#incorrect tfota quotes
I’m just trying to help, and sometimes when I’m being helpful I’m also really bitchy.
~Jude Duarte
Jude: Handcuffs fucking hurt.
Vivi: Use silk rope next time.
Jude: I don’t think I can convince a police officer to use silk rope.
jude hiding from cardan and balekin at their house:
cardan: hey, jude! breathe if you like me.
cardan: jude? jude? jude stop you’re turning blue!
jude: how good am i with pets?
jude: i went out with cardan for years and he only bit me twice.
cardan [sarcastically]: if i died, how much would you miss me?
jude: it’s cute that you think death can get you out of this relationship
Jude: Did you know that technically atoms never touch each other? Since we’re made out of atoms and since blades are made out of atoms, we’ve never actually touched anything in our entire lives. So to answer your question, Cardan. No, I did not kill that person.
Cardan: Murder is never the answer.
Jude: It’s the solution!
Cardan:No!
Jude: “Revenge”? That sounds dishonourable.
Cardan: Oh, good! So you’re not going t-
Jude: I prefer calling it “returning the favour”.
jude: i’m bored what should i do today
cardan: me
jude: what?
cardan: uh flee. i said flee. because i hate you.
some grocery store guy: excuse me ma’am?
jude:yeah?
some grocery store guy: you’re little brother is causing havoc at the section 4 where we keep the wine
jude: my little bro-? OH SHIT THATS MY HUSBAND *dashes off*
