#poets of tumblr
‘Liminal’ Poem
Written by The Silicon Tribesman. All Rights Reserved, 2020.
Put up another sturdy steel wall
Let sweet apathy be the motto
Every move is casual improv
Absolve myself of all desire
Stone cold callous absolutism
Ether of posthumous heartache
n.a.
Melatonin sets in
Like doves returning to nest
God sets them in motion
Circadian migration to circular paths
Not a musical but a solar dance
Blue orange black pink blue orange black
The moon and the sun choreograph
But why must we give the dark so many hours of ours?
Once I properly encounter Him I’ll ask
Why the rhythm of rest isn’t given the chance
To rest on an open eyed note through the night, once or twice
Without submitting eyes to substantial sacrifice
n.a.
“I seek love, yet I hide from it when it reaches out.
I seek the warmth of a lover but cower when it surrounds me.
I seek the words laced with honey but accept those filled with poison.
I seek eyes filled with adoration but find an empty space in front of me.
I seek someone in my sheets, my hands roaming to find someone, but only stumble upon blankets and cold sheets.
I seek a smile but find myself drowning in tears.
I seek a life filled with love but find myself running away when it finds me.
I wish upon the stars to find what I am seeking to find me before I yield and cower again.
I pray there comes a day where I’ll stumble upon all the things I yearn for and that the warmth, the smile will grab me with so much strength that I will have no choice but to accept it with everything in me.
Because for once, I’ll allow the love I run away from to fill me up with everything I wished upon the stars, and for once, I’ll smile without any fear.
It’ll look me in the eyes and tell me that what I had been seeking was just waiting for me to accept myself and be free of the chains.
The smile and the crinkle beside their eyes will tell me that I was everything they too were seeking for, and they were glad we found each other in a place that had no place of running away.
I seek for you, and I pray you also seek for me.
I wish upon the stars that when we find each other, it will all be enough.
Because baby, you’re all my wishes upon the stars.”
- g.d. (the stars)
“distance makes the heart grow fonder”
has always been a lie…
distance makes the heart grow weary
of waiting on replies
my insecurities are here
and they love to tell me lies
sneaking in to all my thoughts
and shining through my eyes
my insecurities are insincere
when they tell me lies
they try to say i’ve lost my way
or that i’ve missed a sign
my insecurities are fear
and they live on telling lies
so if i feed them truth and proof,
surely then, they’ll die?
I wish I could write down everything.
I mean literally EVERYTHING.
Every little overwhelming feeling and every memory and every thought. I wish I could find the perfect words to describe that one person who tears your heart apart but in a good way.
I wish I could sum up the blood-curdling feeling that the passage and transience of time brings me. I wish I could capture it all just like I see it through my so very tired eyes. I wish I could stop. I wish I could go on forever.
We used to live in a house with
a porch surrounded by jasmine vines;
crawling around the porch and up
to the roof. The smell thick and sweet.
My mind only remembers a few details;
ages one through nine lost within
the walls of self-made protection.
Abuse x neglect equal my brain covering
the memories in a blanket, tucking them in
and putting them fast to sleep.
Sometimes I dream of orange shag
carpets and my little brother’s laughter but
they quickly turn to nightmares laced
with a reality I’m still not sure ever
really existed but I love the nostalgic
scent of jasmine seeping into my body as
the nightmares drift towards me;
welcoming me home.
I stumbled across an instagram story that said something along the lines of “the trauma brain constantly seeks an environment similar” and I was just thinking how normal that sounded to me. How weirdly comforting it is to sometimes be so connected with those feelings of worthlessness, shame, neglect, etc… Because we are so used to them that things like true unconditional love, self love, pride, safety, etc, are … How easy it is to look back and find something that feels nostalgic in a good way but is actually a warning of the pain that is to come is truly insane… I keep finding things that I think make me happy but actually just feel “normal” and are truly devastating to my peace and it’s so hard to uncover these things. It’s so hard to feel like your “normal” is so twisted and bent out of shape that you have to re-mold it…
Anyways, those are my ramblings for today - this is officially my “I’m back post.” I know it’s heavy but this is where I’ve been at recently. I love you all and I hope you’re doing well. If you’re not, I’m here with you and for you and wishing you healing and growth.
ReBecca DeFazio
More Than A Flower
Post link
Past midnight and there are still no stars.
There is only a bleakness that invades
my soul from the outside, like it belongs
in the hallow of my chest… Like it knows
how easily I would succumb. It sees
my restlessness and makes a home within it.
Feeding off the anxious jitters until
the words that hurt the most are the
only ones on repeat in my mind, the ones
you don’t hear but see across my face;
lip biting in the ugliest ways. You are
the light, reaching forward to pull me out
and away; the star to guide my way
back to who I really am. The one who
wants so desperately to stay but is too
tired to keep fighting.
It’s crazy how fucking tired I am lately even though I’ve just been at home, even though I’ve been sleeping, and just… Existing… Home is busy. Home is never ending noise… Home is so much work. Emotionally, mentally, and physically… I am burnt the fuck out but I’m finally getting back into this space where I can release… Where I can share and be raw; where I can be myself even though that too is quite exhausting… I would really like to see some stars though. To lay on a beach at midnight in my husband’s arms and breathe fresh air… .
ReBecca DeFazio
More Than A Flower
Post link
Recording moments:
2:34 a.m. July 19th, 2020
He falls asleep while I play with his hair
after he tells me my bare skin is cold and
wraps me up in his arms. Radiating warmth;
I wonder if it’s just the way he makes me
feel. He stares into my eyes until he can’t
fight it anymore and I kiss his lips gently
before untangling my fingers and soaking
up all the safety he offers before falling asleep.
It feels like a dream before the dreaming
even begins… It’s one of my favorite feelings.
ReBecca DeFazio
More Than A Flower
I climb into the covers and try to hide the shame that I feel.
Trying to keep you from seeing how much I want to be destroyed;
let me be missing in action. Bottom of the ocean kind; washed
away, sins taken off of the skin I could never love. Full of hatred and
then… Release. Completely undone, my sobs sound like screams
being choked out; I can’t get ahold of the air. Underwater I struggle to
push myself out of the depths, out of the sadness [brokenness]
that I can’t help but embrace. [What would I be without this pain?]
You try to comfort me and I spit venom in your eyes just
to get you to turn your face away from mine, embarrassed by
the reflection of myself in your eyes. Yet you come back,
you take the shirt off your back to wipe away the poison
and wrap your arms around my body until I can no longer
fight you. Tears roll down my face as I gasp for air;
shivers run down my spine as you kiss away all of the pain
until I’m numb. I can’t feel anything except the high that you
bring to the forefront of my mind. You whisper, “rest” but
I can’t. I dig my claws into your back and bring your flesh to
mine; ecstasy taking away the sadness and replacing it
with lustful love. Addicted to the way you make me feel I
beg for it until you’re exhausted. I take until you break and
then the shame washes over me again. A sick cycle I can
never seem to break.
ReBecca DeFazio
More Than a Flower
We find each other again;
we melt into words that lead
to actions that cause feelings
to explode into the space that
we thought would be empty
forever. We crawl through the
briers that grew from trauma,
stress, and silence; misunderstandings
leading to mistrust and heartbreak…
Knees bleeding, we remember
who we are. In the light and in
the shadows; finding each
other’s lips, fingertips, and
hearts still alive; still grasping
for one another’s flesh…
For one another’s affection,
validation, love. We admit
that we will never find
another connection like ours
and we give into the raw.
We give into the now. Where
pride and fear of rejection no
longer exist… Where we’re
more than flaws and perfections.
We see the damage done and
kiss it away; begging for forgiveness
from one another until the days
become lighter and the love
becomes fuller. We remember
what it is to love; teenagers again
looking into each other’s eyes
accepting that we’re so flawed…
But so loved.
ReBecca DeFazio
More Than A Flower
I was in love with the idea, not the man. And in the end, ideas stay with us longer than any man ever could.
My Heart Bleeds Poetry #39
Charlene Pablo ( via @inevitable-realities)
I don’t think I ever really loved you the right way. But then again you never really loved me at all.
My Heart Bleeds Poetry #38
Charlene Pablo
“I often have to remind myself that you’re not a part of my life anymore.”
- My Heart Bleeds Poetry #37
Charlene Pablo ( via @inevitable-realities)
“I often wonder … was it love that changed me, or was it heartbreak?”
My Heart Bleeds Poetry #36
Charlene Pablo ( via @inevitable-realities)
I don’t miss the pain
I do miss the inspiration it provided
