The HuntressFirst - I would like to share a statistic and a story - and the fact this isn’
The Huntress
First - I would like to share a statistic and a story - and the fact this isn’t one of our biggest focus as a country to change causes me to want to bring attention to this. Facebook will not let me boost “political thoughts so please share if your moved to.
Victims of child trafficking can be used and abused over and over. A $32 billion-a-year industry, human trafficking is on the rise and is in all 50 states (U.S. Government) 4.5 Million of trafficked persons are sexually exploited. Up to 300,000 Americans under 18 are lured into the commercial sex trade every
The above statistic is why I have struggled since childhood with self harm, ptsd and other difficult things. I realize now that it’s ok, and I am not alone and more then that me being silent about it won’t help the millions of people in our country alone who could use someone who’s been able to do pretty good despite the past. I share to inspire those who maybe are out there who can’t see a way through. - Now the story on the Jacket
The Huntress
I remember the inspiration, I wanted to create a jacket that was every girls fairytale jacket but then fuse it with hunter energy.
It was a symbol a reflection of the future I wanted to create for myself and others.
You most of my early life I never felt safe, or loved or accepted, I was never good enough for the system the religion, or those who told me I was stupid, ugly, bad, selfish, horrible , worthless , that I shouldn’t have been born.
Those words would haunt me, and chased me into the shadows, I struggled to see myself somehow as worthy, beautiful, and deserving of love . I kept searching the world for that reflection so I could overcome the tape player in my mind that was relentless.
I was beautiful and I had broken parts, I grew up homeschooled so I never learned how to stand up to bullies or much of anyone. Then I started interacting with the world. I remember the first time it happened he was old, and I remember my body feeling the sinking feeling, and then I had no control, no voice, no way to escape.
I felt trapped and then he said if you scream it will be your last one. I was taught not to fight, they said if you tell anyone you won’t see the sun another day.
I remember the pain, I remember the first time a boy tried to kiss me and I ran away and locked myself in a closet and carved words into skin. I remember boys my age would try to date me or love me and I would always end up catatonic .
So I would kiss the girls they didn’t scare me. Until one day I met a man with kind eyes who when I was scared didn’t push me , but let me come to him, let me unfold and slowly overtime I realized maybe I could be safe in this thing they call love.
I wouldn’t let anyone live with me, I always lived on the top floor, and I always would hide my pain, I was always the best at my job because my art became the place I could make sense of the feelings I had. I remember the first man I feel in love with and thought I would be with forever looking at me and saying we never argue why ?.
Because I had been so conditioned and trained to just bend, bow, do as I was told and never raise my voice to be seen and not heard . To accept abuse and never show my tears or tell anyone, to only take it out on myself through self harm or silence that I didn’t even know how to say … that hurt me .
Then we took space and for four years I never let anyone in, I meditated, I fasted, I did yoga, I traveled, I went to therapy for trauma and one day my therapist said. I have taken you as far as you can go unless you start trying to love again.
I am so scared, if no one gets inside no one can hurt me or see where I am broken because the part of me that got broken I have learned to love and keep safe. The way I keep that part of me safe is not letting people in deep enough to hurt me.
I know there is no pain my body can’t heal from, I have pushed my limits of pain to a place where I fear nothing pain can bring me. I fear not even crossing to the otherside as for me it is a cocoon of beautiful eternal love , but I do fear my heart breaking because when it breaks the feelings are so big I don’t feel like I or them belong anywhere or to anyone.
If I love then whoever I love will one day see the me that was broken by people who never thought I would live much less make it here. Those people hunt me, and have and will stop at nothing to destroy me . Be it words , or having my safety removed, having to move, get restraining orders, or put people away behind bars for life.
When at seventeen you faced things scary movies are made of and put people in prison for a lifetime, and had people threaten to wipe you off the world, keeping my heart in tact meant I kept it guarded.
Wait? I thought this was about a jacket…
It is , because when this jacket was designed it was because I came to a place in my life I wanted to face my greatest fear and try to open my heart to love . To let people in to see my brokenness , to stop hiding the scars on my body, to stop telling people I was ok, to stop making excuses for the bruises . To reclaim the dream that was taken from me by force without my consent .
The jacket was in part to honor my inner child who just wanted to be loved so much someone gave her the fairytale jacket with the words..
this is to keep you safe, and warm, because I love you and you deserve to be loved and safe and wrapped in beauty.
As well as to honor the Huntress , as I realized the only way to end the cycle of shadows hunting me was to turn around and face them. To hunt the shadows and my fear and hunt it into the light. To be fearless and risk everything for love, for dreams, for honor, for integrity.
To hunt knowing that it may be my last hunt and I may not come back but to go anyways . To love knowing I may get my heartbroken again, but to love anyways, to love through the pain, to love endlessly and to love unconditionally even if others couldn’t.
To forgive and to learn how to channel the feelings I felt into creation rather then destruction .
This wasn’t just a coat it was armour it was made to protect the fairy tale the innocence
The Huntress was infused with a spell to create the magic of love wherever it went as well as to protect it’s owner . Allow them to open their hearts as well as become the hunter.
To hunt the fear into love
and the shadows into light.
I know that everything is a gift, we are on a rock in space and only by the gift of gravity we have life, just being alive is a gift or breathing and if we are lucky enough to love, fight for it, endlessness, and hunt the fear into the light.
RITUAL
www.ritual.fashion
https://www.beautyafterbruises.org/
The Huntress
