rustbeltjessie:Postcards from the Circus, 4: Dearest (Closest Thing to Heaven) // Jessie Lynn McMain

rustbeltjessie:

Postcards from the Circus, 4: Dearest (Closest Thing to Heaven) // Jessie Lynn McMains, June 2021

Dearest—

In a garden of stained glass & vines, I confessed my circus sins to a clown priest. My penance was to recite the Hail Emmett & the Our Lou while I stuck eight pearl-headed hat pins through my painted cheeks. And then I danced on a blanket of glass while I played a sad-clown valse on my accordion. By the time I’d finished I was wild-eyed, wet with sweat & blood, grease-paint running in rivulets down my cheeks. A Russian girl read the cards for me and I set my accordion on fire, said: “Welcome to Hell, here’s your squeezebox!” And I saw that place & that night were the closest thing to heaven I’d ever find.