#sad thoughts

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I finally realized I will always be either not enough or way too much

Caring too much about someone who doesn’t give a shit about you is probably the most painful feeling in the world

I overthink because I know how replaceable I am. I’m no one’s first choice or anything special to someone, I am nothing.

I miss being a kid

When I was a young child, I told myself I wanted to live up to 100 years old— that was my goal. I wanted to live a long life. I was absolutely terrified of dying.

Ten years later and I’m begging the universe to kill me. I’m praying to God— if there even is one— that this will all end.

Honestly, I didn’t even expect to make it this far. I never thought I’d be able to see myself turn eighteen. I graduate high school in a month. I should be happy but I’m not. I feel so lost. I wasn’t planning on being alive for this long. I don’t know what to do, what steps to take, which direction to go— I’m lost.

Is anything even worth it? Should I keep on pushing? Should I go to college? Should I continue working?

Or will it all be a waste of time? “I won’t be alive in the next ten years so I guess nothing really matters.” I find myself often repeating that line.

That’s the thing about life though. You never know what the future will hold. Maybe I will be dead in the near by future. Or maybe I’ll be alive and finally happy.

The only thing I can do now is focus on the present. Let’s just hope I have enough strength to even do that…

Last night I cried from how touch starved I am.

I just want someone to hold me. To envelop me. To trail their hands down my back. To be… Comforted. Just laying there, having someone soothe you with touches and know they care.


I hate those days. The ones where I suddenly realize my yearning all over again. I don’t need reminders of this lack.

You lose touch, you lose people. There’s no other way to put it. Friends are never permanent. Over time they replace you with new ones and you do the same until one fine day, you see them walking down the street but it’s been too long, so you turn the other way.

abusivesubstance:

i went to the beach without you tonight. it was dark out and there wasn’t a single star in the sky, because of course there’s not, theres never a clear night sky when i would want it most. maybe next time i always say, but by the time i get around to making myself look at the edge of the earth it’s always the same when im by myself. i am okay with being by myself. i would still rather have been with you, i still would rather be with you. i wanted to be sharing that moment with you so bad, i craved it more then you’re probably craving some sleep or your own death wherever you’re at as i write this. i hope that next time i go to the beach at one in the fucking morning and sit down on the path and let myself feel for once, it’s because i am feeling your hand squeezing mine or your breath on my neck or your arms wrapped around my body or you. i just want to feel you. and every emotion that comes along with you. your cold or your warmth were all i needed tonight because im just never hallt with moderation.

soooo felt this

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