“I think I’m in love with Anya,” says Roy. “You thought you were in love wit

“I think I’m in love with Anya,” says Roy.

“You thought you were in love with Saoirse,” says Joël. “…and look how thatturned out.” 

“I was in love with the ideaof being in love with Saoirse,” says Roy. “And with her freckles. I still miss her freckles. She had freckles everywhere. And I mean everywhere. Plus she introduced me to the greatest sex act ever known to man, so for that I owe her an enduring debt of gratitude. But even though the sex was awesome, there was still something missing. It was always…I dunno. I never felt she was committed 100%.”

“What about Naomi? You were totally in love with Naomi,” says Joël.

“Naomi cast some sort of spell over me,” says Roy. “I was powerless to resist, dude. She’s like one of those mythological sirens who used to lure sailors to their deaths. Or Satan. Every time I kissed her, an angel would have an aneurysm, I swear to God.”

“So what’s the deal with Anya?” says Joël. “Apart from her physical attributes.”

“Being around her just makes me feel good,” says Roy. “And she’s just so cool and down to earth. It didn’t even seem to bother her that first night when I couldn’t- ”

“Couldn’t what?”

“Nothing. And she was amazing with Henrietta, Henrietta loved her and you know what Henri’s like, she thinks everyone’s beneath contempt. And she’s affectionate, dude. I fucking love that. And it’s like she knows exactly what I’m feeling about stuff without me even telling her. Like we have this connection, you know? I’d always heard people talking about their connection and I always thought it was a huge wank but now I know exactly what-  

“When you couldn’t WHAT?” says Joël. 

“Dude, it was her father’s fault! He rang her just after we got back to my place and told her to make sure to use a condom. So, yeah. That was it. He got in both my heads, the evil fucking bastard-”

“So the first night you spent with Anya, you couldn’t get it up,” says Joël. “Dude.”

“Listen, Dropkick, I more than made up for it last night,” says Roy. “But the whole point of the story was, it didn’t even matter. Like we just really enjoyed each other’s company, somehow she still made me feel like a total baller-”

“Erectile dysfunction’s a growing problem,” snickers Joël.

“Ha-fucking-ha.”

“You could start a club. Except it would probably be a flop, and nobody would come.”  

“Glad you’re enjoying yourself at my expense, dude.”

“Yeah, it’s not hard,” says Joël.