You know every show that the premise is like “people find out ghosts/monsters/demons are real and are charged with stopping them” appeal to me way more now as a post-graduate not because I believe in ghosts more or whatever but because can you IMAGINE just being handed a job that you don’t even need to apply for? Like just being told “basically there’s this bad thing and all you do is make sure it doesn’t do what it wants” that’s just customer service baby and I worked that for 6 goddamn years! Just TRY getting past “I have a job to offer you” before I can jump down your throat agreeing.
some idiot with a dumb ghost-hunting name who joined the Cause because they love the paranormal: oh fuck oh shit this is really scary guys I’m having second thoughts
me, who knows that if we run away I have to apply to like, a real actual Jobbe again: wakey wakey demons it’s this or retail so guess who’s got nothing to lose
Good trope. Need more of it. Though. There’s also the “they aren’t paying us enough for this shit” characters. But that’s more people that are working a regular job and then suddenly being tasked to deal with something super crazy. Though. At the same time. The threat of the crew on the Nostromo losing their shares if they didn’t go onto the creepy planet was enough to force them to go onto the creepy planet.
Y'all need to hit up the SCP Foundation site. It’s got basically everything you could dream of there with a side helping of spooky :)
They took in some people from a clothing store next door too. The employees could have gone home but couldn’t bring themselves to kick the customers out into the snow because some of them had an impossible three hours drive home and would have gotten stuck on the road in their cars so the employees and their boss opted to stay.
The woman who reported on the incident trekked alone through piles of snow on foot. She couldn’t bring a cameraman so everything was filmed with a small handheld camera.
They ate food from the cafeteria (meatballs of course), watched a Christmas show and football before getting to pick any bed they wanted in the store. In the morning they were served cinnamon buns and coffee/tea.
More reasons why that SCP object is presently uncontained:
Subject is unusually easily mistaken for other, unrelated objects, rendering successful containment difficult to assess
Subject consistently proves just slightly the wrong size/shape to fit through cell door; efforts to construct containment around subject instead invariably stymied by measurement errors
Containment procedures are easily devised, but any attempt explain them to others results in comical misunderstanding
Subject’s nature is such that it can never be contained in the same way twice, and we don’t want to use up the really good ones
Containment specialists report they are “getting around to it”
Subject uncontained because it’s just a little guy, come on, you wouldn’t contain a little guy, would you, and also it’s subject’s birthday, it’s just a little birthday boy
Subject ontologically inverts any space it’s confined in such that the interior of the cell becomes “outside containment” and everything that isn’t the cell becomes “in containment”
Subject could readily be contained, but, like, it’s reallyannoying
Subject agrees that it should be contained and enthusiastically cooperates with every effort to contain it, to those efforts’ detriment
Subject may be contained neither indoors nor outdoors, neither during the day nor during the night, by neither man nor beast, etc.; prophecy loophole research is ongoing
Each containment effort initially appears to succeed; however, later examination consistently reveals that what was actually contained is a non-anomalous human named Steve
Containment specialists could have sworn subject was right there
CLEARANCE LEVEL 5 REQUIRED: IMMEDIATE POST-█████ (CLASS-███ EVENT) INTERVIEW OF Dr. [REDACTED] by[DATA EXPUNGED] CONDUCTED █ █████ ON █/██/██ WITH ████ BANANA-██D█ █████09: “DICK MEATSWEATS COLLECTIVE”
Dr. [REDACTED]: (is violently hauled into a cramped, windowless interrogation-cell with a bag over his head, handcuffed; is shoved unceremoniously into a metal chair and then immediately handcuffed an additional seven times)
(low, dull-yellow lighting flickers over a single long, scarred, heavily-reinforced steel table bolted to the cement floor; also, ██ is actively ████ SCP-███ █ of █████ with ██ and ███ ham-beast ████)
[DATA EXPUNGED] █ ████ (hereafter referr to as “Interviewer”) ██ and █ with a hot ██ and ███ twin spatula ████ Megaman ████ (see ██ ███ ███thick dong█)
Interviewer: (gestures dismissively at Dr. [REDACTED], addressing security officer) Please, remove that. It … won’t be necessary.
Security: (raises quizzical eyebrow)
Interviewer: (gestures again, making the international sign for “pull the bag off his head”)
Security: (raises other eyebrow, even more quizzically)
Interviewer: (frowns, narrows eyes)
Security: (makes international sign for “do you mean ‘pull his head off his torso’?”)
Interviewer: THE BAG. TAKE THE FUCKING BAG OFF HIS HEAD.
Security: Oh! Okay, yeah, sure, that makes WAY more sense. (pulls bag off of Dr. [REDACTED]’s head) Sorry about that.
Dr. [REDACTED]: (blinks several times)
Interviewer:Good morning, Dr. [REDACTED].
Dr. [REDACTED]: (blinking) Oh. Fuck.
Interviewer:You know, I get that a lot? So, Dr. [REDACTED], could you — perhaps — please begin by telling me just a little bit about what it is you do here at the Foundation?
Dr. [REDACTED]: Am … am I in trouble?
Interviewer:
Security:
Interviewer & Security: (suddenly laugh out loud)
Interviewer & Security: (continue laughing)
Dr. [REDACTED]:(frowns)
Interviewer & Security: (still laughing)
Interviewer & Security: (laughing hard enough to shed actual tears)
Interviewer: (wiping away tears) Oh, sweet hopping pogo-Jesus. That was goddamn hilarious. Yeah, no oh my god no, you’re not in trouble.
Security:Yeah, I would have just shot you.
Interviewer:Yeah.Definitely.
Dr. [REDACTED]: (nods at random dead guy seated in the chair next to him) Ah. So is that what happened to this guy?
Other Researcher: (also seated next to Dr. [REDACTED], also handcuffed, still with a bag over his head) Yeah, I was wondering the same thing.
Interviewer: (narrows eyes) No, that was due to a … “miscommunication”.
Security: YOU GAVE ME THE NOD.
Interviewer: WHAT NOD!?
Security:THE NOD! THE NOD THAT MEANS TO SHOOT THE GUY IN THE HEAD! THE FUCKING … THE NOD!
Interviewer:WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU ON ABOUT? WHAT “NOD”!?
Security:(shootsOther Researcher in the head)
All:
Interviewer:THE FUCK WAS THAT!?
Security: YOU JUST GAVE ME THE NOD! AGAIN! THE SAME FUCKING NOD!
Interviewer: jesus goddamn christ put your fucking firearm away
Security:
Security: okay, but it’s not my fault you keep giving me the murder-nod
Interviewer: I’M SORRY WHAT WAS THAT?
Security: Ah! Sorry, sorry, nothing, [DATA EXPUNGED]. My apologies.
Interviewer:That’s what I goddamn thought.
Dr. [REDACTED]: uhh
Interviewer:Ah. Yes. So.
Dr. [REDACTED]: … so?
Interviewer:
Dr. [REDACTED]:
Interviewer: I am so sorry, this is really embarrassing. I have COMPLETELY lost my train of thought. Where were we?
Security:Oh! You were just asking Dr. [REDACTED] here if he could tell you a little bit about what he does at the Foundation.
Interviewer:SHUT THE FUCK UP AND STOP MURDERING STAFF-MEMBERS, ASSHOLE. I’M NOT FUCKING TALKING TO YOU.
Security:
Security:don’t have to be a dick about it
Interviewer: I’M SORRY, AGAIN, WHAT WAS THAT? YOU’RE TOTES PSYCHED ABOUT GETTING YOUR CHAPPED ASS BUSTED DOWN TO D-CLASS PERSONNEL?
Security: No, [DATA EXPUNGED]. No, I am not totes psyched about that.
Interviewer:Yeah. Keep it up, just see what happens.
Dr. [REDACTED]: um
Interviewer:Oh! Shit, yeah. So, Dr. [REDACTED], could you begin by telling me a little bit about what you do here at the Foundation?
Dr. [REDACTED]: Ah, yes! Well, I’m an [EXPUNGED], an unlicensed [ALSO EXPUNGED] and [REDACTED] practitioner, as well as an [EXPUNGED], a [SUPER-EXPUNGED], two [JESUS FUCK, SO EXPUNGED], a psychopharmacologist with a background in [DOULE EXPUNGED], anomalous and/or cognitohazardous pornography and [EXTRA HYPER-TIGER-DRAGON EDITION EXPUNGED]. Crikey, my name is ’Stralian Dan! Dingos, boomerangs, koalas, wallabies! FOSTERS! VEGEMITE! PAUL HOGAN! YAHOO SERIOUS FILM FESTIVAL! (said with German accent) {O5–1 APPROVED thumbs up}
Interviewer:
Interviewer: … and we hired you WHY?
Dr. [Redacted]: Well, for a lot—
(knock at the door)
Interviewer:OH FOR FUCK’S SAKE. HELLO? WHAT THE SHIT DO YOU WANT?
(door cracks open just a smidge)
Interdepartmental Liaison: (pokes head in) Hey, everybody! Just popping in real quicksies to ask if everyone has their raffle tickets for th—
Security:(shootsInterdepartmental Liaison in the head)
Interviewer:
Interviewer: are you goddam kidding m—
Security:UH ARE YOU GODDAMN KIDDING *ME*!? If you don’t want me to shoot people in the head, STOP GIVING ME THE ‘SHOOT THIS GUY IN THE HEAD’ NOD.
Interviewer: for the love of hot greasy fuck THERE IS NO ‘SHOOT THIS GUY IN THE HEAD’ NOD and if there was I WOULDN’T BE FUCKING GIVING TO YOU.
Security: okay well that’s not what I was told
Interviewer: GIVE ME YOUR FIREARM YOU MURDER-HAPPY NUTBAG FUCKSTICK
Security:pfft
Interviewer:(literallyaudiblescowling)
Security:okay well fine but I just want to be clear, for the record or whatever, that I feel like I barely murder ANYBODY around here
Interviewer:THE GUN, ASS-MUNCH.
Security: (hands over firearm, rolling eyes)
(knock at the door)
(someGuy From Accounting pops head in door)
Guy From Accounting: Hey, so real quick? We’re supposed to have this room—
Security:(shootsGuy From Accounting in the head)
Interviewer:HOW IN THE HOLY HOPPING JESUS FUCK
Security:Backup gun.
Interviewer: “BACKUP GUN”?
Security: Yeah, I’ve got like two dozen guns on me. Why? Did you think I handed you my only gun?
Interviewer:YES.
Security: okay, well that seems like YOUR goof-up
Interviewer: PUT ALL OF YOUR GUNS ON THE FLOOR
Security:
Dr. [REDACTED]:
Security:okay well this is gonna take a while
Dr. [REDACTED]: (slowly raises hand)
Interviewer:WHAT
Dr. [REDACTED]: um, I’d like to talk a little about what i do here at the Foundation? if that’s okay?
Interviewer: Oh sweet Jesus H. Tit-Cream. Yeah, sure, fuck it. Tell me all about it.
Dr. [REDACTED]: Well, I was recently assigned to a task force working on the SCP-3003problem—
Security:Oooh, that sounds INTERESTING!
Interviewer:Oh, hey, cool! Are you done putting all of your guns on the floor?
Security:
Security:yep
Interviewer: SHUT THE FUCK UP AND KEEP PUTTING YOUR GUNS ON THE FLOOR
Security:What about stun-guns? Do those count?
Interviewer:WHY WOULD THEY NOT COUNT?
Security: Uh, ‘cuz they’re not really “firearms” per se? And you ONLY said firearms.
Interviewer: I DID NO SUCH FUCKING THING
Security:Well, okay, whatever.
Interviewer: i swear to fuck I will ██████ your ass to SPC-█ and ████ as of █/██/██ to ██████ for the foreseeable ██ in a ██████ to █ ████.
Dr. [REDACTED]: (visibly aroused)
Security:woah okay, wow? uhh, if you REALLY want, I can “divest myself” of all my stun guns, dart guns, shotguns, laser—
Interviewer: wait did you say SHOTGUNS?
Security: Yeah, of course.
Interviewer:Are you under the impression that, when I say “put all your guns on the floor,” I might NOT mean to put down however many FUCKING SHOTGUNS you happen to be carrying at the moment?
All:
Security: Well, you might not. Which is why I asked.
Interviewer:(glare)
Security:Oh well EXCUUUSE ME for seeking some goddamn clarity! Shotguns have a TOTALLY different certification process here on base, so I wasn’tsure if they were included in your new weird, dumb little “no guns” rule.
Interviewer:
Security: TOTALLY. DIFFERENT. CERTIFICATION. PROCESS. See, like, pretty much anyone on Foundation staff is allowed to carry a shotgun. Even D-class, which is totes cray-cray for shay-shay.
Interviewer: That CANNOT be correct.
Dr. [REDACTED]: Nope, that’s accurate. The rule goes all the way back to ██████ on █/██/██.
Interviewer: (closes eyes, massages forehead) oh well that fucking explains it
Dr. [REDACTED]: It does indeed!
Security:Honestly? I’m just shocked that more of the researchers don’t have a shotgun tucked under their arm at all times. Like, there are some parts of the building you’re not “supposed to go into” with a shotgun or whatever, but you can totally carry one to the bathroom or into the commissary or out to your car if you want to.
Dr. [REDACTED]: That is correct. There IS the 20-minute rule, though.
Security:Right! Like, after direct exposure to a cognitohazard you have to put your shotgun down for 20 minutes.
Interviewer:
Dr. [REDACTED]:“For 20 minutes”. WINK LOL.
Security:But, and this is VERY important, it is quite specifically AGAINST Foundation policy to use a shotgun to terminate a member of personnel. We’re supposed to use a sidearm, and getting certified to carry one of THESE bad boys requires is a full afternoon-long training course. It costs $20 to take it, too. And THEN you have to pass a written test, AND you have to re-certify every 72 months.
Interviewer:
Security:Ha! Can you even IMAGINE how much trouble I would be in if I used a SHOTGUN to terminate a member of personnel? Pfft. Jesus, we’re talking easily forty-five, fifty minutes of paperwork.
All:
All:(laugh)
Interviewer: okay but seriously ALL OF YOUR FIREARMS. ALL OF YOUR GUNS. ANYTHING WITH A TRIGGER AND / OR A FIRING MECHANISM, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO HARPOON GUNS AND CROSSBOWS ON THE FLOOR NOW
Security:Okay, but I’m gonna be honest with you? I’m gonna feel PRETTY disarmed.
Interviewer: THAT IS ENTIRELY THE GODDAMN POINT. NOW DROP EVERY SINGLE GUN, OF EVERY SINGLE TYPE, THAT YOU ARE CARRYING.
Dr. [REDACTED]:
Dr. [REDACTED]: SoANYWAY, as I was SAYING, I’m putting together this whole proposal where we strap SCP-035toSCP-096, arm him with SCP-3664, run the bitch through SCP-914 on “Very Fine,” broadcast an image of his ass on state-run media to all thirty billion inhabitants of SCP-3003, then … well, at that point we sit back, relax, and let nature take its course.
Interviewer:
Dr. [REDACTED]: Maybe have a margarita.
Interviewer:wow holy fuck
Dr. [REDACTED]: Assuming that the resulting anomalous entity can kill 100 people per second, every second, indefinitely, we should achieve 100% planetary depopulation of SCP-3003 within 9.5129 calendar years: a result, even accounting for a 200% margin of error, well-within our 30-year estimated time-window for SCP-2317 to bust-loose & dick-whip THIS shitty planet into a smear of dog turds and punched lasagna.
Security:okay that’s badass
Dr. [REDACTED]: THANK YOU. Can you believe that the previous best proposal was aerosolizing 5.5 quadrillion tons of powdered SCP-960&SCP-963, mass produced via SCP-038, and venting it into the upper atmosphere?
Security: PFFT. LAME.
Dr. [REDACTED]: Yeah. Like, at that point, why not just convert the whole planet to Catholicism and hope SCP-2852 just casually wanders in?
Security: (jerking-off motions)
Interviewer: Actually, that’s just a smoke-screen. The REAL plan is to ██ under a ███ ████ with SCP-█████ ████ a pigs-in-a-blanket █████ █ utilizing SCPs-1981,1004,2030, and 1459 to █████ fucking ███ Marshall Tucker band █ ███ ██ ██ Keter bukkake █ and █ ██████.
Security: (vomits all over the floor)
Dr. [REDACTED]: (attempts, unsuccessfully, to hide erection)
Interviewer:The only real problem is just getting the idiots on SCP-2222 to point their dicks in the right direction. But, I mean,look. It’s a really nice planet. With, like, NO FUCKING KETERS ON IT. It’s the ultimate dorm-room fantasy!
Dr. [REDACTED]: I believe it was the Buddha who said “I dream of a world that has never known war, nor hunger, nor deception, neither need nor fear nor want nor heartbreak, because god DAMN we would totally kick that world’s ASS.”
Interviewer: It’s a planet of 30 billion idiot bug-lickers, and it’s sad that they all have to die–
Dr. [REDACTED]: Is it?
Interviewer: The Ethics Committee requires that I say “yes”.
All:(nod)
Interviewer: (reading prepared statement) Ah-hem. But, sad as it might be, that’s only 30 billion people, and who gives a shit, ‘cuz fuck it we’ve killed more people than that since last Tuesda— OH SHIT FUCK.
All:
Interviewer: (folding paper & putting it away) Yeah, no, fuck, I shouldn’t have read that to you. Fuck me Buttery Jesus. Okay, so … goddamn it. Everybody just be sure to take a fuck-ton of Class A amnestics when we’re done here.
Dr. [REDACTED]: oh yeah you got it boss thumbs up
Interviewer: (narrows eyes)
Janitor:(pushes open door, pulling a mop bucket and whistling the theme from ‘Casino Royale‘ by Herb Alpert & the Tijuana Brass)
Security:WOOP WOOP NINJA STARS MOTHER FUCKER YEET (throws a fistful of ninja stars into the Janitor’s face, neck, and torso)
Janitor:
Security: Those were poisoned.
Janitor:(extends middle finger, very slowly collapses to the ground dead)
Interviewer:
Security:okay before you say ANYTHING, those are standardFoundation-issue poisoned ninja stars that ANYONE INCLUDING D-CLASS PERSONNEL is allowed to carry AT ANY TIME and they most DEFINITELY do NOT have a trigger OR a firing mechanism so just handle your shit
Interviewer: (lunges at security officer) FFFUUUU—
Dr. [REDACTED]: Anyway, long story short? I’m gonna need a few thousand D-class. I wanna see if that whole “100 corpses per second” thing is feasible. Which I think it will be. Ugh … hello?
I have a horrible animatic idea that’s been nagging me since yesterday and I want to get it out my system as a horrible edit (ft my dumb concept sketches for Clef and Kondraki)
ultimately i think the reason i don’t take a deeper dive into scp stuff is because nothing will ever live up to scp 5031
it starts with Edgy Murder Monster (Who Is Weird) standard fare and then ten or so diagrams later you are like. profoundly emotionally invested. and then you get to the last sentence which makes you cry irl
researcher 1: this right here is a murderbeast. lock it in the shame cube and never pay attention to it
me: yeah okay. it’s a keter scp what did i expect.
researcher 2, ten years later: i never met researcher 1 but he was a Bitch. anyway i want to know if scp5031 can befriend a chicken.
me, already reaching for the tissues,
I’m actually gonna go ahead and link to 5031 just to try to encourage even one more person to enjoy what’s got to be one of the greatest literary achievements of the past decade.
my only further thoughts that i want to express shall be expressed through these memes
Ok I read the link and I am actually crying now. “one of the greatest literary achievements of the past decade” I’m not arguing
So, in the SCP Universe, the Scarlet King is an entity associated with blood and gore, and SCP-682, a nigh-indestructible reptile with seemingly magic powers, is (in some canons) one of his children. So would that make them King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard?
I am aware my general blog audience has heavy cross-over with other horror communities so this is why I am posting this here.
Within the last 24ish hours, Wikidot was hacked by hackers traced to the Russian federation. This resulted in the staff over at Wikidot to shut down servers and sites temporarily till they can figure out how these hackers got in and just how extensive the damage is. No data was lost that we know of. According to a Wikidot employee, there should be no data loss associated with this hack (at least they have not been able to find any) so don’t worry, the SCP wiki, articles, and everything contained within it is fine.
But lets clarify a few things.
Was this attack specific to the SCP wiki or its associated pages?
No, this attack was against the hosting service of Wikidot itself, not any of the communities who use the hosting site specifically. It is unclear why Wikidot was targeted but some have theorized that it was a show of strength rather than as a ploy to gain sensitive information. However, at the time of writing this is unconfirmed so do not take this as gospel.
Does the hack have anything to do with Andrey Duksin (they guy who tried to steal SCP’s copyright license to paywall the site)
No. Despite Andrey and the hackers being from the same place there is no evidence to suggest that he planned or carried out the wikidot attack. As mentioned before this attack was not just directed at the SCP wiki, it was at wikidot as a whole.
How many wikis does this affect?
Since the hosting service itself is down every site using Wikidot as a host is currently down. This includes but is not limited to: the SCP wiki, the Backrooms wiki, and other similar pages.
Is Data lost?
At this time no data loss has been identified on Wikidot servers. The hackers ‘fucked shit up’ but nothing was erased and wikidot is very good about backing up data. So dont worry SCP fans, your articles are safe.
When will the site be back up?
According to the wikidot team cleaning up the serves and ensuring their safety will take a hot minute. At least a few days. Keep in mind they are scanning every single file hosted on their service for things like malware and evidence of tampering so this will mean recovery will take a bit. But luckily they are all working on repairing the breach so hopefully that few-day turn-around time sticks.
Should I change my password?
Yes. When the site comes back online PLEASE change your password. It was hacked and its unclear what these hackers took while they were inside the site. Out of the interest of online saftey please change it.
These are the final versions of the clothes they will be wearing! Their clothes can be changed. The plush dolls themselves will be around 20 cm so around 8 inches and international shipping will be available!
Once I get samples in Ill set up a kickstarter so people can preorder their stuff! I have no set date on when this is happening! But itll be very helpful to recieve donations on ko-fi as Im also having rl finacial trouble and buying samples costs a bit! If these plushies are successful I plan on making more!
Been thinking a lot about the imagery in the epic that is SCP-5000. Specifically, the really cool visuals of the elongated humanoid the Foundation was fighting.
I’ve drawn it a bit more creepy ghouly here for fun, but in keeping with what was laid out in the story, I’d imagine it’d be more like one of those uncanny photo effects David Lynch does in Twin Peaks Returns? Could be worth revisiting down the line.
ALT
