When a new Apple product is released to the market, I and the rest of the world watch the hordes of

When a new Apple product is released to the market, I and the rest of the world watch the hordes of people in line with equal parts fascination, amusement, and abject horror. Why not wait a little bit for when there will be no lines, and no one coughing on the back of your neck meat? Is there nothing else you can do with a thousand dollars? Is your current phone going to self-destruct into a ball of fire and socialism if you don’t get the latest version of it on day one?

That old phone is perfectly fine because the owner will have cherished it until the moment a new version of it came out. The average iPhone enthusiast is essentially a serial divorcee. That owner will likely sell that old smartphone online or some other place and in a couple of weeks, it will end up in an online store or an actual store halfway across the world. It will be bought at a fraction of the original cost and made proper use of until the day it absolutely fucking dies.

A lot has been said about the out-of-control Western consumerism that turns phones into trendy, disposable, luxury items. I say splurge your fickle, little hearts out, America. You don’t want that practically brand new, barely used, overpriced thing? Send it halfway across the globe so those of us who don’t have a disposable $900 for a phone that should be transporting people to Hogwarts for that kind of scratch. Afraid of a little spontaneous phone combustion? You and your first world problems disgust me. But I’m grateful you have them.

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