What’s that, honey? You want to get something to eat? Don’t be silly sweetie, I breastfe

What’s that, honey? You want to get something to eat? Don’t be silly sweetie, I breastfed you right before we came out! Your tummy must be plenty full.

You want something solid? Oh baby… We talked about this. You don’t get to eat grown-up food anymore, remember? Mommy decided you weren’t man enough to be an adult, and that means losing certain big boy privileges. Why do you think you’re wearing that huge diaper under your pants? Because you’re just a big baby, and babies get all their meals from the breast.

The only time something that isn’t boobie milk ends up in your tummy is when we’ve got it from the baby food section, is that clear? So if you really want something to eat, you can go pick up some applesauce or strained prunes from the baby isle. But if you’re going to act fussy about your new diet, then I’ll pull your diaper down and give you a spanking right here in the store. What’s it going to be, little guy?