Artist who does the opposite of commissions where they draw an unspeakably terrible image and people pay them to destroy it forever.
This is a bit like the setting for Igor (2008). At the start of the movie, they explain they have an annual mad scientist contest, and the best doomsday device is used to threaten the world into paying them not to unleash it.
If you strip away the funny characters and storytelling tricks you can probably make the setting a legitimately horrifying place.
Continuity Trousers and Mechanical Gear Top by YILEE.
Item: Vest of Throwing Stars; rather than the usual magical “patches that turn into the things they look like” it is literally a vest made of throwing stars clipped together. Also functions as mail armor
Today’s entry in “the world of fashion baffles me.” I’m left to explain the pants, which I think are doing half-assed job of concealing a demon or satyr’s backward knees and hooves…
Radio static is still pretty cool sounding for horror ambience but I wanna hear more media where it’s just crystal clear but obviously abnormal stuff coming out of the radios or TV’s. Not too on the nose like scary demon voices just confusing weird stuff that doesn’t make sense as a legitimate human broadcast.
Anyone remember this one spooky youtube video where some guys were stuck driving a loop of the same back roads and it was associated with these bizarre repetitive music notes on their radio?? I still remember those annoying weird notes and how much creepier that was to me than the scary guy who shows up later.
Edit: yeah it was “no through road!”
I once, legitimately, heard a weird radio broadcast where a guys started singing about how turtle men were going to harvest our blood and “were working for those unseen” on a radio station that once I changed the station, I couldn’t redial back into It all sounded live
Well wherever they are now, thank you to whoever stopped those turtle men
Encounter: Middle-Aged Radicalized Turtle Men, blood harvesters in the service of Those Unseen…
why is france called the hexagon when its abundantly clear that it’s a pentagon
what
mmm i guess i see it i was definitely seeing 1 and 2 as one side plus the left and right sides slope out more
yeah tbh i see how you can see 1 and 2 as one side
actually its a decagon
careful apollo might hear you
ok but if we r being really pedantic it’s a triacontakaipentagon (35 sides)
Tumblr accidentally rediscovers the coastline paradox
For anyone that didn’t feel like googling it, the coastline paradox is realizing that you can make the coastline as long or short as you want based on how detailed you want to be while measuring and mapping. This is exemplified in a simplistic way by the posts above.
Inquiring minds have many questions related to magic apes.
@normal-horoscopes in banning Summon Ketamine Ape, has the Wizard Council created a dangerous backup of Ape energy in the gulf of mexico?? how does the Wizard Council plan to safely release this potentially deadly Ape power?
OH FUCK SHES OUT
Encounter: 800lb Weather Ape
I would like to specify that it’s an 800lb Weather Gorilla.
While gorilla’s are apes, so are chimpanzees, bonobos, and orangutans. Specifically, they are all great apes. If you expand things to include all apes, you also get the so-called “lesser apes,” aka gibbons.
What I mean is that while summoning a ketamine ape is banned, summoning the weather gorilla is fair game, whether or not she has ketamine in her system, because the Wizard Council has neglected to state whether or not “Summon Ketamine Ape” calls forth a single ape constantly drugged or one of many apes from some elemental plane of ketamine.
Also wrt the Mongol custom of execution of nobles/those highly respected by the sovereign by being wrapped in carpet and trampled to death bc it allowed the person to not suffer the ignominy of their blood touching the ground (in theory), I gotta say that sure did lead to an epic “lost in translation” moment after the siege and destruction of Baghdad when Caliph Al-Musta’sim was killed by Hulagu Khan by means of being wrapped up and trampled by elephants since that moment is usually given as an example of the savagery of the Ill-Khanate’s capture of Baghdad.
Like, maybe Hulagu was like “Oh fuck we might’ve gone a little bit overboard with the slaughter and pillaging of the city uhhhh hey get their spiritual leader and have him get trampled by horses you know a really noble death actually you know what make it elephants because those are even bigger and cooler than horses yeah that’ll get people on our side”
The reverse of this would be that time during the Mongol invasion of Hungary when local people had heard that the Mongol coalition actually has a lot of Christians in their rank which was true but Central Asian Nestorian Christianity was pretty isolated from Latin Christianity so they had different customs and the Hungarian townsfolk didn’t realize this when they attempted to make an appeal to their co-religionists by having a religious procession in front of the Mongol army where they prominently displayed the bones of saints kept in the local cathedral and like Central Asian Nestorian Christians didn’t have a tradition of treating remains of saints as relics. So when they did that it didn’t come off as “Hey! We’re also Christian! Don’t attack us! Don’t take everything we have!” and more like “Hey… what the fuck is up with those people parading around fucking skeletons in our direction? wtf is that supposed to mean? Is it supposed to mean ‘death’? Like they’re gonna make us look like those skeletons? Those motherfuckers are taunting us in this situation?? Well, cant say I dont admire their courage but you all know what the drill is we go in loot everything and burn it to the ground and sell any survivors into slavery alright lets go” and then they did that
an angel would fuck a streetlamp and it would be nothing. it would be like a dog thoughtlessly rutting against a couch: pure instinctual pleasure chasing with something that may elicit but not share in your libido. but if an angel fucked a cell tower then viable offspring could very well result
this isn’t an arbitrary fact nor am i saying it in a fit of tryhard i’m-so-quirky-weird-internet-man pretense ok im saying that metaphysically speaking, if we were talking about the pure intent and function of angels and cell towers, they are absolutely in the same family of creature
people are asking “are you okay” and “what the fuck does this mean”. you are not contributing to divine phylogeny
It took me a moment, but I think OP means that both angels and cell towers are specifically made for communication purposes.
Nowmy brain is running with this idea and it points out that angels are 1 way communication, from God to humans, but cell towers are 2-way.
Therefore an angel/cell tower hybrid (angel tower?) would (depending on the precise details of hybridization) result in either 2-way communication with God, 1-way communication from God (essentially being just another angel), or 1-way communication to God.
The last is the funniest possible option, because it would allow people to scream at him about everything going on without (verbal) retaliation.
Arguably even funnier though, is that using OP’s method of classification, angels can hybridize with anything that specifically facilitates communication, leading to such additionally nonsensical lovers as:
Walkie-talkies
Smartphones
Telegrams
Carrier pigeons
Text-to-speech software
Email
Snail mail
And many more. I don’t normally do this, but @1rakus, you must see what you have wrought!
hold on, isn’t prayer already one-way communication to god?
Yes, but people who pray are being reverent and subservient. At best, comparable to dogs giving you big puppy eyes while watching you eat. Anyone could use an angel-talkie or angelphone to say anything. League of Legends players could Hypothetically start calling God slurs.
an angel would fuck a streetlamp and it would be nothing. it would be like a dog thoughtlessly rutting against a couch: pure instinctual pleasure chasing with something that may elicit but not share in your libido. but if an angel fucked a cell tower then viable offspring could very well result
this isn’t an arbitrary fact nor am i saying it in a fit of tryhard i’m-so-quirky-weird-internet-man pretense ok im saying that metaphysically speaking, if we were talking about the pure intent and function of angels and cell towers, they are absolutely in the same family of creature
people are asking “are you okay” and “what the fuck does this mean”. you are not contributing to divine phylogeny
It took me a moment, but I think OP means that both angels and cell towers are specifically made for communication purposes.
Nowmy brain is running with this idea and it points out that angels are 1 way communication, from God to humans, but cell towers are 2-way.
Therefore an angel/cell tower hybrid (angel tower?) would (depending on the precise details of hybridization) result in either 2-way communication with God, 1-way communication from God (essentially being just another angel), or 1-way communication to God.
The last is the funniest possible option, because it would allow people to scream at him about everything going on without (verbal) retaliation.
Arguably even funnier though, is that using OP’s method of classification, angels can hybridize with anything that specifically facilitates communication, leading to such additionally nonsensical lovers as:
Walkie-talkies
Smartphones
Telegrams
Carrier pigeons
Text-to-speech software
Email
Snail mail
And many more. I don’t normally do this, but @1rakus, you must see what you have wrought!
it works so well HOW. the markings, the hoof on the wing, the short tail, the pink eye
Kind of a Jersey Devil
I actually had a hypothetical jersey devil concept but I envisioned it as a large winged leporid with shope papilloma virus. I should probably try making more shitty cryptid designs tbh
Bestiary Entry:Pteranoequus jerseyii, more commonly known as the “Jersey Devil“ after a local superstition, is a heavily derived extant species in Order Pterosauria.
Most theorize it to be a surviving member of the Azhdarchidae Family, but some contrarians claim it to be part of Dsungariptidae, and lacking fossil DNA from either it cannot be entirely ruled out.
Despite its fiendish reputations amongst the local populace, P. jerseyii appears to be largely herbivorous and does not eat people. That’s not to say it won’t trample them. If provoked it will, but the same goes for all sufficiently large herbivores.
Theydoeat meat; they are simply not obligate herbivores. Rather, they eat meat as a nutritional supplement, and in captivity show preference for vitamin supplements over meat with the same nutrients.
Here’s a small collection of lesser-known bats with interesting characteristics for your viewing pleasure:
Fringe-lipped bat, Trachops cirrhosus. This bat is known for it’s diet that mostly consists of frogs and other amphibians. Oh, also it’s lips. No need for an explanation on this one. Pretty obvious. [Marco Tschapka]
Western red bat, Lasiurus blossevillii. This bat is related to a similar look-a-like, the eastern red bat. Needless to say they both appear to have been sneaking hot cheetos from the bag when no-one is looking. [Geoffrey Gomes]
Eastern tube-nosed bat, Nyctimene robinsoni. This fruit bat is native to Australia, and, as it’s name suggests; sports a tube-like nose and eats fruit. However most would say it looks rather like a fruit itself, (this one says she takes artistic inspiration from over-ripe bananas) [Merlin Tuttle]
Chapin’s free-tailed bat, Chaerephon chapini. This bat wants you to know that itfucks.No, really- with this hairdo and singing voice the males put on quite the show when courting females. This one just bought tickets to a twisted sister concert. [Tristan Landis]
Lesser bull-dog bat, Noctilio albiventris. There is nothing lesser about this bat because it has jowls and pretty much looks like the chiropteran version of pluto the dog. Did I mention it can catch fish while on the wing? No? Well now you know. [Yuri Aguirre]
Wrinkle-faced bat, Centurio senex. Simply put, this fellow does not have the prettiest complexion. This feature aids in catching every last drop from the fruits they eat, but it simply does not help the fact that this poor guy looks like a defeated raisin. No disrespect of course, I’m sure he is quite the gentleman. [Merlin Tuttle]
Hammer-headed bat, Hypsignathus monstrosus. Contrary to the insulting latin name, he’s a real sweetheart. Only the males sport this peculiar face for amplifying their calls to attract females. (unfortunately due to the bushmeat trade this fellow was primarily blamed for the spread of ebola virus, which was nothis fault, mind you.) [Sarah Olson]
Proboscis bat, Rhynchonycteris naso. This is an incredibly small bat, no less than 6cm and she looks remarkably similar to a muppet. They like to roost horizontally in trees in single-file lines, and this little lady is carrying a ball of lint pup underneath her belly. She looks very kind. [Jess Findlay]
Anyone else keep trying to picture Batman versions of each of these, or is that just me? Different versions of the mask/cowl for situations that are really niche even by Batman’s standards.
an octopus merfolk who is also a ninja. they can change color to blend in, use ink as a smokescreen, and wield eight katanas at the same time
I won’t comment on its status as a cryptid, but that is a badass RPG character! Almost definitely an NPC/Bestiary Entry though, because to my knowledge neither D&DnorPathfinderhave rules for octuple-wielding.
Every year I see dry ice marketed for use by campers, and it’s certainly effective for keeping things cooler longer, but I never see anyone talk about the fact that it’s a tick magnet, to the point that a cooler containing dry ice, even fully closed, is the go-to lure used by field researchers who WANT to attract as many ticks as possible. Here are some tick traps in action:
The fact that people are told to take dry ice with them into the woods, and not told that this is a thing, feels kind of glaring to me???
This happens because dry ice is solid carbon dioxide, and the carbon dioxide in our breath is what ticks use to track us. Not just ticks, either; mosquitoes and other blood-feeding organisms also rely on it. I’ve never been camping myself, but I imagine if you do use dry ice, you should keep it away from where you intend to sit, eat or sleep.
The fact that people are told to take dry ice with them into the woods, and not told that this is a thing, feels kind of glaring to me???
That’s terrifying! It also sounds a way to kill somebody by giving them tick-borne diseases with 100% deniability.
Ok so Haumea, a dwarf planet beyond Pluto, spins so fast it gets elongated like this. This is just what it looks like. Something deeply unsettles me looking at it. Terrifying.
this is so fucked up
This planet looks like a cool rock someone found in a creek.
one day it’s going to hatch and then all of you will be sorry
I look forward to meeting our dizzy, space hatchling overlord and/or destroyer.
Monster Truck of the Fundamentalist: repels human and reproductive rights. Incidentally, how much are people willing to bet this thing has truck nuts in the back?
This specimen’s habitat can range from Temperate climates to Savanna and Desert climates. Draco Actias have been recorded to grow up to 14in (35.5cm) with a wingspan of 2 feet and 7 inches (79 cm).
They express incredible hunting prowess after mating, preferring small birds and lizards. Unlike most moths, their offspring are obligate carnivores. They can consume vegetation, but they will not survive or thrive without meat. The parents of clutches will guard and provide for their young until they are large enough to fend for themselves.
They have also been seen attempting to tackle creatures x50 their size. It is not recommended to handle them without proper equipment or training, as the claws on the tips of their wings have microscopic teeth facing backwards to help them cling to their prey.
fuckin hurts like hell jesus ow ow ow ow ow ow-
Bestiary Entry: dragon moths. Too small to be viable prey for the dragon-eating geese, the dragon moths were magical created to wipe them out… but while they will attack the geese, they are equally happy to attack everything else, and so they are considered adorable failures.
Bestiary entry: dragon-eating geese. Though they prefer the flesh of true dragons, they will happily consume wyverns, half-dragons, kobolds, and all other manner of dragonkin.
