1sadisticmofo: inferior-cunt: Really early in my discovery of kink I met a guy online.  We went

1sadisticmofo:

inferior-cunt:

Really early in my discovery of kink I met a guy online.  We went to a hotel and got down to business.  He slapped me, fucked my face, pissed on me, pulled my hair, slapped my tits… all your basic fun stuff.  He spat on my face, made me hold out my hand and spat in that too.  Told me to rub it in.  Then some more, said not to wipe it away, to feel it dripping off my face while he used me.  I’d never been spat on before, he was probably the second or third guy I had done this with?  It was horrible but amazing, I didn’t know how to feel about it.  I wanted to wipe it off, but at the same time I wanted him to do it more, tell me I deserve this. 

He pushed me onto the bed and fucked me, all I could think about was how disgusting I must look, I had spent so long getting ready, doing my make up and hair, and now I looked like a common whore.  I couldn’t bring myself to look at him or make a sound as he pounded into me.  I let this man spit on me, I was letting him fuck me while I was covered in spit.  What the fuck was I doing, what was wrong with me. 

At some point he must have realised this was having a huge effect on me. He grabbed my hair and dragged me off the bed, letting me drop to the ground, pulling me across the carpet to the full length mirror.  I shut my eyes and turned my head away.  “No please, I can’t, I don’t want to”, pleading with him.  He grabbed my chin and pulled my head up towards him and very firmly told me to open my eyes and look at him.  When I did he spat straight into them, over and over, rubbing it in and letting some of it just drip off me.  I kept trying to pull my head away, close my eyes.  He just grabbed my chin or hair and held me there. 

He dragged me to my feet and turned my head to the mirror again.  I didn’t even try to look away this time, I’d given up.  I soaked it in… Looked myself up and down, my body red from his slaps earlier, hair in knots, eyeliner and lipstick smeared across my face, spit glistening and dripping from my chin.  Something inside me was holding me there, I couldn’t look away at this point.  I felt disgusting, horrible, ugly.  I looked like a whore.  The shame was overwhelming, I had never experienced anything like it before.  

At some point he started fucking me again, my mind was gone by the time that happened. I had locked in on my eyes and there was nothing there.  I had completely shut off.  I was mesmerized by that, they looked so empty, so dead. 

This vacant, empty person staring back, it was me.  This whore who looked like a complete mess… me.  I was letting someone I didn’t even know reduce me to nothing but a desperate, disgusting thing.  I could hear these noises and realised they were coming from me, I sounded like I was in pain.  I was sobbing but there was no tears.  I was cumming hard and fast, over and over and I hated it, it felt like I was being torn apart inside.  I couldn’t stop cumming and every single one was destroying me inside.  “Oh my god what’s happening to me, what am I doing, no, don’t cum again, stop, stop, no”.  My mind was screaming at me while my body was giving into it.  And the whole time he kept fucking me, harder and faster.  When he finished I collapsed to the ground and just lay there covered in sweat, not functioning, still grinding my hips, still struggling, in complete turmoil, lost in my own internal battle. 

About a day later I was at home and tears started out of nowhere, it just hit me like a fucking truck.  Deep racking sobs that go through your entire body took over.  About a day after that I made myself cum thinking about how ashamed I was.  My fascination with being forced to look at myself has never gone away. 

The way the breaking process should go!

Devotional Training: Take a break to learn more.