#sadomasochism

does anyone have experience with. um. barbed wire toys? inquiring (and soon to be victimized) minds want to know. ;)

on this fine pride month, reblog if you’re also kinda ace, very panromantic, and want pretty people to consensually beat you up.

Please support the campaign to BOYCOTT Fifty Shades of Grey and to donate to domestic violence shelters instead! ~~~ #50dollarsnot50shades !!

You can out more about this campaign at the Facebook page for “50 Dollars not 50 Shades” below, which we encourage you to LIKE and support!

https://www.facebook.com/pages/50-Dollars-not-50-Shades/713262428793958

Here is a directory of domestic violence shelters and help organizations around the world that people can contribute to:

http://www.hotpeachpages.net/

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To learn more about the harms of “Fifty Shades of Grey”, please visit our page on this topic and The National Center on Sexual Exploitation’s page on it:

http://www.antipornography.org/Fifty_Shades_of_Grey_harm.html

http://endsexualexploitation.org/fiftyshadesgrey

To learn more about the harms of sadomasochism in general, please see our page below, as well as our SayNOtoSadomasochism YouTube channel:

http://www.antipornography.org/sadomasochism.html

http://www.youtube.com/SayNOtoSadomasochism

For our own ongoing updates about the campaign, please follow our SayNOtoSadomasochism Twitter account!

https://twitter.com/NOSadomasochism

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Many thanks and well done to Stop Porn Culture, the London Abused Women’s Centre and the National Center on Sexual Exploitation (formerly Pornography Harms) for their important efforts in creating, running or sponsoring this vital effort! Please like and support their Facebook pages, Twitter accounts and their other social media accounts and efforts as well!

http://www.facebook.com/StopPornCulture

https://www.facebook.com/londonabusedwomenscentre

http://www.facebook.com/CenterOnExploitation

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~ Special thanks to the National Center on Sexual Exploitation for creating the graphics in this post and many other great ones like it for this campaign. You can find ALL the helpful graphics at the 50 Dollars not 50 Shades Facebook page, or at the page below by NCSE. We encourage you to share all of them!

http://endsexualexploitation.org/fiftyshadesgrey

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Please support the cause by following us here at this blog, liking us at Facebook, subscribing to our YouTube channels, and following our Twitter accounts. Thanks! ~~
FACEBOOK PAGE:AntiPornography.org – Nonreligious, Pro Free Speech, Pro Healthy Sex & Love~~http://www.facebook.com/ENDSexploitation~~
YOUTUBE CHANNELS:AntiPornographyBlog~~AntiPornographyOrg~~SayNOtoProstitution~~ENDSexTrafficDEMAND~~PornAddictionHelp~~SayNOtoSadomasochism~~
TWITTER ACCOUNTS:@AntiPornography~~@ENDSexTraffic~~@ENDProstitution~~@NoSadomasochism~~@PornAddictHelp1~~@HealthySexNLove~~
Post created by AntiPornography.org Nonprofit Organization ~ Preventing and combating the devastating harms of pornography, prostitution, sex trafficking and sexual slavery, while supporting safe, healthy, equality-based sex, love, and relationships ~

Here is a powerful VIDEO from our SayNOtoSadomasochism YouTube channel! It addresses the parallels between BDSM and George Orwell’s 1984.

It’s by our new anti-BDSM ally and collaboration partner RepublicofSandals, who does a great job explaining how sadomasochism exemplifies the contradictions, double-think and insanity found in “1984.”

To sum it up, BDSM is SEXUAL ABUSE and a form of OPPRESSION. It is NOT any form of love, freedom, liberation, play, or healthy sexuality.

Please watch it and share your thoughts! Let us know if you agree. Thanks! :-)

http://youtu.be/2Bx8EBhxIME

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“BDSM” DEFINITION:

B = Bondage
D = Domination, Dominance, Discipline
S = Sadism, Sadist, Submission, Submissive, Slave
M = Masochism, Master

OTHER DEFINITIONS
(From Random House Dictionary)

SADISM

1. Sexual gratification gained through causing pain or degradation to others. (Psychiatry)

2. any enjoyment in being cruel.

3. extreme cruelty.

MASOCHISM

1. The condition in which sexual gratification depends on suffering, physical pain, & humiliation (Psychiatry)

2. gratification gained from pain, deprivation, degradation, etc., inflicted or imposed on oneself, either as a result of one’s own actions or the actions of others, especially the tendency to seek this form of gratification

3. the act of turning one’s destructive tendencies inward or upon oneself

4. the tendency to find pleasure in self-denial, submissiveness, etc

SADOMASOCHISM

1. interaction, especially sexual activity, in which one person enjoys inflicting physical or mental suffering on another person, who derives pleasure from experiencing pain

2. gratification, especially sexual, gained through inflicting or receiving pain; sadism & masochism combined

Abbreviations: S-M, S & M

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Please support the cause by following us here at this blog, liking us at Facebook, subscribing to our YouTube channels, and following our Twitter accounts. Thanks! ~~
FACEBOOK:AntiPornography.org – Nonreligious, Pro Free Speech, Pro Healthy Sex & Love~~http://www.facebook.com/ENDSexploitation~~
YOUTUBE CHANNELS:AntiPornographyBlog~~AntiPornographyOrg~~SayNOtoProstitution~~ENDSexTrafficDEMAND~~ENDSexAbuseNOW~~PornAddictionHelp~~SayNOtoSadomasochism~~SafeHealthySexNLove~~
TWITTER ACCOUNTS:@AntiPornography~~@ENDSexTraffic~~@ENDProstitution~~@ENDSexAbuseNOW~~@NoSadomasochism~~@PornAddictHelp1~~@HealthySexNLove~~@ExPornStarVLB~~
Post created by AntiPornography.org Nonprofit Organization ~ Preventing and combating the devastating harms of pornography, prostitution, sex trafficking and sexual slavery, while supporting safe, healthy, equality-based sex, love, and relationships ~

Please make a tax-deductible donation to support the cause if you’re able to. Thanks!

http://www.antipornography.org/donate.html

Life can be cruel, thrusting you alone into something that you have no precedent for, no experience to draw from and nothing to guide you. You can't intrinsically deal with the realisation of your submission, because it’s not an intrinsic issue. You’re not submissive genetically, just as much as you’re not an extrovert genetically, or a bookworm. I’m sure genes play a part, but it’s just as much in the process as the ingredients. That’s what the amateur sociologist in me says, anyway. 

So, naturally, you turn to those more knowledgeable than yourself. The Dominants, the kinksters, the submissives, the slaves, the masters, the lifers. Those who have been doing this for a long time, and turn up at the Munches looking like aging secret agents who haven’t quite given up on leather as a fashion statement yet. Shared glances under secretive eyes, inside jokes and welcoming arms. It’s a massive comfort. I get it. 

But I want to throw in a conflicting philosophy for you, because if you do go to a Munch, or talk to people involved in D/s online, or even mention it in passing to someone who likes to tie people up, or being tied up, you’re going to, eventually, have someone tell you that there are rules and protocols and standard practice that you mustfollow. 

I’m not talking about safety rules. Safe, sane and consensual is always applicable, and that’s the kind of tenet that you should have tattooed on your soul. Always in mind, never forgotten. That sort of thing is fucking essential, and if you throw that out of the window you’re being very stupid. 

What I’m talking about are people trying to dictate your attitudes to your Dominant, or your Dominant’s attitudes towards you. Those who say that you have to have certain rules in place for it to even be considered a D/s relationship. I’m headed into the extreme of the example here, but you get the idea, I’m sure. 

The problem is it’s a pretty comforting thing to have. It’s a framework that you can work with, something to fall back on if you ever find yourself lost in a scene, a safety net. It’s at this point that you furrow your brow and look at me with that adorable quizzical expression on your face, and you ask me something like:

“Well if it’s all those good things, why is it a problem?”

Good question, have a biscuit.

Pavlov had a dog. He’d feed it and ring a bell, every day for weeks. Then, after all this time of ringing and feeding, he stopped with the second half. Crazy thing was, the dog started salivating just because he’d heard that bell ringing. His brain had made such a strong link between the sensation of eating the food and hearing the bell that they were the same thing in its head. 

I always felt incredibly sorry for that dog. Thought it was going to get some food, and all it got was some stupid bell. Pavlov was an arse. 

Honestly, I don’t know if this is going to be as big an issue for them as it is for me, but I don’t want to be Pavlov’s dog. I don’t want to have someone else’s ideas, decided by them (or, more likely, the people before them, and before them, and before them, ad infinitum), making links in my head about the way I live my life. And D/s is such a big part of my life that to have someone else’s ideas about it dictating my behaviour is genuinely scary. 

Far more importantly is that D/s is such an unfathomably broad umbrella of things that to be prescribed to anything without your explicit considered thought and decision is doing a disservice to yourself. Yes, you’re new and completely overwhelmed with the options and choices presented to you, but that’s not an excuse to blindly follow the first dogma placed in front of you.

You don’t have to call your Dominant ‘Sir’, or 'Master’, or anything. You can call him by his first name, his surname, or an invented name that you’ve come up with together, that means something to you. Just because something is accepted practice doesn’t mean it has to be your accepted practice. 

Just because you’re in a D/s relationship it doesn’t mean you have to be in a sadomasochistic one. Just because you want to be owned doesn’t mean you have to be spanked, or tied up, or anything. I’m going to give this next sentence its own paragraph.

You do not have to do anything you do not want to do. 

This is your fucking life, and your fucking relationship. Have it however you want it, so long as you’re both happy. Do the things you want to do, and leave the rest of them on the buffet for other people to enjoy. Mob rules are, by and large, the most ill-informed, idiotic rules that exist. So don’t go with the mob. Find an alleyway away from the crowd and start making out. You’ll have much more fun, I promise. 

Build your own damn house. If you want to use bricks and support beams that other people give you, then that’s absolutely fine. Just think about it for a while, make sure that you really want those bits and pieces of other people’s lives become bits and pieces of yours. Because, if you leave it long enough, you’re going to have a hell of a time getting them out.

And you don’t want to be the dog salivating when the bell rings. Trust me.

Somewhat related part one here, about approaching D/s with a partner that isn’t into D/s. Yet.

Sadomasochism, of course, does not just mean people hurting their sexual partners, which has always occurred—and generally means men beating up women. The perennial drunken Russian peasant thrashing his wife is just doing something he feels like doing (because he is unhappy, oppressed, stupefied; and because women are handy victims). But the Englishman in a brothel being whipped is recreating his own experience. He is paying a whore to act out a piece of theater with him, to re-enact or re-evoke the past—experiences of his schooldays or nursery which now hold for him a huge reserve of sexual energy. Today it may be the Nazi past that people invoke, in the theatricalization of sexuality, because it is that past (imaginary, for most) from which they hope a reserve of sexual energy can now be tapped. What the French call “the English vice” could, however, be said to be something of an artful affirmation of individuality: the playlet referred, after all, to the subject’s own personal case history. The fad for Nazi regalia may indicate something quite different: a response to an oppressive freedom of choice in sex (and, possibly, in other matters), to an unbearable degree of individuality.

—Susan Sontag, Fascinating Fascism(1975)

In pornographic literature, films, and gadgetry throughout the world, especially in the United States, England, France, Japan, Scandinavia, Holland, and Germany, the SS has become a reference of sexual adventurism. Much of the imagery of far-out sex has been placed under the sign of Nazism. More or less Nazi costumes with boots, leather, chains, Iron Crosses on gleaming torsos, swastikas, have become, along with meat hooks and heavy motorcycles, the secret and most lucrative paraphernalia of eroticism. In the sex shops, the baths, the leather bars, the brothels, people are dragging out their gear. But why? Why has Nazi Germany, which was a sexually repressive society, become erotic? How could a regime which persecuted homosexuals become a gay turn-on?

A clue lies in the predilections of the fascist leaders for highly sexual metaphors. (Like Nietzsche and Wagner, Hitler regarded leadership as sexual mastery of the “feminine” masses, as rape. The expression of the crowds in Triumph of the Will is one of ecstasy. The leader makes the crowd come.) Left-wing movements have tended to be unisex, and asexual in their imagery. Extreme right-wing movements, however puritanical and repressive the realities they usher in, have an erotic surface. 

—Susan Sontag, Fascinating Fascism(1975)

For one thing, Nazism fascinates in a way other iconography staked out by the pop sensibility (from Mao Tse-tung to Marilyn Monroe) does not. No doubt some part of the general rise of interest in fascism can be set down as a product of curiosity. For those born after the early 1940s, bludgeoned by a lifetime’s palaver, pro and con, about communism, fascism—the great conversation piece of their parents’ generation—represents the exotic, the unknown. Then, there is a general fascination among the young with horror, with the irrational. Courses dealing with the history of fascism are, along with those on the occult (including vampirism), among the best attended these days on college campuses. And beyond this the definitely sexual lure of fascism, which SS Regalia testifies to with unabashed plainness, seems impervious to deflation by irony or overfamiliarity.

—Susan Sontag, Fascinating Fascism (1975)