Hi, baby! You’re looking a little funny, sweetie. Are you making boom-booms? Or… Ah

Hi, baby! You’re looking a little funny, sweetie. Are you making boom-booms? Or… Ah, I see. It looks like the hypnosis is wearing off. Is my widdle guy having big boy thoughts again?

Who am I? Silly boy, I’m your Mommy. I guess you don’t remember what happened, huh? Well, let me explain. About six months ago now, Mommy overheard you talking at the bar about how boys are so much better than women. Isn’t that so silly? Anyway, Mommy didn’t like that one bit. No she didn’t! So she put a special little something in your drink, helped you home, and had a hypnotic conditioning headset over your eyes before you even woke up! It told your naughty, sexist little head all about how boys are just babies, how you need diapers and breastmilk and spankings and naps, how you’re totally dependent on women to take care of your every need. You’ve been living with me as an overgrown two year old ever since!

What’s that? You’re leaving? Awww, I’m sorry sweetie, but I’m afraid you’re not. You might have had a little wakey-wakey out of the hypnosis, but that’s okay. I made sure to put a special little trigger phrase in your head to wipe away those pesky grown-up thoughts if they ever showed up again, you see. No need to look so frightened, baby! You’ll love being my helpless, diaper-dependent adult toddler for the rest of your days! It’s a lifetime of stinky diapers and Mommy’s milk for you, mister! Are you ready? Because it’s time to go back to babyland… There we go! There’s my widdle guy!