Summary:Reader feels lost, and she finds comfort in the arms of someone she didn’t expect.
Warnings:depression, suicidal thoughts, implied attempted suicide (very light, only if you squint real hard)
Author’s Note: When I started writing this I was in a very bad place. I started wirting it because I felt exactly as reader feels in this fic. And this was my only outlet. Daydreaming as always. It helped a little fantasizing that my very own Bucky would comfort me in my darkest days, so I decided to share this with you all. I hope it helps those who need it, if only a little bit. You’re not alone. Don’t forget to reach out for help. Attempting against your life is never the answer, guys. You matter. You’re important and people do care. We don’t have to live through this alone. And I know it isn’t easy. And I know it can’t be cured with a fanfiction. I know.But knowing people care, sharing the way you feel with people you love and people who love you does help. It makes things easier, lighter. And if you ever need to talk to someone, you can always come to me. It gets better, guys. It really does. Stay safe. I love you all <3
Summary:Reader feels lost, and she finds comfort in the arms of someone she didn’t expect.
Warnings:depression, suicidal thoughts, implied attempted suicide (very light, only if you squint real hard)
Author’s Note: When I started writing this I was in a very bad place. I started wirting it because I felt exactly as reader feels in this fic. And this was my only outlet. Daydreaming as always. It helped a little fantasizing that my very own Bucky would comfort me in my darkest days, so I decided to share this with you all. I hope it helps those who need it, if only a little bit. You’re not alone. Don’t forget to reach out for help. Attempting against your life is never the answer, guys. You matter. You’re important and people do care. We don’t have to live through this alone. And I know it isn’t easy. And I know it can’t be cured with a fanfiction. I know.But knowing people care, sharing the way you feel with people you love and people who love you does help. It makes things easier, lighter. And if you ever need to talk to someone, you can always come to me. It gets better, guys. It really does. Stay safe. I love you all <3
Bucky could always tell if you’d cried yourself to sleep during the night. Your pretty eyes would be puffy and reddish the next morning. Your shoulders would hunch over, as if the weight you’d cried off the night before hadn’t left completely. You’d shuffle your feet across the floor. You’d look numb, weary. And he always knew that crying all alone in your bed at night had left you feeling worse than before.
“Hey, doll,” he greeted quietly when you entered the kitchen.
You lifted your face up to see him sitting on the stool across from the kitchen table. The sunlight that came from the window behind him shone on his bed hair, creating a halo around his head that made him glow.
“Hey, Buck.” You smiled weakly at him in an attempt to hide the fact that you’d cried the night before. But the smile, as weak as it had been, was real. Seeing him always made your heart feel less heavy and the weight over your shoulders dissipated for a little while.
You walked towards the stove that was behind him and filled the teapot with tap water before setting it onto the flame. You placed your hands on the edge of the counter and let your head fall forward. You let out a silent sigh, and prayed that the remnants of the tears shed last night weren’t noticeable to Bucky.
“Everything okay, doll?” he said behind you, tentatively.
You lifted your head up and turned to see him. He was looking at you worryingly, and he’d turned his whole body in your direction. He didn’t attempt to hide the scowl of concern on his face.
You attempted a smile, but it didn’t come out right. Everything was not fine. And you were dying to tell him just that. But you knew if you did, you’d crumble before him, and that was something you couldn’t afford. Looking weak in front of people wasn’t something you were very fond of.
“Yeah, Buck. Everything’s fine.” You shrugged your shoulders in a weak attempt to be nonchalant.
Bucky knew better, but he didn’t push.
He stood up from the stool and shortened the distance between you two in a few strides. He towered over you by a good 8 inches. His presence wasn’t intimidating. He didn’t make you nervous. He made you feel at peace. And you wondered what it’d be like to be wrapped up in his arms, if a hug from him would ease the pain in your chest and lift the weight off your shoulders.
He placed both hands upon your upper arms and said in the most soothing voice: “I’m here if you need me, doll.” He looked intently into your eyes, and you were trying so goddamn hard not to cry. “Always.” He smiled and squeezed your arms softly before letting you go and walking out of the kitchen.
And you knew and embrace from him would definitely help you ease the pain. And you found yourself longing to be held by Bucky Barnes.
-
It was taking a toll on you. You couldn’t focus on missions anymore. You were in a bad mood all the time. You’d snap at everyone for everything and anything, and all you wanted was to sleep. Sleep all day. Sleep and not worry about life anymore. You weren’t sure when, but you’d started to wish to never wake up.
But the world needed you. And you couldn’t afford sleeping all the time. You couldn’t afford being distracted during missions because you would not only jeopardize your life, but also your teammates’.
And it was too much. The weight of the world was upon your shoulder. The weight of being a good soldier, a good agent was upon your shoulders. The weight of everything was upon your shoulders. And the tears that you shed in your bed every night weren’t nearly enough to lift it all off. You were fading away and there was nothing you could do about it. And if there was, you didn’t care to find it.
-
“You could’ve gotten killed, Y/N!” Tony yelled as he paced back and forth across the carpeted living room floor. His right hand swiped along his hair, pushing it back and away from his face.
“Wouldn’t that had been delightful?” you said, trying so little to hide the fact that you didn’t care.
“What?” Tony stopped his pacing and stood in front of you. He couldn’t quite figure out if you were serious, and there were both anger and concern in his features.
You were all used to bottling things up. If you were sad or depressed or angry, you bottled it all up. There was no time for feelings. You all had more important things to do. You were looked up to. And people didn’t want to see sad agents. They wanted sparkly agents, happy avengers that would gladly give their life for them, as ungrateful as they were.
You sighed wearily and rolled your eyes as you stood up from the couch. “Nothing, Tony.” You patted his shoulder before walking past him towards the staircase.
“Are you okay, Y/N?” And the concern in his voice was noticeable, but god you didn’t have the energy to do this right now. You didn’t have the energy to do anything at all lately.
You stopped at the first step and turned your body in his direction. “Yeah, I’m fine. I’m not allowed to not be okay.” You shrugged your shoulders and went upstairs, leaving him with dread hanging over his head.
-
It was too much. Everything was too much. The little things that used to bring you joy had ceased to be important to you. Being in combat, fighting the bad guys, kicking some hydra ass were things you utterly enjoyed. But that was gone too. You saw no light at the end of the tunnel. It kept getting darker and deeper, and your resilience was wearing thin. You were disappearing and nobody cared. Not even you.
The music in your ears was loud, and the tears flowed free down the sides of your face, disappearing into your hair. Music used to bring you peace of mind, and you were trying so desperately to find it again. You were trying desperately to cling to the remnants of life that could keep your feet grounded onto this world. And it wasn’t happening. Nothing worked anymore. Not even music. So what was the point on keep on living then? If nothing could bring you joy anymore? If nothing could spark a little bit of life into you? And the thought appeared in your mind in a flash, almost fleeting. And you held onto it. Onto your last hope. Your last resource.
It would be so easy, wouldn’t it? You had the means. You had the weapons. You had the knowledge so it would be as painless and quick as possible.
So why then were you taking so long? Why were your hands shaking? Why was all your body shaking? Why were there tears running madly down your face if this was what you wanted to do?
The gun felt heavy in your hand, and you dropped it as if it were scorching hot. And you ran. You stormed off your quarters and let your legs guide you to wherever they wanted to go. You let your heart guide you to the one place you knew you’d feel safe from your own thoughts; the one place you’d feel safe from yourself.
It was as if he’d sensed you’d come because he opened the door just when you were about to knock. And there he was, standing tall and broad and waiting.
He didn’t say a word, but you sensed he knew why you were standing on his doorstep, crying and shaking. He didn’t say a word, and he didn’t have to, because when he opened his arms, you stepped into them in a heartbeat, with no doubt in your mind that this was the place you needed to be at the most right now.
When his arms wrapped around you, it felt as if all the broken pieces of your shattered soul were being glued back together, back in place. It was as if he was absorbing all the bad thoughts and feelings that had been consuming you for months. And you held onto him. You held onto him as if your life depended on it. And it did in a way.
You sobbed into his shirt, leaving a damp spot on the fabric. He ran his right hand through your hair, soothing you, comforting you. He placed his right cheek on top of your head and brought you closer to his body when your sobs became cries. He never said a word, and he never urged you to stop crying.
“It’s gonna be okay, doll,” he whispered against the top of your head; his hands never ceasing to stroke your hair and back soothingly. “I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”
And it was all you needed. Someone who cared. Someone who showed they cared. Someone who allowed you to live your feelings without trying to shut you down.
This was the light at the end of the tunnel. The spark of hope that you were so desperately looking for. And here it was, in the arms of a man who had always been there but you’d been too blind to see it.
Going back to normal wasn’t going to be easy, and you were aware of it. But knowing Bucky cared, knowing Bucky was there to pick you up, would make it less difficult. And it was worth staying for.
i had it saved to drafts until i could formulate a proper response
i have nothing
don’t get me wrong, i’m seeing some beautiful scenes of korra and kuvira and i’m so excited for most stuff and mako’s scene looks cool and korrasami of course and zhulick and tahno and it’s all promising to be a really, really, really fantastic finale with really epic animation and dialogue as per usual but
but korra doesn’t reconnect? at all? to her past lives? at all?
i’m going to go pummel a bag for two hours. hopefully by the time i get home i’ll be too drained to be emotionally invested in the finale.
also; am I the only one in the fandom that hasn’t watched the finale yet??
