#pictures

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Ima pass bro

My ears just bled

My roommate gave me a hug this morning and said “you’ve been crying huh”

Anyways, she came home and gave me another hug…pep talk included. She was right, if it’s meant to be it’s meant to be. And this is my time to “hoe” out lmao during a pandemic? Lol and not to mention I have no hoes. Being single is weird and idk how to date anyone mainly cause I’m so emotionally unavailable and don’t talk to anyone unless they talk to me first (I’m socially awk sometimes)…….yikes

I can’t keep holding Val on a pedestal based on only the past alone. I’m in love with the past instead of the person standing in front of me, our relationship died around December 2019 and January 2020. We stopped fucking, dating and mainly got into fights the whole time we lived together anyway. I can’t keep self sabotaging and punishing myself for things that aren’t entirely my fault. This can’t be end game.

I want a partner who will love me for me, instead of trying to morph me into their own ideals. Someone who will love me on my worst days, not get mad when I’ll probably make the same mistakes and support me on my best days.

I got out of the most abusive relationship prior and Val showed me nothing but kindness and understanding. I loved her so hard and for so long, this was one of the best relationships I’ve ever had. But towards the end we just lost it and the surprising thing about it all is I chose to break up. You heard that right, me. For the beginning half of our breakup it didn’t hit me because I was using people, places and buying things for validation/escapist tactics. I had no time to feel any emotions other than “happiness” because that’s what was felt in the moment.

Val chased after me this whole year and I paid her no mind because I was putting myself first (for the first time in so long ) a relationship/partner secondary. I ran away from it all. I ran away from her.

Now that she’s not chasing me, but running with me my shift in emotions changed. She’s a lot colder and doing everything I was doing in the beginning. Make sense? It sounded better in my head.

Do I only want this because it’s something I can’t have? I sat and reflected on everything. And to be honest, I don’t really know what I want anymore. What I love, if I’m in love, if I want her in my future etc

Just kinda feels like a chicken running around without a head haha. Thought I reached rock bottom last week but it was definitely yesterday. My emotions got to the best of me…I’m super triggered because the holidays were “our” favorite time of the year, our anniversary is coming up and I’m moving out of “our” place all at the same time. Triggers all around. I’ve had to think about WHY I was feeling everything so deeply, none of it’s connected…or maybe all of it is idk ugh

I fucked up pretty bad yesterday but I can’t keep playing the escapist sad girl card all the time. I know better than this it’s just taken me a little longer to get back the fuck up and realize who the fuck I am. I was getting really “dark and twisty” and focusing on all the bad shit that happened within this year. Plus she keeps coming to my house to get things she leaves and idk if she realizes this but IM TRIGGERED SEEING YOU

I’m aware I’m riding a nonstop emotional rollercoaster so if im being realistic…..yesterday will probably not be the only bad day and I’ll probably have my occasional depressed/worthless feelings resurface. But I’ll also have my really good days too. I’m praying for the strength to be smarter during my down days and to be hopeful and more empathetic towards the situation.

I’m not going to lie. I DO miss what once was and this is the first time I’ve experienced someone falling out of love with me right before my eyes. I have this perception/view of Val constantly in my head being goofy/giddy/smiley when she was in love with me. That in itself is a trigger because I’m not used to being treated the way I am now. But we no longer have ties to one another….meaning we are no longer obligated to provide each other our time, love or kindness. I guess it’ll be something I have to work on getting used to because this is our new reality.

Not sure where this post is headed anymore but I needed to get out everything I was thinking.

I deserve love. I deserve to be treated with respect and understanding. I deserve love that is unconditional not conditional.

Like I said, this can’t be the end game Britt.

If you couldn’t tell already, I’ll be keeping this tumblr for now. It’s a safe space where nobody judges me no matter how hard I’m falling down.

xo

I’m gonna end this post with a nice picture of me

ಥ‸ಥ

I hate myself because when I see you a part of me is happy and excited

But also I know you’re not here to see me

Just to get the remaining part of your things

And the reality of it all

Hurts me in the end

And leaves me feeling pathetic

bye, I need to take a break.

See you when I see you

Cant waitttt, luv going on LA trips

Ok anyway I smoked weed again & took a 20mg of anti anxiety med and holy shit I feel so much better these homeowners got me all the way fucked up - I had to calm myself down and be chill some how cause I was about to go off…..

I also got a happy meal on my lunch because I wanted Pokémon cards for the 25yr anni

Fuck I’ve been so stoned my whole shift ….isss the ONLY way I’ll get thru it & also I always play music + light candles

ZEN. MODE.

I deleted my SW Twitter :) and tiktok~ when I was overthinking again at 3am

What should I do for myself this Vday? Buy the heart shaped Chik-Fil-A nuggets? not when they hate the gaysssss agh

I’m happy my roommates + best friend decided to join me this wknd. We’re staying 1 night in LA so we don’t have to rush for Saturdays exhibit at 12pm. The plan is to visit 2-3 exhibits, smoke and walk the beach. But we’ll see how much we’re able to get done! I know we’re still in a pandemic and I realize how stupid this sounds/looks but safety has been my #1 priority since what happened in dec. I have been extremely careful and more mindful, turning down major events and self isolating for the best.

I already fell asleep for 15 mins and woke up to write this haha. I’m trying to wake up at 5:30am again and walk the beach :) favorite thing to do because NOBODY is out

Love on, love on me, I’ll take your money

pomrania:

This week, from 23 January 2022 to 28 January 2022, I want to draw cats in wizard hats.

Reblog this post with a photo of your cat. In the body of the post, include the cat’s name, and what kind of wizard they would be; and I’ll draw your cat from that photo, adding in an appropriate wizard hat.

The normal rules for my art events apply here. If you’re not familiar with them:

• only one request at a time, and only one photo per request
• once your request has been drawn and posted, you can then make another request (such as for another cat you have)
• “just draw whatever you want” is NOT helpful; if I didn’t want suggestions, I wouldn’t be asking for suggestions
• as long as I’m able to both draw, and post stuff here, I will be drawing all valid requests I receive, in the order they come in
• if it feels like I haven’t gotten your request, feel free to ask me about it; either it’s on my list, or I didn’t see it because of hellsite issues and I’ll put it on my list, or there was a problem with the request and I can tell you how to fix it

This is so great, I hope you haven’t gotten swamped yet and find some time for my cat!

This is my cat Jane! She’s very cuddly and spends a lot of time sleeping. I like to think that she has a healing purr, so she would be a healing mage, if that makes sense / exists in your imagination. (If not, maybe an earth mage instead?)

[ID: a dark tortie cat with yellow eyes laying on a cushion and blanket. Her face is in front and her body is vaguely visible in the back.]

Adding a second pic just in case you need it:

[ID: a dark tortie with a light chest sitting and bending her head to the side to sniff a hand. Her head is blurred because she moved it too quickly for the camera.]

Hey Ladies and Gents! Snapchat us and kik us and send some pics so we can post! :) They can be normal pics, pics in bikinis/bra and panties, and of course NUDE! ;) So spread the word and REBLOG so we can get some sexy pictures for today! Freaks are welcome! ;)
Snapchat us @ snapchnudes69
KIK @ snapchatnudes6969

if anyone wants to send me dick or ass pics, i won’t complain haha (yours or someone elses)

Hey,

as you can see, I just started this tumblr.

You can help me to improve it, by making suggestions for pics, you want me to upload.

Leave a comment or message me via “Ask me Anything”