#men writing women
I know we poke fun a lot at men writing women (and often with GOOD reason) but I’d just like to take a moment to look at women writing men:
- Muscles for days. It doesn’t matter if he’s sixteen and is a band kid whose hobby is skipping PE, if he’s a love interest, that boy has a six pack for some reason. Every man is lean but muscular and always have that perfect V. Six packs are free and you can see them through every and any tshirt.
- Always tall. Like, we can never honor a 5"5 King. Every dude is like 6 feet plus. Even when the woman is tall, the guy is always taller.
- He’s always so much bigger and his hands always dwarf hers. Like, every man has hands the size of dinner plates.
- Penises are always like 8(+) inches. He’s always the biggest she’s ever had and he is a Sex God, where he was a virgin or a vampire with a love life that dates back into the 1500s. He will make her cum 26 times, often with words alone.
- He’s the most poetic fucker you’ve ever met, even if he’s never read a book or watched a romance in his life. He’s going to spout out how she is the last star in a galaxy of loneliness that lights the sole path to his salvation. He’s gonna freelance that shit like it’s nothing.
- He will automatically never find anyone else attractive ever again, even platonically and if he does, he will compare them to the love interest in a way that makes her better. “Joanne had nice eyes. Not like Kelly’s eyes though, which were emeralds polished to a shine that made him think of summer and the fondest of childhood memories in the forest under a sky of jade leaves. Joanne’s were, like, ordinary blue or brown or something.”
- He always smells like things that you don’t even know had a smell. “He smelled like sunlight and cloudless blue skies, of cool winter frost and magic sex musk”
- He’s a douchebag to everyone but the love interest. She makes him a better man. (Ah, the good old “I can fix him” mentality in motion)
- He can eat cupcakes, pizza and beer for breakfast every day of his life and he will never have an extra ounce of flesh anywhere.
- He will randomly quote Shakespeare or Charles Dickens or, I dunno, Julius Caesar
- He always thinks her vagina tastes like rose petals and peaches and strawberry milkshakes
- He is constantly witty and charming and every women who seems him thirsts for him and his six pack and 12 inch schlong but only Kelly will ever catch his eyes and he has never loved anyone as much as he loves her. All other women can catch fire including his mom and he probably wouldn’t notice if it meant one last kiss from Kelly.
March’s WritingTipWed! Every Wednesday I post a writing tip on my Twitter! If you want to see these weekly, follow me @/EmilyLaJaunie.
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#WritingTipWed 33 - Learn from other people’s mistakes. Check out @/menwritewomen on Twitter to see how not to write female characters, especially how not to describe their appearance and behavior.
You can also check out this article.
#WritingTipWed 34 - When writing a long passage, you should create a new paragraph when: the “camera” moves, a new idea/topic is introduced, time passes or reverts, the setting changes, the mood shifts, and/or you want to create dramatic effect.
#WritingTipWed 35 - Never compare your writing speed to others because everyone writes at their own pace. Some can write thousands of words in a day, others write hundreds, and others write a few sentences. All are equally good because all make progress.
#WritingTipWed 36 - Writing takes energy, always. Even if you enjoy it, it takes a toll. If you’re unmotivated to write or hating writing, take a break (at least for one full day). Do not feel guilty about it, never feel guilty about self-care.
#WritingTipWed 37 - If your dialogue sounds stiff, try adding crutch words. They add no meaning or value to a sentence but are commonly used: “Actually”, “honestly”, “basically”, “like”.
Ex: So, basically, I was like, how could this happen?
damn did y’all know that if you sit and sing and the men in your life go out to war your breasts gain the ability to feel emotions, more specifically sadness? because i sure didn’t
