#this is me

I still remember all the nights I spent praying, dreaming, and crying because I wanted to not feel like a stranger in my own body. I lived like that for 30 years…my heart and mind constantly at war with the reflection I saw every day in the mirror. Broken, depressed, and tired, I never imagined I’d ever live a happy life.

Until…

I finally made the decision to be true to myself.

Almost 10 years ago now, I transitioned and it is still surreal to look in a mirror or see a picture because I never truly believed I’d be this happy or feel like I’m at home in my own body.

“Kannste mir den Rücken einreiben?”

“….?”

“Ich komm da selber nich’ hin bitte…”

“Herr Doktor Vogt hat angerufen die Erge- oh sorry!! Ehhh… die Ergebnisse der DNA analyse vom Brieföffner sind da.”

“….wollen Sie auch ‘nen Cappuccino?”

“….mhm.”

destielfricklefrackle:

have you ever had to restart a song because you spaced out and weren’t appreciating it enough

softly-braided:

me: *adding cinnamon to everything* i cant remember what it does but im sure it will help

magoberry:

me: [character] is aromantic

person: no that character was in a relationship with [other character]

me:

xugxyxkjh:

what do you mean snape is not draco´s godfather? Severus is literally in the family portrait above the fireplace in the Malfoy manor, he even went to Lucius and Narcissa´s honeymoon because they didnt want to leave him alone and he regularly babysitted Draco, How couldn´t he be? :/

Living with anxiety is:

- Having literal nightmares of disappointing the people you live with.

- Apologizing constantly for things way out of your powers (thanks again 2020)

- Falsly accepting that every frustration in other people is your fault.

- Over analyzing every interaction with every person before, after and during the interaction.

- Having a panic attack everytime you walk into a conversation

- Having a panic attack everytime you are confronted with a conversation you did not prepare for.

- Having a panic attack everytime a conversation goes into territory you did not prepare for.

- Having a panic attack running into or seeing an individual you know without context, even in the comfort of your home (ie, family members in your living room)

- Living in a constant state of stress and expectations and failures.

- Always expecting the worst reaction to your work.

also-starring:

Tough but wonderful mountain run this morning. My legs feel shredded, N dog could have gone for days.

The inclines were a killer, my lungs felt like they were going to burst, but oh that feeling of freedom-the day when pace and distance don’t matter, and it just feels right.

Let’s shoot…

⛤

My friend took this picture of me after I took some of her (we unecpectedly found a Magnolia-tree!!!) – I prepared the settings for this shot and later did the editing.

I don’t plan to share any portraits of other people on Tumblr, so if you want to follow my portrait photography, find me on IG. If you want to book a shooting, make sure to visit my website:

@schwarzkaeppchen_photography

www.schwarzkaeppchen.ch

qu-ilinn:

smallest-feeblest-boggart:

aphony-cree:

possiblypessimistic:

micromys:

shell-senji:

thebibliosphere:

polyhorde:

survivablyso:

thelibrarina:

kdxart:

zdartstuff:

zombieheroine:

The real writer experience is standing in the shower and coming up with the most authentic dialogue with perfect phrasing and raw emotion in your head, then stepping out and drying your hair, putting on some clean pajamas and opening a word document to write down all your perfect ideas only to realize everything has evaporated. 

I FEEL CALLED OUT

Never lose a perfect shower line again.*

*Remember to erase promptly if you share a bathroom with anyone.

I’ve used these to outline term papers. nothing like a bath to get your brain to finally kick into gear and figure out your damn thesis

WHAT

Also these handy little guys if you prefer a notepad:

Are you kidding, shower crayons are the BEST when you share a bathroom with other people. When I was in college, we had them and we would use them to carry on philosophical debates, finish song lyrics, get life/writing advice, etc. It was so much fun and I miss it. 

Oh my GOD no one told me these existed

Also

God fucking bless the people who made these

Going back into the shower (you don’t need to turn it on) can be enough to retrieve the memory

Our brains refresh every time we go through a doorway. It packs away the data from the room we left so it can load up the floor plan of the room we’re going into. If you go back to the room where you had the thought your brain will often unpack the memory when it’s loading up the floor plan

are you telling me i can’t remember info bc my brain is rendering???

Yes, kind of? It’s more like…like certain memories are wired together in your brain so triggering one (the memory of being in the shower) pulls up other related memories (that brilliant idea you had). So it’s more like those ads that pop up based on your browsing history. It’s all about context-influenced memory.

charming-cherry:

Good luck sending me mixed signals, I dont even understand the direct ones.

neostitch:

lia-wild-english:

School: we’re continuing all classes online!

My ADHD brain: oh so what you’re saying is Time doesn’t exist, Sleep Schedules are no longer apparent, and The Classes may still exist but only as a strange distant entity that I can no longer interact with in any meaningful way

no thats just what they mean