Donald Trump is bringing out the big guns to defend himself in the Russian situation which he assure

Donald Trump is bringing out the big guns to defend himself in the Russian situation which he assures us doesn’t even exist. Trump’s knight in shining armor is septuagenarian defense attorney John Dowd, who’s like your grandpa if your grandpa was a pissed-off homunculus forged from every Alpha Beta in the 1987 classic Revenge Of The Nerds.

Coming out of the gate running, or at least hobbling in a very determined manner, Dowd is described as an ex-marine who may or may not have served our country at Verdun. The first quote in this Reuters article is “I fight hard,” because that’s what old men in suits in courtrooms do. He goes on to say “this is war, and I will defeat you,” like the villain of late-‘90s RPG that didn’t get translated into English so well. Suffice it to say, he seeks to crush his enemies and to hear the lamentations of their women, the latter of which he will do pro bono.

Dowd is 6'4" tall, a fact we know because the article says so while never explaining why you need to know that about a lawyer. They use words like “no-holds barred” and “attack” when describing how he works. Again, as a lawyer. Have you ever been to court? Even Law & Order could, at its coolest, only give us Sam Waterston. That’s the best fiction can offer. Real-life court is as action-packed as falling asleep on the toilet. Or it was, until Dowd got on the scene with his brutal mix of jurisprudence and courtroom capoeira. Oh, did you have an objection? Well get ready to sustain a broken spine, you crap-shack of a human. You just went Dowd for the count!

Why Trump’s Tough-As-Nails Man Lawyer Is Undefeatable