I often heard father talk disparagingly of the supposed things that “fairies” got u

I often heard father talk disparagingly of the supposed things that “fairies” got up to at their seedy back-alley clubs down town. His comments would influence and array of such shocking, frighting, shameful images in my dreams. Of rooms full of effeminate boys, who looked like girls, making out passionately.

The most frightening thing about it, is how I couldn’t deny that I so desperately wanted to be one of those boys….

In my boyhood I so wished clubs like this existed, where boys who were secretly effeminate, could dress as girls and indulge in homosexuality