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I really do … #love #want #need #lust #writing #writers #poemoftheday #poetry #poem #poetic #

I really do … #love #want #need #lust #writing #writers #poemoftheday #poetry #poem #poetic #poemgasm #create #creation #girlwriter #selflove #thoughts #thoughtoftheday #wordsthatmatter #direction #poeticjustice #poeticsoul #norhymescheme #norhymesintended #lovers #future #potential #wondering #SLean I really wonder


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I #want #lust #crave #yearn #desire #sex #sexy #writer #writing #poetic #poem #poetsofinstagram #poe

I #want #lust #crave #yearn #desire #sex #sexy #writer #writing #poetic #poem #poetsofinstagram #poetry #poemsofig #poemsporn #poemgasm #horny #aroused #need #live #life #sexual #touch #arousal #writingcommunity #poemoftheday #SLean ❤️ (at Pond at the Lakes)


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I have spilled pieces of me that no longer breathed. I feel dead, inside and out. Yet I try to smile because I don’t want anyone to ask me what’s wrong. If only I had known what’s wrong, I might have done something about it. But I don’t know. So I live –like a burden upon myself.

I have to dream it all over again. I have to murder the old characters —the smiling faces. I have to envision a different story and paint a new picture. Same place. But a different soul to bond with. I have to let go of the part of me that existed in micro moments and flashes.

I chose a wrong path to infidelity. I tied my limbs to unbreakable bonds. I lost my breaths over moments that did not exist. I let myself burn in ashes and smoke away in ghosted air. I have been my own enemy.

a dream so beautiful it aches.


I have this vision that encroaches my mind like a pandemic. I am looking out the glass window -upon the tall buildings and bright, flickering lights from a dark bedroom dimmed with pure darkness. You walk to stand behind me, wrapping your careful hands around my timid waist. Your chin on my shoulder as we hear the entire world going silent. Everything in slow motion, everything vanishing in the background. It’s us against the world -just as we craved for. A dangerous feeling that makes us feel safe for the one and only time. We are here every night resting our realities to a graveyard where dreams live.

I am the sinner and the saint. I am the broken and the healer. I am the whimper and the laughter. I am the ocean and the sky. The day and the night. I am nothing. But I am everything.

I thought I had a shoulder to cry on.

Until I woke up and realised it was a frozen plank.

I am ashamed that I cannot figure out yet what I want. What I have always wanted. Because what is life without longing?

She drew in trouble wherever she went. There was something odd about her. Maybe it was the way her eyes laid on anyone. Or it was the way she couldn’t let anybody help her. They all thought they knew her. But it wasn’t what it was. They only knew what she wanted them to believe. Nobody knew her. So when she disappeared, she left no traces behind. Some say it was a getaway. But I know. I know she was taken.

I am throwing my own body in the ocean full of giant whales with sharp teeth to rip my body off as if it never existed. I want to let the wolves have the big sacrifice and feast on it as they’ve been longing for. Here, in this place where they kill, I found love. I’ve found it where it wasn’t supposed to be.

The last time I saw her she was blooming like daisies, wearing a weary smile, cloaked in hopeless gown of despair. She told me she was scared of something -or someone. Her dreams caught the best of her, fell down trying to fly so high. She told me she had left God behind and she was ashamed. The last time I saw her, she was fading but she was alive. They killed her. Piece by piece. Second by second. The last time I saw her I could hear her breathing ashes of her broken soul.

And you don’t even like me. But you like the idea of me —the idea of having me.

I need somebody to save me -literally.

From this point on, I need someone to hold my hand tight, hear my heart breaking, let me cry with my head against their chest. Sit with me in silence, for a little while.

I need someone to do a ritual, cleanse my soul. Bury my sinful soul and burn it. To help me get out of this vicious cycle of addiction. I cannot do it. If I could, I would. But I have certainly crossed the point. 

I am unaware of the days and nights. I am unaware of my whereabouts. I don’t know who I have talked to. I don’t know the people I see everyday. They look like walking corpse to me. I am already living in an apocalypse. And I need help.

This unfaithful sobriety from the taste of you -I almost once had in my mouth.I am staying quiet and I am staying shut.
I am aware I am not allowed to admit that I miss you. Because you gave me no reason to. Even if it means death, I want to die whispering the truth,
talking to your heart, before it stops beating too. 

I do not have a promise to make while my existence is vanishing. I hope you can forgive me for not existing -because I am but not here. It worries me to think of who is going to take care of you once I’m gone, it cuts me to my core. But something has been pulling me to the other side of it, and I’m afraid I’ld have to go.

 I do not really fall asleep, I am always stuck in a transition phase -my soul hanging between the two worlds. I dream of things that darken my days like nothing else. Nightmares, not of ghosts, but of people. People hunting me down, taking the best of me, in ways words cannot describe. I wake up, breathless, not moving for an hour cause I am never sure if I am still being looked for, if the monster is gone, so I hold my breath, I don’t move. I lay there, still, haunted by the shadow of someone who is so eager to hurt me, weaken me down, I almost feel dead.

Our little marriage shouts at the walls coming closer every night. We giggle in cries and laugh in tears. I think of you and you speak of me. It’s nothing like how it should be. But we’re both afraid of ending things. So we choose to suffocate, inch by inch, breath by breath –yours into mine. It’s a tragedy.

If you’re the reason somebody is thinking of harming themselves, if you’re the reason someone is planing to take their own life, well congratulations. You are the chosen one. It only takes a while when you will have what’s coming for you.

If we were in a different place, a different country -if we were in a different time or space –where I wasn’t burdened down by the responsibilities I can’t get my head off from, I’ld run to you and I’ld choose you. And I’ld choose you again. And again. And again.

In that fleeting moment, I felt his touch on my thirsty skin. Fondling my existence with his gentle hands. Taking care of the unseen parts of me in ways I did not know existed either.

In that fleeting moment, we were insatiable. Each move igniting the flame a little more, each breath leaving us hungry for love -we did not know existed.

Night after night,

I close my eyes,

Just to wake up

In a different place

In a different memory

When its dark and surreal, when there’s silence and echoes, when there’s peace in fear ~

If you show me, I’ll show you more. If you try, I’ll try harder. If you walk, I’ll be there too.

Every night I put a different face to this silhouette. The same dream with a familiar smile on unfamiliar lips and the sparkle in strange eyes. Same place, same dress but a different person.

I don’t know what to say when I’m told that someone has passed away. I just stare into the oblivion but there are no words in my mouth. I have a voice. But, what do I say??

I am quiet on the outside, but I swear I have been screaming -hoping for anyone to hear me cry when I smile. I was a fool to hope that you’ll listen, that you’ll come running, trying to save me one more time. But you didn’t. Nobody did. And so I rot and decay, my bones in the grass, my ashes in the air. But I am no more.

It was oblivious in the beginning –my tendency to fall for the loneliness. Now that I tried to feel the affection for once and was walked over, I am crawling into a tiny room to suffocate myself and I seem to enjoy the quiet, more than I ever did before.

In the night, I let the dark spirits sit with me, touch the surfaces of my naive skin, tell me tales of human abandonment. I like to close my eyes and listen to the whispers of someone I don’t know. It’s always the dark shadow I see, embracing my darkness, infusing me with pleasure and misery.

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