#poets of the fall

We’re over, but so is the self-destruction
You leaving lead to my one man production

Solitude made me realize I can’t do this alone
But instead of dumping it all on you, I went and picked up the phone

You’re the reason I got help.
I wish I could tell you.
I hope you don’t hate yourself.

Hey, at least I’m not playing games with your heart
It’s always “this or that”, always been like that from the start
I’ve told you that we could play together, but you always say no
Tell me to my face it’s fine, then you shoot these low blows
Funny, seems like you like playing games too.

But we can’t play my games, no, it’s all about you
“This or that?” Fuck that!
Demanding all my attention makes you a spoiled little brat!

Mean or broken, really it’s the same thing
Intention don’t matter, in the end, you still hurt me
Not absolved from your actions just ‘cause you want the consequences to go away

This is not Broadway
I will not bow for your performance
To you, keeping up this façade is of uttermost importance
But this isn’t even worth the price of a matinee
So I’ve gotta say bye to you, babe

Oh, I wouldn’t know
I feel like I’m destined to be forever alone
Always the bridesmaid, never the bride
Always the one to ask out just to get denied

It’s fine, I’m fine.
I don’t need a person to call mine
I’ll just get a cat, or two, or twelve
Romance can be books lined up on the shelves 

I’ll be the best aunt to my friends’ kids 
And then be able to go home and sleep,
Now that’s a great gig!

Tell me, why do I need to find a partner to be complete?
Besides in order to afford rent, or otherwise go live out on the street?

Do I just spill my fucking guts?
I’m only good at either complete subtlety
Or wearing my heart like a tattoo sleeve

Maybe I’ll go be naked on stage
Then go into witness protection
And never be heard from again 

You have quite a funny way of expressing adoration
Or maybe I’m just imagining things
Bored and lonely with nothing better to do
Than pine for your adoration!

I wish I could think of words to write.
But instead,
Pointless thoughts
Empty head
Nothing meaningful
Just anxiety.

Well, telling the secret would ruin the sunrise 
Don’t want to ruin the fun!
What if we lose our magic? 
What if we lose our innocence?

Telling would mean that we would have to deal with the world
That would love to burn us at the stake!
Saying we’re martyrs for an agenda we chose
But I didn’t chose to love you…

You don’t know how to have a good time
Without being out of your fucking mind?

But I’m the one that’s “crazy”?
I’m the one that’s lame?
Stop talking down to me,
Neither of us deserve to feel ashamed.

I hope that you can get the chemicals in your brain in order
I wish you were sober…

Ironic that the cost of living is basically my life
Sacrifice, sacrifice
Pay the price, pay the price

I just want to come up for air
And fucking breathe!
But, no!
I don’t have time for that…

Expecting me to wave a white flag.
Instead, I dye it red with your blood!
It belongs to you anyways

Of course, you continue to wave it with pride
You’ll find someone else wearing rose-colored glasses
I wish I could protect them,
But sacrificing myself to keep tabs on you isn’t worth the cost.

Why am I only worth something
If I become a shell of a human being?

Being crushed by the weight of the expectations myself and the world place on me
My body only being held up by the podium of my accomplishments…

What happens when there’s nothing left to hold me up?

They don’t hate you.
They don’t hate you.
They don’t hate you.

Probably.
I think.
Perhaps.
Maybe.

Probably have stuck around all these years
Out of obligation.
As if they signed a legally binding contract
When they entered the friendship
Breaking it is punishable by death!

I love the way they exist.
They have chaos in their mind but
they’re vibrant in their soul.

They are as powerful as a forest fire!
They think that they destroy everything in their path
But really, they are creating a new path
Creating a new path…
They are the strongest person I know.

Love me more!
Or just…love me at all

Begging is nothing new for me
But this time, it feels different
Begging for a new, unfamiliar love

It’s okay if it’s unrequited
But damn, wouldn’t I love it if she loved me back…

Why do I always like the ones that don’t like me back?
Maybe I’m just in love with the unattainability
So in love with a concept
I can’t let that be ruined by the real…
Scary! 

It’s an inconvenience to prevent the spread of COVID
Concealing my face is like concealing myself from experiencing the world
Using hand sanitizer is like burning my hands off
Melting my flesh off

Can’t say no to a social event!
My life revolves around my social identity
More so than it revolves around being able to breathe out of my lungs!

Relationships are lessons learned. 
Stories learned
Tired of gathering novels,
Contributing to a constantly ongoing saga

Where’s my happily ever after?
Can it come faster?
Or can someone send me a little note saying “None are meant to stay”?

Is my life meant to be a sitcom? 
A long running joke?
I get it, it’s funny
I’d laugh too.

We were like gold
Until you were told
I needed basic respect
Then, you sold us down the river
Said our love was worth its weight in gold

So, you cashed it in for profit
But, there were no takers
And you’re still the victim, it seems!

Whenever something good happens, 
I wanna tell you!
Whenever I feel blue, I wanna tell you!
Spill my guts
Meanwhile, I don’t let anyone else know I have organs