#issues

Alright, this is all thekiribaku ‘s fault( I love you so much and I’m so happy we’re friends! I really hope you’ll enjoy this) merit: she sent me this freaking beautiful fanart by the incredibly talented @taro-k, saying that it fitted my one-shot perfectly AND THAT WAS SO TRUE. IT JUST BROUGHT BACK ALL THE FEELS I HAVE FOR “TILL DEATH DO US APART”! I’m not afraid to say that it’s probably the story I love the most among all those I’ve ever written. This is totally self-indulgent, I just had to let all these headcanons out of my brain, to satisfy my need of “more”. And I apologize for making our lovely boys suffer more, but happiness is a fight and they’re willing to go through it all to gain it. So don’t worry, they are and will be fine, but I just needed to address all the issues that their “Happy Ever After” would have entailed.

KiriBaku “Till Death Do Us Apart” Headcanons, Anxiety and Traumas, Hurt/Comfort, Soulmates, True Love

-Even if they are finally together again, things are not easy for them. All the memories of their past lives are there, continuously mixing up with the present and sneaking behind them in the most unexpected moments, mining their present. They have to learn to deal with fear, loneliness, pain and a weight they would have liked to forget.

- Sometimes Bakugou feels so suffocated being a normal teenager, without being able to go on adventures, without his kingdom to protect and guide. He feels so vulnerable without his explosions, his senses now duller than before. He can’t but help but feeling frustrated and getting the spasmodic need to fight. Fight and win. It has always been a routing for him during high school, even before remembering: no matter how hard Kaminari and Todoroki tried, he would always manage to throw himself into a meaningless fight. Only Kirishima can finally make him stop getting into street/school scuffles, and, together, they decide to go hiking as soon as Bakugou starts to feel restless.

But Kirishima is the one who has it worse. He is so… human now. His body feels small, unfamiliar, weak… He can’t turn into a dragon, he can’t fly anymore, but he remembers all of it, how it felt soaring the sky and playing among the clouds. And when the memories hit him, he falls into a sort of apathetic trance as if he couldn’t see the world around anymore; he searches for high places, like the rooftop, where to stare at the sky he once owned, much to the fear of his friends who powerlessly see him going numb. And it always takes all of Bakugou’s patience and affection to bring him back to the present: he has to let the red dragon vent it out, scream in pain and anger as he mourns his loss, as he accuses Bakugou of not knowing what it means for him to be caged in that body and then apologizes between the tears because he would only like to forget but he can’t. Only between his arms Kirishima feels grounded again.

-Bakugou, especially during the first years, can’t bear being separated by Kirishima, as if he could disappear again in a blink, vanishing like one of his memories. Obviously, still being teenagers who live with their parents and attend different schools, they have no choice. They adapt, continuously texting about the stupidest things just to remember each other they are there. And when they are together, Bakugou is physically unable to stay away from Kiri, always keeping an arm around his waist or his shoulders; he can’t stand having other people touching him, even if with time gains enough self-control not to growl to Kiri’s friends. And even if Kirishima, before he remembered, has always let his friends draping on him, now he doesn’t have the heart to scold Bakugou too much when he kicks them away, because he feels the same desperate need as he does.

-When Bakugou loses Kiri in a crowd, he has a breakdown, immediately screaming his name and running around unaware of his surroundings until he has found him again and pulled him to the chest.

-Kirishima is terrified of darkness and solitude. It feels like… dying again. He can remember the crippling fear of leaving his King behind and venturing alone into a realm of shadows. He can’t sleep at night until he’s exhausted or has taken some pills to knock himself out. However, Bakugou comes up with a better solution: he calls his boyfriend every night, talking of everything and nothing until he hears Kiri yawning; at this point, he starts humming soft lullabies to make him fall asleep peacefully.

If there’s a blackout or Kiri wakes up in the middle of the night and realizes he’s alone, in the dark, he has a severe panic attack. It happened more than once that he was so out of it that his parents had to call Bakugou and beg him to come and help their son, who was raving about him being dead. Panic attacks seem to be the most common manifestation of Kiri’s anxiety and fear.

-Kaminari and Todoroki are obviously curious as to why their best friend suddenly disappears every day instead of hanging with them; it’s not like that Bakugou could tell the whole truth, so he avoids the topic as long as he can, but they bother him so much (Kaminari at least) that his tongue finally slips and, at the umpteenth “Who are you meeting?” he absentmindedly replies, “My Soulmate.”

Hell breaks loose.

At first, they are incredibly suspicious, but an hour after having met Kirishima they are absolutely in love with the sunshine boy and shockingly convinced that Bakugou was telling the truth. They don’t know how it’s possible, but they only have to look at how they move and interact with each other to realize that, indeed, they are Soulmates.

To Sero and Mina, Kirishima’s best friends, takes more time to warm to Bakugou, due to his abrasive personality, but they can’t fake not to see the adoration in his eyes when he looks at the redhead or the way they seem to be able to breathe only when together.

-Even if they can’t legally marry, Bakugou buys a pair of (cheap) rings as soon as they are both eighteen and proposes during a cozy home-date, just them watching an action movie as they cuddle on the couch. It’s not as beautiful as the betrothal necklace was, but Kirishima accepts all the same with tears, broken “I love you”s and a smile that could light the whole city, so, in the end, Bakugou is satisfied the same.

They both put them on a necklace and wear it every day.

-When high school ends and they move in together, things start to improve: their wounds slowly heal, they learn how to control their memories and keep them out, how to live and enjoy the present. They become able to live their lives separately without being constantly anxious when apart, to hang out with their respective circles of friends without the other, to spend the lessons without texting continuously.

-This doesn’t mean is everything peaches and cream. They have petty daily fights as much as serious, heavy quarrels that put their relationship in danger. Even if most would say Kirishima is the most insecure one, always feeling not enough for someone as great as Bakugou and fighting with his anxiety, is the latest the one who starts the serious arguments, who overthinks everything.

The worst one happened during a peaceful night, after a silent dinner. Kirishima had already noticed something was wrong with Bakugou but wanted to let him space and time to approach the issue on his own. All had started because Bakugou had crashed a birthday party to which only Kirishima had been invited, by chance. At that moment, he had realized something he had always known but never admitted aloud: Kirishima Eijirou, the human Kirishima, was great. He was great as much as his past life was.

But Bakugou? What had Bakugou become?

He honestly couldn’t say the same for himself, couldn’t he? From King of the East to a cold, stubborn, aggressive teenager.

The thought had started to devour him from the inside until that night, as they walked to the bedroom together.

The words slipped easily from his mouth.

“Let’s break up.”

Kirishima froze, turning slightly.

“What?” he blurted, red eyes blown wide in horror.

“Let’s break up,” Bakugou repeated with his eyes fixed on the ground.

“A-are you mad? D-d I do something? We- we can talk about-”

“You wouldn’t love me if it wasn’t for the past, Eijirou. Don’t you see it? You’re a fucking ray of sunshine!” His words were like a cold shower to Kirishima, who gaped, but the blond didn’t see his heartbroken expression. He clenched his fists and continued, pain seeping through his tone, “You would have never fallen in love with me if it wasn’t for the past. The normal, human you would have never considered loving me. You would have probably despised or pitied me. Do you realize how much you’re fucking losing by staying with me? This is so fucking maddening! I saw you, I saw the light you’ve always had in you! But I’m not the same anymore, you’re just conditioned by your memories to love me! All- All of this! Makes no sense! I’m just- fuck! Robbing you of a happier life! You have to forget it all, forget and move on!” Bakugou let out a hollow laughter, raising his hands to the ceiling, “Let’s break-”

The slap hit him square on the cheek, echoing in the silent room.

Bakugou blinked, shocked, and finally met Kirishima’s gaze. He was trembling, hand still raised, and his red eyes shined with tears.

He had never, never hurt Bakugou outside of a sparring match before. Never.

“Take it back,” he hissed.

“Eij-”

“TAKE IT BACK!” He screamed grabbing this t-shirt and pulling him forward, “TAKE IT FUCKING BACK!”

Bakugou was so surprised by the pure, desperate rage that lighted his eyes, that only nodded. He hadn’t even noticed that silent tears were spilling from his own eyes.

“I’m sorry…” he whispered as guilty and fear made him regret ever opening his mouth.

Kirishima crushed against his chest, hiding the face in the crook of his neck and holding onto him with all his strength.

“This is not fake, this is not forced! I love this Katsuki as much as I loved my King! No matter what- no matter what, I love you! So never say it again! Never say we should break up! Never!”

“I’m sorry, Eiijirou…” Bakugou repeated, wrapping his arm around him, letting his fear and pain flow. “I’m sorry…”

“You said it, don’t you dare forget, Katsuki,” Kirishima sobbed, “There’s no God of Death who could ever pull us apart. I will still love you through the next hundred lives.”

“I’m sorry,” Bakugou begged again, “I love you, I love you, Eijirou.”

-They find the painting while they’re strolling in town, and it’s love at first sight. Kirishima, even if he can hardly gaze away, is a bit unsure about buying it because of the price, but Bakugou is adamant. He needs that, that’s how they should have been remembered, that was what he was glad he could still see in his mind. 

Them. It’s them. Bakugou Katsuki, King of the East, and Kirishima Eijirou, the Red Dragon. Together.

After a lot of bargaining, Bakugou manages to have to owner promise to save it for him and starts to work part-time to afford it, under his boyfriend’s back. Obviously, Kirishima is not an idiot and discovers it pretty quickly: in a week he’s able to get hired in the same café as Bakugou, who can hardly hide his happiness behind snarky remarks.

They manage to buy the painting just in time for Christmas and hang it in the living room, where they can see it daily. Every time one of them is home alone, especially as they grow older and have different schedules or business trips, the other would spend as much time as possible in front of the painting. Eating, sleeping, working or lazing around under its shadow as if it was a sort of charm; even talking to it, as if their partner could hear them. And when loneliness and fear crawl into their hearts, anxiety chokes them into the dark, and memories of blood, solitude, and death flash in front of their eyes, they can just look at the painting and remember the happiness they used to share during their past life, that they’re together again, and that a whole new life of joy and love awaits them.

inthetags:

reblog and put in the tags what your favorite fictional characters have in common

bigtransmoods:

- Being misgendered purposely
- Bullying
- Physical fights
- Verbal abuse and threats
- Sexual harassment
- Leaving home
- No support
- Friends as well as family disowning me
- Being called a tr*nny. 
- Not being able to breathe or move because of dysphoria and binding.
- Depression and anxiety. 
 AND A FUCK TONNE MORE.

So please can all trenders stop saying “being trans is so great, I love it.” It isn’t fun at all, fuck off.

please don’t fall out of love with me

Having a Barbossa obsession makes me wonder if I have daddy issues.

My guys, I’ve loved this man since the beginning when PotC: CotBP was released in 2003. I was 15 fucking years old.

And I’d still ride that black heart in his 80s, fancy wig and all. Fuck that Salamander and the trident to heck.

On some of your photos, when your try to use the double crossed arrows to go to a related foto, it gets trapped in some loop, won’t connect. Tumblr problem?

Definitely sounds like a Tumblr problem. I would try contacting technical support.