Hold still, baby. Let Mommy get a look at you. Hmmm. Let me just adjust your plastic pants a little.

Hold still, baby. Let Mommy get a look at you. Hmmm. Let me just adjust your plastic pants a little. We don’t want any leaks, do we? Nu-uh. No we don’t. We want all your tinkles and poo-poos to stay in your diapers while we’re out today!

Awww, someone’s a blushy baby! I know it’s embarrassing, honey, but Mommy’s very proud of what a big baby you’ve become. Just think, it wasn’t that long ago that you were striding about in your grown-up clothes, thinking you were such a big man. But that was before the matriarchy took over and took away all of those silly “men’s rights”, of course. Now you’re just an overgrown Mama’s boy who stomps around in his diapers and can’t go ten minutes without wetting himself! It’s so cute!

Oh poor baby, don’t look so sad! I know you’re upset that Mommy took away all your adult privileges, but I think spending the rest of your life as my helpless toddler is exactly what you need. Sure, you won’t get to use the toilet, or have sex, or be respected ever again, but you will get lots of attention from all the pretty ladies who want to bottle-feed you and cuddle you and change your diapers! You know how popular you are with women whenever I take you out in public. Now come along, baby boy. Let’s get going!