#oh man
Do you guys remember how kidnap fantasies were popular on wattpad because young girls and queer teens were both made to feel shame at the thought of their own sexualities, so the fantasy of being kidnapped totally against their will was a way for them to engage with a romantic or sexual fantasy without feeling morally in the wrong for doing so? Added bonus that the fantasy involved being whisked away from repressive environments like home or school, right?
Finding out that Bram Stoker was in a sexless marriage and that scholars believe that he very likely was closeted gay puts the entire book into perspective as to WHY it reads EXACTLY like a self insert wattpad Dracula kidnap fic:
“I TOTALLY love my wife and would never do anything that an upstanding Good Straight Working Man wouldn’t do but oh nooo, big strong man with broad back and strong enough arms to carry me back to bed like a princess trapped me and claimed me as his, completely against my will But he protects me against the bad evil sexual women (who I assure you, I am TOTALLY sexually attracted to, as any straight man with a choice would be) but trust me, I do NOT want ANY of this. What’s that? The Count is not capable of feeling love? Would be a shame if I had the special ability to change tha-”
uswe:
A werewolf film written by a woman wouldn’t be as interesting because they know how unrealistic it is to be caught by surprise by something that happens regularly every damn month.
#run right into queue#no no no no no the exact opposite#by this standard a werewolf film written by a woman would be much more interesting because it would be more /varied/#some werewolves who are prepared not only for their own shift but also for those of six of their closest packmates#some werewolves who wake up already covered in fur and look at their ruined clothes and think ‘oh /shit/ that was yesterday’#some werewolves who can’t be assed to figure out what day it is and therefore have an alert set in their phone#so that once a month they wake up not to a blinking ‘wake up’ message but to ‘wake up and Be Prepared’ and dramatic hyena music#(and then inevitably lose/break/forget to charge their phone the day before and spend hours humming uncomfortably#before suddenly remembering at the least convenient moment possible and rushing off stripping as they go)#not to mention the one werewolf who only transforms one night a month and then has to refrain from gloating#while they help their one packmate who’s been shifted for an entire goddamned week and has started dreaming of murder (via@ereborne)
And then there’s that werewolf who goes three full moons without transforming, then transforms one night during a waxing crescent moon.
Now I’m imagining some on the werewolf form of the pill and having to regularly keep up their schedule and one werewolf telling another that they used to have such irregular changes but the pill now makes things so much easier and the other werewolves being like oh man I should talk to my doctor about this.
All i imagined is some poor fucker that’s like “you think you have it bad. I got my first change at 9 and change sporadically every 4 months or so. For 2 weeks. Sometimes it happens randomly so i just gave up.”
#for days before the change you’re extra growly and constantly want to go for walkies
Why. Is this not a thing already. Why.
Wake up pissed and agitated with a headache and slam some aspirin with no real thought to the matter because it must just be a shit day. Halfway through the day they just “…oh shit that explains so much fuck fuck fuck”
@teland
I don’t usually reblog stuff, but this is just golden.
#these tags come back to my dash every now and then and y'all I am so proud of them you don’t even /know/ #I was so tired that night I almost didn’t even write them but then I was like ‘no for real though we all know how this would go’ #wolves written by people who have actually dealt with these kinds of problems would be faaar more interesting #wolves who were malnourished as children and now don’t always shift when they should because sometimes their bodies can’t support it #wolves who make it to unreasonable ages without their bodies pulling the plug–their first century’s looming on the horizon #and still every month like clockwork they rip and rend and bleed and their grandchildren are terrified this is the future they’ll inherit #wolves who spend a day with their heads in a ghirardelli box trying just to inhale the scent #because they know if they eat the chocolates they’ll be sick but god they want them /so bad/ #wolves who splurge on steak and fresh spinach and glare at anyone who side-eyes them while they shovel it in #they need iron dammit and anyway you have no idea what they’ve gone through these past couple days buddy you wanna stare a little harder? #wolves who get hella irritable vs wolves who become unbearably anxious vs wolves who just wanna stay in bed and cuddle forever #I have so many thoughts about this and maybe I shouldn’t babble about it constantly but fuck it I refuse to let the boring werewolves stand (more tags via @ereborne)
This is priceless
Going to work one day and changing the shift for the new were who’s been around you just long enough.
One month it’s just some body hair and the next month changing so hard it takes two weeks to remember what being human was like
