#you dont care

i never knew what it felt like when someone got over their pride and reached out to show me that they wanted me back. i was always the one person to think of great gestures and long letters to fight for someone. i can only ever imagine what it feels like to have someone fight for me.

i push you away when i need you the most

if u can fall asleep when things are bad between us then it shows me u dont care what could happen when u wake up

sometimes i wonder how many times you thought about giving up on me

probably more than i could ever bear to hear

never knew i could fall in love all over again

i made you a playlist and you made me a promise that you broke

tell me when and where and i’ll be there

always

it took me long to finally understand that you didn’t just not know how much i was hurting, you simply didn’t care

I loved you so much. Then why among all of ‘em am I the only one whom you ignore?

August 19, 2020

I’m seriously sitting in my car listening to sad music. These past few weeks have been a roller coaster for my emotional set. For one my childhood best friend passed away in a car accident recently. Her passing broke my heart, I still can’t fully wrap my head around it. It still doesn’t seem real to me at all. Then to follow up with that my mom tried to lie to me and tell me that she passed away from COVID. My mom is extremely manipulative and the fact that she EVEN TRIED to lie on my friends death pissed me off! I took everything in me not to hit my mom. And then to put the icing on the cake my boyfriend… my fucking boyfriend is a dickhead. I don’t know if being with him or falling for him was the best thing for me. I slowly feel myself pulling away from him. Plus I don’t think he’s over his ex. I knew we rushed this. We should’ve just stayed friends. Having a boyfriend is complicating my life. Also I’m moving soon, I don’t think he’ll be willing to come with me so I think I’ll break it off. Hopefully on a good note because I do love him, very much but I just need alone time. I need to focus on myself and when I’m with him he takes all my energy. I give him my everything and I feel like that should be mainly focused on me and what I’m trying to do in life! But at the same time I want to be with him, he brings me so much happiness and joy. I love him so much. I don’t know what to do…

i dont know about you but im feeling 22

hate being reminded im in parasocial relationships

no thoughts just dadji