texelations:He could never forget her, and his memories were the keystone in the center of everythin

texelations:

He could never forget her, and his memories were the keystone in the center of everything he was. Yet it is said we are not human beings but human becomings. Leonard Church was no exception.

[ Full Story: FFN | AO3]

Chapter 69: Under The Influence

He wasn’t exactly sleeping, but the rattle of the doorknob was what roused him. The sound was followed by a swift rap. His eyes cracked open and he tilted his head slightly in the direction of the door. Whatever time it was, Jackie was here and trying to get into his office.

Whatever time it was, it was the wrong time.

His eyes were bleary. He’d been awake for so long that as he tried to move out of his chair, lethargy washed over him. He let himself droop back again, his head tilting forward. He’d been slowly finishing his bottle of bourbon throughout the night, contemplating the events of the last twenty years. He hadn’t really realized until just today that that was how long it had been. It had been over half his life since the events he’d been so strenuously questioning Texas about had occurred. “Goddamnit,” he muttered to himself, one of many curses he’d hurled at these memories, at himself, since he’d decided to shut Texas down. It had been the wrong thing to do. She’d just been so…so blunt about what had happened, and so outspoken in telling him how wrong he was. He needed to get that out of his face, and off of his conscience.

But this would never be off of his conscience. He had known it then and he knew it now. He’d failed Allison in so many ways, even when he’d been confident he’d done the right thing. That was painful enough without the accusations Texas had been laying at his feet.

He swiveled the chair slowly in one direction, trailing one foot along the floor, then swiveled it back, reaching for the bottle in order to swallow one last finger of alcohol. He just needed that to bolster him, to give him the strength of will to be able to force himself to move on with his day. But before his fingers touched the glass of the bottle the alert on his COM pad went off. He lifted it slightly to look. It was Jackie, now trying to call him. He nudged the device aside and carefully stood. He might need to wallow a little longer but it wasn’t going to happen until after he handled some business.

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