Rather then being repelled, vampires are driven into a culinary rage by garlic, and spend the next 1d6 rounds punching the dish in question.
I nearly got away with making a vampire cannon with garlic. So my DM said that the garlic “repelled the vampires” so I stopped the session to ask some questions. Did he mean vampires literally got pushed back at the first smell of garlic? Yes, he said.
He sealed his fate as I then asked if the force of repulsion was additive or multiplicative. He said the latter with a confused tone, probably not sure where I was going with it. I then put two and a half years of mechanical engineering schooling to work creating a vampire cannon. Put a mask on the vampire so they can’t smell the two hundred cloves of garlic right next to them. Remove mask, boom, you have a vampire projectile at your disposal.
My DM still hates me for breaking the physics of his universe.
Did they ever reveal how Captain America was thawed? Because I’m picturing a bunch of Shield agents with hair dryers and I don’t think that’s quite right.
I don’t think they’d want to microwave him so hair dryer is really the only remaining option. That’s how I’d do it.
Do you have a sciency way to accomplish this task?
Well, let’s see.
To thaw a 1.5 metric ton colossal squid frozen in a block of ice (the only way the fishermen who trawled the thing in could bring it home before it went bad), scientists put it in a big vat of brine just above 0 Celsius/32F. That allowed the fresh water to melt while still keeping the squid as cold as possible. Essential, since for a giant corpse with tentacles, certain parts are bound to thaw days before others and could become quite rotten before the rest comes out of the ice block if you’re not careful.
HOWEVER Captain America was still alive, which complicates things. On the other hand, even supersoldiers are significantly smaller than this record-setting colossal squid. This helps thaw logistics somewhat.
Much like the squid, Captain America would have to be kept at a consistent temperature throughout his body in order to be thawed successfully. If his extremities were to thaw more than a minute or two before his heart and lungs were thawed and reactivated, the tissue wouldn’t have any oxygen and would quickly die. What a shame to bring back Steve Rogers only to have him be the poster boy for gangrene. Brain tissue becoming metabolically active before the cardiovascular system began functioning would be even more disastrous— possible permanent brain damage.
And the GH-325 project was born
To keep his temperature as equal as possible across his entire body, something like the squid brine or (more likely) an antifreeze solution would be used. Immerse the Capsicle in brine until the entire unit is within a degree or two of thawing* to begin Phase II.
*Note that due to presence of salts, fats, protein, etc, the freezing point of meat is actually 28-29F. Apologies to non-US readers, sadly I only work with American meat and don’t know the freezing point of corpses/beef in Sane Country Units. That being said, Steve Rogers is 100% American meat. Fahrenheit shall be considered the appropriate unit for this project.
At the thawing point, it’s important to consider life support functions. I don’t know how fast human tissue uses up oxygen at refrigerator-range temperatures, but I’m going to assume that the sooner you have oxygen circulating the better. A heart-lung machine would be needed to oxygenate and move the blood around for a while before the heart gets started back up.
Meanwhile, because Captain America’s last un-frozen moments were spent deep underwater, there may be decompression issues at play. Whatever gas bubbles may have been present in his tissue are currently frozen in place, but when he thaws they can move about and create embolisms —> the bends. Better put him in a hyperbaric chamber just in case.
Since Captain America regained consciousness in a recovery room rather than during the thaw process, it may be safe to assume that he was sedated and/or placed in a drug-induced coma during thaw.
So at this point we’ve got a giant bathtub of brine, a heart-lung machine, oxygen canisters, lots of drugs, plus all the necessary monitoring equipment all inside a hyperbaric chamber. After thawing the antifreeze bath could be replaced with gradually warming water or saline solution in order to bring Captain America back up to normal body temperature. So many machines! This is US medicine at its finest.
Forced warm air blowers (hairdryers) are needed after Captain America is fully thawed, organ systems are reactivated, and he is brought back to normal body temperature. At this point it becomes necessary to dry and style Captain America and put him in period-appropriate jammies to sleep it off in a vintage hospital room. If you think hearing the wrong baseball game tipped him off fast, you should see him wake up with bad hair.
THIS IS THE BEST POST IN THE HISTORY OF EVERYTHING.
That being said, Steve Rogers is 100% American meat. Fahrenheit shall be considered the appropriate unit for this project.
CANNOT STOP LAUGHING.
“Much like the squid, Captain America…” - a sentence I never thought I’d read
There’s a reason lots of good parents say to babies stuff like
“You’reexcited to go to the park!”
“Oh, it makes you mad that we can’t go outside.”
And then when the babies get a little bit older the parents can say
“You seem upset. Are you sad?”
“Are you excited that gramma is coming over today?”
Which lets the kid (who is learning to utilize speech) respond with yes or no, which may prompt more questions, like
“So you aren’t sad, are you angry?”
“Yes, does it make you happy when gramma is here?”
And then, finally, when the child is learning to use language in a more complex way, the parents can say,
“How does it make you feel?”
“Why are you feeling like that?”
And it’s all about teaching emotional awareness. I really reccomend using the process on yourself. Learn to ask, “am I happy?” “Am I sad?” “Am I anxious?”
Then practice identifying, out loud or on paper if you can, “I’m happy.” “I’m upset.” “I’m sad.” “I’m anxious.”
Final step: “Why am I feeling anxious? I’m still thinking about that awkward conversation earlier.” “Why am I happy? It’s such a beautiful day outside.” “Why am I sad? None of my friends are responding to my messages.”
It really helps you notice patterns (“I’m more likely to be happy when I’m around this person.” “When I haven’t eaten, I often feel angry.” “If I don’t plan ahead, I get anxious.”) which is the first step in avoiding things and people that are bad for you and encouraging things and people that are good.
God more parents need to do this. I know my dad should have learned this befor they had me.
Wait, people actually do this? I thought this was just some hackneyed sitcom trope.
honestly i have saved a lot of hassle by specifically requesting to be treated by female medical professionals whenever possible
my last male doctor told me, within literal minutes of meeting me, that I wasn’t sick actually and all my problems were just in my head and I was making everything up.
The very next female doctor I went to asked me questions about my symptoms, about how long I’d been having issues, and why I was concerned. And then she wrote me a prescription
One time I was referred to a male infectious disease doctor and he laughed off my symptoms and explained that they were caused by anxiety and lack of sleep. I saw a female PCP a month later and she took a leap and tested me for Lymes. The test came back positive and I was treated before it got bad. I thank her everyday for having the guts to listen to me and take action.
I had to be taken to the hospital in an ambulance for severe abdominal pain on my left side. I was fading in and out of consciousness the pain was so bad. Of course the assumption was that my appendix was going to rupture, but when the doctor ruled that out he decided it was simply period cramps and told me to take Tylenol.
As I was stumbling out of the ER the charge nurse stopped me and asked where the fuck I was going. I told her I’d been discharged and she took a look at my charts and deadass rolled her eyes. Called the doctor back in to point out a substantial fluid buildup near my ovaries. He called it a “nonissue” and this brave nurse, bless her heart, argued with him.
As it turns out, I had a massive cyst on my left ovary that had ruptured, hence the pain being on one side. Apparently, it could have killed me. She asked me if this had happened before, which it had. The male doctor then had also told me it was cramps.
I was sent to a specialist, and within two days was diagnosed with severe endometriosis, which put me at a high risk for additional ovarian cysts. Within a month I’d had surgery, it was small and noninvasive, but there was a chance it could genuinely save my life one day.
It took three years of potentially deadly complications that I had NO IDEA were even happening before a nurse that saw me in passing realized what had happened. So yeah, male doctors suck.
male doctors can be assholes to other males too.
when my brother was in middle school he had twisted his knee backwards. when we went to his male doctor, he upright told him to stop being a little bitch. (he was a military doctor and i guess could get away with it?) Anyway, it took 4 years for that doctor to rotate out of that base and the next one that came in was in shock that he hadn’t taken my brother into surgery when he first came in. His ligaments were torn and they had to graft from other muscles to reconstruct his knee to be usable. FOUR YEARS because this asshat didn’t want to do his fucking job and do a few scans to see my brother couldn’t use his leg. for FOUR years. anyway they got him into surgery right away, but there was already a shit ton of damage
another story, different doctor
I get bronchitis nearly every year because apparently you get it once, you’re supper susceptible to get again. anyway i had been coughing for a good 2 months and i went to the male doctor my parents had and told him how long it had been and that it was the same that it was the last two times i had bronchitis. doctor tells me it’s not bronchitis and to wait tow weeks to see if it goes away and send me away. two weeks later, guess what, results are in, it’s bronchitis, he gives me some steroid pills and sends me on the way. not such a bad story right, he just wanted to make sure before giving me something?
yeah, except it happened twice after that when i came in for the same exact thing. same song and dance because i don’t know what i’m talking about.
i switch to a female doctor and about a month ago i start getting the start of that cough so i go see her. I tell her how i get it often and i want to catch it before it turns into bronchitis. She sees my history on how i’ve had it 5 times in the past 4 years and IMMEDIATLY she gives me a steroid inhaler, AND a regular inhaler for the next time i start getting a cough despite not actually having major bronchitis symptoms at the time. so not only did she listen to me the first time, but she gave me a preventative. guess what guys … i didn’t get bronchitis this year.
i typically recommend asking for a female doctor regardless of your gender
Why the fuck does this have 40 thousand notes?
The only horrible experience I’ve had with a male doctor is at the urgent care center down the street from my house. He was a fucking twat. Otherwise I’ve liked all my male doctors, and my female ones.
Don’t be sexist dumbasses just ask around and look at reviews.
I had an adult doctor scratch down my back to see if it hurt (which it did… Because he scratched me lol) but even as a 7 year old i just thought he was a prick i didnt think all male doctors were evil.
This post is actually sickening because apparently since a few people had bad experiences we need to do away with 1000s of doctors??? Not to mention the assumption that a female doctor wont be abusive or negligent in their treatment.
I’m sorry but if you hear a pretty large amount of people all having similar experiences and just put that down to them not doing their own research first and make it there fault, maybe you should just literally stop talking about the issue. There’s obviously a common problem that needs to be addressed in bad male doctors but nah that’s just ‘sexism’. Christ.
Oh yeah these 6 people in a reblog chain probably from different countries really is inadmissible evidence
You’re right the notes just don’t exist everybody. Yep no body else has reblogged this with their own stories. Or liked/reblogged because they agree but don’t wanna share their stories. Yep don’t exist.
You’re missing the point here, the post is sharing negative experiences people had with doctors who happened to be male and unsurprising the thread doesn’t include positive experiences with doctors who happened to be male because they would have nothing to add to this negativity fest. Nothing particularly wrong with sharing bad doctor experiences, it’s great to know where to seek proper health and who to trust. The issue however is when they take these isolated situations to heart and assume male doctors as a whole are just massively incompetent, reinforcing the concept that men shouldn’t be in the medical field which is coincidentally female dominated. Also we are on the Internet and I’m from the Caribbean (hello) and the person you were talking to is probably American (wild guess, Tumblr is very US westernized) that’s why they pointed out that tons of notes on a post doesn’t magically make something truthful or universal.
Its tumblr, any opportunity to shit on males is fine.
You know what I want? As we’ve established that humans are a race of terrifying omnivores - eaters of chillies and coffee and chocolate - I want Earth alcohol to kick space alcohol’s butt.
Like I want aliens to be up there going like Winky on buttobeer. Sipping on their malt wine and fermented grains/berries. And sure, they may have great tolerance for that stuff, maybe it just gets them lightly buzzed and then they come down to earth.
And at first they find it very amusing. Earthlings, getting drunk off downing a couple of very teeny glasses of some clear liquid. Then one of them makes the mistake of trying vodka. and it knocks them the fuck out. Like waking up in your bathroom with a new tattoo and feather boa on kind of knocked out. And after that humans become much more terrifying.
“They make alcohol out of everything”, one alien whispers to his stunned friends, “and then,” He pauses to create a suitable air of horror “They mix them together.”
How… how on earth do you discover that you have an ability like this. Do you wake up one day and say “I wanna log-roll a table upside-down” and dedicate your life to achieving that goal? Are you lounging around the house and someone tosses an ottoman at you and you roll a 20 on your Dex check? How?
