#how to be an adult
gardentea-deactivated20200527:
On Hobbies
Literally get into an activity that involves touching things or You. Will. Die.
It can be so easy in this day and age to feel like that’s not an option, and binge culture has made the sickening descent into couch-based isolation and lack of self-discipline not only acceptable but a “fun personality trait” for many. But sometimes, often, you need to give your brain a break from consuming and Create something. You need to give yourself time. To think. And maybe even do something with your hands while your imagination roams free.
I’ve been addicted to social media. I’ve defended social media. I’ve nearly fist fought my parents for trying to take my phone (they were absolutely in the wrong). I’ve had multiple twitters at the same time. I don’t have a twitter anymore. I’ve been depressed, and scared, and wanted nothing more than to escape the ceasless, screaming void that was my life.
Filling that void with the internet did nothing for me. It was help from my oldest sister that did. Her and her husband got me out of my house, taught me how to be a healthy adult, then set me loose.
What does this have to do with hobbies?
My wife has severe seasonal depression. This fall, she is doing amazingly better than usual, and I couldn’t be more proud of her. She picked up sewing in September. Now she spends hours a day working on projects, watching videos, or planning what new dress she can make out of a tablecloth. It gives her mind something to do to take her mind off the cold. It also lets her interact with the winter by taking charge of her fashion and making warm clothes that she likes and has a personal connection to. And at the end of a long project, she always has a new piece of clothing. Something she produced and can take pride in.
It has also helped her relationship with others. In our group of friends, she has already gotten several requests to hem or adjust clothes, which makes her feel very needed and grows a sense of community. [Side note: I love my awesome wife and could gush about her all day] She also watches YouTube videos of clothing makers while working and gets all kind of inspiration from them that she loves to tell me about. When I see the light shining in here eyes my heart fills with the joy she’s found. Plus I got some new pajama bottoms.
I like vegetable gardening. I don’t currently have a garden but I’m working on getting a plot in the town community garden. In the meantime I’ve started following different gardening or nature-centric people on social media, and I’m going to start researching different gardening tips. The plan is to one day interact with other people who share my interests and make friends, but even just now I recognize how happy it makes me to look into those things. It calms my heart and reminds me to be kind.
I also realized I kind of have a knack for building things out of cardboard. First it was a box/jungle for our cat that I made from 12-4am for no reason but I love him, and then a dinosaur for a school project.
So—and this is where it starts getting applicable to your own life—I’m going to ask all my friends for their spare cardboard whenever they get it and I’m just going to make things. Animals. Decorations. Unsturdy shelves. Some of the things I make are probably going to be really crappy, but I’ll also get better as I go on. Hopefully someday when I have money to spend I’ll turn this into actual woodworking. But for now, I have cardboard and a pocket knife, and I’m going to put my grubby little hands all over it and have some fun.
Crocheting? Baking? Painting? Building? Making sculptures out of pipe cleaners? Practicing your handwriting? Scrapbooking? Cutting up all your blankets then stitching them together in different patterns?
It’s not only good but necessary for your mental, emotional, and physical health to take your eyes off of a screen and make your hands do something tactile every now and again. Or even more often than not. But right now, just start something. Anything. You don’t have to show anyone, you don’t have to be good at it as long as it makes you feel good. Looking for ideas or intimidated by how hard something seems? The internet, with all its greedy human pitfalls, is an incredible tool for learning things. Use it for good.
Don’t only consume. Create.
How to have a conversation about a topic you’re not interested in or don’t know anything about:
- Listen to what the other person has to say about the topic.
- Ask a question about what they said. Asking them to clarify or explain something you don’t understand is great, but any question will do. All else fails, ask them to explain what they like about some part of the topic.
- Listen to their responses and go back to step 2.
- Do this until 5-15 minutes has passed, then change the subject to a topic of your interest, unless you are actually interested in learning more on this subject, in which case, go on for as long as you like.
- Sometimes, they will say something like “I’m sorry to blather on about [topic].” This is an attempt at a conversational dismount. You can either say “no, it was fascinating, thanks” and then bring up your own topic, or you can say “no, it’s fascinating, please keep going” if you want to keep hearing about their topic. Note the tense difference (past -> moving on, present -> keep going).
I just thought I’d write a script for this, because someone who can’t / won’t do this came up in a Captain Awkward column, and listening about topics you have no interest in is a really useful skill to have and not often explicitly taught, particularly to boys and men.
This is really helpful advice for people with adhd/autism because we’re often not great at social skills and holding conversations
“In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer”
—Albert Camus
an author i love just tweeted about how “big joy and small joy are the same” and how she was just as content the other night eating chocolate and cuddling her dog as she was on her Big Trip to new york and honestly. i think that’s it. this morning i was listening to an audiobook while baking shortbread in my joggers and i realised i really didn’t care what Big Things happened in my future as long as i could keep baking and reading at the weekend and maybe that is the kind of bar we have to set to guard ourselves against disappointment. just appreciate and cherish the mundane stuff and see everything else as a bonus.
found it - she was replying to this thread that starts “unpopular opinion: i don’t think your life has to have a purpose, or you a grand ambition; i think it’s okay to just wander through life finding interesting things until you die” and i for one think that’s fucking brilliant
If you save happiness for only the big important moments, you won’t have a very happy life, but if you allow happiness to happen from even the smallest things, your life will be full of happiness
ace-lost-in-motherfucking-space:
sanders-sides-uncorrect-quotes:
Home
- what the hell is a mortgage?
- first apartment essentials checklist
- how to care for cacti and succulents
- the care and keeping of plants
- Getting an apartment
Money
- earn $50-$100 by taking surveys
- how to coupon
- what to do when you can’t pay your bills
- see if you’re paying too much for your cell phone bill
- 54 ways to save money
- How to do Your Own Taxes
Health
- how to take care of yourself when you’re sick
- things to bring to a doctor’s appointment
- how to get free therapy
- how to prevent a hangover
- a list of stress relievers
- how to remove a splinter
Emergency
- rights when cops pull you over
- a list of hotlines in a crisis
- things to keep in your car
- how to do the heimlich maneuver
Job
- time management
- create a resume
- find the right career
- choosing a major
- job interview tips
- how to stop procrastinating
- How to write cover letters
Travel
- ultimate packing list
- traveling when you have no money
- best way to pack a suitcase
- how to apply for a passport
- how to make a travel budget
Better You
Imma need this eventually cause they don’t teach you jack squat in school
Ima schedule to reblog this when I’m 16.
Ima need this eventually
same fam.
Pfffft i’m 32 and I still need some of this advice
Reblogging now for future me
