“our preliminary scans indicate a high concentration of duralinium. you know how planet earth needs that mineral.” “earth? or your corporation’s profits?”
“come, gentlemen don’t discuss money.” “on the contrary! they rarely discuss anything else.”
“you know, jo, i sometimes think ‘military intelligence’ is a contradiction in terms.”
“well, I’ll tell you something that should be of vital interest to you.” “and what’s that?” “that you, sir, are a nitwit!”
[someone knocks on the door] “not today, thank you.”
and my favourite,
“try to use your intelligence, man, even if you are a politician!”
Dealing with executive dysfunction and ADHD becomes so much easier when you stop trying to do things the way you feel like you should be able to do them (like everyone else) and start finding ways that actually work for you, no matter how “silly” or “unnecessary” they seem.
For years my floor was constantly covered in laundry. Clean laundry got mixed in with dirty and I had to wash things twice, just making more work for myself. Now I just have 3 laundry bins: dirty (wash it later), clean (put it away later), and mystery (figure it out later). Sure, theoretically I could sort my clothes into dirty or clean as soon as I take them off and put them away straight out of the dryer, but realistically that’s never going to be a sustainable strategy for me.
How many garbage bins do you need in a bedroom? One? WRONG! The correct answer is one within arms reach at all times. Which for me is three. Because am I really going to get up to blow my nose when I’m hyperfocusing? NO. In allergy season I even have an empty kleenex box for “used tissues I can use again.” Kinda gross? Yeah. But less gross than a snowy winter landscape of dusty germs on my desk.
I used to be late all the time because I couldn’t find my house key. But it costs $2.50 and 3 minutes to copy a key, so now there’s one in my backpack, my purse, my gym bag, my wallet, my desk, and hanging on my door. Problem solved.
I’m like a ninja for getting pout the door past reminder notes without noticing. If I really don’t want to forget something, I make a physical barrier in front of my door. A sticky note is a lot easier to walk past than a two foot high cardboard box with my wallet on top of it.
Executive dysfunction is always going to cause challenges, but often half the struggle is trying to cope by pretending not to have executive dysfunction, instead of finding actual solutions.
i left cabinet doors open all my life and couldn’t make myself stop leaving them open until i figured out my subconscious just wants to know where everything is at a glance. i put labels on each cabinet door for what was behind the cabinet and after that i was a lot better at closing them.
showers are hard for me because they involve a lot of steps to get in and out. buying cleaning hand wipes helps me stay a lot cleaner and happier when i’m too tired or distracted to make myself be a normal person– they’re faster and involve way less prep time, decision making, and unpleasant physical sensations.
i have disordered eating because, again, getting food is complicated, much less cooking anything. buying 10-12$ of cliff bars at a go and keeping them in my room by my bed gives me a headstart on breakfast and lets me take my meds on time. otherwise i would lie in bed, not taking my meds because i had to eat, and not eating because i was too tired and nauseous from being hungry to get out of bed.
‘just try harder’ is not a solution. figuring out the actual problem and addressing it is the solution.
’normal’ isn’t the goal. you can’t be normal. it’s too late, but you know what, fucknormal. trying to be normal is going to kill you. ‘functional’ is the goal, and you canbe functional. you can kick ass at functional. and that’s a lot better.
When I talk about how there is no universal system for Keeping Your Shit Together, and how it’s more important to find a system that works for you, this is exactly the kind of thing I mean.
My keys hang on the door so I literally can’t leave my apartment without touching them. My socks kept getting everywhere when I kept them with my other clothes, so instead I now keep them in a little hutch in the kitchen, where I keep all my shoes. All my silverware is in jars on my kitchen island so I can see clearly when I am out of forks. When I didn’t want to put on my socks to go running, I bought running shoes that didn’t require socks. There are people who would find all of the above unworkable and/or appalling but they don’t have to live my life and I do.
Find what works for you and work it. Doesn’t matter if it’s weird or unusual or not as healthy as some weird ideal which is probably just a marketing tool anyway. If it works, work it.
’normal’ isn’t the goal. you can’t be normal. it’s too late, but you know what, fucknormal. trying to be normal is going to kill you. ‘functional’ is the goal, and you canbe functional. you can kick ass at functional. and that’s a lot better.
Reblogging for this bit. It’s okay to be functional.
Me, on first visit: I need to fix this!
Therapist: let’s get you functional, and we’ll talk.
Funny how much getting functional fixed, and little the rest mattered.
I see this at a farm nearby where I like to hang with the goats, but the only time I’ve seen it captured on film was in that recent episode of It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia where Sweet Dee got trampled in the petting zoo. I guess it is deeply disturbing and kind of underutilized in horror, but I still wish my eyes did that.
Like, seriously, why isn’t this in more movies? Why did I have to make the .gif myself?
In all fairness, human eyes do this too…it’s just harder to tell because we have round pupils instead of horizontal pupils.
