Drowning in BlueWe jumped in the car and headed to New Jersey. My good friend had been suffering wit

Drowning in Blue

We jumped in the car and headed to New Jersey. My good friend had been suffering with major depression for three months and seemed to be drowning—floating away from all her support. As a practicing psychoanalyst, I wasn’t there to treat her as a patient, but I felt desperate to find things we could do together to “cheer her up.” With our close group of friends, we stayed with my in-laws at their midcentury house with a saltwater pool. Maybe this was a break my friend needed. I hoped we’d have fun and swim in the pool—and we did, day and night. One night, we swam in the pool until dawn. This photo of her was lightness—a pure, phenomenal, weightless gift. It captures a moment that upended the heaviness. It upended a darkness broken into a thousand pieces of effervescent light. Water breaks stone. There is a sadness, a loneliness that feels endless. But no feeling is final. This moment of joy I can hold, from the trace of light brought before a lens.