Some days the rope is just no good. Some days you need to leave the flogger on the stand, let the ga

Some days the rope is just no good. Some days you need to leave the flogger on the stand, let the gags rest, and allow the blindfolds to be untouched. Some days, the toys need to stay in the toybox. 

Let me just put this to bed once and for all. D/s does not equal BDSM. D/s can well be contained within BDSM, but you really, really don’t have to involve yourself with all BDSM has to offer to have a Dominant/submissive relationship. 

(Just as a quick interlude, allow me to break down the BDSM acronym for a moment, as I see it used a lot and I’m not sure it’s entirely appropriate one hundred percent of the time. BDSM isn’t actually a true acronym. BD stands for Bondage, but DS stands for Dominance and submission, and SM stands for Sado/Masochism. The letters in the middle are pulling triple time, the poor things.)

Just because you’re a submissive doesn’t mean you have to be a masochist. Just because you’re a Dominant doesn’t mean you have to be into spanking and bondage. At its fundamental level, once everything else is stripped away, it’s about control. Control given, and control received. The Dominant controls, and the submissive is controlled. 

That’s what we enjoy. Bondage, and sadomasochism are excellent ways of exhibiting that control, but if you think they’re the only ways of exhibiting control, you need to have a good long hard think about what you’re doing. They may be the ways you enjoy doing it, but there are so many more. 

We all enjoy discipline. We all enjoy rules, and a firm hand. Little touches that assert Dominance, and reinforce submission. For a moment, just divorce that from the more extreme side of things, and realise that those things are not inextricably tied. Punishments might be necessary, but they don’t have to involve physical pain, or even mental distress. They just need to make sure the lesson is learnt, that’s all. It all becomes rather uncomplicated if you just take away a few layers.

I’m not saying that there’s no place for all those (lovely) things, it’s just sometimes, you don’t need them. You can leave them at the door, and just enjoy one another. You’ll still be submissive, I’ll still be Dominant. That we don’t need the toys just reinforces that. It just shows quite how strong those roles are, how ingrained into our psyches they’ve become. 

I think that’s just a little bit beautiful.