What’s up tumblr. I see I have not been here for… over six months. Times are strange though and I am feeling utterly alone and not handling it. I live with my 6 month old pup in a regional Australian city where I have failed to make any sort of friends.
Over the last two and a half weeks I’ve tried really hard to stay isolated (because I could). I spent the first weekend at my parents to try to convince them similar. I spent a day and a half at my university campus to grab what I needed and turn my nose up at everyone else who wasn’t working from home (they could have been). I drove all the way to Melbourne (2.5 hours) to give my one friend a lift to the airport because he’s legit just packed up and moved to Japan because he had a job lined up and figured why not.
I have had a mid-level falling out with part of my extended family. I can’t be bothered rehashing but they are putting my grandparents at significant risk, they are asking everyone else for money to pay for what the rest of us would do for free, and they are basically just assholes. Everyone agrees with me, but no one will do anything about it. And, at the end of the day, the way they’re positioning themselves (to be able to inherit more of my grandparents’ estate) is putting my granny and pop at a much higher level of risk than they need to be.
I have a neighbor who lives in one of the houses over the back of me. Never seen them, don’t know exactly which house, but it’s a woman and a man that have screaming matches 2-3 times a week. He’s the aggressor, she mostly just screams and begs. I’ve never heard evidence that it’s physical but I would bet it often is. I’ve called the local cops twice. Today I called emergency.
My income is pretty safe, I think. I live with a rambunctious but reasonably lovely pup. I can actual work a bit from home. I have savings and get afford my rent, my bills, anything I desire. But I am struggling a bit and being an introverted loner, I’m utterly without a soul to talk to. I tried my family and it made it worse. Even the friend now in Japan definitely thinks I’m going a bit nuts. This all just hammers home the reality I faced years ago which was that I ultimately wasn’t getting much out of life and my continued existence was really just a nice thing to do for my family.
So I’m back, at least to post this very maudlin update. Sighhhhhhhh.
Loki and Fenrir have a conversation (TWs for discussions of parental death and killing, implications of abuse/domestic partner violence):
Fenrir shook his head, and did something he never thought he’d dare do, and tried to start a conversation with his father.
“What was he like, your dad?” he asked.
Loki shrugged and continued walking. Fenrir couldn’t tell if they were squinting against the wind or wincing at the question.
“Sort of looks like me, except older and uglier,” they said. “Has a temper. I’m always afraid I got that from him.”
They moved closer to the river, stopping to watch where it rushed and boiled over a cluster of rocks.
“If I see him again, I plan on killing him,” they said.
“You what?” Fenrir asked, stumbling over the slick collection of stones on the riverbank.
His dad looked over at him as if it wasn’t common practice to plan to murder your father.
“But why?” he went on.
Loki continued walking along the bank, before stepping up to a worn path on a hillside.
“Took away someone I cared about,” they said, with no expression in their face or voice.
Neither of them said anything until the river was just a gray worm writhing below them.
“What about your mom?” Fenrir eventually asked.
His dad just looked up at the sky with a little smile he had never seen before.
“Had an embrace that could shelter you in a storm. Gave kisses that were cool against your forehead,” they said. “Friends called her Nál, needle, because she was skinny, or so I’m told. To me, she was so tall her head could have been among the treetops.”
Fenrir nodded. All he had ever known about his grandmother was that her name was Laufey, and his dad took her name as a surname instead of their father’s.
“What happened to her?” he asked.
Loki stopped and stared at him, their face still smooth and expressionless.
I’m hyperfixating on the Johnny Depp trial and I’m making that everyone’s problem.
Cut for tw domestic abuse/violence (implied).
I went down some rabbit holes and have ended up reading through transcripts from the UK trial, and I have a lot of thoughts about it that I will be posting about once I can organize them (sorry), but in the meantime, I just - this is amazing:
(If you’ve been watching the trial, you probably know that Amber et al. refer to Johnny’s non-sober, “abusive” side as “the monster.”) During Johnny’s testimony, being questioned by one of Amber’s lawyers about a trip to Tokyo:
Lawyer (L): (Person) was asking (Your Assistant) “Did you survive Japan? No giant monster attacks I hope.” Johnny (J): Yes, ma'am. L:Does it seem from that that others referred to the monster ormonster’s attacks? J:I believe [he] is referring to Godzilla. L:Really? J:Giant monster attacks in Tokyo. Yes, I believe he is talking about Japanese films, where monsters attack people, giant monsters.
At which point, the lawyer basically changed the subject. The transcript doesn’t indicate it, but I imagine there was a lengthy pause there.
I love how Amber Heard’s lawyer has been objected to, like, five times already during her closing arguments, and by love, I mean this is giving me secondhand embarrassment. I don’t know whose idea it was to let this woman give the closing (or part of it), or for that matter, whose idea it was to let her open her mouth at all during this trial. All she does is ramble on, contradict herself, misunderstand shit, and just generally come off as an incompetent idiot.
She was objected to again while I was writing this post, jesus christ.
tag blacklist alert: please blacklist off-topic: johnny depp trial thoughtsif you don’t want to see my posts about the trial. (There won’t be many, but I do have post-verdict thoughts.)
This woman has gone around to at least three morning talk shows since the verdict was announced (the day before yesterday), claiming, among other things, that the jury was confused and/or compromised bc “of course they all went on social media, how could you not?” and, like, I’m no lawyer but it seems to me that one shouldn’t go on national news impugning the integrity of a jury on a highly publicized trial, especially without evidence, just bc you think their verdict wasn’t fair. At worst, I’m sure it’s some kind of ethical violation and, at best, it’s just in really bad taste.
But, as I stated before, the only thing she did well during the trial was make herself look incompetent, so.
Cut for tw domestic abuse, tw domestic violence, tw gaslighting, tw johnny depp & amber heard trial, tw truly offensive length, tw gratuitous gif usage, not for reblog.
(Note: This is not tagged with either Johnny or Amber’s names bc I don’t want this post to show up in those tags, so I’m sorry if you have them blocked and this made it past your filters. You can block off-topic: johnny depp trial thoughts instead, to hide the post.
(Note: I started writing this last Wednesday, a couple of hours after the verdict, but it just … well. I don’t really know what happened here, I just had a lot of feelings, I guess. I don’t even want to post it anymore, tbh, bc it’s almost a week later and it’s probably nonsensical and who cares, really, I doubt anyone is going to read this anyway bc it’s like 10k words - but, well, I’m literally only posting it bc it’s written and wtf else am I going to do with it?)
Warning: this is really fucking long.
The verdict is in, with Johnny Depp having won his uphill legal battle. I believe he won all three counts, was awarded $10 million in damages (or maybe 8, I can’t remember now), and Amber was awarded $2 million in punitive damages. Case closed, literally. Justice for Johnny Depp achieved.
… But to me, it feels kind of hollow.
Don’t get me wrong - I am very happy with this result. I think this is vindication for Johnny and I hope he finds peace and healing as he moves forward with his life. It’s just that this trial has gotten so much bigger than all of that, and - in the last few days of closing and verdict watch, especially - I have been so disappointed in this world, in this culture. To be honest, after the travesty that has been the last several years, I didn’t think I could possibly beanymore cynical about our society or that I could besurprised anymore about … I don’t know, anything, really, but specifically how willfully ignorant a lot of people are. This past week has proven you can always be more cynical and more surprised.
So I can’t be happy or even satisfied with the verdict without also being cognizant of not only Amber Heard’s supporters crying foul but also the mainstream media framing this as alossfor women, for abuse survivors. And just being immensely - I don’t know, troubled, I guess? about it. And there are quite a few reasons why, but I just need to talk about the biggest ones. Right off the bat, it troubles me how gross it is that, despite having proven his case in a fair trial (and it was absolutely fair, anyone who doesn’t think so either didn’t watch it or didn’t understand it), the media would rather continue to peddle the narrative that Johnny is an abuser and that this is some huge step backwards for feminism than to actually admit that, hey, men can be victims too, and also women lie. Notallwomen; probably not even most women - but, some women. Having a vagina doesn’t preclude someone from being a lying liar who lies, and this cultural narrative of “believe all women” simply bc they are women is so fucking harmful and, yeah, gross.
(Please forgive my obnoxious faux-academic formatting of the remainder of this post, bc it just got too big for me to try to maintain a consistent point [I was confusing myself], so this was for my own sake but also hopefully easier readability.)
I. What This Really Says About #MeToo (And Why It’s Uncomfortable).
A lot of people are upset bc they feel (and the media is perpetuating the idea, but I’ll talk about that later) that this is a huge step backward for #MeToo. This is an example of women not being believed, and we’re supposed to believe allwomen. Now women will have a harder time being believed, men will feel vindicated in their misogyny, what’s wrong with this fucking world, etc. etc. And, I mean, the fact is that this argument isn’t wrong.Itisa blow to #MeToo. Women willhave a harder time being believed. Mendo feel vindicated in their misogyny.
But that’s not because of Johnny, it’s because of Amber. And that’s what people can’t seem to wrap their heads around.
Ia. #MeToo as a Movement.
#MeToo was an idea that became a movement that was founded on giving abuse survivors a voice. It was supposed to empower people to speak up and say, this happened to me too.That’s literally what it means. It was strength in numbers, several voices in unison, fighting back against a culture that blamed women for their own abuse (“Well, what were you wearing?” “Why didn’t you just leave him?” etc) and made it notoriously difficult for victims to get justice, especially for sexual abuse. Rapists are rarely convicted. Women are interrogated about their behavior, as if wearing a short skirt or drinking too much or even just walking home alone at night meant they deserved to have been raped or assaulted because “Well, what did you expect?” Women weren’t (aren’t) believed, and it needed to change. Needs to change; it’s a constant battle.
And I’m saying women, specifically, here bc it’s just a fact, statistically, that women are usually the victims and men are usually the perpetrators.
Ib. Mostly Women Victims = Only Women Victims [citation needed]
But, somewhere along the line, the point of the movement became muddled. “Stop blaming women for being abused; stop siding with abusers; start taking this seriously” became “believe women when they say they’re abused, no matter what,” and completely excluded men as victims from the conversation.
I’m not saying allwomen do this, obviously, but I am saying that there are a lot of women who define feminism not asequalitybut as superiority. They think in absolutes - statistically, men are more often perpetrators of abuse so therefore when there’s abuse, the man is always the abuser is their mindset. It comes from having such a deep resentment of the patriarchy and male privilege that it’s as if these women want to hold every individual man who exists personally responsible for the oppression of women.
(Note - I’m kind of uncomfortable painting this entire subset of women with the “terf/radfem” brush, bc I don’t believe most of them are, so I’m referring to them as UberFeminists, bc it’s my post and I do what I want.)
I don’t necessarily think that every woman who thinks this way is automatically a radfem/terf, but rather, I think that a lot of women have this anti-men mindset by default, even if they never follow it into actively-radfem ideology. They may not even realize they have this mindset - until something like this trial comes along and here they are, either siding with Amber or, if they accept she’s lying, are still quick to point out how Johnny is “just as bad” bc despite his being the victim, they still want to blame him forsomethingdue to his maleness. So they attack his addictions, or his foul language, or his age. (None of which are things to be proud of, but none of which make him an abuser, either.)
My point is, a movement like #MeToo, which is meant to be empowering, can very quickly become toxic when it attracts UberFeminists and they claim it for themselves and treat the movement like a safe space for only their voices. When men who are also victims try to speak up and say, me too, there’s this overwhelming response of no. Get the fuck out of our safe space. Let women have this. You’re not a victim like weare victims, we can’t overpower you. And even if you area victim, your maleness still gives you privilege. This movement is not for you. Society already gives you a voice, stop trying to speak over ours. It’s like the equivalent of building a clubhouse and slapping a big old NO BOYS ALLOWED sign over the doorway.
And that’s the heart of the issue, this is what leads us back to where we are now with Johnny and Amber. That NO BOYS ALLOWED sign was a self-inflicted blow to #MeToo; it changed the narrative from “believe survivors” to “believe women” and effectively contributed to the toxic masculinity in this society that says men aren’t “real men” if they show emotion, or don’t adhere to traditionally masculine gender roles. In addition to men can’t be emotional, men must be tough, men must be domineering, etc, denying male victims a voice adds men must own their privilege, regardless of their abuse; real men aren’t victims, even if she hits and slaps him, she’s not actually a threat, it’s not really abuse to the clusterfuck that is toxic masculinity.
“You didn’t get punched, you got hit … I did not fucking deck you, I was fucking hitting you. You’re fine. I did not hurt you … I’m not sitting here bitching about it. You’re a fucking baby” (Amber Heard).
Ic. #MeToo Made Its Own Bed Here.
Again, to clarify, I’m not trying to demean #MeToo, either as a concept or as a catalyst for change. I know many women support it without also supporting the toxic masculinity, and it has helped a lot of women with their trauma, even if it’s just made them feel less alone. But this is why I feel like people are uncomfortable with criticizing the movement - bc it feels like criticizing the people whom it has helped, and that’s not what I’m trying to do.
I think that the movement, however, disintegrated into something inherently harmful, and in doing so, began undermining its own credibility. UberFeminists adopting it and subsequently establishing a narrative of “believe all women, no questions asked” and excluding men from the movement set the stage for Amber - and for women abusers in general - to weaponize it and use it to accuse her ex-husband of abuse while never expecting to actually have to prove it. “I’m a woman, that’s my proof” has been the one consistent thread throughout all of her accusations for the last six or eight years. The public, at large, was asked to take her at her word that Johnny was an abuser and the public, so inundated with “believe all women” was like, *nods* seems legit. Johnny’s word meant absolutely nothing. Just like she knew it wouldn’t.
“Tell the world, Johnny, tell them, Johnny Depp — I, Johnny Depp, a man, I’m a victim too of domestic violence” and see how many people believe or side with you” (Amber Heard).
Well, he did tell the world, and he brought the receipts, and when Amber got on the stand and said, “I’m a woman, that’s my proof,” the court said, “Okay but what else have you got,” and Amber was like, ¯\_(ツ)_/¯, and the court judged accordingly.* The result? #MeToo’s “believe all women” narrative collapsed, and the same type of people who fucked it up in the first place responded by blaming Johnnyfor its implosion. It’s not his fault he was abused, and it’s not his fault that what should have remained a movement giving allvictims a voice was co-opted by women who came along with their NO BOYS ALLOWED sign and drowned out the very voices - those of victims - they claimed to want to empower.
(*I am massively oversimplifying the trial so much here it’s not even funny.)
“It is imperative that people stop viewing this trial through the lens of the #MeToo movement and the supposed reversal of its progress. As Gaby Hinsliff says, “a justice system [is] founded on the principle of believing the evidence, even where that sometimes leads in uncomfortable directions … All women really ask of men – and, arguably, vice versa – is the chance to be heard without prejudice.” Heard was. The jury gave up six weeks of their lives to painstakingly go through the evidence in detail. It indicated that Heard was not telling the truth. This should not create a challenge for the #MeToo movement, if it cares about the truth, and not condoning the egregious defamation of an innocent person, who happens to be a man.” (Source.)
A sidenote that I agree with but am not going to go into (bc this is long enough already) was posted by this article:
“Never mind the fact that Heard has never presented compelling evidence to prove her claims, we’re supposed to accept her version of events by virtue of her genitalia … [#MeToo] has exposed something deeply troubling at the heart of our media and larger society – the infantilization of women. To assert that a woman is not capable of defamation, malice, or lying, is to ask us to deny the reality of human nature. It actually reeks of a deep lack of respect for women and all of the complexity they have to offer. Women are, as feminists rightly claim, capable of anything that a man can do. This encompasses, of course, the good and the bad. The notion that we must take a woman’s word before being presented with evidence has been one of the most detrimental effects on our society … Depp may have prevailed in his defamation suit, but how many other men have Amber Heards at home who attempt to ruin their lives based on hearsay and never get the opportunity to defend themselves?”
II.“But He Said There Wasn’t Any Letter. He Said I Was Going Out of My Mind.” - (Gaslight, 1944)
One of the most appalling things about this entire case, and probably one of the things I latched onto the most, was how much gaslighting there was, and how much gaslighting there continues to be, on so many levels. Since this post is mostly just about the public’s reaction to the verdict, I won’t get into how I feel about the gaslighting in the actual relationship, except to say that it was genuinely triggering to me to discover not only how often Johnny’s addiction struggles were used against him (for example, Amber claiming Johnny was drunk when he wasn’t, that he was abusive during “blackouts” and so he didn’t remember, things like that) but also just the blatant manipulation of so many events.
Mostly, I think listening to the audio recordings was really eye-opening. I’ll address this more later bc it’s not really something I talk about on here, but I have been in an abusive relationship and I have been gaslit, both in that relationship and in general, and I know what it feels like to be made to feel like you can’t trust your own perception of how things played out, or that the truth means nothing, and how going around in circles with someone who is gaslighting you can feel like - well, it genuinely doesmake you feel crazy. The audio recordings reminded me a lot of that.
IIa. “You Keep Using That Word. I Don’t Think It Means What You Think It Means.”
When Amber and Johnny’s divorce was finalized, Amber was awarded $7 million, which she immediately announced she would be donating to charity. After the divorce, she repeated this a lot - that she “wanted nothing,” that she had donated her entire divorce settlement to charity - half to the CHLA and half to the ACLU. However, during the trial, it came out that she never actuallydonated any of the money, she just said she did. So then she changed her story to say, well, I pledgedit, and I was going to honor that pledge, but then Johnny sued me.
Camille Vasquez established that the entire settlement had been paid to Amber a yearbefore the lawsuit was filed, and Amber had yet to donate any of it to the charities, so she had the money. And there’s this weird back-and-forth in which Amber sits there and insists that she has donated it, because she usespledgedanddonatedinterchangeably, and even after Camille says something like, Idon’t use them interchangeably; again, have you donated your divorce settlement to charity as of today? Amber just doesn’t back down from insisting that she donated the money bc, to her, saying she would do it is the same thing as actually doing it.
Camille’s reaction after asking, yet again, have you donatedthe money, and Amber answering, yet again, yes, I pledgedit:
^^ I normally wouldn’t make gifs of a regular person (which Camille is, despite her being in the spotlight right now), but her expression here - the pure exasperation - just couldn’t be captured in screengrabs and speaks to how frustrating it is to go around in circles with someone who not only won’t back down from a lie, but makes you feel like you’re the one who’s wrong.
To me, the “pledged vs. donated” thing says a lot. It’s an example, in real time, of how Amber continues to talk in circles and assert things that either are just not true, or are only true in the sense that she personally defines truth (but are not actually true). Even when confronted with evidence, she will not back down. It’s so telling to me that if this is what she acts like on the stand, under oath, then imagine (or don’t imagine, just listen to some of the audio recordings) how much she lies, bends the truth, or blatantly gaslights Johnny (and others around her/them).
And as I said earlier, according to people’s comments online, this is what made a lot of people start doubting her credibility. Bc she was so blatantly asserting her own version of the truth, and it made a lot of people be like, well, how much of what else she’s said is her version of the truth (if not outright lies)? What’s going on here?
Looking at it from this perspective, it makes sense that the most die-hard Amber supporters’ arguments hinge on misrepresenting the truth.
IIb. Something Something Last Two Braincells.
Earlier I mentioned the UberFeminists who have more or less taken possession of the #MeToo movement and made it a space that excludes men. Now these UberFeminists are the ones who are most ardently supporting Amber. From what I’m seeing, there are two groups of people supporting Amber:
Group A, said UberFeminists (along with actual radfems/terfs) who hate men so much that they’d rather align themselves with a narcissistic liar than admit a man can be a victim of domestic violence, and
Group B, people who aren’t so much invested in believing Amber as much as they are in notbelieving Johnny. They’re brushing the whole thing off with “Both of them are just as bad as each other” and not only do they openly admit they haven’t watched (and therefore don’t actually know anything about) the trial but also act like those of us who arewatching are the problem. “It’s none of our business,” “There are more important things going on,” “I’m not interested in watching two people fight over money they don’t need,” etc
Of course, there is
Group C,people who genuinelygive zero fucks, are not invested either way, or don’t even know this is a thing that’s going on, which, whatever, I’m certainly not saying anyone is obligated to care or show interest in anythingthey don’t want to. I have no reaction to the zero-fucks crowd, ie no emotion, ie it isn’t bothering me. (I kinda envy it, tbh.) My issue is with the first two groups (and by extension the mainstream media).
Anyway, so being a Johnny supporter arguing (either actively, or just by virtue of position) with Groups A and B feels a lot like gaslighting, too. Because Group A (and to a lesser extent, Group B) is full of people cherry-picking and twisting what’s been shown in court to create “alternative facts,” basically, so they can feel justified in supporting Amber. And when you argue, they say: you’re misinformed, lol where’d you hear that, TikTok? do your own research, etc. (And when you say, I watched the entire trial, here’s my evidence, here’s where xyz was proven a lie, etc, they’re like, lol well I didn’t waste my time watching this trial, go touch grass like - you literally cannot win. Which can alsomake you feel crazy - being told you’re misinformed, and then having your counterargument dismissed as they belittle you … for being informed.)
Either they twist the facts to support their preferred narrative bc they are stupid, or bc they genuinely hate men - it doesn’t really matter which one it is, the point is that this really gets under my skin bc I’ve hadenoughof the “alternate facts” brigade. It’s made me feel like I’m losing my mind for well over two years and it continues to make me feel like I’m losing my mind bc this isn’t a disagreement of opinion, it’s having an objective fact exist and I’m looking at it like, oh okay, so that’s a thing, and the other person is looking at it like, Ido not acknowledge this as a thing, sorry, nope.
Or, to put it more clearly, it’s like I and another person are looking at a big orange basketball and I’m saying, hmm, yeah, looks pretty orange to me, bounces, definitely a basketball, and the other person is like, are you stupid, clearly this is a watermelon, and it’s like - how do you even respond?Like, that’s exactly what it feels like to me.
So on the one hand, you have Those People, and then on the other hand, you’ve got the Group B “it’s none of our business” people. And I don’t think interactions with them feel quitelike gaslighting, but rather, they make one more cognizant of gaslighting happening? I don’t know if that makes sense, but the easiest way I can think of to elaborate is to address how the mainstream media - publications I have respected - is openly siding with Amber. Headlines about how the internet is “turning on” Amber Heard, how the only people siding with Johnny Depp are alt-right q-anoners (which, believe me, isnot a group I want to be associated with even a little), and how big a step backward this is for #MeToo. (Nevermind how damaging these headlines are to victims who are men - their voices don’t matter, obvs.)
That’s egrigious enough, but they support these statements by straight up saying that people on Johnny’s side need to stop getting their information from TikTok soundbytes and Youtube clips. The media is doing exactly what Group A is doing - supporting Amber bc she’s a woman and trying to discredit valid arguments against her by accusing the arguer of not knowing what they’re talking about.
One article writes, “in the face of an internet eager to pin everything on Heard, it’s important to remind ourselves of the facts — not the TikTok narratives.”
I just - this statement is literally not what’s happening. It is, in fact, projection.The portion of the internet who is “pinning everything” on Amber is the portion that watched the trial. Who saw the facts and evidence being presented, in real time, and came to their own conclusions. And the media’s response is basically, “no, you didn’t, but maybe you saw so many TikToks that you think you did. You should stop doing that and get informed of the facts. Read my article.”
I mean … that feels like textbook gaslighting to me. And Group A may be using these same gaslighting tactics as they dig deeper into Amber’s trench, but Group B is full of the people who fallfor this shit. Either they lackthe critical thinking skills to see through it, or they’re just too intellectually lazy to challenge it; they fall for the gaslighting because they are content with being told what to believe, bc the media’s narrative aligns with their own biases. And when you point out that hey, maybe it’s not as clear-cut as the media wants you to believe? they hit you back with, “it’s none of our business anyway.”
And it’s like, well, actually it is our business bc a) the legal system in the United States should be transparent and accessible to the public, and I don’t think “we shouldn’t be privy to what happens in the courts” is quite the flex you think it is, and b) the implications of this case have a far greater reach than just being Johnny and Amber’s personal business.
But no. Group B is latching onto the idea that Johnny’s supporters are the misinformed ones so that they can continue to stick their fingers in their ears like la la la, I support women, I will not intellectually confront the idea that men can be victims too, leave Britney Amber alone!
Which is a disappointing thing to watch, certainly, but probably the most disappointing part about it is how many left-aligned people seem to be in Group B, including my personal friends. People who a year ago were speaking out against, like, anti-vaxxers/anti-science dumbfucks are now thoroughly enmeshed in this anti-facts narrative pushed by the media.
So it just … not only does it make me question people I thought I knew really well - question their intellect, at the very least, but also question their deeply-rooted biases - but it also makes me question media that I previously, as I said, respected.
IIc. “They’re Really More Like Guidelines.” - the Mainstream Media re: the Rules of Ethical Journalism.
“Proving that corporate media is lazy and stupid … the Los Angeles Times … reported a Jason Momoa joke meme as real news. ‘At one point, actor Jason Momoa, star of ‘Aquaman,’ testified via live video in support [of] his co-star Heard,’ he wrote … the problem is that Momoa did not testify at the trial. Winton would have known this if he actually watched the proceeding … Instead, Winton got his news about the trial from TikTok and social media where this meme was making the rounds … Lawyers who attended the trial in the gallery to report on jury reactions … hardly ever saw any mainstream news media in the courtroom. Yet Big Media wanted to be the ones guiding the narrative of the trial.” (Source.)
(Note - when I first started writing this, the day of the verdict, most of this stuff was just beginning to come out. Since then, tons more media coverage has been and continues to be published, peddling this false narrative, and Amber’s own lawyer has gone around to multiple news shows to spew more misinformation about how unfair the trial was. Here’s a small sampling of this trash fire.)
What the #MeToo movement has become over the years set the stage for the media to openly support it by taking Amber at her word that she’s a survivor of abuse. By doing so, they have been complicit in perpetuating the “believe all women” narrative and portraying Amber as this brave survivor, at the expense of Johnny Depp’s reputation, career, and character (not to mention mental health). This trial was six weeks of evidence to the contrary, and millions of people watched it. And instead of owning their error, the media wants to double-down and call Johnny’s supporters misinformed, and turn this verdict into an attack on #MeToo. They’d rather stick to the (extremely harmful) narrative that men can’t be victims by calling this verdict an injustice for women.
This is them saving face instead of admitting that a) they might have fucked up and helped ruin a man’s life, or b) their journalism has been flawed this entire time, as none of them ever dug hard enough for the truth. They didn’t examine Amber’s “mountain of evidence” to find out if any of it held any weight. They hopped on the story without doing the homework. Now they don’t want to eat crow, so instead, they are trying to control the fallout, and when Johnny’s supporters disagree with it (hey, that’s not what happened and here’s the evidence), the media responds with, whatever, stop getting your information from TikTok you fucking misogynist. Projection at its finest.
One publication, I think maybe the NYT but I can’t remember off-hand, wrote an article about how trials shouldn’t be aired like this. I followed a twitter link and didn’t save it, so I have no idea how to find it again, but it stuck with me bc I think it was the first time I remember seeing (or paying attention to) evidence of this, like, smear campaign against the airing of the trial and the fact that people were watching it for themselves.
It definitely bothered me at the time, though. The tone was very much, like - hey, wait a second, you’re not supposed to be watching things like this, you’re supposed to believe what we tell you to believe bc we know better, we have the facts. You’re fucking up the script and it needs to stop.
And I thought
waitwhat.gif(Tumblr only allows 10 images per post; actual gif spared indignity of being part of this essay.)
- only to find that the “it’s none of our business” -ers were (are) eating it up. (Edit: I copy/pasted the wrong part of this post here, and now I don’t remember what my original point was with this, besides just generally being appalling. My bad.)
Anyway, after seeing that article, I started to pay attention to what the mainstream media was saying, and in the wake of the verdict, it’s just gotten even worse. Over and over - these are the facts. Stop getting your news from TikTok. Read a real news source. Believe Amber, the woman. Perpetuate the myth that men cannot be abuse victims. #MeToo. Even if Amber did some bad things, Johnny’s just as toxic. There’s no such thing as a perfect victim - stop vilifying Amber for not being perfect. Also Johnny is obviously a lying, toxic abuser bc he’s not perfect (he does drugs! He’s an addict/alcoholic with a foul mouth! He’s a(n older) man!). Round and round we go and it’s just fucking exhausting and frustrating.
(Note - Johnny is not even in the neighborhood of perfect, I’m not saying I think he’s some innocent angel in all of this, I’m just saying he’s human and very flawed but more importantly there’s a blatant double-standard here and in general re: “perfect victims” that needs to be acknowledged.)
And it’s not like the media gives a shit about #MeToo or victims of abuse. They’re not taking this stance here bc they genuinely feel like (or care that) Amber has been wronged. They’re taking this stance bc media needs consumers to stay afloat, and people aren’t going to consumetheir brand of shitty journalism (ie, pay money to be fed a version of a pre-determined narrative) if they can go directly to the source instead and come to their own conclusions. So they (the media) are doing everything they can to undermine the credibility of the source.
And like I said before - it’s a gross manipulation tactic, if not outright gaslighting, but I could be disgusted by it without feeling emotionally harmed by it until I realized that my friends were falling for it. Friends I’ve respected and commiserated with and just plain like, as people. Friends whose judgements I’ve always trusted, whose intellect felt on par with my own, whose beliefs aligned with mine (which, I am not saying everyone has to agree with me about everything ever in order to be my friend, but they do have to agree with me - and with decent human beings - when it comes to things like not being homophobic, racist, sexist [snort], etc).
But now these friends are suddenly looking at this basketball and saying, looks like a watermelon to me. And I’m like, but earlier we both looked at a tennis ball and agreed it was a tennis ball, and that the pomegranate was a pomegranate,I thought we were on the same page? and they reply, well, the pomegranate wasn’t a fucking wife-beater.
I may have lost my point somewhere, but basically, the media is contributing to the gaslighting that seemingly has permeated every layer of this case, from the actual relationship itself to how the public responds to the verdict. And with the media, it adds this weird layer, this feeling of being gaslit by proxy in addition to being gaslit by the anti-facters - and it’s an uncomfortable feeling, yknow, it’s hard to sit with the cognizance of this kind of manipulation and willful ignorance in the wake of what should be a victory - for equality, for male victims of abuse, for survivors. (It also feels like a blow in the wake of four years of Trump and his cult undermining and discrediting the media as they pranced down the yellow brick road to fascism, but I’m not even going to get started on that.)
And I’m just - could people just, like, stoplyingabout absolutely everything? Stop fucking lying. Stop misrepresenting shit. Stop trying to shove a gray world into your narrow-minded black-and-white box so you can feel more comfortable marinating in your own ignorant biases.
IId. The “Perfect Victim”
As I addressed that Johnny is not perfect, by any stretch of the imagination, I want to expand on that by referencing this study (which is a fascinating read) re: the credibility of victim testimony in this case, bc it explains - far better than I ever could - that Johnny’s foul language and drug/alcohol problems (which Amber’s defense and, by extension, her supporters - leaned on most heavily to paint the picture of him as a toxic abuser) do not inherently mean he is violent or abusive:
“Of approximately 70,000 text messages exchanged between Mr. Depp and numerous others during his marriage with Ms. Heard, the defendant selected one as evidence that Mr. Depp threatened her. In this message sent to a friend, Mr. Depp wrote, ”…“ Nonetheless, this message was never sent to Ms. Heard, nor was it meant to be seen by her. Apart from the testimony of Ms. Heard, there is no evidence that Mr. Depp had either seriously threatened or intended to commit serious violence againsther.”
*I omitted the text itself bc it’s gross and genuinely appalling to me, but you can easily find it in the study linked, or just online.
Furthermore,
“Although Mr. Depp’s drug and alcohol abuse is consistently documented and therefore this risk factor should be assessed as definitively present, it is noteworthy that beyond Ms. Heard’s allegations, there is no indication of Mr. Depp being confrontational, aggressive, or violent while intoxicated, with any of his previous partners or other persons, in other public or private settings, or during other times in his life. His substance abuse did not seem sufficient to impair his capacity for work, he has no drug-related criminal record, and he has no history of driving under the influence. Moreover, the couple regularly recorded conversations as part of their relationship therapy. Ms. Heard explained “ … they were also a tool to remind Johnny of what he would do when using drugs and alcohol because he would not remember or would deny what he did or said.” However, in the evidence provided, there is no recording that shows Mr. Depp intoxicated, nor committing abuse or exhibiting violent behavior that escalated while intoxicated. In this regard, I consider this risk factor ambiguous. Drug and alcohol abuse is confirmed, but it is totally unclear that it triggers violence in Mr. Depp’s case.”
Note the gaslighting, though - that Amber accuses Johnny of “not remembering” things he supposedly did bc he was “blacked out,” with no supporting evidence that that was ever the case. Makes you wonder, doesn’t it.
(Btw, this study was posted in 2021 - after the UK trial, but before this one, so these conclusions were reached when the public still largely believed Johnny was the abuser, which is maybe irrelevent but I think adds that extra little layer of credibility, in that the author of the study wasn’t being biased or influenced by any pro-Johnny press.)
III. Here’s the Real Tea, Sis; Or, Why I Care.
The media would have the public believe that the trial was unfair, that this is a huge setback for victims everywhere, that this is silencing countless voices and will prevent people from coming forward in the future.
As I said earlier, there’s truth in that, but it’s not bc of Johnny. But the media would also have the public believe that Johnny’s supporters are misogynists, or right-wingers, or just rabid Johnny Depp fangirls. And again, that’s not even remotely close to the truth.
Here’s where I’m coming from. I wasn’t even a Johnny Depp fan before this trial. (I’m not sure I’d even consider myself one now, tbh. Just a sympathizer.) I’m probably more of a Jack Sparrow fan than a Johnny fan, and I’m not even that big of a Jack Sparrow fan. I enjoyed a few of Johnny’s other movies and just generally viewed him as one of the better actors in Hollywood, but I don’t really consider that being a fan.I knew absolutely nothing about this case. I’d heard things here and there about Johnny vs. Amber over the years (I remember the finger incident being talked about a lot a couple of years ago, I think), I thought that we probably weren’t getting the whole story bc Johnny had never seemedlike an abuser, but maybe he was though, and I never thought about it more deeply than that.
What caught my attention: I was killing time at work, and I started watching some of the testimony of Dr. Dawn Hughes, one of Amber’s witnesses (specifically, the psychiatrist who diagnosed her with PTSD), and after watching her being cross-examined for several minutes, I remember thinking, what the fuck kind of psychiatrist is this? Not only were her diagnostic methods being called into question (she didn’t understand the assignment), but she was contradicting herself, making sweeping generalizations that rang false, and just generally coming off as not a credible witness.
“Dr Hughes spends over 20 minutes of direct examination testimony describing various forms of domestic violence. EVERY example she gives uses he/him as the source of abuse and she/her as the target of abuse. She also makes excuses for women who exhibit behaviors that could be called abusive. Her excuses expose a belief that if women yell at, hit, etc their male partner it’s because he’s mean to her. To extrapolate from Dr Hughes’ DV description below, if women are abusive it’s because a man made her do it, and if a man is abusive it’s because he’s bad.” (Source.)
(^^ The above source is a good, thorough breakdown of how Hughes was biased against Johnny bc she doesn’t believe women are ever perpetrators of violence without provocation, which - among other things - undermines her credibility as an “expert witness” for Amber.)
Anyway, this was about three weeks into the trial, and my interest was piqued, so I started watching more attentively. The more interestedI got, the more invested I got. I went back and watched as much as I could from those first three weeks, and then I listened to the audio recordings, and I read the witness statements and most of the testimony from the UK trial, and it all just culminated in this feeling of holy shit, this is fucked up on so many levels.
In other words, everything I know about this case, I have learned in the last 3-4 weeks - but, I learned it thoroughly. And I’m not unique - there are so many people, on Reddit, on Youtube, even on tumblr, who have said they got invested in pretty much the same way. They didn’t know much, if anything, about the case, they started watching bc it was on, and as the evidence kept stacking up against Amber, they got hooked. There were lawyers live-streaming eight hours a day, watching the trial and offering commentary. One lawyer, live-streaming daily, would have literally 125-150 thousand viewers on her stream, many of them chatting, interacting, asking questions.
There were lawyers sitting in the gallery, watching everything first-hand. Hours-long “recap” videos of people examining and talking about the evidence from that day’s court session. Among Johnny’s supporters, there is a metric fuckton of people (myself included) who have invested hours, days, the full six weeks into this trial, and it’s so fucking insulting to have that reduced to “stop getting your information from TikToks, you’re so misinformed.”
Also among Johnny’s supporters are tons and tons of abuse survivors. Survivors of domestic abuse, sexual abuse, gaslighting. Again, myself included.
It’s not really something I talk about on tumblr, bc I just don’t feel the need to and it was a long time ago (and also I have repressed a lot of it so I wouldn’t really even know how to talk about it if I wanted to, but I digress), but for context - I was in an abusive relationship for over two years. I was nineteen/twenty, and didn’t know anything about anything. The abuse was mostly emotional, occasionally physical (but not severely so). A ton of gaslighting. People around me telling me it “wasn’t that bad,” “everyone fights,” when I expressed wanting to leave the relationship. I remember feeling off-kilter all the time, knowing something was seriously fucked up but not truly recognizing the emotional abuse and gaslighting for what it was. So I assumed it was a meproblem, instead, that I was horrible in some way for being so miserable. Eventually I got out but even to this day, once in a blue moon, my mom will bring up that guy and mention it’s a shame it didn’t work out (like maybe she’ll find a picture or something that reminds her, it’s not as random as it sounds), and I’ll say something like, that relationship was toxic and abusive and I hope I never see him again in this life, and she’ll kind of shrug a little, like, well, if that’s how you see it I won’t argue with you. And, I mean, I don’t even know what to do with that, except to say that even to this day, even posting this right now, I feel like, maybe that is just how I see it, maybe it wasn’t abusive at all, maybe it was just a me problem. So.
But even outside of that relationship, I’ve been gaslit. I have had my kindness taken advantage of. I have had lies told about me. I have struggled with addiction and I have mental health issues. I know how it feels, and I have some idea of how Johnnyfeels, and how it all fucks a person up, and I considered that alongside the evidence and landed where I have.
Again, I’m not unique in this. This Reddit thread, for example, is full of people talking about their experiences and their backgrounds - liberals, women, poc, queer people, survivors,malesurvivors, etc. Theseare the people supporting Johnny. And I feel like brushing us off and undermining us and gaslighting us in order to side with Amber, solely because she’s a woman, does farmore damage to domestic violence awareness than Johnny’s win ever could.
And that’s … pretty much how I’m feeling. Happy for the verdict, but hollow as well. Disappointed and sad. Frustrated. Recognizing the victory but feeling like it’s already tarnished by the toxic people who want to take it away.
So, yeah.
Me @ me, posting this:
Some disclaimers:
This was written literally as just a vent - or, at least, it started out that way, but as I said at the top, I started this on the afternoon of the verdict and I’m finishing it almost an entire week later. What started as a vent became just a space for me to really work out, for my own mental clarity, why all of this bothers me so much and why it matters. I don’t expect anyone to be swayed in either direction by this; I don’t expect anyone will even read it, tbh, bc it’s just offensively long. I’m just explaining why this even exists. Basically, this shit is/was living rent-free in my head and it needs to be evicted.
This is all my opinion and my reaction; take it with a grain of salt. As mentioned, the formatting with headers, etc was just my way of keeping the post sensical for me, as I was writing it. I realize it’s probably obnoxious, so, sorry.
I didn’t provide links to Amber’s quotes taken from audio recordings bc they’re all over YouTube and I couldn’t find either transcripts or vids that were cut down to just the portion I was quoting.
Between the day I started this and the day I finished it, tumblr introduced its “turn off reblogs” feature, which is super convenient. I don’t want this reblogged bc a) I don’t think it’s particularly well-written, and b) I shared more personal details about myself that I didn’t really intend to, and I’d just rather not have any of this floating around in the tumblrsphere.
as someone who came into this assuming amber heard was in the wrong (based on only knowing the snippets and memes i saw on social media), i get it. i get jumping immediately to depp’s side to finally make the case that men suffer too. that’s an issue that has long been over-looked, sure, and this seems like the perfect opportunity to prove it. but… i’m not so sure.
the reason this is happening right here, right now, with this case, is because amber heard is an easy target. it’s easy to make her the sacrifice thrown to the fire to prove that women care about men being abused too — because she is the first major metoo victim that does not in any way follow the “perfect victim” archetype. she clearly has said and done bad things, sure. and it definitely is true, men can be abused as well, and abuse is not committed solely by women. but jumping on this case as your excuse to show that you believe that to be true is incredibly fucked up. these are real people and a real relationship, and this is a real woman you’re vilifying to prove your righteousness despite all the evidence to contrary. amber has done many shitty things, sure, but i spent hours going into the weeds of everything and, despite coming in leaning towards depp (!!!!!! i really was originally!!!), i’m now deeply appalled at social media’s response to heard and this trial in general. this is not the “believe men!” moment you think it is. do not take that genuinely good and important cause and stain it by making johnny depp its mascot. this case is not the time we’ve all been waiting for to show how important it is to support men too. it is a brutal smear campaign against a victim of abuse and in ten years, all of you will be talking about how awful it was that everyone fell for it at the time.
i genuinely believe that it is not possible to believe depp is an innocent party if you spend a lot of time reading through the evidence and doing actual research rather than bandwagoning. it was an abusive relationship through and through, and both were horrible to each other. but — depp was the aggressor and heard’s abuse was reactionary. both experienced suffering and trauma, but the fact remains: depp had the power in that relationship in every conceivable way. he says as much — in one tape, he curses and screams at her for daring to ‘pretend to be authoritative’ to him and says that she can’t do that, she knows she can’t do that, and the recording ends on him yelling “you don’t exist!” just look at his texts to his friends — innocent good husbands who do not hate their wife or do horrible shit usually do not call their wife a waste of a cum guzzler and fantasize about drowning and burning her then fucking her to make sure she’s dead. there’s a recording of him where he, after threatening to cut amber w a knife, tries to force her to cut him as she, through tears, begs him not to hurt himself. now, i know many men who have suffered from depression. none of them have ever tried to force a knife into their partner’s hands and begged the partner to cut them, then called their partner a “pussy” for refusing to do so. that is not typical depressed behavior and should not be excused as such, especially because it stigmatizes mental illness even more and makes it harder for others struggling with depression. he admitted to headbutting her in the forehead, said in recordings ‘i didn’t even get physical THIS TIME’ and shit like that, made constant references to ‘the monster’ that came out of him whenever he drank/did drugs, etc etc etc. and note that these are INCITING actions. heard hitting depp in response to his attacking her is a REACTIONARY one.
so please please PLEASE stop making excuses for men so you can get your Good Feminist card and prove you’re not like those other Bad Feminists Who Shouldnt Be Taken Seriously, that you’re a GOOD woman, and therefore you shouldn’t be lumped in with the stereotype because YOU, you’re not a typical crazy woman — you’re logical and rational and you care about men. but the thing is, saying depp is innocent is not logical or rational. you are virtue signaling too, yall. that’s what all of this is. i know because i used to do the exact same thing!! all the time!!! so please learn some self-awareness and look at the facts and evidence in front of you, look at it through a lens of power dynamics and domestic abuse, look at it seriously, take both testimonies seriously, and do not form your opinions from memes on tiktok or two sentence tweets or even this post. if you feel compelled to have a strong opinion on this (despite this being a domestic violence issue between two rich white strangers that have nothing to do with you — although i do get it, clearly i’m guilty of it too), then please, please base it in the reality of these people’s relationship and not because you want it to be the symbol of a movement or because you saw people saying shit on social media.
“Every time someone says we don’t need feminism anymore, things like this come to mind. Due to insufficient dowry this young girl’s husband lacerated her face with a razor blade.” (Gwalior - India) - ph. Adrian Fisk
if you say you don’t need feminism, you are selfish. selfish that you have not stop to think about the millions of girls and women and trans women who are either getting killed, mutilated, raped, or sold into sex slavery and child marriages. for fucks sake, the women’s right to vote in the US isnt even a hundred years old yet. women in the work force is still recent. the first american women to go into space was in 1983. the firs women to be credited for a marvel movie just happened. like firsts are still happening. and women are still getting murdered for being women. WE NEED FEMINISM.
So when Women Against Feminism say “I don’t need feminism because we’re already equal,” what they’re actually saying is “I’ve got mine, so fuck you.”
notice how nobody’s tweeting “let’s finally talk about male victim stats” it’s all “yess finally i can call that stupid fucking slut a cunt and never believe women which i evidently never have before because they’ve been to court thrice but i only believe the verdict against her in the only trial that wasn’t with a sequestered jury!” because it was always about misogyny fuck all of you and if i so much as hear a depp defender round the block then square up lmfao
In a shocking turn of events, people have found out that women… can also be assholes! What a fucking shock! Women are people, people who have emotions and can be abusers, gentle lovers, killers and saviours because guess what? Women have individual feelings that can be literally anything because again,
Women are people!
Just because people hate amber (or any one woman really) doesn’t mean they hate all women and if you fucking think that, if you group all women into one fucking category? Fuck you, you are doing nothing for womens rights or anyone’s rights for that matter. Yes, believe women and Yes, not all women are evil but not all women are fucking saints!
Guys, I know it’s a crazy idea but hear me out.. every woman is an individual with her own behaviors, ideas and decisions– I know, I know it’s wild
An organization I like to donate to is the National Clearinghouse for the Defense of Battered Women, the only org in the US that works to defend victims of domestic violence who have been charged with crimes, usually for harming their abusers in self-defense, “failing to protect” their children in dv situations or “kidnapping” their children while fleeing violence. Thinking about them as we’re thinking about legal retaliation against domestic violence victims!
I’ve thought about doing this for awhile and was too scared to for fear my husband would see this post but I can’t do it anymore. I need help to get myself and my son out of an abusive situation. I’m going to place my story below a cut because it will contain topics that can be triggering.
I’ve thought about doing this for awhile and was too scared to for fear my husband would see this post but I can’t do it anymore. I need help to get myself and my son out of an abusive situation. I’m going to place my story below a cut because it will contain topics that can be triggering.
I’ve thought about doing this for awhile and was too scared to for fear my husband would see this post but I can’t do it anymore. I need help to get myself and my son out of an abusive situation. I’m going to place my story below a cut because it will contain topics that can be triggering.
I’ve pretty much been actively avoiding hearing anything about the depp/heard case but now that there is a verdict, it’s a fail for women’s rights.
I’ll explain
She might be abusing him. He might be abusing her. But, and what I think happened, maybe they’re both shitty and abusive to each other because there doesn’t have to be a one sided abuse situation.
But this whole thing is masquerading as ‘men can be victims too’ is literally just giving voices to male abusers that can counter sue their victims. NOT saying there aren’t male victims but depp has multiple cases of domestic violence against his record from more than one partner. Of course she’s admitted and been caught lying over some really gross things too.
Everyone was ecstatic to attack her for things she did and act like he was a poor little meow meow when there are multiple cases from multiple sources over the years of DV cases from him. The media, memes, even feminist pages on the internet jumped on to trash her and raise him up. It was much more than when men are prosecuted for DV. When she cried they called her acting. When she remained calm they called her cold. When she said nothing they said she was hiding secrets and when she talked they said she was lying. There was absolutely no way for her to win this.
Why did they hate her so much more than him even though there’s proof that they’ve both acted abusive to each other?
Sexism. A lot of people jumped on to hate her because they hate women. It was truly something to see the most woman hating side of internet AND feminists on the same side of the issue.
So now men who have domestic violence history can counter sue their victim because of this case. He didn’t need the money, she owes him something like 3 times her worth, and it gives an opening for abusers to use. I’m not saying she’s right OR him. But that this case will be a bad precedence DV survivors.
Warnings:Voyeurism, masturbations, sex toys, oral sex (male and female receiving), vaginal sex, angst, talks of domestic abuse, talks of being held captive, protectiveness, Frankie throwing his rank around a little and it’s sexy, domestic violence, threats of murder.
Comments: Frankie finds that his new neighbor doesn’t close her windows when she’s masturbating. You have moved trying to escape your past and catch the handsome man next door watching you one day, inviting him over in the heat of the moment, a decision that will change your lives.
Co-written with @storiesofthefandomlovers
Click Keep Reading only if you have read the Rating and Warnings and understand the warnings may not be complete to avoid listing spoilers. As AO3 says ’creator chooses not to use warnings’. You also agree that you’re the right age to be consuming anything here.
Frankie had noticed that the ‘FOR RENT’ sign had been taken down next door. Noticed it when he had pulled into the driveway after a long day, noticing that the lights had been turned on, but he hadn’t given it much more thought than that. The need for a beer and a shower urgent. Perhaps a beer in the shower after the day he had. Not noticing that someone was moving around, setting up a home while he opens the door to the house and sighing as he takes his hat off and starts toeing off his boots to let his aching feet breathe.
“Fuck I’m getting old.” He grunts to himself and closes the door, emptying his pockets of keys, wallets, mints and his phone, dumping it all on the entryway table Julia had left when she had moved out two years ago. Hanging up his jacket and pulling his sweaty t-shirt over his head as he walks down the hall towards his bedroom.
I’ve thought about doing this for awhile and was too scared to for fear my husband would see this post but I can’t do it anymore. I need help to get myself and my son out of an abusive situation. I’m going to place my story below a cut because it will contain topics that can be triggering.
okay but so the Johnny Depp/AH case is actually really important as far as making the huge point that YES, men can be victims of domestic violence too; but it’s rarely reported let alone gets to the day in court phase because of the gender politics/stereotypes society still holds to that it’s always only men abusing women… the things implied and actual logic when you think about that too I just- I’m gonna be writing on this
Journalists rallying together to twist the outcome of the trial which is undeniably, a monumental win for Depp. Full 3 counts won out of 3
Even Heard acknowledges in her latest statement that she lost.
This ruling is not silencing her because she dared speaking up, as I’ve read from some people. Yes survivors do not always have evidence and it does not mean that they’ve lied. But here’s the specific thing in this lawsuit: Heard spoke up, has been saying since 2016 that she had mountains of evidence, it didn’t match (to say the least) and we saw a bunch of fuckery went on with the metadata - photographs and perjury.
So what the 7 jury members unanimously found (and not1 judge who very publicly stated he couldn’t care less about Depp’s evidence) is that ALL of her statements about being a victim are false and by definition, didn’t believe that she is a victim. And this judgment was made taking into consideration her so called “mountain of evidence”.
To the contrary, they believed Depp on all counts.
Don’t get fooled by the “they both defamed each other” headlines either, this is a huge toll for Amber who was directly held accountable. Her only win is for a statement made by a third party, Adam Waldman, in an article for which she got awarded $0 in punitive damages and $2M in compensation.
Now we can talk about the potential damages made to survivors who already fear of speaking up, it is a very factual thing, but do not blame it on Depp for coming with the facts and having the right to do so. If you tell the truth, you don’t set anybody back. If you LIE on the back of a very important movement and women who actually suffer daily, though, you sure as hell hurt a whole lot of people.Don’t use this case to dismiss future women coming forward, also don’t make excuses for Heard’s actions not only with Depp but with the charities, employees, men and women that have come forward to share their personal experiences with her.
Defamation and implication made on lies are not and should not be freedom of speech.
I usually have no faith in the justice system, I had purposely convinced myself that he was likely to lose despite knowing the evidence was on his side. But when some light shines through every once in a while, it must be appreciated, same way I’m glad Britney got out of that conservatorship after being silenced and abused for most of her life.
Lastly, this was one very difficult lawsuit to win, so yes, Johnny Depp winning on all 3 counts is one massive victory.
I realize I may lose some mutuals over this, but it needs to be said. The criticism of the Depp v Heard trial is just as biased and oversimplified as the clickbait tiktoks and youtube videos.
If all you saw of the trial were those videos that made light of a serious situation, then I understand your misconception, however there was and is legitimate coverage by actual trial attorneys who provided unbiased commentary, as well as education.
Heard lost the trial because her evidence was not good. Her testimony kept changing. Her witnesses were refuted by actual, empirical evidence. The forensic psychologists on her team did not meet with Depp, while Depp’s psychologists met with her. This is on top of a myriad of other points in Depp’s favor and/or Heard’s lack of credibility, as well as her history of DV and Depp’s refuted ones by former partners.
He’s not a saint, but he was abused; Heard is on record (as testimony and in a recording between herself and Depp) as acknowledging she struck him, then to tell him that he will not be believed
I was under the same biases at the beginning, too, but a lot of those biases came from the internalized misogynistic* perspective that men cannot be victims of women. Women can be abusers, too; we have to think that more than we just say it and think we mean it.
If you’d like some recommendations on YouTube, see NatalieLawyerChick,EmilyDBaker, and AttorneyTom. These are practicing attorneys and/or legal professionals (Emily was a criminal district attorney, but stepped away and is now a legal consultant/commentator).
Believe who you want, but consider your reasons for doing so. Or don’t.
*yes, misogynistic, I did not mistype. The assumption that women are too weak or too pure to be violent is rooted in sexism, and the assumption that a man cannot be abused by a woman comes also from the perspective that to be abused is to be female, to be female is to be weak, to be weak is subhuman, and men are the only ones with “True Humanity.”
I saw Black Widow last night, and with the distance of years and dollars from the strongest specifically female-coded traumas I have experienced – namely being used as an emotions-dumpster by my parents because girls are good at that sort of thing and domestic violence, being afraid for my life and health for a short but very intense time, and enduring hunger and widespread ridicule in my existing social circles due to just, like, leaving an abuser, and the general female trauma of being Catholic at all which I was for 30 years – I am at a point now where I can let myself cry when something makes me want to cry, and I can protect my right to grieve in these little bitty shards which is what happens when your trauma is “mild” but woven like a thread through every memory you have.
I was one step past ugly crying by the time the beginning credits montage faded to the more “present day” storytelling. Obviously, I have never been a trained assassin under a mind-control scheme by a big selfish narcissistic windbag who loves seeing women unable to make their own decisions, but that’s just because I’ve never been trained to physically kill anyone. Every other part of it is true and accurate and real.
The “gather everything you need right now and get in the car and let’s get out of here before they find us” thing is also a tiny, encapsulated, but again very intense memory, as that is the way I left my abusive marriage – in secret, carefully timed based on observing his daily habits, with my two kids, and with everything I had in the world in a laundry basket snuck out to the back of the car.
Being made to handle things that were well above my paygrade as a 10-12 year old girl, with no room to learn or make mistakes - check.
Being trained to take abuse by people who were born into abuse as well and didn’t see their way out of it - check.
Being parented by people who were so stuck in their own pasts that they couldn’t see anything in front of them - check.
Childhood stolen early because nobody bothered to keep it safe - check.
But most of all the thing that hit me in the gut when I watched this movie is that we are actually seeing – on screen and without bouncing titties – a woman who has endured trauma the way so many women actually do. We have all seen the female villains who were treated so cruelly that they become soulless robots. We see women who were born sociopaths and use that to enact villainous plans. We see women who dissolve into tears and screaming and begging the first time anything challenging appears in their way, and women who endure trauma and then become essentially catatonic. Madwomen in the attic.
But in Black Widow we see – in Natasha and her “sister” specifically – women who get through it the way that women really do, in actual practice. The way I did. By becoming pathologically capable. By never, ever messing up. By waking up every day, ready to die. By taking blow after blow after blow, wiping the blood from our mouths, and smiling. By maintaining a softness toward others, and being harsh and ruthless only to ourselves. Defending others to prevent them from enduring what we have.
I think it’s fitting that we met Natasha as a generic Super Sexy Strong As A Man character with Jumbo Tits, there to show us that Tony Stark is an eternal playboy, and that it’s only now that we get to know her as she really is and was, which is multifaceted, very hurt, and insanely smart and capable, even to her own detriment. This is a woman who probably can’t relax, ever. For whom vacations are useless. A woman who always knows where the exits are. A woman who recognizes and processes her feelings in the dark where no one else can see, then wipes her eyes, cocks her gun, and takes care of whoever is after her today. A woman who has had to sever parts of herself in order to save herself and others on a larger scale.
I had just put my mask on in the theater because the man beside me started coughing – I know at that point it probably wouldn’t have prevented anything, but it made me feel better. With that protection, I was able to cry with my face twisted and ugly, tears running the half inch between my eyes and the top of the super absorbent KN95, nearly invisible, and let out a piece of the grief I felt at seeing myself on the screen, in many ways.
I’m not ashamed of my tears, because to me, being able to identify with and cry for my grief makes me more human and more able to heal. Black Widow has a quality that women gain by letting their emotions out when there is an opportunity – resiliency. She isn’t a silent, stubborn monolith demanding that the world change for her. She’s a changemaker who rolls with the punches and stays on track with her larger goals.
Allowing someone their grief is a way of validating their experience, and Hollywood has not done this for me or the many like me many times, if ever, before (Maybe in Mad Max?). For me, Black Widow looked at me and said “I see you.” And now we finally see her, too.
I realize I may lose some mutuals over this, but it needs to be said. The criticism of the Depp v Heard trial is just as biased and oversimplified as the clickbait tiktoks and youtube videos.
If all you saw of the trial were those videos that made light of a serious situation, then I understand your misconception, however there was and is legitimate coverage by actual trial attorneys who provided unbiased commentary, as well as education.
Heard lost the trial because her evidence was not good. Her testimony kept changing. Her witnesses were refuted by actual, empirical evidence. The forensic psychologists on her team did not meet with Depp, while Depp’s psychologists met with her. This is on top of a myriad of other points in Depp’s favor and/or Heard’s lack of credibility, as well as her history of DV and Depp’s refuted ones by former partners.
He’s not a saint, but he was abused; Heard is on record (as testimony and in a recording between herself and Depp) as acknowledging she struck him, then to tell him that he will not be believed
I was under the same biases at the beginning, too, but a lot of those biases came from the internalized misogynistic* perspective that men cannot be victims of women. Women can be abusers, too; we have to think that more than we just say it and think we mean it.
If you’d like some recommendations on YouTube, see NatalieLawyerChick,EmilyDBaker, and AttorneyTom. These are practicing attorneys and/or legal professionals (Emily was a criminal district attorney, but stepped away and is now a legal consultant/commentator).
Believe who you want, but consider your reasons for doing so. Or don’t.
*yes, misogynistic, I did not mistype. The assumption that women are too weak or too pure to be violent is rooted in sexism, and the assumption that a man cannot be abused by a woman comes also from the perspective that to be abused is to be female, to be female is to be weak, to be weak is subhuman, and men are the only ones with “True Humanity.”
well done folks misogyny reached some new and exciting heights here
they’re tweeting shit like that to distract from the fact that the woman on the left is both board certified and specializes in domestic violence, and testified to the horrific sexual assault amber has been reporting privately for years. but yeah ha ha psychologist on the right more attractive therefore more correct and good !
You are not to blame for being battered or mistreated. You deserve to be safe and happy. You are not alone and there are people that can help. You can contact a helpline & the police. Look for domestic violence or sexual assault programs in your area and identify safe houses you can go to. Abuse doesn’t just occur within a relationship. It can happen in friendships, with a family member, a coworker or classmate, a boss or manager, a teacher or coach.
Text message from Heard to her publicist; “ I’m really bruised and might have a black eye or two tmrw – same with my nose. Nurse on the way to make sure I don’t have concussion.” There are also texts to her psychotherapist saying it’s an ‘emergency’ and a text to a friend in which she says “J beat me up pretty good”. (page 87)
*Although many assume Heard referred to Depp’s gender, in actuality, listening to the audio reveals no article and that Heard uses “man…” as an expression of displeasure, not as a noun.
Heard did not defecate in Depp’s bed and the previous judge ruled it unlikely. The judge in the previous case ruled it likely it were the dogs, as there was evidence it“had an incomplete mastery of her bowels.”
Depp was the one to originally ask Amber to settle outside of court, and the couple issued a statement that, “Neither party has made false accusations for financial gain.”
Depp is suing Heard for $50 million, over 7x the amount they originally settled together. Heard originally attempted to get the suit moved to California and dismissed, and only filed a counterclaim when it was refused.
The suit is not to determine whether Heard was violent, or whether their relationship was mutually toxic, but as to whether Heard lied in her op-ed, and there is plenty of evidence of Depp physically harming Heard multiple times; regardless of Heard’s retaliation, he has been proven to be a domestic abuser.
[DISCLAIMER:This post is purely in relevance to the Heard vs. Depp case, to fact-check claims made by Depp, his team, as well as opinions on social media. They are not meant to be a remission on Heard’s part of any potential wrongdoing.]
