#self hatred
Who will dry ur eyes when it falls apart?
I overthink because I know how replaceable I am. I’m no one’s first choice or anything special to someone, I am nothing.
I stay awake at night cause I don’t even know what my favorite color is and I’m afraid I don’t have a real personality.
If I’m having a panic attack or if I’m telling you how sad I am or how I actually feel. Try a hug. It’s mental illness. Mental illness. Mental illness. It’s not like “my daughter feels horrible about herself, let me hug her.” It’s “Take your medicine!” It’s “Do you need to go to a hospital?” It’s mental illness before it’s me.
Love is a lie, we’re all empty inside.
I wish I could look at myself in the mirror without being disgusted at what I see. I can tell my friends to be strong and to love themselves but I can’t do it myself. I feel worthless. Like I don’t deserve to be loved.
one day ill be small enough.
stop insulting yourself. it doesn’t help.
But what if it’s true
it still doesn’t help. you can call yourself as many names as you want, but it won’t make you a better, happier, healthier or kinder person.
punishment doesn’t work. only positive reinforcement does. be kind to yourself and get better.
stop insulting yourself. it doesn’t help.
you can talk all you want about how worthless you think you are, but it won’t make it true.
sometimes you just need to kick your own ass. “no, stop that, that’s silly.” “you’re being ridiculous.” “that’s not true.” try not to self-deprecate when correcting yourself sharply, but don’t be afraid to be firm. and if you can’t do it yourself, get a friend who’s ready to.
Days since I cut myself: 6 months.
I really… really… really… want to cut.
Why do I still love you after you made me like this?
Lift your hand and put it on your face.Now your stomach.
Now your wrists.
You have just felt beautiful
“Thanksgiving is coming!”
my body is mine…
“Your aunt is coming up to see us!”
My Body Is Mine…
“She says she can’t wait to see you!”
MY BODY IS MINE…
“I wish she would just move up here with us!”
MY BODY IS MINE!!!
“She’s missed you so much!”
my body was hers…
These are just words on a picture. The magic comes when you believe them. I started fights so that i would have an excuse for the bruises i inflicted on myself. I once slashed every tire in my apartment complex when I was 12 so that I would not have to deal with six female teachers with authority over me that reminded me of my abuser. 7 years later I lost enough weight to healthily fit into my middle school hoodie, I have friends who make me laugh on a daily bases, I am loved, I am wanted, I am a survivor, I am alive. What will you become?
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I wont lie to you. I could try and do this Tumblr alone and have it get lost amongst random searches. But that’s not what this was created for. I want to help as many victims and survivors as possible. To do that I need you all. I wont ask you to follow me. All I ask is that you pass this on. I am here for you. I do know what you’re going through. Lets help each other.
I have rejection sensitive dysphoria with my ADHD, and a crippling fear of abandonment from also having bpd.
My partner says I’m not enough and he wants to sleep with other people. He never expressed anything other than complete joy with only me the last year (he admits hiding what he wanted was wrong).
I know that works for some people and I’m totally fine with it for them. It doesn’t work for me. I don’t think it’ll work for him. I’ll lose him saying yes or if I deny it to him. Nothing is the same anymore and the deposit I’ve been struggling to save so we can live together no longer matters. If our sex is dull, I guess living with me would bore the shit out of him.
I’m not really okay at all. Everything feels like a lie and I’m disgusting.
Sorry for not really posting.
I see a lot of people (especially disabled people) hate themselves for struggling with things that they think of as easy, often along these lines:
- Person: I need to do this thing.
- Person: It’s not hard. This is so easy. Why don’t I just do it?
- Person: I know I need to do the thing. It’s been weeks. What’s wrong with me? This isn’t hard. I need to just do it already.
If you’re having trouble doing something, the thing you’re struggling to do is not actually easy. There is no objective difficulty scale. Tasks aren’t inherently easy or difficult — it depends on the person and the situation. Different people find different things easy and hard. Sometimes you will struggle with things that other people find easy. That doesn’t mean you’re failing to do an easy thing. It means that for you, the task is hard.
Sometimes things that are hard at first become easier with practice, or become easier when you learn new skills. Sometimes things never get any easier. Sometimes solutions that work for people who can do the thing without much trouble will work for you too; sometimes you might need support that other people don’t need.
Sometimes you might need to find an alternative to doing the thing. Sometimes the only solution is to have someone else help you do the thing or do the thing for you. It doesn’t matter if you think it ’should’ be hard or easy, if you’re having trouble doing something, that means the thing you’re trying to do is hard. (And sometimes, it might mean that the thing is impossible.)
Calling something easy does not make it easy, and you can’t make hard things easy by hating yourself. Hard things become much more possible when you accept that they are hard, stop trying to overcome the difficulty through sheer force of will, and seek out solutions that will work for you.
Tl;dr: If you’re saying to yourself “Why haven’t I done this easy thing?!”, the thing is probably not actually easy.
