I’ve been working through Thich Nhat Hanh’s amazing book, Peace Is Every Step.  Thi

I’ve been working through Thich Nhat Hanh’s amazing book, Peace Is Every Step.  This particular quote resonated with me so strongly that I decided to make it into an image, so I can put it on my fridge as a reminder.  And then I decided to share it with y’all. You can download it as a PDF to print here.

Transcript of image:

We really have to understand the person we want to love.

If our love is only a will to possess, it is not love. If we only think of ourselves, if we know only our own needs and ignore the needs of the other person, we cannot love. We must look deeply in order to see and understand the needs, aspirations, and suffering of the person we love. This is the ground of real love. You cannot resist loving another person when you really understand him or her.

From time to time, sit close to the one you love, hold his or her hand, and ask, “Darling, do I understand you enough? Or am I making you suffer? Please tell me so that I can learn to love you properly. I don’t want to make you suffer, and if I do so because of my ignorance, please tell me so that I can love you better, so that you can be happy.”

If you say this in a voice that communicates your real openness to understand, the other person may cry. That is a good sign, because it means the door of understanding is opening and everything will be possible again.

We need courage to ask these questions, but if we don’t ask, the more we love, the more we may destroy the people we are trying to love. True love needs understanding. With understanding, the one we love will certainly flower.

— Thich Nhat Hanh