still don’t see the issue here, darlin’.

DOGPOO:You might have death’s hand hovering your shoulder, but one look at me and they’ll be wishing they were busy chopping onionsinstead.

DOGPOO:I’ll get your sister out of the slick, just you wait.

KENNY:Alright. I trust you, mudskip.

KENNY: You’re the rankest varmint this side of Colorado, if anybody’s gonna get them runnin’, it’s you.

DOGPOO: A threat is nothing more than a man who’s pride is in his hands, not his skin.

KENNY:You really grabbin’ your shotty, yeah?

DOGPOO: Would you expect anythingless after you’ve excited me so?

DOGPOO:I’ve got an itchy finger just beggin’ for a trigger to pull now.

KENNY:Okay, good. 

KENNY:But keep them earholeswide for me, water nugget.

KENNY:You gotta be real damn careful.

DOGPOO: I believe we’ve been over this already, Kenny.

DOGPOO:Am I to understand you’re doubting my abilities here?

KENNY:Not at all.

KENNY: These people ain’t just strangers, though.

KENNY:Well, most of them, anyhoo.

KENNY:Youwillknow one of them, for sure.

KENNY:I ain’t got a clue on how many of them are there, but they’re all stuck up in Tucker’s house.

KENNY:Stick your barrel in the nose of any horned bastard you so damn please, but for the love of all mighty…

KENNY:Don’t let that poor bastard Thomas stick around them.

DOGPOO: You’ll need to be more specific than that,sweetie pie.

DOGPOO:There’s a few Thomas’ in this town that come to mind off of the top of my head.

KENNY:Look, I ain’t gonna dilly dally here– you’ll know what I mean if you see ‘em. 

DOGPOO: Alright, so your shopping list here’s one Karen, one Thomas, and a face o’ lead for a demon or two, huh?

KENNY:Craig’s sister’s there with Karen.

DOGPOO:Only logical, considering what residence I’m being pointed off to.

KENNY:I don’t care what’s done.

KENNY:Just get those kids outta there.

DOGPOO:Anything for you, sunshine.

DOGPOO:Ain’t a day where you can’t count on me.

KENNY: I know.

KENNY:I love you.

DOGPOO:Love you too.

DOGPOO: Well, I suppose there isn’t anything like a two AM witch hunt…

DOGPOO: Oh, poor Kenny… whatever have you gotten yourself into this time.

GREGORY: My my, this sure is a popular question, isn’t it?

GREGORY: I can’t see why any of you would be taking interest in that traitorous rat,though.

GREGORY:Running the others off to safety while we were trying to deal with business.

GREGORY: It’s bad enough with all of the ruckus he causes on a daily basis in Hell, now he’s choosing to do it on the overworld as well.

ESTELLA:Are you talking about Tweek, over there?

ESTELLA:That scraggly, disease-ridden manchild will surely get what is coming to him.

ESTELLA:I hope he enjoys the strain of problems he’s created for us.

GREGORY: There are people asking about him, can you believe it?

GREGORY:They–ohoh, this is actually quite funny.

GREGORY: They think he’s from the land of the living, how charming.

ESTELLA:Heavens,that problematic boil on the under-fold of a old man’s neck wouldn’t stand achanceup here on earth.

GREGORY:Right?

GREGORY: Anyway– to answer all of your questions…

GREGORY:He’s always been in Hell, right to his very upbringing.

GREGORY:He was hellborn, several years before the new era of Hell.

GREGORY:About ten or even years before I died, making him… eighteen or nineteen now, I believe?

GREGORY:All I recall is that his birthday is on Halloween.

GREGORY: Funny enough, Hell uses the same time system as earth does.

GREGORY: Though rather than two thousand… someodd… I don’t quite remember the year up here anymore– it’s year ten of Era 2.

GREGORY:Sounds ridiculous, right?

GREGORY:Ahahah…

GREGORY:Anyways, where was I?

GREGORY:Oh, yes.

GREGORY: Tweek, unlike the rest of us, has never been to earth until now.

I remember running into him the first time, shortly after my death.

I believe when I first met him, I thought he was just some stupid kid who died too early to know what like was like on the surface.

He would be found headbutting rocks, gave me a strange look when I approached him, and would speak in a strange tongue I couldn’t understand at first.

Of course, I wouldn’t know what to say in response to something I did not know.

I’ve known a handful of languages from a young age, but his was unlike anything I’ve ever heard until I arrived in Hell.

At first I figured, maybe this was some language from a lost civilization, hundreds of years in the past? Perhaps age doesn’t work in Hell like it does in the land of the living?

This would be incorrect.

If I recall, I attempted to talk to him in my own language– English, of course. I think I’d felt it too rude to try and leave while he was trying to have a conversation with me.

GREGORY:I can’t quite understand you…

GREGORY: Are you able to understand me?

TWEEK:…

GREGORY: …I’ll take your silence as a no.

GREGORY:I wonder where you’re from…

GREGORY: I’ve never heard such a language before.

I would try to seemingly no avail, so I felt my inclination to be true. For a few moments, that is. 

Looking back on this all, it’s a rather funny instance, though at the time I was utterly terrified when this next bit occurred–

I’d been so used to demons and ghouls and all sorts of hellish beings flying about in the skies, I hadn’t stopped to notice two individuals soaring my way from behind Tweek.

They would land to see me, surrounding him on either side. I remember this image very clearly in my head…

…because as a little kid, seeing two full grown adults, with a wingspan larger than myself at the time…

My lord, I was scared senseless.

They would look down at me, smiles on their faces. I figured them crazed, it didn’t look like they knew quite how to smile at first.

I expected them to speak the same language as the kid I had been talking to, considering how close and personal they seemed to be with him.

They addressed to me in full English that I had been talking to their son, though– something I find rather interesting now, considering they would have had no idea exactly what language I would have spoken.

I suppose that’s a mystery I’ll solve another day.

MR. TWEAK: Hello!

MR. TWEAK: Can we help you?

MR. TWEAK: I see you’ve met our son!

MRS. TWEAK: He doesn’t get out much, you’re the first saved soul he’s ever seen…

They had a peculiar accent. I wouldn’t have been to describe it at the time, but now I can say with clear conscious that it is just one of many Hellish accents you’d find in Hell.

An accent from one who would have grown up speaking a specifically satanic language– one that would commonly be known to English-speaking Hellspawn as, simply, demonic tongue or hellspeak. Myself fancying the latter.

They had seemed rather keen on being overly nice to me, where as most looks I’d gotten from those I’d later find out to be hellborn as well would be looks of disdain.

I had arrived in Hell a year after the previous ruler Satan had died and went to heaven, and merely months into a new era– in which none would be damned to eternal torture.

I’d like to say I was lucky for dying at the time I did– but I wasn’t.

I was just luckier than those who had died before this new era was enacted.

They were almost more threatening than the ones who would give me such wretched looks. They were almost trying too hard to be nice.

I could recognize their efforts though, however terrified I was at the time.

In turn, they could recognize my fear. So his mother would attempt to console me, something else I’ve never forgotten.

MRS. TWEAK: My my, dear…

MRS. TWEAK: You’re so brave…

MRS. TWEAK: There aren’t many souls who seem as sudden as yours who would care to talk to someone like our son…

GREGORY:…

MRS. TWEAK: You seem scared and lost… and alone.

MRS. TWEAK: Do you have any known family down here?

GREGORY: …I don’t… really know…?

MRS. TWEAK: That’s quite a shame…

MRS. TWEAK: I hope you can find them some day.

MRS. TWEAK: For now, though… as a mother, and an imp…

MRS. TWEAK: I’d love to welcome you to our home any time you feel like you need to get away from everything out here.

MRS. TWEAK: It’s hard in these times, I’m sure you could do with a friendly face or two.

She would tell me, without even knowing who I am, that I was welcome into her home.

I’ll admit I felt a little like a charity case in that moment, but she’d sensed I was all on my own at the time– which I was.

Even though the torturing era of Hell was something I had missed, the four or five days I had spent alone, wandering hell to my own devices… everything I had experienced up until that point had been quite scary, to some degree.

I mean, I was still in Hell, what else would I have felt.

Her generosity and the father’s… attempt at a polite smile… had been the first somewhat comforting things I had felt since I had died.

His mother would then try to promote to me: Tweek, a potential friend.

MRS. TWEAK: Darling, were you talking to his young man?

MRS. TWEAK: Would you like to make friends with him?

MRS. TWEAK: Now now, dear, not so rude.

MRS. TWEAK: You know this language.

MRS. TWEAK: I know, you’re nervous…

MRS. TWEAK: This man is a nice fellow, though, I think he and you would make terrific friends…

She would reveal to me that he could in fact speak English, and really he was too shy to speak outside of his native tongue.

He didn’t quite look like somebody I would want to be friends with at the time, but with how nice his mother was and how lonely I felt, I was… reluctantly intrigued, to say the least.

However I remember finding his name quite silly– it’s not even a common theme in Hell. His father’s name is Richard, goodness sake. They really had to regards when naming him, it seems.

TWEEK:Um…

MRS. TWEAK: Tell him your name, dear.

TWEEK:Tweek.

MRS. TWEAK: Tweekwhat?

TWEEK:My name is Tweek.

MRS. TWEAK: Good job!

MRS. TWEAK: Why don’t you try speaking to your new friend in a way you can both understand?

TWEEK: O-oh, um…

TWEEK: I– I wanna poke your eyes out with my pitchfork, ugly.

GREGORY:…

MRS. TWEAK: Ohohoh– He doesn’t mean that. I promise you.

MRS. TWEAK: It’s the way of the old era, so please don’t mind him.

MRS. TWEAK: Tweek, why don’t you try being nice?

MRS. TWEAK: We’ve been practicing this, right?

TWEEK:When I grow up, and get my own torture chamber, I’ll let you be the first in it.

GREGORY:…Nice to meet you too…?

GREGORY: My name is Gregory???

Tweek wasn’t very good at being nice when he was young. I disliked him, for a time, but put up with him because his mother was so nice.

However I learned it really just was the way he was raised. If you grow up in a world where your sole purpose is to trick and torture others, why wouldn’t you be taught to be so devilish?

He took a while to unlearn his habits, and he still has some issues now and then. On the other end, I’ve learned to understand him better.

Of course, my understanding of him right now is that he’d rather betray our entire friend group by running off with a bunch of humans than to stick with us– people he knows.

It’s beyond ridiculous, offensive, and hurtful. I don’t know what his motives are in this instance, but he’s to have a good reason for all of this if he expects me to forgive him.

As for this question, I hope this quelled your curious minds once more. Tweek has always lived in hell, born and raised, and just barely over twenty four hours ago was his first breath of air on the surface.

I know I went on a bit of a rabbit trail, but I believe it paints a better picture of exactly why I’m friends with Tweek now.

I sometimes wonder what it would have been like if I had known him since he was even younger.

Would his parents have shown me the same hospitality?

Would he have been as rude? Would he have made me want to me more rude?

I wonder if he looked as stupid as all of the other implets running amok in hell when he was young…

Perhaps I’ll visit his parents soon and ask them just that– maybe ask them for a young photo or two of him while I’m there.

I’m closer to them than I am him at this point, anyhow.

GREGORY:Oh my, seems Craig’s little online army doesn’t have a care at all that I’ve taken command of his weblog.

GREGORY: Estella, there are people who are actually curious about thetrueside of things, would you believe that?

ESTELLA:Are youreally fiddling around with that stupid thing over there?

ESTELLA:Of course you couldn’t hold back from sating your bloated ego, you needed electronic strangers to help inflate it even further, you limp, detached and wounded tail of a diseased lizard.

GREGORY:Goodness, there are questions regarding both you and I, you know.

GREGORY:I haven’t so much as talked about myself at all, mind you.

ESTELLA:Why are there people attempting to talk to me through that device.

ESTELLA:Are you truly so stupid as to inform everybody of our whereabouts?

GREGORY:Heavens,no.

GREGORY:Just having some fun, is all.

GREGORY:You should join me with this one, spare yourself a moment why don’t you.

ESTELLA:Ugh, if it will get you off my back, fine.

GREGORY: Now this one asks what our impression of each of those incessant dullards Craig calls friends is.

ESTELLA: All of them are as stale and boring as a long forgotten water biscuit fallen beneath a dumpster.

GREGORY:Right you are.

ESTELLA:Can I get back to what I was doing, now?

GREGORY:Not quite, I think I’d fancy tearing down the walls of each individual here.

GREGORY: It’s only fair that these curious strangers get their just earful.

ESTELLA:[sigh]

ESTELLA:If you insist.

GREGORY: I suppose we might as well start with the most likely focus of interest, the original owner of this log.

GREGORY:Craig.

GREGORY:You know originally, I didn’t have all too much of an issue with this brain dead husk of a man.

GREGORY: I told him.

GREGORY:If he doesn’tfuckwith me, I would have no qualms against him.

ESTELLA:And yet here you are, still plucking splinters from the backside of your head.

GREGORY:I could tell he was going to be a problem from the start, I just figured he’d be too slow and careless to be much of an actualthreat.

ESTELLA:I’d almost say it’s adorable how angry you are over such a nuisance of a boy; But you’refartoo revolting to ever be adorable, so I will just say it’s amusing.

GREGORY:…

GREGORY: I don’t like him.

GREGORY:I’ll leave it at that.

ESTELLA:I couldn’t care less for that gelatinous clump of blue ink.

GREGORY:I suppose next would be his subordinate friend– Clyde, is it?

GREGORY:The one you stupidly chose to take control of.

GREGORY: Over just about any othercandidate.

ESTELLA:Ido not need to be reminded.

ESTELLA:He was simply the most emotionally compromised at the time.

GREGORY: It’s become clear that’s just how he always is.

ESTELLA: You sure took your oh so pleasant time getting me out of that putrid cauldron of body odor and unpleasantly placed hair.

ESTELLA:He’s quite revolting when he’s all alone, do you know this?

GREGORY:Do you mean… more so than you find othermen to be, or…

ESTELLA:Yes, I do mean more so.

ESTELLA: You have no idea the things I had to sit through with that horrid, small manhooded caveman.

GREGORY:I’m sure.

GREGORY:I have no real feelings towards him either way, though he seems a little too keen on Tweek for my liking.

GREGORY:Or, I should say, Tweekseems a little too trusting of him.

GREGORY: So in turn, I am not too fond of him, either.

GREGORY:Now, the one I find the most tolerable of the bunch is certainly Token.

GREGORY:I remember him well from when I was still alive.

GREGORY:Truly, if there were anybody to rival Wendy and I’s intellectual abilities together, it would be him.

ESTELLA: Well, he did throw all of us under the bus by telling Damien exactlywhat we’ve been up to on the surface, so I do not think I canpossiblysee him in the same light as you.

GREGORY: Oh, well I suppose there is that.

ESTELLA: Other than that, I find him a rather boring, simple minded individual.

ESTELLA:He could die the most foul and upsetting death imaginable, and I would not think any different of him– same goes for the rest of those boys.

GREGORY: Mm, well, I still think I find him the most bearable of the bunch.

ESTELLA:If you say so, you blood-drunk man loving tick.

ESTELLA: Let’s talk about the best of the bunch, why don’t we?

GREGORY: Oh? Do you suddenly have a favorite?

ESTELLA:Why yes Ido.

ESTELLA:Stan, of course.

GREGORY:Oh.Him.

GREGORY:That thick-headed, good for nothing drain on society…

GREGORY:That’s who your favorite is?

ESTELLA:Yes indeed.

ESTELLA:I just love it when the real you comes out.

ESTELLA:Look at you now. Can’t help your horns from showing, you’re just soupset that anybody could possibly like that van-hit skunk.

ESTELLA:As if I’d actuallyenjoy him any more than the other bloody idiots.

GREGORY: There are few people more deserving of hell than Stan Marsh.

ESTELLA:I could think of many, but if you take such offense to your own personal death, I won’t stop you from thinking of that.

ESTELLA:My, you’re so much more pleasant to be around when you’re angry…

ESTELLA:My opinion of him is rather neutral, but he’s a man so there isn’t much about him that’s favorable anyways.

GREGORY: Let’s talk about his counterpart instead.

ESTELLA:And who would that be?

GREGORY:Kyle.

GREGORY:The bloke with the ugly green ushanka.

ESTELLA:Oh,thatcollapsed anal cavity of a sewer rat.

ESTELLA:The opinionated one who thinks his insufferably bland words actually matter.

ESTELLA: Rather rich, but that’s all I can give him.

GREGORY:He’s always thought of himself as some sort of martyr of first world problems.

GREGORY:I’m sure if he wasn’t so full of himself he’d be less of a drain to talk to.

ESTELLA:Funny, that’s how I feel about you.

ESTELLA:You’re really just describing yourself, you know.

GREGORY: When I fight for justice, I’m not doing it to make myself feel good.

GREGORY:I do it for those who cannot take action themselves.

ESTELLA:Oh, I’m sure youlovetotell yourself that.

GREGORY:Speaking of selfish drains…

GREGORY:It truly shows how utterly stupid all of Stan’s friends are, still hanging around that tub of lard Eric.

ESTELLA:He didn’t really speak much while I was around, so all he is to me is another worthless sausage on a rusted old pan.

GREGORY: All I saw was that he still looks like he’s 10, and certainly still soundslike it.

ESTELLA:Smells like it, too.

GREGORY:I never did like the boy, he completely ruined an entire covert operation, you know?

GREGORY:Directly caused the death of a fellow comrade.

GREGORY:Of course we were all turned back before the war, thus nullifying all of our actions henceforth, but it still stands that the old paranoid fool he killed never quite was the same.

ESTELLA: Oh, let’s not start thisconversation again.

ESTELLA: You talked my ear off for days on end the last time I decided to indulge in your simplistic babblings of self-perceived hardship.

GREGORY:Though who I find most interesting throughout all of what we went through was who really saved us all in the end.

GREGORY:I hadn’t seen all too much of him beforehand, yet he sacrificed himself for the entire town over in the end.

GREGORY:ThatKennyfellow…

GREGORY:You know, despite spiking me over the head with that lawn ornament earlier, I don’t really have too harsh a thought on him.

GREGORY:I blame Tweek and Thomas for not warning me more than anything, really.

GREGORY:There’s something about him that seemed all too familiar, though, even as a young adult now…

ESTELLA:I am taking advantage of the fact that you look like you’re lost in your tiny, hollowed out peanut shell of a brain to say that I am leaving now.

ESTELLA:There are better things to attend to.

GREGORY: I can’t even remember how he came back from the dead, he just appeared one day, good as new.

GREGORY:I never knew the original ruler of hell personally, only his son of course, but perhaps there was some sort of additional deal made for him to return to the land of the living once more?

GREGORY: Honestly, this perplexes me severely now that I think about it, and I can’t believe I’ve not thought about it more until now.

GREGORY:Needless to say, this one’s an interesting individual, to say the least.

GREGORY:Definitely not one I’d think to trust any time soon, however. He’s far too… suspicious of a person…

GREGORY:Hmm…

GREGORY:Well– that’s all of them I suppose.

GREGORY: Though, hmm…

GREGORY:I could have sworn Craig’s friends had one more on their team…?

GREGORY: I wonder where they could be in all of this mess.

GREGORY: …These are quite fun, I think I may indulge myself in a few more…

GREGORY: I don’t quite like the wording of these questions I’m reading in Craig’s little virtual post box.

GREGORY: But lest he tries tofoolishlyanswer questions not best suited for him, I will step in I suppose.

GREGORY: It’s clear he’s made a fine job of telling you all about my friends and I.

GREGORY: Or, quite possibly the verynarrowlight of which he’s seen us in at least.

GREGORY: Which is to say, he’s probably described us all ratherpoorly.

GREGORY: It is true, both Pip and Thomas both are nothing but kindhearted individuals.

GREGORY: Both have had their share of bullying, misfortune, and untimely deaths.

GREGORY:I’d say Pip’s I can relate to more, but Thomas’ just upsets me a great deal.

GREGORY: Not to rank either of their tribulations, I just believe I have a better grasp of exactly why Pip didn’t end up in heaven.

GREGORY:He’s had eight years to explain it to me, after all.

GREGORY:And so I will attempt to explain it to you all though what he has told me over the years.

GREGORY: They both deserve to have their stories told the correct way, and not however it would have been explained by the doltish owner of this weblog.

GREGORY:To start, I believe Pip started up in heaven.

GREGORY:Though, he never made it through the pearly gates, which is what truly grants you a pleasant and bright eternal afterlife.

GREGORY:Once you make it through that barrier, the only way you’re doomed is if you cause religious mishap, or truly gain some sort of evil intent.

GREGORY:Of course, this is only theChristianafterlife we’re speaking of.

GREGORY: And seeing that I’m possibly talking to possibly a baker’s dozen of strangers over the internet right now, I’d like to state that I have no outer knowledge of the afterlives of any religion other than my own.

GREGORY:I can say with certainty that a Christian hell is not the greatest source of outside knowledge, as much as it has progressed down there.

GREGORY: I feel as though these stories would be entirely different if the two had been risen under different minded households, so please spare some judgement on my part if this seems rather one sided of me to speak of.

GREGORY:So again, I am sharing only what I’ve been told of, and under a Christian mindset.

GREGORY: My intent is not to nullify any other afterlife, only to elaborate on my friends and I’s.

GREGORY:…

GREGORY:I honestly forgot where I was.

GREGORY: …Ah, yes.

GREGORY:Pip’s hellish status.

GREGORY: As I stated, once you make it through those heavenly gates, you’re officially a resident of the eternal life in the sky.

GREGORY: Normally, unless you are turned away for sneaky wrongdoings not seen through the watchful eyes of heaven, there is no issue getting in.

GREGORY:And for someone like Pip, the prior shouldn’t ever have been an issue.

GREGORY:All the time I’ve ever known of him– through lifeanddeath– is that he is kind, generous, and rarely wears a frown.

GREGORY: He gives his pleases and thanks, and he rarely acts unjust.

GREGORY:From the times he’s told me that he has, even those instances sound rather just.

GREGORY: My time knowing him alive wasn’t all too long, but a year or so before he had gone missing, never to be seen again.

GREGORY:He doesn’t like to talk about his own death very much, but from what I can tell it was certainly during a time of travesty.

GREGORY: And during such times, the gates can get overwhelmed and swollen with other unfortunate cases.

GREGORY:Certainly, everybody at their untimely death could not wait to see their afterlife.

GREGORY: Some sorrowful, some full of hope that the worst of it all was over.

GREGORY:From how he described it, Pip was more on the latter side of the crowd.

GREGORY: And so imagine…

GREGORY: When you think it’s allover.

GREGORY:When you think life hasfinally given you a break, and you’re able to move onto a better one…

GREGORY:That even up in heaven, there’s still nobody that cares enough about you.

GREGORY:A simple break in the clouds due to deceased overpopulation.

GREGORY:Nobody turns their heads.

GREGORY:Nobody thinks to look behind them and see what they’ve been ever so gently pushing back over their greed of a happy afterlife.

GREGORY: And greed is asin, mind you.

GREGORY: So they just continue to shuffle their feet and wait for their now undeservedturn into heaven.

GREGORY: And the wings you sprout after death are there for your tiring travel upwards.

GREGORY: It’s an exhausting journey to heaven, your new wings wont fly you a second time until you’ve reached your destination completely.

GREGORY: So if you’re denied entry before you can make it through, there’s no real way to fly back up until it’s far too late.

GREGORY:In life, Pip was never destined to go to hell.

GREGORY:In death, he still was not destined to go to hell.

GREGORY:But look at where the carelessness of others have brought him.

GREGORY:Where life can be cruel, death can be just as much so.

GREGORY:…Though…

GREGORY: Sometimes, while life and death may both sow their unjust seeds… a lot of what normally decides where you end up is your own actions in life, of course.

GREGORY: Thomas of course was nothing but a sweetheart.

GREGORY: From what he’s told me, though he couldn’t go to a church publicly due to his developed anxiety over his Tourette’s, he always made up for it by watching church service with his mother at home. 

GREGORY:Every single Sunday, he told me.

GREGORY:Though like some people, especially in more depressing periods of their life, he began to question his faith.

GREGORY:There came a point where he didn’t know what he should truly believe in.

GREGORY:He never did anything wrong, as he always listened and obeyed the strict followings of Catholicism.

GREGORY: And though he was many things most extreme Christians would call sinful, he still would choose to believe, all that time.

GREGORY:In the end, none of what hewaswould have ever sent him to hell.

GREGORY:He truly is just too innocent and nice of a person.

GREGORY:Though sometimes, after traumatic experiences in life, it can kick your belief system like a switch.

GREGORY: After loss, it can be hard to believe.

GREGORY: And apparently loss for Thomas meant cutting out an entire part of his life that he had believed for fifteen years beforehand.

GREGORY: “How can you believe in a god if it feels like you’re only on Earth to suffer?”

GREGORY: It truly hurt my heart to hear him tell me the way he felt.

GREGORY: But in the end, it made sense why he was in hell.

GREGORY:Attaching yourself to faith for so long, believing in a god, then ditching a life worth’s of devotion in an instant.

GREGORY:That’swhat truly damned him to hell.

GREGORY:In the end it was only that loss of faith that flipped his destiny upside down.

GREGORY: For a while, he was in such a state of grieving, you knew you were still in hell.

GREGORY: Hell isn’t what he believed it to be anymore, of course.

GREGORY:Most of us had grown used to it, and even enjoyed the new era we were living in.

GREGORY:But it still stung for him.

GREGORY:Only in hell could you still hear the wallowing of the afterlife.

GREGORY:And of course, he only blamed himself.

GREGORY: He did two things that society said would damn him to hell.

GREGORY:But only one of them was what really did it.

GREGORY:Of course he didn’t realise this.

GREGORY: He sobbed for what felt like weeks, because he thought that the way he died… was what sent him here.

GREGORY:We would constantly reassure him that the means of his death did not attribute to his afterlife.

GREGORY:We even had him talk to the Devil himself– of which we’re fortunate friends of.

GREGORY: He, too, could only assure Thomas that it was not the way he died, but the way he chose to squander his faith.

GREGORY: It’s a harsh reality, and it’s unclear if he grasps it fully, even after a full year and a half.

GREGORY: I’ve always thought that if he had someone in life to help steer him in a better direction, he wouldn’t have gone out the way he did, nor would he have been sent to hell.

GREGORY:Hisexcertainly never did any good for him.

GREGORY:Even if Thomas claims his ex was the best thing in his life.

GREGORY:How could someone like that be the best thing in your life if they let you fall this far down a rabbit hole?

GREGORY: Thomas truly is as ignorant as he is pitiful.

GREGORY: We’re full of experiences that Stan and his friends would never, ever grasp.

GREGORY: I can’t believe this is a question that needed to be elaborated upon.

GREGORY:But if I’m not answering them, that fool of a man Craig would be instead.

GREGORY:I’m sure he’d paint Pip and Thomas both as monsters here.

GREGORY:But I’ll make sure that doesn’t happen.

GREGORY: I haven’t a clue how we’ll deal with those two poor girls in the other room…

ESTELLA:We leave them be.

ESTELLA:They won’t be coming out any time soon with their door handle melted, anyhow.

GREGORY: Lord, I hardly believe it’s you talking.

GREGORY:I’m surprised you didn’t throw them out a window just for looking at you.

ESTELLA:Oh,so rich coming from the splinter-filled buffoon who nearly crushed entire families in some futile chase.

ESTELLA: If we’ve to be so under cover like you said, why are houses upon houses layered in that horrid black ooze of yours? Hmm?

GREGORY: Sorry I forgot I was talking to the paragon of virtue herself.

GREGORY:As if you wouldn’t have done the same thing or worse in my situation.

ESTELLA:Oh please, I wouldn’t be nearly as uncoordinated or filled with unneeded emotion like you.

GREGORY:I’m rolling my eyes at you, you know.

ESTELLA:I’m sure.

ESTELLA: Speaking of unneeded emotion, however…

ESTELLA:Explain to me, you bloodied menstrual pad of an ill-kept lady, whyyou insist on propping that body up like it’s still alive?

GREGORY:What, would you rather him splayed out on the floor when he comes back?

ESTELLA: I think it would let him know he shouldn’t be happy with his choices today.

ESTELLA: If he hadn’t been such a selfless, love-stricken twat, we wouldn’t be in this mess.

GREGORY:That may be, but we’re here now, and he’ll be back soon.

GREGORY:The least we can do for him is grant him some decency.

ESTELLA: Mm, how typical of you to say.

GREGORY:Oh come on, you can’t say you don’t pity him at least a littlebit?

GREGORY:This would be his first time regenerating.

GREGORY:Wouldn’t you wish the same for yours?

ESTELLA:I don’t thrive off of pity, as much as you wish I would.

ESTELLA:He could wake up at the floor of a cold, empty seabed and nobody but you and that imp would give a damn.

GREGORY:I get it, you’re as cold and empty as the very depths you speak of.

GREGORY:With my mind on the cold, though…

GREGORY:Itis rather cold in here, now that I think about it…

ESTELLA:We’ve spent nearly a decade in hell, you should welcome it.

GREGORY:Well, I’m sure this poor sap would at least enjoy an extra layer or two.

ESTELLA:He’s animp, you vanilla monkey shit sundae.

ESTELLA:He’s exerts far more heat than necessary already.

ESTELLA:Lest you’re planning to burn this whole structure to the ground?

GREGORY: Just because he feelswarm doesn’t mean he iswarm.

GREGORY:At least he’ll wake up knowing someone cares, you crotchety old hag.

ESTELLA:…

ESTELLA: Well, I’m sure he’d be so glad to wake up in someone else’s clothes.

ESTELLA: Of all people’s clothes, especially, you choose the very piss-filled, disease-ridden pit of a person that’s been causing all of his issues from day one.

ESTELLA: My, how thoughtfulof you.

GREGORY: Oh, just because your life’s been squandered of any loving relationship doesn’t mean his has.

GREGORY:If I didn’t know better, I’d find you quite jealous he could hold feelings long enough to be willing to die for another.

ESTELLA: I don’t recall walking into a therapy room, Bellarose.

GREGORY: And I don’t recall asking for your judgement on what I choose to do, Havisham.

ESTELLA:I bet you’d love for me say touché, wouldn’t you?

GREGORY: I wouldn’t expect it from you at this point.

GREGORY:Too eager to defy any man who dares say a word around you.

ESTELLA:Would you quit it with your therapist act, you blubber of a whale’s anus?

ESTELLA: And stop playing dress up with that damned corpse.

GREGORY:[sigh]

GREGORY:Fine.

GREGORY:Isuppose you’re right.

GREGORY:Undressing a dead man’s shirt is certainly not something I’d like to recall doing later on in life.

ESTELLA: You have at least one brain cell in that musty, endless pit of a head, I see.

ESTELLA:Now are you planning on helping with this mess, or are you too busy thinking of the next person you wish to place your meaningless pity upon?

GREGORY: Oh as if you’d need myhelp.

GREGORY:If I recall, you spent the majority of your time walking here telling me not to interfere.

GREGORY:It’s not as if I’ve been dead longer than you.

ESTELLA:How long you’ve been deceased doesn’t suddenly grant you the ability to know how to close a portal to hell, you know.

ESTELLA:Don’tthinkyou have any sort of superiority over me just for being dead a few months longer than I, you regurgitated, corrosive waste of a vulture’s innards.

ESTELLA:I could use a few hands, regardless of how useless you may be.

ESTELLA: So stop wallowing on about how comfortable a dead body should be and help me.

GREGORY:Close it yourself you leather-skinned snake.

ESTELLA:Oh what’s the matter now?

ESTELLA:You’reso ridiculously soft-centered, you know that?

GREGORY:I don’t need your opinion on everything I decide to care about right now!

GREGORY:As if I’d ever want criticism from someone as pathetically try-hard as you, anyhow.

ESTELLA: It’s not like you haven’t been doing the same thing to me, you psychoanalyzing, waterlog-brained dolt.

ESTELLA:Go on then! I don’t need your help.

ESTELLA: Like always, I won’t be letting my feelings get in the way of what needs to be done.

GREGORY: Uhuh, you go ahead and do that!

ESTELLA:I will!

GREGORY:…

GREGORY:Hm…

GREGORY:You know, computers screens have gotten quite thinner since I’ve died.

ESTELLA:Is that really what you choose to think about now?

ESTELLA: After what we just spoke of?

ESTELLA:Howsimple-minded of you.

GREGORY:Well I had no choice but to look away from you, to the only thing of actual interest in this room.

GREGORY:I can’t see how this boy lives in such a tasteless room…

GREGORY:Though…

GREGORY:Hm…

GREGORY:Actually, Estella…

ESTELLA:What is it now,you walking disease of a man?

GREGORY:Looking at this computer…

GREGORY:I haven’t a clue what this site is.

GREGORY:But… what’son it is… quite interesting…

ESTELLA:In what way?

ESTELLA:I’m far too busy with less nonsensical matters to come over and look, you dirty, petrified oaf.

GREGORY:Well…

GREGORY:For as little as this man speaks, he sure seems louder online.

GREGORY:It’s… almost as if Craig wants to lead us right to him…

ESTELLA: Yes, I’m sure he left his computer on exactly for this revelation of yours.

GREGORY:Well then. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind if I played around with his little site during our down time here.

ESTELLA:How ever so productive of you.

TOKEN:zzz.z..zz…….,.z.,

PHONE:*fucking buzzes*

TOKEN:mhmgngh .h guh…

TOKEN:Huh…

TOKEN: Damn… I fell asleep…

TOKEN: Who’s even calling me–

TOKEN: Oh it’s Nichole.

TOKEN:Hey, babe…

NICHOLE:Token!

NICHOLE:Hi.

NICHOLE: Oh no, are you falling asleep?

TOKEN:No… I promise, I’m awake.

NICHOLE:Okaysure, sle py head.

TOKEN:Mmh…

TOKEN: Is everything alright?

NICHOLE:Um…

NICHOLE:Iguess?

NICHOLE:I don’t kn w.

TOKEN:What doesthatmean.

NICHOLE:Ummmm… I think I’ll explain it when we’re at the farm.

NICHOLE:I just want d to call you and let you know we’re abo t thirty or four y minutes out still?

NICHOLE:How d d you guys even get so  far?

NICHOLE: We saw y ur car on th  way out of town…

NICHOLE:It was still in flames!

TOKEN: One of the guys… like… poofed us here…

NICHOLE: “Poofed?”

NICHOLE: “One of the guys?” Your fri nds???

NICHOLE:Baby you g tta make more s nse than that.

TOKEN:No… like…

TOKEN:Agood…demon.

TOKEN: Or I guess he said he wasn’t a demon…like…

TOKEN: I dunno.

TOKEN: He helped take us here and then left.

NICHOLE:Je us, and yo  ju t trustedhim?

TOKEN:Notreally…

TOKEN: He was just really bent on helping us…

NICHOLE: Th t’s re ll  w

TOKEN: Babe… you’re starting to cut out…

NICHOLE: I k ow, w  re go  g t rou   th  mou   i s…

NICHOLE:W ’l   e t ere s  n.

NICHOLE: I  ove y u.

TOKEN: I love you too…

TOKEN:See you soon.

TOKEN:[yawn]

TOKEN:Man…

TOKEN:How am I supposed to stay up this late…

TOKEN:Today’s been so wild…

KENNY:Hey, uh, Token?

TOKEN:Mn…?

KENNY:How’s Nichole and the others?

KENNY:Not to, like… eavesdrop or anything…

TOKEN:Mm, it sounds like they’re scared…

KENNY:Makes sense.

TOKEN:She said they’re about half an hour out still.

KENNY:Damn. Sure you won’t fall asleep before then?

TOKEN: Yeah I’m gonna try and stay awake.

TOKEN: Shouldn’t be too hard.

KENNY:I feel that.

TOKEN:What about you?

TOKEN:What has you so wide awake?

TOKEN: Just about everybody but Craig is asleep now.

KENNY:Yeahhh…

KENNY: I guess I just can’t sleep.

KENNY:Got stuff on my mind.

TOKEN: Yeah, don’t we all…

KENNY: Heheh, yeah.

KENNY: So, um.

KENNY: I was just wondering, since Craig wouldn’tdarelet me– and considerin’ how he’s feeling, I don’t blame him–

KENNY:Could I borrow your phone?

TOKEN:My phone?

KENNY:Yeah.

KENNY: I’ve been feeling pretty bad about today.

KENNY: I kinda had a manicure appointment scheduled.

TOKEN:A– A manicure?

KENNY:Karen.

KENNY: You know how she paints my nails and such.

TOKEN:Oh, right.

KENNY:Yeah, I got her a new color and she was real excited to try it out.

KENNY:Promised her I’d help her test it.

KENNY:Also considering everything that went on back in town, I’m also just a lil worried in general.

TOKEN: That’s understandable.

KENNY: I sure hope it is!

KENNY: But um.

KENNY:Yeah, could I give her a quick call?

TOKEN:Of course, dude.

TOKEN:Take your time.

KENNY:God,thank you.

KENNY: Times like these I wish my phone wasn’t long busted, y’know?

TOKEN: I really don’t.

KENNY: Haha, yeah, you wouldn’t.

TOKEN: Do you think she’d even be up this late?

TOKEN: We have school tomorrow and all…

KENNY: Oh, probably.

KENNY: If my parents are awake this late– which they definitely are– she’d be awake too.

TOKEN: Alright, well… 

TOKEN: Like I said, take your time.

KENNY: Thanks dude!

KAREN:I totally didn’t even expect that, like!

KAREN:That show is so good with being really realistic, but also keeping the suspense up that makes you all “oh my gosh, who did it…?”

KAREN: Not that either of those really have to be sacrificed for the other, just!!!

KAREN: I like the show a lot. I like watching it with you.

KAREN:Would you maybe wanna watch more tomorrow after sch–

KAREN:?

TRICIA:Wow, who’s calling you this late at night?

KAREN:Oh…

KAREN:Maybe my parents…?

KAREN: I don’t know if I should ignore it or if they’d be more mad if I didn’t take it…

TRICIA:I’m surprised they even noticed you were gone.

KAREN: Yeah… I–

KAREN:I better just take it.

KAREN:Um… hello?

KENNY:Hey Karen!

KAREN:Oh!

KAREN:Kenny?

KENNY: In the fleshphone.

KAREN:How are you calling me?

KAREN:Isn’t your phone broken?

KENNY: Yeah, borrowing a friends.

KENNY:How are you?

KAREN:I’m okay– um.

KAREN:Are you okay?

KAREN: Where are you?

KAREN:You didn’t come home from your friends so I just thought you didn’t want to be home tonight, or…

KENNY:No, no trust me, I wanna be home more than anything.

KAREN: That’s the first time I think I’ve ever heard you say that.

KENNY:Haha.

KENNY: Well I just wanted to say I kinda got caught up in some weird sh– some weird stuff.

KENNY: I didn’t mean to skip out on nail painting.

KENNY: I’ll make it up to you tomorrow, I promise.

KAREN:Oh, well um…

KAREN:I kind of already painted my nails…

KENNY:Oh.

KENNY:Well… how do they look!

KAREN:Good! Tricia helped me.

KENNY:Tricia,huh?

KENNY: Did y’go and see her tonight?

KAREN:Maybe…

KENNY:Hey, beats home.

KAREN:Totally.

KENNY: Well, tell Tricia that Craig says he loves her and wishes he could be there to keep her safe.

KAREN:Oh… r… really?

KAREN:Tricia, Kenny said that… *Craig* said that… he loves you? And wishes he were… home to keep you safe?

KAREN: I don’t really know why he’d be saying that.

TRICIA:Um, ask him what he’s on and then tell him I hate him.

KAREN: I’m not gonna say that!!!

TRICIA: He’s literally across the hallway from me, why is he being weird.

TRICIA: Why is your brother telling us this.

KAREN:Oh… yeah, um–

KAREN:Kenny, Craig is already home in his room.

KAREN: Did he tell you this earlier?

KAREN:Is everything okay?

KENNY:No, no, Craig’s here with me and the guys.

KAREN:Tricia, my brother says Craig is hanging out with Kenny.

TRICIA:Um,no?

TRICIA: I just heard his door close like two minutesago.

KAREN: Kenny, Tricia’s pretty sure Craig is home.

KENNY:Hesuperisn’t.

KENNY: Craig, say hi.

CRAIG:Don’t tell Tricia I love her tell her what thefuckis wrong with you.

KENNY:See?

KENNY:Wait–

KENNY:Karen,is there someone else in the house with you guys?

KAREN:Um, just her parents… but they went to sleep a few hours ago.

KENNY:Karen…

KENNY: Whoever’s messing around in Craig’s room is notCraig.

KENNY:We’re nearly fourty miles out of town at Stan’s farm.

KAREN:Huh…?

KENNY:…

KENNY:Lock the door and turn off the light.

KAREN:Tricia, Kenny says we need to lock the door because…

KAREN:Um.

KAREN:There might be someone in the house… with us…

TRICIA:That’s bullshit.

KAREN:But–

TRICIA:This is a prank.

KAREN:Kenny wouldn’t play a trick on me…

TRICIA:Yeah, and Craig’s too boring, but his friends aren’t.

TRICIA:They’re probablyallin on this.

KAREN: But… maybe we should still listen?

TRICIA: No, that’s what they want us to do.

KAREN: I don’t–

TRICIA: Trust me, it’ll be fine.

TRICIA:They’re just trying to scare us.

TRICIA: We can’t let them get to us.

KAREN:T-Trish–

KAREN: Wh-what if it is someone else in the house?

KAREN: What do– what do we do???

KAREN:I’m scared…!

TRICIA:Karen, if it reallyis someone bad, I’ll protect you.

TRICIA:I wouldn’t let anything happen to you.

KAREN:…

TRICIA:(Just stay quiet…)

TRICIA: (They’re probably expecting to hear us…)

TRICIA: (Turn your phone down, I can hear your brother yelling on the other side.)

KAREN:(U-um… okay…)

TRICIA:…

TRICIA:See?

TRICIA:I knew it.

TRICIA:They’re just trying to fucking scare us.

KAREN:Is that Craig?

TRICIA:Too short to be Craig, probably their idiot friend Clyde or something.

TRICIA:HEY!

TRICIA:You’re not tricking us.

TRICIA: Stop shitting on our night you freaks, get a life!

KAREN: T-Tricia, your parentsaresleeping–

TRICIA: They’re heavy sleepers, trust me–

TRICIA:Are you listening to me? Get the fuck out of here and don’t try and scare Karen again.

TRICIA: I’ll kick ALLyour asses if you d…

TRICIA: If you don’t… g…

KAREN & TRICIA:a…

GREGORY & ESTELLA: 

TRICIA:Okay maybe your brother was right.

KAREN: T-T-Tricia I think th- I think we should close th–

KAREN:We sh-should close the door, I, um. Um.

TRICIA:Yeah.

TRICIA:Yeah.

TRICIA:Okay.

TRICIA:Tell your brother sorry and hang up.

TRICIA:We’ll lock the door.

KAREN: K-Kenny um.

KAREN: Yeah there’s someone else here.

KAREN:Sorry.

KAREN: I love you.

KAREN:Talk to you soon.

KENNY:Wait– K–

[ ♪ WELL CROCODILE ROCKING IS SOMETHING SHOCKING ♪ ]

[ ♪ WHEN YOUR FEET JUST CAN’T KEEP STILL ♪ ]

[ ♪ I NEVER KNEW ME A BETTER TIME AND I GUESS I NEVER WILL ♪ ]

WENDY:Bebe.

[ ♪ OH LAWDY MAMA THOSE FRIDAY NIGHTS ♪ ]

[ ♪ WHEN SUZIE WORE HER DRESSES TIGHT ♪ ]

[ ♪ AND THE CROCODILE ROCKING WAS OUT OF SIGHT ♪ ]

WENDY:Bebe.

[ ♪ LA LA LA LA LA LA LA  ♪]

BEBE:LA LA LA LA LA–

WENDY:BEBE.

BEBE:WHAT!

WENDY:Could you turn the music down?!

BEBE:Wendy,howam I supposed to get anywhere with out my Elton John?!

WENDY:I don’t know, but you blasting music while frantically driving on the mountain side is kind of scaring me–

WENDY:Red,what are you doing???

RED:Taking a picture.

WENDY:Why?

RED:To send to Kevin.

WENDY:Why???

RED:Telling him where we at.

WENDY:Why???????

RED:Cause?

RED: Do I need a reason?

WENDY:For as serious as this is, you guys really aren’t taking this serious.

WENDY:At all!

RED:Uh, Iam taking it seriously?

RED: I’m letting people know where we’re at in case we like.

RED:Die or something.

NICHOLE:We’re not going to die…

BEBE:Yeah– we

BEBE:We don’t even know if this is realor not.

BEBE:This could be just. One huge prank or something?

BEBE: Ugh, I swear if this is a joke–

NICHOLE:Tokenwouldn’tlie about this sort of thing, Bebe…!

WENDY:Yeah, if I trust anybody out of the guys, it’d be Token first.

BEBE:This is all just so…!!!!

BEBE:Ugh, I needmy Crocodile Rock!

WENDY:No, you don’t!

BEBE:Yes I do!

BEBE: I’m too stressed out to drive in silence!

RED:idk you guys are making enough noise as is.

NICHOLE:Can we at least stop yelling in the car?

NICHOLE:Maybe that’ll help you calm down.

BEBE:I–

BEBE:[sigh]

BEBE:I’m sorry.

BEBE:I’m just worried.

WENDY: We all are, Bebe.

NICHOLE: Yeah, I’d–

NICHOLE:Hey, who…

NICHOLE: Is there somebody up ahead?

WENDY:What?

WENDY: This far out, this late at night?

BEBE:Oh god, do I just keep driving past them?

NICHOLE:It makes no sense for them to be so far out, there’s literally nothing out here for miles.

RED: Wait, is that…

RED:I mean it looks like him, but…

WENDY:Oh,great.

WENDY: Bebe, I think we know that person.

BEBE:We do???

WENDY:Yes, stop the car.

BEBE:Um, okay…

NICHOLE:I don’t think I trust this…

RED:Ugh,trust me, it’ll be fine.

RED:

WENDY:

RED:Hey.

RED:What’chya doing out here.

RED:Bud.

WENDY:Yeah, isn’t it one in the morning, on a cliff side, ten miles out from town???

WENDY: Where nobody should be walking, realistically?

???:Oh, hey Red, hey Wendy!

???:I was just on my way to meet up with Stan!

???: It seems he might have played a little hooky today, and didn’t bother to pick up his homework after school.

???: So I thought I’d be nice and bring it to him! 

???:Buuut, he wasn’t at his home back in South Park, so I figured he must be at his family’s farm house instead!

WENDY:Wow!

WENDY: How thoughtful of you!

WENDY:Couldn’t take your car, or call an uber, or something?

WENDY:Not even bike?

WENDY:Just choosing towalk,huh?

???:Huh… now that I think about it, it would have been a nice bike up this way!

???:Haha, aw darn.

???:Maybe next time!

WENDY:Well!!!

WENDY:Coincidentally, we are also heading towards Stan’s farm!

WENDY:We’re meeting him and all his friends there!

WENDY: Would you want a lift?

WENDY: So you aren’t walking out in the middle of the mountains?

WENDY:???

BEBE:Wait, Wendy, what?

BEBE:You’re just going to let him in with us?

???:Well gee, that’d be real nice of you guys, actually!

???:My feet are pretty sore, it’s a heavy climb going up all these hills.

WENDY: Mmhmm, I bet.

WENDY: Get in the car.

BEBE:Wendy, you’re acting megaweird.

BEBE: Why are you just letting him in?

BEBE:I don’t even know him that well???

WENDY: Bebe, it’s okay!

WENDY:He’s a friend of Red and I’s.

WENDY:Nichole, you know him too!

WENDY:We hang out pretty often, don’t we?

NICHOLE: I mean… I guess…

NICHOLE: I have like, one class with him and sometimes he helps with studying in the library, but–

WENDY: Great, so we can all agree then!

WENDY: Our friend Gary can hop in the back with us.

BEBE:…

GARY:Wow, it really means a lot for you guys to offer!

GARY:It’s pretty windy out here, I was worrying about losing a sheet or two.

GARY: But now I won’t have to!

WENDY:Yep!

WENDY:Just scoot on in!!!!

WENDY:Into the normal safety of a car, which is what you really should be using to travel, say, thirty miles across the mountains!!!!!!!!!

WENDY:Red, actually, why don’t we let our friend Gary sit next to me in the middle!

RED:Ugh,seriously?

RED:Whatever…

GARY: You guys look like you’re in a rush.

GARY:Are those pajamas you’re all wearing?

GARY:Gosh, you guys must be so cold way up here!

RED:Yeah.

RED:Pretty cold.

WENDY: Oh it doesn’t bother us that much!

WENDY:We’ll turn the heat on once we’re all buckled up.

BEBE: I mean…

BEBE: It’ll probably warm up pretty fast with everybody so packed in back there…

WENDY:That’s fine too!

WENDY:We should just!!!

WENDY:Hurry up and get a move on!

WENDY: Don’t want to leave Token waiting!

GARY:Or Stan!

WENDY:Yep,or Stan!

BEBE:Um…

BEBE:Okay, are you guys all… good back there, or whatever?

RED:I guess.

WENDY:Sure.

GARY:Absolutely!

GARY:Thank you so much!

BEBE:Wasn’t really my decision, but… you’re welcome?

BEBE:Ugh, let’s justgo.

NICHOLE: Yeah, I need to see Token…

WENDY:Yeah, me too…

PIP:Oh, and all the torturing in hell stopped years ago, I assure you!

PIP:We made sure everybody gets a happy afterlife, even those deemed “sinners.”

PIP:Sinners is such a silly term, isn’t it?

PIP: A mere lack of faith, a few wrong gestures in life, or even simply dying at the wrong time isall it could take to send you downwards!

PIP: Funny, huh?

PIP: I mean this all in the least threatening way, of course.

PIP:You still have your whole life ahead of you, and all!

PIP: But you can take it from me, you don’tever need to worry about whether or not you’ll be happy when you die.

PIP: There’s so much more to each and every afterlife, why I’d say hell is even better than heaven at this point!

PIP:Don’t even worry about where you are when you die. You’ll enjoy it either way.

PIP:Oops, that sounds a little strange, doesn’t it?

PIP: Moreso, I meant you’ll be happy after death, of course.

PIP: Maybe not so much the dying bit.

PIP:That still hurts.

PIP:It hurts afterdeath too, even!

PIP:Just be prepared for that, I suppose!

THE COOL AND EPIC WAITRESS, HEIDI: Wow.

HEIDI:That’s really interesting.

PIP: It really is, isn’t it?

PIP: There’s just so much to the afterlife you don’t even consider before you die, it’s really quite amazing!

PIP:If I weren’t in a hurry, I’d tell you all about it!

HEIDI:Oh,you’rein a hurry?

HEIDI:A hurry?

HEIDI:Wow.

HEIDI:Well, better take your order then, and fast,right?

PIP:I suppose you’re right!

PIP:Why don’t we let our friend Tweek here order first.

PIP:This is his first time at Denny’s, you know!

HEIDI: Wow your friend’s name is Tweek, that’s really unique.

HEIDI:What can I get for you, sir.

TWEEK: I don’t know what any of this is.

HEIDI:That’s food, sir.

TWEEK: Well what about this picture of a cup?

HEIDI:That’s coffee, sir.

TWEEK:That’s a funny name for a cup.

HEIDI:It’s just the name of the drink.

TWEEK:Wow you guys really… drink stuff other than lava, huh. Like I thought that was kind of weird at that school place, but I thought it was a weird ritualistic thing or something?

TWEEK: And I thought Pip was just lying to me.

HEIDI:Yep.

HEIDI:Yep we do.

HEIDI:We really, reallydo.

TWEEK: Um, okay, I think I want to try this then.

TWEEK: “Coffee.”

HEIDI: Of course, sir.

HEIDI:And for your… um.

HEIDI:…Kid?

TWEEK:Kid?

PIP:(The imp that followed us, my friend.)

TWEEK:Oh–

TWEEK:Right.

TWEEK: I guess I have a kid.

TWEEK: I mean I know I have a kid.

TWEEK: This is something I know for sure, positively.

HEIDI:Yes, I’m sure you do.

HEIDI:What does your kid want to eat.

TWEEK: I don’t know.

TWEEK: What do kids eat?

TWEEK:(Actually wait can she even eat? I never ate when I was that young…)

HEIDI: Might I recommend the endless pancakes for four dollars.

TWEEK:ENDLESS?

TWEEK:Do the pancakes keep coming back?????

HEIDI:Pretty much, yep.

TWEEK: Oh my god that sounds horrifying.

TWEEK:…

TWEEK: …Yes please.

HEIDI:Great.

HEIDI:And for you, sir??????

PIP:Just an iced tea, please and thank you!

HEIDI:Alright.

HEIDI: Coffee, a dish of endless pancakes, and iced tea. Is that all for tonight?

PIP: I believe so, yes!

HEIDI: I’ll get right to it and leave you three alone.

PIP:Thank you so much!

PIP:Well,Tweek, I never thought I’d see the day!

PIP:You’re actually willing to try something other than lava and rocks?

PIP:I mean, I knowI was the one who brought you here, but I figured you’d abstain from the generosity– as you are wont to do.

TWEEK: This stuff is meant to stay up here on the surface.

TWEEK: If I’m on the surface, then I’ll do whatever I’m meant to do on the surface.

PIP:But… you’re allowed to eat and drink in hell, Tweek.

PIP:You have for yearsnow.

TWEEK:You made it so it was allowed.

TWEEK: It was never allowed before you came around.

TWEEK: I’ll never give into this new era bullshit you’ve brought to hell.

TWEEK: Cause it’s just not meant for hell.

PIP: Oh, you’re just too silly.

PIP: But there’s no use in arguing anymore, I suppose.

PIP:You seem so much more fascinated with the overworld, you’re just too stubborn to want these kinds of luxuries in your own home.

TWEEK:Can you stop trying to analyze me?

PIP:I don’t think I’m analyzing you, I think you’ve just made yourself very clear over all these years.

PIP: Why not have some fun for a change?

TWEEK:Is your definition of fun running around telling everybody that we’re from hell?

TWEEK: I thought we were supposed to be discrete.

TWEEK:That’sall Gregory ever said we should be.

TWEEK:Discrete.

TWEEK:Andnone of you are even trying.

PIP: What’s the use now?

PIP:I tried to keep myself in for you earlier, but it just made me realise I care even less than I thought I did.

TWEEK:Cool!

TWEEK:Amazing!

TWEEK:People probably think you’re a freak!

TWEEK: People don’t look like this up here, so we should be fitting in with them, not flaunting what they fear.

PIP: Are you forgetting the song I sang to you on the way here?

TWEEK:Ugh,no, but don’t remind me.

TWEEK: I just…

TWEEK:We should be more careful, shouldn’t we???

TWEEK:Gregory said to be careful but then he turned around and just… outed me like he did, and…

TWEEK:Estella’s just running around murder happy…

TWEEK:Thomas can’t even hold his form, and–

TWEEK:God we shouldn’t even be here.

TWEEK:We shouldn’t be doing this.

PIP:Tweek,really.

PIP:You shouldn’t worry so much, and you shouldn’t hide who you are.

PIP:What’s it matter if a waitress knows what you are?

PIP:What’s it matter if the people behind you know what you are?

TWEEK:It matters because–

TWEEK:Wait, people behind me?

TWEEK:Oh shit I forgot there were other people here–

TWEEK:I–

TWEEK:Woah.

TWEEK:Uhh…

TWEEK:(Oh god they’re all looking at me.)

TWEEK:hi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TWEEK: What’s going on!

TWEEK: I think I saw you at school today, right?

TWEEK:Hi, I’m new here.

TWEEK: Is that coffee you’re all drinking?

TWEEK: How is it?

TWEEK: I’m about to try some for the first time.

TWEEK:Is it like, a localthing?

TWEEK: You guys are just staring at me, should I just stare back, or–

PIP:Don’t mind him all too much, he’s from hell!

PIP: Nice to see you all again, by the by!

TWEEK:Um, those are fake horns and wings and teeth by the way, he’s just playing pretend.

PIP:Nope,all authentic!

PIP:I died and came back, I did!

TWEEK:(cool. cool. cool.)

TWEEK:(This is so awesome.)

TWEEK:(At least I’m keeping weirdos like you away from those guys back at the barn…)

PIP:What was that, dear friend?

TWEEK:Ugh,nothing…

PIP:Ta-daaaaa!

PIP:The laundromat!

PIP:Where all your wonderfully bubbly dreams come true!

TWEEK:I thought humans couldn’t control fate like that.

PIP: Well, no dreams come true in the literalsense.

PIP:Unless your greatest dream is to wash all of your clothes.

PIP:Merely a euphemism, my friend!

TWEEK: Oh. Okay.

TWEEK:…Do we just… what do we do?

PIP: Follow me in and I’ll show you!

PIP:These places, from what I can recall, tend to be fairly empty at this time of night.

PIP: So you shouldn’t need worry about too many people, I know how you are about crowds and such.

PIP: Though I can’t say I ever went to one much, I was only ten or so during my last moments on earth, and I–

THOSE GUYS:…

THESE GUYS:…

PIP:Oh.

PIP:Oh dear.

PIP:It seems we have a little unexpected company, now don’t we.

TWEEK:Did…

TWEEK:Did all of these things come out of the portal…?

TWEEK: Why are they allhere?

PIP:I’m not quite sure…

PIP: Well, at least we’ll have some familiar faces around while we wait!

TWEEK:WUH–

TWEEK:What if someone comes in andseesthis?!

PIP:Oh, nonsense!

PIP:Anybody who was here would have ran out long ago after seeing these little devilish beings!

TWEEK:But–

PIP:Don’t avoid them now, you probably consider them better friends than I and the rest of the group, anyhow.

PIP:No sense in drivingall of your friends away, that’d just be silly!

TWEEK:I.

PIP: Come now, I’ll throw my laundry in the wash and you can see how it’s done.

TWEEK:…

TWEEK:Ew…

TWEEK:What’s all that stuffin there with the clothes.

PIP:Just a bunch of soap and water; It’s all you really need to get a fit shirt or two!

TWEEK:What???

TWEEK:Waterdoesthat?

TWEEK: I thought water was like. 

TWEEK:Bad for you?

PIP:Ahahaha, not at all!

PIP:Seems you’ve fallen victim to false information yet again.

TWEEK: “Yet again?”

TWEEK:What’sthatsupposed to mean?

PIP:Nothing, nothing.

PIP:You should try water some time!

PIP:It’squite refreshing, if I must say.

PIP:You know, actually, every single living being you see up here?

PIP: They have water in them as well!

PIP: I’m… not quite sure how that whole water deal works out when you’re dead or from hell, though.

PIP:I haven’t seen a lick of water since I was young. Why, the first thing I went to do when I got back last night was go and get a drink!

TWEEK:Isthat why you’ve been acting so weird?

TWEEK: Does water just do that to people?

PIP: Tweek, I’ve been acting the same as ever.

PIP:I think you’re just a little more on edge with all of this new stuff.

PIP: Which is fine, somany new things!

PIP:So much to process…

PIP:I’d certainly be more weary if I were in your shoes, so I couldn’t possibly blame you.

TWEEK: No, it’s notthat.

TWEEK:At all.

TWEEK:This shit is crazybut–

TWEEK: You’re acting differentdifferent.

TWEEK:You’re acting like you don’t give two fucks aboutanything you do.

PIP:I’ve told you before and I’ll tell you again, Tweek.

PIP: I’ve decided to improve on myself now that I’m on earth.

PIP: Now that I have another chance to do everything I could have done while I was alive.

TWEEK:So you… what.

TWEEK: You decide to go and terrorize all of your friends?

TWEEK: Don’t you care about all of your old friends???

TWEEK: You always used to tell stories about them and junk, and now what?

PIP: You’re right!

PIP:I couldn’t care less about my old friends.

TWEEK: But you were just asking for their forgiveness like, ten hours ago.

PIP:Yep, and just about nobody said a word to me.

PIP: And the one who did only said it out of fear.

PIP: Really, that was the final straw.

PIP: The final test to see if I could really muster up the energy to care anymore.

PIP:What a shame, those poor fools being the deciding factor in my life.

PIP:But I feel so much better now, and it’s only been a handful of hours!

TWEEK:But… your memories–

PIP:Nope!

PIP:All of my care has flown out the window, friend.

TWEEK:Well…

TWEEK:What about everything else?

TWEEK:This town?

TWEEK: Your old home?

TWEEK:Your favorite things?

PIP:Couldn’t care less!

PIP: Nothing ever went right for me, so rather than dwell on it, I might as well give it all the cold shoulder.

TWEEK: What about your family?!

PIP:Nope, still nothing!

PIP:Not a single one wrote to me after I left.

PIP: I figure Joe might’ve, if he ever had the spare pound to do so.

PIP: But never a word from my ugly bitch of a sister!!!

PIP:Not at all!

PIP:And I’m dead now anyhow, so what’s it all matter?

TWEEK:Wuh!!!

TWEEK:W–

TWEEK: What about the friends you have now?!

PIP:Mm, just another group of people who’ve berated me over the years.

TWEEK: What about the two fucking people you killed!!!!

PIP:That wasn’t me, but you’d wager against that too.

PIP:So I can’t be bothered.

TWEEK:What the fuck!

TWEEK: What about Damien?!

PIP:I–

PIP: Oh, well.

PIP: You’ve got me there.

TWEEK:You keep telling me about all this crazy shit up here on the surface, but you couldn’t give a damn if the whole town blew up, it seems like!

PIP:Well, Tweek, it wouldn’t be the first time that that’s happened.

PIP:And it may not be the last, if everything’s the same as it’s always been.

TWEEK:Holyshit,dude!

TWEEK:What are you some sort of fucking serial killer?!

TWEEK: How can you not care about a single fucking thing?!

PIP:Tweek…

PIP:I’m not sure how to tell you this, if you aren’t grasping it already.

PIP: I’m not even sure where all of this is coming from.

TWEEK:Maybe the fact that you killedThomas and that other guy???

PIP:They’ll be back.

TWEEK:Yeah, and you’d just as easily kill them again, wouldn’t you?

PIP: I told you already, it wasn’t me.

PIP: But you won’t listen.

PIP:Or understand.

PIP:So I really, really…

PIP:Well, simply put, Tweek…

PIP:I just don’t give a fuck anymore.

TWEEK: [Grumble grumble…]

TWEEK:…

TWEEK: Ugh, how are thereno bars here.

TWEEK:How is earth shittier than hell right now.

TWEEK: I bet this stupid thing doesn’t even work up on the surface…

TWEEK:Stupid fucking…–

TWEEK:Wh–

TWEEK: Why is my phone talking to me again.

TWEEK:Why do I even usethis dumb thing???

TWEEK:Wait…

TWEEK:It only ever does this when…

TWEEK: Ugh, when he’saround.

TWEEK:Hey, what are you doing???

TWEEK:You’re messing up my shit!

╤ ╝╤: …

TWEEK:…

TWEEK:Wait,is that him?

TWEEK:He’s not wearing his hat…

TWEEK:Wh…

TWEEK:No wait yeah okay yep that’s him.

PIP:Cheerio, friend!

TWEEK:Why are you walking around with all your stuff out, are you crazy?!

PIP:Rather bold of you to say, shouting from across the street like that!

PIP:Joking I am, of course.

PIP:All in good fun!

TWEEK:Why’s half of your clothes off, too?!

TWEEK:What if somebody sees you!!!

PIP:Let’s stop yelling, why don’t we, if you’re so concerned about a simple gaze or two in my direction!

PIP:Come on over here, why are you sitting all the way in that silly old log?

TWEEK:(Should I…?)

TWEEK:(What if one of the others is near by…?)

TWEEK:(It doesn’t feel like they’re around…)

PIP:Well?

TWEEK:Agh–okay okay, fine!

TWEEK:Seriously,why are you walking around like that???

TWEEK:Isn’t–

TWEEK: Isn’t it super fucked up for people up here?

TWEEK: Don’t you guys have, like, standards on the overworld?

PIP:Why, of course we do, Tweek.

PIP:However, I don’t think my appearance has anything to do with manners or being polite.

PIP: At least, not the parts of me that I can’t control– the physical parts of me, I mean.

PIP: In fact, the parts I can control are the very reason I’m headed the way I am!

TWEEK:What?

TWEEK: Make sense for once!

TWEEK: Since when are youso okay with how you look?

TWEEK: You can totally just– just,hide all your shit away!

TWEEK:Ugh!!!

TWEEK:You’re so annoying!!!

PIP: Now now, Tweek, there’s no need to get riled up!

PIP:I’m not even sure what I did this time.

PIP:Always so angry…

PIP:[Ahem]– Anyhow, I’ve been coming to terms with myself lately.

PIP: And I figure now is a better time than any to do so, considering my new status.

TWEEK:Man,please don’t remind me.

PIP:Well, friend, I’ll have a pretty hard time doing that right now.

TWEEK:Why.

PIP:Well for starters, I’m on my way to find Damien.

TWEEK: Oh god…

PIP: The problem here is, I haven’t the slightest clue where he might be at this time of night…

PIP:Certainly not in hell, no…

PIP:Hmm, I suppose he may be working.

PIP: I wonder if I can figure out where?

PIP: I mean, he’s told me what he does, but…

PIP:Mm, I’m not quite sure where a place like that would be around here, you know?

PIP:Oh but I’m sure someone around must know him well enough to tell me where he works.

PIP:Why, I’m sure the whole town over may know him, he could be the finest in his skillset around!

TWEEK:You’re rambling.

TWEEK: And I really, really don’t wanna hear about that guy.

TWEEK: Not any more nowthanbefore.

PIP:Oh! Sorry, sorry.

PIP:I guess I just… can’t help but be excited!

PIP:It may not feel this way for you, Tweek, but I’ve had so many memories here.

PIP: It’s just oh so nostalgic to be back!

TWEEK:Itliterally cannot feel that way for me, man.

TWEEK: I’m not even meant to be uphere.

TWEEK: I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing, or what anything is.

PIP: Well I sure am not the best person to come to for advice on earth, I haven’t been here in about nine years myself, now!

PIP:Come to think of it, why didn’t you stay with the others after you ran off?

PIP:I’m surethey could have taught you a thing or two!

PIP: Much more than I, at least!

TWEEK: I can’t be around those guys right now, and you knowwhy.

PIP: Ah, right.

PIP: Well, then, maybe I can show you a few things about the surface.

PIP: While you’re here with me, that is.

TWEEK: I’m… not sure if I really wanna…–

PIP:Oh,nonsense, nonsense!

PIP: Don’t give me that act now!

PIP:You’re curious about all sorts of things, I can tell.

PIP:Why don’t you follow me to the laundromat?

PIP:And afterwards, we can have a quaint sit down at a diner for some tea.

TWEEK:I don’t know what a laundromat is.

TWEEK:Stop making things up.

PIP:Oh, I can assure you that a laundromat is very real, Tweek!

PIP: You’ve never seen one?

TWEEK: I’m from hell!

TWEEK: All there was in hell was fire and rocks,untilyou came around, and now it’s all luau torches and palm trees and– and stupid shit like that!!!

TWEEK: Not a single “””laundromat””” around, unless that’s this week’s newest stupid addition!

PIP:Oh my, no need to get hostile, dear friend!

PIP:A laundromat isn’t a tree or a torch.

PIP: It is simply a place to wash your clothes!

TWEEK:Wash… your clothes…?

PIP:Yes indeed!

PIP: I have to get all the blood off of these clothes somehow!

TWEEK:Like.

TWEEK:No, wait.

TWEEK:wait

TWEEK:You can just…

TWEEK:N

TWEEK: Wait if I go there I can WASH my SHIRT???

TWEEK:And like. Just. Have it be clean????????

TWEEK:JUST like that???

PIP:Ahahah…

PIP:You’re quite the funny one, Tweek.

PIP:I can never understand you.

PIP:Yes,you can clean your clothes, as simple as that.

PIP:You toss what you want into the washer drier, wait a little bit, and then you’re free to wear your freshly cleaned clothes to your heart’s desire.

TWEEK: What’s the–

PIP:No catch, friend.

PIP:None at all!

PIP:Come with me, and you can wash all the clothing you’d like.

PIP: The smell of a laundromat isquite lovely, too.

PIP:It’s a smell I think you’d be rather fond of.

TWEEK:Mmmmmmmmmm…

TWEEK:eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee………

TWEEK:ghgh hg gu uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu…

TWEEK:W-well…

TWEEK:You said you were gonna look for Damien, too, right…?

PIP:That I am!

PIP:The whole reason I’m going to wash my clothes in the first place is so I can look spick and span– just for him!

TWEEK:…Well…

TWEEK:Mmmmmmh…

TWEEK:O-okay, I’ll go with you.

TWEEK: But– but not because you taught me about anything.

TWEEK:Because I wanna find Damien, too.

PIP: Oh? Is that so?

PIP:I’ve never known you to want to be around the devil very much.

PIP: Considering you’re one of the very few who have the privilege to do so.

TWEEK: Yeah, well.

TWEEK: I wanna talk to him about something.

TWEEK: I think.

TWEEK: But if I’m following you around, could… like.

TWEEK:If it’s not for you, then could you at least just…

TWEEK:Hide all that shit soI’m not looking like a fucking weirdo or anything?

PIP:Oh I suppose, if it’ll make you more comfortable.

PIP:Let’s get a move on, then!

CRAIG: All my friends arehere.

CRAIG:All of my friends are stuck up inside this stupid barn because some fuckingweirdotold us to.

TOKEN:What are you going on about over there, Craig?

CRAIG: These people keep saying to call someone outside to come and help us, but literally all of us are trapped in here.

CRAIG: And frankly, I don’t think calling anybody like mysister will do much good either, so that’s pretty much all my options right now.

CRAIG: Not that I’m in the mood to talk to anybody anyways–

TOKEN: It’s cool dude, it’s cool. Don’t sweat it.

TOKEN: I mean…

TOKEN: I guess we could try calling someone like Wendy…

TOKEN: She tends to be pretty smart and she’d probably take this seriously if I said I wasn’t joking…

TOKEN:Or…

TOKEN:Oh!

CRAIG:What.

TOKEN:I could call Nichole!

TOKEN: I’m pretty sure she said she was hanging out with Wendy and Bebe and stuff tonight.

CRAIG: Yeah sure dude, a bunch of chicks can help this situation, I’m sure.

TOKEN: I’m gonna ignore that comment because I’m sure you’re just grumpy right now.

CRAIG:You’re damn right I am, I’m stuck up in a fucking cold, duck-shit filled barn with Stan and his friends.

TOKEN:[sigh]

NICHOLE:Oh my gosh, guys, after we’re done do you wanna watch a movie or something?

WENDY: Sure, I’d be down!

WENDY: We only have a couple of keypoints left on the syllabus to go through before we’re done–

WENDY:Oh!

WENDY: Who’s calling you so late in the night, Nichole?

NICHOLE:Umm…

NICHOLE:Oh! It’s Token.

NICHOLE: Can I answer, or are we too busy?

BEBE:Ohhhhh my god, Nichole, we’re never too busy for Token.

BEBE:Everything he says is super cute, put him on speaker!

RED:Tell him I said hey.

RED: But like in a cool way.

WENDY:Just try to make it quick, we have school in the morning and we need to get this done before the test!

NICHOLE:Okay!

NICHOLE: Token? You’re up kind of late, is everything okay?

TOKEN:Oh my god, Nichole, you have no idea how relieving it is to hear your voice–

BEBE:HIIIIiiiiii Tokennnnn~!

RED:Hey Token.

TOKEN: …Hi, Bebe… Hi Red…

WENDY: Is everything okay?

TOKEN:I’m fine, I’m fine–

TOKEN:Um, well.

TOKEN:I’malive, I guess.

NICHOLE: What do you mean by that? 

TOKEN: Well, I mean…

TOKEN: Some pretty messed up stuff has been happening kind of all night.

TOKEN: I’m sort of surprised none of you guys heard anything that was going on outside, you guys were only a few blocks away from it…

TOKEN: And god, the sounds that were happening, and how he was following us,I–

TOKEN:Th-that doesn’t matter.

NICHOLE: Token, sweetie, you’re rambling.

BEBE:[snort] Yeah just get to the point! (He’s so adorable.)

NICHOLE:(Shut up stop calling my fiance adorable, Bebe!)

BEBE:(I can’t help it!)

TOKEN: I can hear you all whispering.

BEBE:Ooooops, the secret’s out, hahaha!

TOKEN:Okay, I’m–

TOKEN:I’m sorry I don’t have time for jokes right now–

TOKEN: I’m just trying to think about how to word this all… jeez…

NICHOLE:Take your time, it’s okay.

TOKEN:So…

TOKEN:Okay, so basically… we sorta. Ran into like.

TOKEN: We… hmm…

TOKEN:Okay first, at school when the power went out today, we went out to go and check what was going on with the speakers, right?

TOKEN:So we did that, and we ran into that one guy… who disappeared or died like, almost ten years ago. That one British kid, Pip?

TOKEN:But he wasn’t like, azombieor anything, I mean he was like. Alive and right there in front of us.

TOKEN:And he had horns and wings and a tail– like,for real, not fake ones or anything.

TOKEN:So we ran, with this one new kid who sat next to us at lunch–

TOKEN:Then it turns out that guy was a demon too, and then we ran into anotherdemon, and then another, and then another, and they all tried to dangle us off a bridge and made us sing and dance and they hypnotized Clyde with some weird demon power and we’re all stuck in Stan’s barn to try and hide away from all the crazy shit that’s been happening–

TOKEN:[sigh.]

TOKEN: There, hopefully that didn’t sound toodumb.

…

RED:…That sounds kindadumb.

BEBE:Haha, yeah, are you playing a trick on us or something?

NICHOLE: Tokennnn, you just said you didn’t have time for jokes, silly!

TOKEN:I don’t!

TOKEN:I’m not lying!

TOKEN: I’m super,superserious.

TOKEN:Youknowme, Nichole. I don’t make these kinds of jokes.

TOKEN:Jimmy–

TOKEN:Jimmydied, because of these guys.

TOKEN:He’sactually dead, and I’m sort of freaking out but trying to keep a level head for the group, but I– I…

BEBE:Wait,what???

NICHOLE:Token, seriously, don’t joke about your friends being dead…

TOKEN:Trust me, I’m telling the truth.

TOKEN:We don’t know what to do.

TOKEN:They totaled my car in the middle of the street, go look if you don’t believe me!

TOKEN:It’s flipped upside down in flames!

BEBE:Oh my god?????

WENDY:Wait, he’s being serious?

NICHOLE:You…

NICHOLE:You sure sound serious, babe…

NICHOLE:Are you–

TOKEN:Yes!

TOKEN: I’m super fucking serious!

TOKEN:Jimmy is dead, there’s people who died ages ago walking around South Park right now, and they’re after us. 

TOKEN:All of us.

TOKEN: Craig, Clyde, Stan, Kenny, Kyle, Eric and I.

TOKEN:None of us know what to do.

TOKEN:I just thought maybe you guys like.

TOKEN: I don’t know.

TOKEN:You guys are capable, I’m not really sure what to do in this situation, I mean I’ve never had to deal with a friend dying before, especially not l-like this–

NICHOLE: Oh– oh no, you sound like you’re choking up–

NICHOLE:It’s okay, it’s okay–

BEBE:Oh my god, Jimmy’s seriously dead?

WENDY:This all can’t be real, can it?

RED: Wendy, this is…

WENDY:I know–

WENDY:I–

WENDY:Red. You and I need to get over there.

WENDY:Now.

BEBE: Wait, I wanna go too!

BEBE:Clyde’s there!

WENDY: You can’t go, this is way too dangerous!

BEBE:What do you mean?!

BEBE:What makes this more dangerous for any of the rest of us?!

RED:Just let them come along, Wendy!

RED: It’s their boyfriends!

WENDY: You know–

RED:We don’t know shit!

RED:None of us know shit, that’s why we’reallgoing.

BEBE: I can drive us there, we can hop in my bug!

BEBE:I’ll get there way faster than your grandma drivingwill!!!

WENDY:…

WENDY:Fine.

WENDY:Just hurry up and get some shoes and a jacket on.

NICHOLE:Token, honey, we’re coming right over.

NICHOLE:Stan’s farm, right?

TOKEN:Yeah…

NICHOLE:That’s about an hour out– we’ll be there as fast as we can.

TOKEN:Okay…

TOKEN: Be safe.

NICHOLE:I should be saying that to you.

CRAIG:Token, people are asking about that Damien kid.

CRAIG: I don’t even know how he’s relevant to all of this, but last I heard, youwere the one who talked to him last.

TOKEN: Who the hell is on your blog asking this kind of stuff, dude?

CRAIG:Dude I don’t fucking know. People.

TOKEN:Well…

TOKEN: He was kind of like…

TOKEN:Not helpful at all.

TOKEN:He just told me all of this isourfault.

TOKEN: But he did say if I needed anything that I could call him, I guess?

CRAIG:Yeah that’s what they’re saying you should do.

TOKEN: He didn’t really… give me a phone number or anything, though.

CARTMAN:Ugh, can you guys shut up?

CARTMAN: It’s hard enough sleeping on all this hay without you guys yappingacross the freakin’ barn all night.

TOKEN: We’re trying to figure out what to do next, fatass.

CARTMAN:Cool.

CARTMAN:Do it where I can’t hear you guys.

CLYDE:D’you think… if we got his help. he’d get ridda the demons for us…

TOKEN:No, I don’t think so.

TOKEN: He told me unless we like, literally have a favor from the king of hell, we’re pretty shit outta luck.

TOKEN:I really wish I had been thinking a little more at that moment, I would’ve asked him for his number.

TOKEN: Even though… he was the one to tell meto callhim.

CLYDE:Well… maybeeeee…

CLYDE:[yawn]

CLYDE:Have you tried jus’ typing a bunch of sixes into the phone…

CLYDE:Heheh… gettit… ‘cause he’s like from hell and stuff and… 6… 66… yeah… nice…

CLYDE:…

CLYDE:Jimmy would’ve laughed at that…

CLYDE: I’m sure…

CLYDE:…

CLYDE:sznnnzzzzzz…

TOKEN:…Yeah, I bet he would’ve, Clyde…

TOKEN:Get some sleep, bud.

CARTMAN:Guys seriously I’m gonna hurl a bale of hay at you if you don’t shut up soon.

CRAIG: Go die Cartman.

CARTMAN:So I can come back as a stupid demon like the rest of those losers?

CARTMAN:No thanks.

TOKEN:Well…

TOKEN:I mean I guess it isn’t the dumbestidea Clyde’s ever had.

CRAIG:You’re seriously gonna try typing666 into the phone?

TOKEN:That or like,ten sixes to make it a proper number.

CRAIG: Is 666 even a real area code…?

TOKEN:Dude, I don’t know.

TOKEN: What else am I supposed to do right now.

TOKEN:I don’t suppose anybody in here has his number?

CRAIG:Nobody likes hanging around him and his stupid glasses.

TOKEN:Exactly.

TOKEN:I’m.

TOKEN: I’m just gonna try this and see if it works.

TOKEN:…

TOKEN: Ugh, great. It just went straight to voicemail.

TOKEN:[sigh]

TOKEN: You know what.

TOKEN: I’m not even gonna bother leaving him a message, I doubt he’s going to listen to it anyways…

CRAIG: Cool, what a waste of time.

CRAIG:Yeah, like…

CRAIG: I don’t really get out of my friend circle that often… so most of these guys I don’t know like, at all…

CRAIG:I can’t even tell if that asshole “Tweek” guy was ever even a real person to begin with.

CRAIG:What kind of name is Tweek, anyways…

CRAIG:He doesn’t even know what a barnis.

CRAIG: And that one chick, I’m pretty sure I heard she was alive before, but like.

CRAIG:I’ve never seen her in my life.

CRAIG: I don’t think any of us have.

CRAIG:She looks kind of like a bitch anyways.

CRAIG:What fucking right did she think she had, possessing Clyde like that…

CRAIG:As for the other three…

CRAIG:Pip was always so… like.

CRAIG:Stupid.

CRAIG: He was way too nice, super gullible, and he always tried to butt his way into things.

CRAIG:I can’t tell you how many times I had to slam the door on him when he’d try and show up to my parties.

CRAIG: He also just looked like a huge nerd.

CRAIG:But now…

CRAIG:I mean he still looks like a nerd, but…

CRAIG:He’s…

CRAIG:He’s definitely more assertive.

CRAIG:I’ve never liked him before.

CRAIG:And after today, I never, ever will.

CRAIG:That Gregory guy…

CRAIG: He was like, the annoying theater kid who always had some way to one-up you in his pocket.

CRAIG:He was pretentious and a know-it-all.

CRAIG:But I never really hung around him that much.

CRAIG:He had his own theater clique anyways.

CRAIG:And now he’s got weird ooze hands that come out of his mouth and stuff.

CRAIG:Like, after all these years he still has nothing useful coming out of his mouth.

CRAIG:How the fuck is he so okay with that shit.

CRAIG: Also does he think he looks good with that pony tail?

CRAIG:He’s so disgusting.

CRAIG: He still thinks he’s hot shit though. I can see it in his stupid demon eyes.

CRAIG:And Thomas…

CRAIG:Thomas…

CRAIG: He’s only been gone for a year and a half.

CRAIG: He’s still…–

CRAIG:–I mean no, he’s definitely changed.

CRAIG:Whyelsewould he be hanging out with the group that killed Jimmy.

CRAIG: He’d never fucking do that when he was alive.

CRAIG:He’d never associate himself with douche bags like that, and yet here he is, snapping along to their stupidsongs.

CRAIG: How could he do that to me– to us?

CRAIG:…

CRAIG:Maybe it is all just my fault after all.

CRAIG:I think all I really need to say is, I’m pretty sure I hate almost every single one of them.

CRAIG:And as much as they’ve changed, they somehow haven’t changed at all, either.

CLYDE:So do we just sleep on all of this hay tonight then…?

KENNY: I wouldn’t recommend that, dude.

KENNY:Hay is not as soft as it looks.

CLYDE: Aw man…

CLYDE:Fantasy lied to me again…

CLYDE:huuu…

KENNY:Uh, you gonna be alright?

CLYDE:Yeah, just tired… and…

CLYDE:Aw… what the…

CLYDE: What is that smell…

KENNY:Eugh… yeah you’re right.

KENNY: Something smells like peanut butter and dog shit sandwiches in here, for real.

CLYDE:Did something die in here?

STAN:It’s just the ducks dude.

KYLE:This is so stupid.

STAN: Yeah ducks are kinda stupid.

STAN: They kinda rule tho too.

KYLE:What?

KYLE:No dude, I meant–

KYLE:How are we supposed to sleep in here?

KYLE:Why did he expect us to sleep in here?

KYLE:Didn’t he say he didn’t even know what a barnwas???

KYLE:What the fuck.

STAN:I dunno man.

STAN:What gets me is like…

STAN:He just said to stay in here.

STAN:Like, over night or something.

STAN:How long do we stay in here?

KYLE:Exactly!

KYLE:Are we just expected to sit in here for the rest of our lives?

KYLE:How the hell are we supposed to know when we canleave???

TOKEN:Do you think we can trust him that much, though?

TOKEN:I mean you guys were only there for the latter half of it.

TOKEN:He wasrightthere when that other british kid threw Jimmy’s body on the ground.

TOKEN:Like right in front of us.

TOKEN:And he didn’t even try and save Craig when we ran off and he didn’t make it.

TOKEN: I swore he was gonna die too, man. It was so fucked up.

KENNY:I don’t know what we should do.

KENNY:That’s all sorts of messed up.

KENNY:I wanna say we should trust the guy, like.

KENNY:He knows more about this shit than we do, I suppose.

KENNY: But at the same time…

TOKEN: At the same time, he could just be tricking us.

KENNY:Yeah…

TOKEN:And if everything he said back there was true, and he knows Thomas knew Craig before he died…

TOKEN: And so he just let that happen, right in front of Craig.

KENNY: Do you think he’s gonna be okay?

TOKEN: I don’t know…

TOKEN: Like, we’ve all been through some really messed up stuff today.

TOKEN:But Craig’s like…

TOKEN: Getting hit from every angle, you know?

TOKEN:He just seems so messed up right now…

KENNY: Well, you know Craig.

KENNY:He’s always a little different.

KENNY:He’s not taking this the same way we are.

KENNY:At least I don’t think so.

KENNY: I don’t really know the whole inner workings of that sorta thing.

TOKEN:No I get you…

TOKEN: I just hope he’ll be okay soon.

TOKEN:I hope all of us can be okay soon.

KENNY:That’s gonna be kinda hard considering everything that’s gone on.

TOKEN:No… yeah… I know… I just…

TOKEN:[sigh]

KENNY:Come on, let’s all just chill out for a bit and figure out what we should do tomorrow.

TOKEN:Yeah. Yeah okay.

TWEEK: Oh– oh okay, Stan–

TWEEK:You’re Stan, right?

STAN:yea

TWEEK: There’s so many of you man…

STAN:There’s like seven of us.

CRAIG:Would’ve been eight if Jimmy were still fucking alive.

TWEEK:Man–okay–

TWEEK:You said you have a farm?

STAN: Um yeah you were asking us like places we know I just said it like a minute ago.

TWEEK:Would Gregory know where that farm is?

STAN:Um…

TWEEK:Or Pip?

TWEEK: Or even like. Thomas???

STAN:Uh.

TWEEK: Like– would they have known it even existed before they died.

STAN: I guess not.

STAN: I mean like, I never really invited Gregory… or anybody else over or anything if that’s what you’re asking.

TWEEK: Okay, okay that’s perfect. That’s good.

TWEEK: We need to take you guys there.

STAN:To my farm?

STAN:That sounds pretty sick actually maybe my dad will let me try some of this season’s weed.

KYLE:Dude. Is this really the time to think about getting high?

STAN: We’ve had a hard day, dude.

KYLE: You almost died,dude!

STAN:I know dude.

STAN: That’s why I said we’ve had a hard day dude.

TWEEK: Can you guysstop saying dude???

STAN:No.

STAN:Anyways like, I don’t know if my mom would be cool with everybody going there without any warning…

TWEEK: Aren’t there barns on farms?

TWEEK:Can’t you guys just chill out in one of those?

STAN:I mean Iguess…

KYLE: I really don’t think it’s a good idea to hide out right where your family lives, Stan.

KYLE: What if they find us?

STAN:Huh…

STAN:What if they find my epic dad and sister.

STAN: …My dad who’s super cool and not lame…

STAN: And my totally awesome sister who loves me so much…

STAN:…

STAN:Yeah actually there are many reasons why going to the farm sounds like a good idea all of the sudden.

KYLE:Jesus christ, dude you are so fucking evil.

TWEEK:Awesome!!!

TWEEK:This is great!

TWEEK:You guys can–

TWEEK:You can go to the barn, barricade yourself in for the night, get some sleep…

TWEEK:You’ll betotallysafe, they won’t know where you are at all.

KYLE: I don’t know how much I trust how ready you are to just lock us up in a barn.

TWEEK:It’s for yoursafety.

TWEEK:Okay.

TWEEK:I’m just gonna take you all there, make sure you get inside safe, and leave you the fuck alone.

TWEEK: Everybody hold hands.

STAN:huh

TWEEK: Everybody hold hands in a circle, we’re all almost standing in a circle anyways.

TWEEK:Just hold hands with the people next to you.

EVERYBODY:…

CARTMAN:I’mnot holding hands with Kenny.

CARTMAN: I don’t wanna catch the poor.

TWEEK: Man what the fuck.

TWEEK: Just hold hands it’s not that hard.

KYLE:Howexactly is holding hands going to… take us there?

CLYDE: Holding hands is kind of gay bro I mean–

TWEEK: Holy shit just hold hands, we don’t have all night!

STAN: Okay cool. This is cool.

STAN:I really wanted to hold hands with Cartman today.

CARTMAN: Eugh Kenny, sick.

CARTMAN:I’m already feelingpoorer.

KYLE:Man, can we just get this joke over with?

TWEEK:It’snota joke man.

KYLE:Okay.

KYLE:Can we get thisprankover with?

TWEEK:Hhhhhrhrhrhrrrrgh…

TWEEK:Just– you two– hold my hands.

CRAIG:I just want you to know how much I hate this.

TOKEN:Yourealise how sketchy this all sounds, right Tweek…?

TWEEK:Look man.

TWEEK:You guys are making it way sketchier by making this take so long.

TOKEN: Just… do what you’re gonna do. I guess…

TWEEK:Okay…

TWEEK:[inhaaaaaalllleeee]

TWEEK:[exhalllllle]

CRAIG:BUHhfgj

TOKEN:woah–

TOKEN:How…

TOKEN:Wuuuuhh…

TOKEN:Oh my god…

TOKEN:Please, never do that again…

CRAIG:huuuuuuuuu…oh god my head…

KENNY:Wow…

KENNY:That’s…

KENNY:A nifty trick you’ve got…

KENNY: Really would’ve helped us like… I dunno.

KENNY:A couple hours ago, or…

TWEEK:Look man,somuch shit was happening.

TWEEK:I’m just trying to help.

KENNY: Okay, then what do you reckon we do next, dude.

TWEEK:What I “reckon” is that you all get into this red shack and hide out for the night.

TWEEK: This is the barn, right?

TWEEK: I’ve never seen a barn before. There’s no barns in hell.

STAN:yea thats a barn

TWEEK: Okay great.

TWEEK:Everybody get in.

TWEEK:And don’t, for the life of you, come out for any reason until morning.

TWEEK: If you hear someone from outside, don’t trust them.

TWEEK:Even if they claim to be your friend.

TWEEK: Even if they sound like your friend.

TWEEK:Don’t fucking do it.

TWEEK:At that point though you’re probably alreadyscrewed cause someone’s trying to get in.

TWEEK: Just don’t even make it look like you exist in this barn, I swear.

STAN: Jesus dude okay.

STAN:We get it.

STAN:We’ll stay in the barn or whatever.

TWEEK:Thank you.

CRAIG: This is sostupid.

CRAIG:Why are we even listening to this guy…

CRAIG: [Grumble grumble…]

CLYDE:Hey Tweek…

TWEEK:Huh?

CLYDE:I’m kinda really out of it right now I think.

CLYDE: Like I dunno I think whatever that chick back there did to me like…

CLYDE:Sucked all the energy out of me or something.

TWEEK: Yeah that sounds about right…

CLYDE: But um…

CLYDE: I just wanted to say.

CLYDE:Like.

CLYDE:I still don’t care that you’re a demon…

CLYDE:Or an imp… or… whatever you said you were…

CLYDE:You have claws and hooves and horns and stuff… I dunno.

CLYDE:I still think you’re cool either way…

CLYDE: I mean… like…

CLYDE:Our friend justdied…

CLYDE: And I know I’m gonna be crying tonight if I don’t pass out before I do…

CLYDE: But I can tell you didn’t want that to happen to us.

CLYDE: And I’m sorry everybody else is being mean to you…

CLYDE:[yawn]

CLYDE:Hopefully we can see you later under better… um… I forget the word…

TWEEK:Circumstances?

CLYDE:Yeah… Under better circumstances.

TWEEK:…

TWEEK:I hope so too.

GREGORY:Justwhy the hell are we going back into town?!

ESTELLA:How many times do I need to tell you, you sun-dried scab off a decrepit man’s back?

ESTELLA:We need to devise a plan.

ESTELLA: What you did back there was foolish, unthought, and I’m fairly surprised nobody has you at the end of a pitch forkyet.

GREGORY:Oh, so you can try and throw a couple of joe-soap victims off a bridge, but chasing after them is just tooout of line, is it?

ESTELLA: Perhaps chasing them would be fine, if you hadn’t crushed everything in your path to get to them; you rough, low hanging moose testicle.

ESTELLA:My ways would have been efficient– quick and to the point– but somebody had to make a grand show today, didn’t they?

ESTELLA:Hadfun running around doing whatever you wanted, didn’t you.

GREGORY:I was handling everything just fine, and you knowit.

GREGORY: Maybe if you were better at possessing that chubby, hairy runt, I could have gotten rid of Stanley from the start.

ESTELLA: I’m not the issue you corpulent, bacteria-ridden rodent carcass! 

ESTELLA:You know damn well I needed more time to control him than one single day.

ESTELLA:Andyou thought you could do everything on your own.

ESTELLA: You thought, “Oh, if I don’t let that poor old bitch out, I don’t ever have to deal with her superior plan ever again! I’m so ridiculously smart!”

GREGORY: I do not sound like that!

GREGORY: Maybe if the others picked up their slack, I wouldn’t have had to call youout in the first place!

ESTELLA:Oh!

ESTELLA:Oh, I see how it is!

ESTELLA: If you hadn’t let me out, everything would be just sunshine and roses, would it now?

ESTELLA:Is that what you’re saying, you filthy, rancid pustule swell? Is it?

ESTELLA:Ifyou hadn’t left me inside that small testicled man-child, the son of Satan wouldn’t know we’re out here right now!

ESTELLA:It’s your fault any of this is a problem!

GREGORY:Now listen here, you… youuu…!!!

GREGORY:Rrrg!

GREGORY:You better pick a damn side here with what you want!

GREGORY: You’re the dipsy twat who decided to possess anybody at all, and you think it’s my responsibility to take you out of there?

GREGORY:Did you want to stay in him or not?!

ESTELLA: It doesn’t matter what I wanted, it–

GREGORY: Oh, so now it doesn’t matter what you wanted, hmm?

GREGORY:Isthat what I’m hearing for you now?

ESTELLA:Oh, quiet you!

ESTELLA:You plan to improvise if something goes wrong!

GREGORY:You can’t plan an improvision, that’s an oxymoron in of itself!

ESTELLA: You’ve ran out of arguments so you nit pick my words instead, huh.

GREGORY:That’s right!

GREGORY:Maybe if you weren’t so impeccably stupid it wouldn’t have gotten to this point.

ESTELLA:You really are a child at heart still.

ESTELLA:The devil’s out there, and he’s going to be on our tails, and you choose to do this with your time.

GREGORY:We’re still walking, are we not?!

GREGORY:I know he’s on our ass!

GREGORY:We’reawesome at what we do, he’d be a fool not to be!

ESTELLA: That is true.

MIKE: Hey– you’re supposed to be helping people get ready in the make up room.

DAMIEN:What.

MIKE:You’re supposed to be doing your job, per se.

DAMIEN:I’m on break.

MIKE:Break ended five minutes ago.

DAMIEN:Yeah okay sure.

DAMIEN:I could send you to hell right now you know.

MIKE:Whatever, man…

DAMIEN:…

DAMIEN: God I love doing absolutely fucking nothing.

ESTELLA: Is that all, now?

ESTELLA:Did you get everything out of your system, you dog-feces packed rug on a rotten wooden floor.

GREGORY:No, not quite.

GREGORY:Would you mind not dragging the poor sap’s corpse across the pavement?

GREGORY: All that’s going to do is prolong his revival.

ESTELLA:You care about the decency of a corpse, do you?

GREGORY: If we’re walking through a town full of red-neck, american blokes with shot guns at the ready, then yes. I do.

GREGORY:He’s also still our friend, like it or not.

ESTELLA:I do not have friends, you silly bleeding heart of a man.

ESTELLA: You are all nothing more than accomplices. 

GREGORY:Oh I’m sure you think so.

ESTELLA:Iknowso.

GREGORY:Y–

ESTELLA:Shut up.

ESTELLA:What are you doing with it.

GREGORY: Carrying him with some decency, you hag.

ESTELLA:I hardly see how carrying it like that will stop very many people from screaming bloody murder, anyways.

ESTELLA:Honestly, it’s a shame you actually have a heart under all of that blubbery skin of yours.

ESTELLA: You’re going to get blood all over yourself, you know.

GREGORY:Donot remind me.

GREGORY:Why do you think I put on gloves.

ESTELLA:Let’s just get somewhere quiet for the night and figure out our next course of action, shall we?

GREGORY:Whatever you say, your highness.

TWEEK:Guys– guys, I’msosorry for what happened back there, seriously.

TWEEK:Hhhhoh my god I never wanted it to get like this, even though I knew it would I just knew it, none of them canever just let things be normal, or– or simple,or–

KENNY: Dude… shut up.

CRAIG:Give us a fucking second to breath.

CRAIG:Holy shit.

KENNY:Hey wait… isn’t this that new kid?

TOKEN: Y-yeah– yeah…

KENNY:Why can’t we ever have anything normalhappen in this town…

TWEEK: Seriously, I’m so sorry– it wasnever meant to–

CRAIG:Dude, shut up!

CRAIG:Since the moment you came around,everything’s been fucked up.

CRAIG: I can’t even thinkstraight without hearing some bullshit voices, or seeing one of my friends die!

CRAIG:You let Thomas… I…

KENNY:Are you gonna be okay, Craig?

CRAIG:Fuckno I’m not gonna be okay!

TWEEK: Hhhghhg– We– we’re all okay! Everything’s safe now, they’re not gonna follow us–

TOKEN: Tweek, it doesn’t matter if you pushed us to safety, you lied to us!

TOKEN:You told us, right to our faces– like on several occasions– that you weren’t a demon!

TWEEK:I’mnota demon!

CRAIG: Oh yeah, that’s real convincing, buddy.

TWEEK:I swear it! I’m just an imp!

TOKEN: Dude, what are you even talking about?

TOKEN: You have the horns and the wings and stuff!

TWEEK:Trust me, a demon is a totally different thing, I promise you! GHhghgh–

CRAIG: What are you even talking about?

TWEEK:W-well, for starters, demons don’t have legs like mine.

TWEEK: And being a demon is anearnedstatus, man.

TWEEK:You either gotta fall from heaven, or do something really, really fucked up in hell to earn that title.

TWEEK:I have nothing to do with any of you guys, I– I barely know any of you!

KENNY:Then why are you here?

TWEEK:Because fucking GregoryandPip and all of those assholes wanted to get back up to the surface and do whatever the hell it is they’ve always wanted to do– I don’t know, man!

TWEEK: They’ve talked to me for years about what they’d do the moment they could get back onto the overworld.

TWEEK: Pip is just going off the god damn wall or something, he wasn’t even originally planning to do everything he’s done, I have no clue why he’s doing any of this, he’s never been like this before, and I– I– hfhhjfhHGHJFHghhjgh…

TWEEK:But Gregory, Estella, and Thomas, specifically… they’ve always had a reasonto come back up here the moment I knew them.

TWEEK: Thomas is, like… he’s good. He’s way too nice. He just wanted to get back to the surface for you guys, apparently.

TWEEK:So of coursehedies. Ofcoursehe does.

TWEEK: L-like, he’ll be back, sure, but man… he did not deserve that shit, man…

TWEEK: And Estella is freaking the fuck outjustbecause shewants to, I don’t even think she’s ever said a word about any of you. Do you guys even know her???

TWEEK:Ugh– it doesn’t matter.

STAN:Hey, I have a question???

STAN: I have a fucking question hello???????

TWEEK:Wh-what…?

STAN:Why the hell is Gregory a demon?

STAN:He disappeared when he was like eleven, what could he have possiblydone that was so bad that he turned into a demon.

STAN:And youcannot convince me that asshole went to heaven.

STAN: No way he did.

CARTMAN: I always hated that guy…

STAN:Yeah exactly he’s an asshole, nobody likes him, see?

TWEEK: Trust me, I know.

TWEEK:He’s not a demon either, though.

TWEEK: None of anybody you’re dealing with are demons.

STAN:Well then what about all the horns and–

TWEEK:Look, hell is a fucked up place.

TWEEK: And I don’t mean, like, it’s awful and horrible and hellfire rains from the skies–

TWEEK:That shit endedyearsago.

TWEEK:This new hell, under the son of Satan’s reign, is so… messed up,man.

TWEEK:Everything’s so… nice. And uncontrolled. And there’s palm trees,and–

TWEEK: Man Idon’tunderstand it.

STAN:Then what’s the issue???

TWEEK: There’s nobody around punishing the unforgiven anymore, that’s the problem!

TWEEK: When the hellbound don’t get punished, their emotions fester.

TWEEK: They have time to sit there and think about everything that’s gone wrong in their life, and there’s nothing there to stop their souls from getting superfucking warped.

TWEEK: Gregory’s been so pissed off for like, years. I’ve known him for like, a few years but I can tell he’sstillnot over what happened to him.

TWEEK: He goes on and on about you, man.

TWEEK:You.

TWEEK: And like, bananas, for some reason…

STAN:…

STAN:Bananas,huh.

STAN:You’re trying to tell me that you’re a good guy, and that Gregory is pissed off at me and bananas.

TWEEK: I barely listen to him so I don’t know the whole story, but…

TWEEK: He’s pissed off at you, and he’s here to getyou.

TWEEK: I don’t know what the fuck you did man.

STAN:This is stupid.

CRAIG: Yeah, you’re still from hell!

CRAIG: You’re still fucking up all our lives.

TWEEK:RRRGH–I’mnot trying to fuck up your lives, I’m trying to stop Gregory and his stupid friends from doing anything to you guys!

STAN:Wow, great job so far, you’re like a guardian angel.

STAN:You just stood outside my house while I got choked, dude!

TOKEN: Why do you care so much about us?

TWEEK:Dumb reasons man–

TWEEK:Just–

TWEEK:Look, let me take you guys somewhere safe. Or– or like. Tell you how to protect yourselves.

STAN:Why should we take advice from you?

TWEEK:Because you’ve been standing here for the last five minutes listening to my advice, you can stand another minute or two of it, holy shit.

TOKEN:Where can we even go that’s safe at all???

TWEEK:Like. Like…

TWEEK:[sigh]

TWEEK:I don’t know.

TWEEK: We’ll find you guys some place.

TWEEK: After we do, I need to get the hell out of here, because they can obviously track me, man…

TOKEN: Clyde… knock it off…

TOKEN:You’re kinda freaking us out.

CLYDE: I’m freaking you out?

CLYDE: Oh well that’s a shame now, isn’t it?

CLYDE: Your puss-filled elephant’s foot of a friend isn’t here right now, sorry to say.

CLYDE:And very soon,none of you will be.

CRAIG:Dude, what is your problem?

CLYDE:Oh,myproblem?

CLYDE: My problem is that this swollen, decaying fistula ratted me out.

CLYDE:Rattedall of usout.

GREGORY:Hewhat?

CLYDE:Yes, I heard it from the latrine.

CLYDE:While this “Clyde” fellow was having a break down in a piss-soaked petrol station washroom, his friend over here was raving all about us to the Devil’s son himself.

TOKEN:Wh–

TOKEN:Heaskedme!

TOKEN:Clyde,what the hell are you talking about–

CLYDE:Shut your mouth!

CLYDE:I’m not Clyde, and I wont even so much as thank you to call me as such.

CLYDE:We were meant to bide our bloody time.

CLYDE:Supposed to escape silently through your brainless meat stick of a friend’s portal.

CLYDE:But now we can’t be so silent.

CLYDE:So dumb as to contact anybody through a ouija board, you truly do deserve everything I’m about to do to you.

PIP:(Nice to see you, old friend.)

PIP:(Sorry to see our reunion couldn’t have been under better circumstances.)

THOMAS: Y-you know, we really don’t need to do this…

THOMAS: W-we… I mean we could–

GREGORY:Thomas, I’ve toldyou.

GREGORY:Keep your input to yourself.

GREGORY: These issues are much greater than your feelings.

TOKEN:D-dude…

TOKEN: Whoever you are…

TOKEN:We’renothere to hurt you guys.

TOKEN:We… we were high, did some stupid stuff, and forgot about it the next day.

CLYDE:Oh yes, you’d think that ignorant, wouldn’t you.

CLYDE:You shredded bits of bloodied placenta have no clue the sorts of things you lot have done, have you?

CLYDE:Maybe not to me, but it really just gives me a reason for all of the things I’d like to do to you. Not that I’d hesitate either way.

GREGORY: Then would you just get on with it already, Estella?

CLYDE:Impatient scrotal sac of a decrepit old man.

CLYDE:[sigh]

CLYDE:I suppose I’ve dwelled within this grotesque husk long enough…

TOKEN: Wait, what are…

TOKEN: What’s happening–

GREGORY:I didn’t even know you’d gone off and squealed so soon.

GREGORY: Here I thought I really wouldn’t have to hurt any of you…

TOKEN:You–

CRAIG:You guys killed Jimmy!

KYLE:Theywhat?!

GREGORY:I told you, that was a miscalculation.

TOKEN:D… Damien told me we all deserved it!

GREGORY: Well, maybe you do, seeing what you’ve done.

CRAIG:Whatwe’vedone?!

STAN: Get your head out of your ass, Gregory!

KYLE:Oh my god what is coming out of Clyde’s back.

CARTMAN:Grody,what the fuck.

GREGORY:Oh, I’ll tell you who’s coming out–

ESTELLA:No, you won’t.

STAN: What the hell did you do, Craig?!

STAN:Why are there demons chasing us!

CRAIG:They came from the ouija board, I don’t know, man!

STAN:How do you not know?!

STAN:It’syourfault I almost fucking died back there, asshole!

KYLE:Hewas getting choked out pretty hard, dude.

CRAIG: Hey I savedyou!!!

CRAIG: Stop pinning this all on me!

STAN:You’re the one who kept playing with the ouija board after we left!

STAN: What were youthinking?!

CRAIG:I WASN’T THINKING, I WAS HIGH.

CRAIG:WE ALL WERE!

CRAIG:You were the one who said it was all bullshit anyways, don’t try and act like you ~knew~ this would happen!

STAN: You let a revenge-hungrymaniacout!

CRAIG: Oh yeah? Why does he wantyou so bad, huh?

CRAIG: Answer methat!

STAN:That’snone of your business–

KENNY: Oh my god can you guys PLEASE stop fighting.

KENNY:The guy flipped a car over and almost killed Stan, and you’re arguing about who’s more at fault?

CLYDE:Do you think we lost them bro???

TOKEN: I don’t know…

TOKEN:I mean he wrecked my whole car, I cant imagine whatelsehe could do.

CLYDE:I really want these guys to stop chasing us around, I’m not like some… some olympic runner or anything!

TOKEN: I… Ithink we’re safe…

TOKEN: Guys, I think we’re okay…

CLYDE:Ohthank god…buhhhhghghubuuuuu…

KYLE:What do we do now–

TOKEN:OH WAIT NO NO WE’RE NOT WE’RE NOT OKAY NO NONONO–

CLYDE:AAAAABBGFHFHDBFDGHBGFHDBBBUUUUUUUUUHHBHB

GREGORY:YOU ALL THINK YOU CAN GET AWAY WITH THE PROBLEMS YOU’VE MADE?

CARTMAN:YES!

GREGORY:YOU’RE GOING TO REGRET EVER FORGETTING ME.

CRAIG:Dude where the hell are we running, we’re not gonna get away from this guy!

KYLE:Jesus, is that the bridge up ahead already?

KYLE:How fast have we been running?

CRAIG:M-maybe if we cross it he won’t be able to pass!

STAN:That’sso fucking stupid dude, what makes you say that?!

CRAIG:I DONT KNOW STAN, WE’RE ALL KIND OF ABOUT TO BE CRUSHED TO DEATH BY A BRITISH GUY WITH TENTACLE HANDS, EXCUSE ME FOR NOT MAKING MUCH SENSE–

KENNY:W-wait– who’s that on the other side of the bridge?

STAN:W…

STAN: Why does…

STAN:That looks like…

CRAIG: Oh no… not him…

PIP: ᴛᴀʟʟʏ ʜᴏ

STAN: Dude what the hell is going on, what did you do?!

CRAIG:IsaidIdon’t know– I… I

PIP:Ohlovely, it’s enough for a whole tea party now!

PIP:And there’s more of my old friends here, too!

STAN: ᴡᴇ ᴄᴀɴ'ᴛ ʜᴇᴀʀ ʏᴏᴜ

PIP:How splendid!

PIP:The only one we’re missing now is…

PIP:YES.

TOKEN:E-Estella???

STAN:STOP MAKING UP WORDS, STUPID!

CRAIG:C–

CRAIG: Come on let’s just book it past Pip!–

TOKEN: W… wait–

TOKEN:Clyde…?

TOKEN: …Clyde… what’s wrong with your eyes…?

CRAIG: …C-come on… we need to–

CLYDE:Oh…

CLYDE: Will you shut up for a second, you garnish of a cow’s excrement.

TOKEN:C

TOKEN:Cow’s excrement?

CLYDE:It took him long enough…

CLYDE:I’m beginning to hate the stench of hair gel and wotsits…

CLYDE:Not that I ever enjoyed it all before, anyways…

STAN:Dudewhat are you going on about.

CLYDE:But as I’ve always done, I put up with the wretched stench of another deformed monkey’s scrotum that calls himself a man.

CLYDE: And now there’s six more to deal with.

Estella supremacy