After my last post about leaving the abuse, I received a few messages asking how to handle the compl

After my last post about leaving the abuse, I received a few messages asking how to handle the complicated feelings that arise during this period, the part of us that misses the person who abused us, the yearning for their validation, and the pain of seeing them move on so quickly with someone new.

My first suggestion would be to scroll down and read my post on #TraumaBonding which may provide insight into the intense feelings of attachment to an abuser.

Maybe the reason we seek validation from the ones who have hurt us is to soften the blow; we may search desperately for some sign of love or concern from them because it can add so greatly to our pain to realize that someone whom we loved, who wounded us so deeply, never really cared about us at all. Or perhaps we seek some semblance of love from them to feel less embarrassed about having trusted someone who hurt us so much. The lack of understanding and validation from them and from others can make the healing process so much more challenging.

I’ve come to view this time as an opportunity to reclaim our sense of power and autonomy―two things that abuse can diminish. It is time to take the focus and energy off of the abusers and place it lovingly onto ourselves. We can prove to ourselves that we are innately deserving of understanding, kindness and compassion by showing it to ourselves. We can allow ourselves the space to feel how we are feeling. We can give ourselves the validation we are seeking, acknowledging and honouring both our pain and our strength. I do my best to practice gratitude in these times, giving thanks that what has hurt me has been removed from my path in order to make way for what is better for me.

One of the most important things to remember is that healing is a process and a practice, and being patient with ourselves during our worst times can go a long way.

Affirmation: I accept my path. I release what hurts me. I choose what heals me.